[The psychology of dating Q&A] Is it the same as seeing two people at the same time when you begin to see another person right after you break up with a partner?

The mechanism operates differently for men and women. In case of women, feelings instead of moods operate more dominantly in psychology. Most women cannot forget about the relationship for quite a long time when they break up with at partner and experience psychological pain since feelings are at work whether they still like the man or not any more. However, in case of men, only moods instead of feelings operate exclusively in psychology. When a man breaks up with a partner, he is likely to forget about the relationship instantly. The difference between men and women comes from the difference in the operation of moods and feelings in the unconscious. 

When a woman begins to see another man right after she breaks up with her partner, it indicates that moods instead of feelings accompanied by psychological wounds are operating in this woman. Or it may be the case that the woman has so many wounds and she cannot stand without getting attention and consolation form men. After all, both seeing two people at the same time and seeing another person right after a break up are the manifestation of psychological disorders. 

On the other hand, men seeing two women at the same time and seeing another woman right after a break up are the manifestation of moods being activated for fun and pleasure moment by moment. This is the underlying mechanism that applies to all men's unconscious. He just accidentally met a woman and got interested in her regardless of his current situation. 

[The psychology of dating Q & A] What is the psychology of people who meet more than two people at the same time?

A. When a man meets two women at the same time, he is only following his moods of the moment since men are under the influence of moods moment by moment. When the man treats the two women differently, he may consider one of them as his woman sincerely and the other as a mere object of fun and pleasure. When a man meets a woman only for fun and pleasure, he does not generate passion. However, women apply identical feelings toward both men when they meet two men at the same time. Such women have too many wounds and they need to be doubly consoled by the two men. This is the mechanism of women's infidelity.


[The psychology of dating] The mechanism of dating violence


The man and the woman may decide to stay in a dating relationship after they have become close and comfortable. They may get involved in arguments and conflicts once in while, but accept the situations and get along with each other. Then, at some point, one party may try to stop the conflictual situation by employing some abusive measures. 

In a dating relationship where both parties feel comfortable, the woman may freely nag or express negative emotions toward the man since the man's behaviors do not accord with her own thought standards. The man may try to stop her but the woman may keep expressing her negative feelings. Women with severe wounds may express more negative feelings toward their men as an attempt to treat their wounds. The man does not understand why the woman keeps bothering him at all.  

The woman even draws years-old memories and continues to express wounds. The man cannot stand the stress any more and explodes his anger by being violent. The man gets stressed by the woman's expression of wounds and the woman gets wounded by the man's expression of stress. This type of conflicts gets repeated and aggravated unless the man heals stress and the woman treats wounds. 

Males are designed to remove stress the moment it flows in for perception by the operation of moods. They respond instantly employing some measures established in the habits, be it avoiding or attacking by the operation of the unconscious. In a moment, the man realizes that the woman's face is bruised and feels truly sorry for his behavior. He would do all the things he can to make the woman feel better by providing her with all the care and attention. The woman feels her wounds are treated and generates feelings of love upon the man's sincere attention and consolation. 

Women actually have the ability to treat their own wounds, but they usually grow wounds since they do not accurately understand why and how they develop and accumulate wounds. Women keep sending messages to ask men for treating their wounds by expressing negative emotions. The problem is that men automatically get stressed when women express wounds to men. They enter the vicious cycle of the woman expressing wounds continuously and the man becoming more and more violent. 

Women must stop expressing wounds when the man is in negative moods. You may feel it difficult to change the dynamics of the interaction at first, but a wise woman would express her wounds with a smile when the man is in positive moods. Then, he will listen to the woman thoroughly, help her understand the situation, and provide her with all the attention and consolation she needs for treatment. 

When the first incident of violence is accepted by the woman without causing much trouble, the man's violent behavior is habituated. He may employ violence every time the woman's thought standards do not accord with his standards and they are in a conflictual situation. The woman must fight back firmly and strongly when violence occurs and correct his wrong behavior to prevent the habituation of violence. When the woman succumbs to the man's power and suppresses her wounded feelings, he may perceive his violent behavior as being acceptable and effective. 

As the woman expresses painful feelings upon the man's violence, the man may provide her with greater attention and consolation than ever. Then, the woman may feel greatly loved by the man and actually generate greater feelings of love and happiness. As this cycle repeats, both the level of violence and the level of attention and consolation rise higher and higher. The woman gets immersed into the cycle of feeling wounded and feeling loved, and loses the objective perspective on the relationship with the man. The man dominates the woman through both violence and consolation, and the woman stays in the delusion that she is in deep love with the man. This condition is referred to as Stockholm syndrome.

The woman under the influence of violence loses the sense of self-respect. Her value is determined by the man and she becomes completely dependent on the man, always feeling nervous and anxious. She cannot leave the man since she fears losing the man's attention and consolation. She thinks that she can't leave him since she loves him. 

She does not criticize him but waits for his care after his violent attack since she has built the habit of getting the man's attention and consolation. She misunderstands that her wounds are treated by the man's attention and consolation, but her wounds actually keeps growing. Many men and women live in such a dangerous situation since they do not know how to heal stress and treat wounds. The root cause of dating violence is the man's stress. Violence automatically disappears when the man establishes a healthy healing system. These days, there are also women who become violent in a dating relationship. The same mechanism applies to such relationships. 

Dating violence or domestic violence occurs when the perpetrator has problems in the way he or she relieves stress. The perpetrator gets stressed by the person who provides him or her with stress, and relieves stress by becoming violent at the victim. Then, the perpetrator regrets and feels guilty for the violent behavior, which leads to providing attention and consolation for compensation. Dating violence is especially dangerous since both the perpetrator and the victim misunderstand that the perpetrator is acquitted of the wrongdoing by compensating with attention and consolation.

When dating violence is formed as a habit, it is not controlled by the conscious upon the perception of stress. The man may become violent upon the slightest trigger during daily life. He will become more and more violent and end up committing a serious crime unless they develop a healthy healing system. When a woman wants to break up with a man who can be violent, she must first help him to build a healthy healing system before breaking up. Otherwise, the man is likely to find her by all means and retaliate. Both men and women must carefully examine their partner's habits in the unconscious. 

Women do not like men without passion. Men do not like women who do not generate feelings of love. Men without passion and women without feelings of love cannot form romantic emotions no matter how long they stay together. Men need stress to generate passion and women need wounds to generate feelings of love. Also, they need to know how to heal stress and treat wounds in a healthy way to be able to achieve love and happiness together. The lack of understanding of the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology may lead to conflictual relationships and raise the possibility of dating violence. 

Dating violence must be viewed not only from the legal or practical perspective but also from the psychological perspective. When the perpetrator's psychology is adequately analyzed and addressed, problems of dating violence may be solved more easily than usually thought. 

Also, trying to correct the habits of dating violence by knowledge education that mainly activates the conscious instead of the unconscious actually aggravate the psychological condition of the perpetrator. Any activation of the conscious generates stress in men so, cramming education only adds stress on the already existing tendency of employing violence upon perceiving stress. We must address not the surface phenomenon, which is dating violence, but the root cause, which is the operation of habits and the unconscious to solve the problem.         

From the psychological perspective, men's violent actions occur as a form of self-defense when the man senses such extreme stress that he feels as if he would die unless it is avoided or removed at all costs. The majority of cases of violence we see around will disappear when people understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology. Men's violent actions are the expression of their unconscious upon perceiving stress in an attempt to get out of the situation. Violence can be stopped when men transform undesirable habits into desirable ones in their unconscious and build the healthy healing system. They become to be able to relieve even the most intense stress through healthy and socially acceptable manners. 

A happy dating relationship is based on healthy psychology of individuals and healthy dynamics of psychological interactions between the two people.


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Teenagers' depression


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[On Remarriage] I am a 57-year-old woman and got a divorce 16 years ago. I have been seeing a man recently and he wants to get married with me.

Q. I got a divorce 16 years ago. I am seeing a man whose wife passed away a few years ago and he wants to get married with me. However, I don't want to get married again so I feel uncomfortable when I meet him. Should I break up with him?

A. Many people feel uncomfortable about getting married again even when they are in a romantic relationship with a new person. You must feel very comfortable to live alone by now since it has been 16 years after you got a divorce. 

Usually, the man whose wife passed away and the woman who got a divorce have different ideas when they meet each other since the psychology of bereavement and that of divorce are quite different. The man may think that he wants to have a good wife again living together and sharing every aspect of life. You don't really want a remarriage but you like the man, so you have the inner conflict. 

First of all, you can calmly express your ideas about remarriage to him. You can say that it makes you feel uncomfortable to bring up the idea of remarriage during your date. You don't have to go long to explain why you don't want to remarry in detail. You should not declare that you will never remarry, either. You can simply let him know that you feel uncomfortable about remarriage for now. Hiding and suppressing your emotions to maintain the current relationship will only aggravate your psychological condition, which in turn negatively affects your partner and your relationship with him. 

When you express your ideas about remarriage calmly and comfortably, you can expect one of the two possible responses from the man. The first is that the man may feel disappointed and begin to keep distance from you and the second is that the man will wait until you feel comfortable about remarriage and propose remarriage from your part. In the latter cases, he may continue to stay as your partner and make efforts to make you feel positive about remarriage. When the man keeps distance upon his learning about your hesitancy for remarriage, you don't have to keep the relationship with him anymore.

When you become to think positively about remarriage with the man, you must prepare yourself for remarriage by transforming your psychology from the psychology of divorce to that of remarriage. You will repeat the same mistake that you made in your first marriage if you go back to the psychology of the first marriage when you remarry, and then, you will become unhappy again. You will also have to take time to change relationships with people around you including your family members while preparing for remarriage. 

The man you will remarry has to change his psychology from the psychology of bereavement to that of remarriage when he marries you in the future. Jumping into remarriage hastily without preparation and adjustment regarding both parties' psychological conditions may lead to another life experience of trial an error. The whole point is not about practical decisions of keeping the relationship, breaking up, or getting remarried, but it is about communicating positively and properly and maintaining healthy psychology. 

  Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

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[On Divorce] I am in the process of getting a divorce now. We have decided that I will have custody of children. I have not told my children about the divorce yet and I am worried.

Q. I am in the process of getting a divorce now. We have decided that I will have custody of children. My husband is 41 years old and I am 37. My 12-year-old son and 10-year-old daughter do not usually listen to me well, so I could not talk to children about the divorce yet. I am worried. What should I do?

A. You must start preparing for how you will manage your life and raise your children after divorce. When parents get a divorce, children also go through changes in relationships. Now, they have a close relationship with both their mother and father, but after divorce, they will keep the relationship with their mother but they will meet their father only occasionally. Children also need time to prepare for the change in the relationship with parents after divorce. 

You had the husband to manage life together before divorce, but you will have to decide on every matter alone after divorce. You must change your psychology so that you can raise children on your own and you must prioritize the preparation for such change when you proceed with divorce. 

So far, you were not good at communicating with your children and your children did not listen to you well. They are in the phase of the formation of self-identity in psychological development in which they develop their own thought standards and may confront parents ideas. You may experience some conflicts with your children in the process of getting a divorce due to difference in thought standards between you and your children.

So far, you have played the role of a woman, a wife, and a mother. When you get a divorce, you will live as a woman and a mother without the role of a wife. It will be very important to recover the relationship with your children when you get a divorce. You must analyze the reasons for conflicts and miscommunications with children and build the ability to live happily with your children. 

You must also protect your children from psychological problems they may go through after divorce. It is important to cultivate the environment where you and your children have fun together, build rapport, and share ideas and emotions. You as their mother must initiate to cultivate good environment for children. You don't have to explain to children the reasons for your divorce in detail and you can simply let them know how the family structure will change and their father will keep serving as their father even after the divorce. 

It is also crucial that you must communicate considering their point of view at the level of their eyes. To be able to do so, you must first get closer to them. You must change yourself to get closer to children whether they listen to you or not. Once you are closer to each other, children will begin to listen to you. 

It is important for you to stay healthy psychologically to be able to manage your life and take a good care of children after divorce. You must first transform your psychology from the psychology of a married person into that of a divorced person. You must also think about how you want to maintain or change your relationships with family, friends, and people around you including your husband. If you keep in touch with him casually and continuously after divorce, you will stay in the psychology of marriage and put yourself in danger of developing psychological problems. 

If you adequately prepare yourself and your children psychologically for life after divorce, you and your children will be able to wisely cope with and solve almost all the practical problems that may occur after divorce. 

  Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/ 

[The psychology of dating] Stress and wounds as sources of happiness

As a man and a woman start dating, the man maintains positive moods since everything about the woman is perceived positively, which makes the man produce more and more passion toward the woman. The same applies to the woman. The woman begins to love him more and more as she sees the man pouring more and more passion toward her. However, as time passes and they become closer to each other, the woman provides the man with stress and the man provides the woman with wounds. 

The man would do anything for the woman when he feels good led by the woman's positive response, but he becomes rough and even violent sometimes when he is stressed by the woman's endless nagging. He displays negative behaviors not because he does not like the woman but because he cannot stand the stress caused by the woman's negative behaviors.          

When the woman suddenly stops talking and keeps a frowned face, the man begins to feel stressed. The woman does not respond to his attempts to make her feel better, which leads him to suffer from intense stress. All males are designed either to block stress or to quickly transfer to positive moods upon perceiving stress. The man will try many things to make the woman feel better but he will try to block the inflow of stress when none of his attempts works. He may shout or get rough, and then, begin to avoid the woman and stop contacting her. 

On the other hand, the woman's feelings of love toward the man continues even when she feels hurt by him. She may keep checking for his messages and phone calls. She waits and waits for his call and becomes anxious. Then, she may call him disregarding her own pride, but the man does not answer since he has decided to block her. Men do not see women when they cannot have fun and pleasure with them. Continuous stress causes the loss of passion in men, which keeps men from providing women with attention. 

Stress plays an important role in the operation of men's mind. Men automatically get stressed when something negative is perceived through sensory organs. Then, they need to relieve stress immediately and get immersed into positive moods to completely forget about the stressful situation. 

Men are extremely sensitive to stress and women to psychological wounds. Stress which the man gets during dating is usually provided by the woman's seemingly trivial actions. Suppose that the man and the woman have made an arrangement to have fun together today. The man does not appear at the meeting place and cannot be reached by phone, either. She begins to feel bad from disappointment. It is too late to even have dinner together. 

After some time, she feels worried and nervous wondering what would have happened to him. Now, she is almost on the verge of crying and feels really hurt. What if he had an accident? Then, the man runs into the coffee shop panting really hard. The woman simply explodes upon the man's appearance and start yelling at him. 

     “You know what time it is? Why didn't you call? You have ruined our date!” 

     “You think I wanted to be late? You don't even know what happened to me.”

The woman expected that the man would apologize to her for being late and provide her with warm consolation. However, he got angry the moment he saw her. She just leaves the coffee shop without thinking twice. The man does not follow her since he is also upset. The woman hopes that he will follow her and stop her, but it does not happen. Then, she stops and thinks. She turns to go back to the coffee shop trying to understand from his point of view why he was late and why he got irritated and angry at her. This is the process of women's effort to treat their own wounds. 

When women cannot understand the situation that caused their wounds, they suppress their wounds in spite of themselves, which causes wounds to grow even more. Women with severe wounds experience psychological difficulties every time they meet men for dating. Then, they may decide to stop dating men completely. Any romantic relationship is accompanied by not only fun and pleasure but also stress and wounds. Women treat wounds and generate feelings of love and happiness when they understand the situation of wounds and get attention and consolation from men. 

Men generate great energy and passion when they heal stress. Both men and women need to keep and carry stress and wounds to be able to achieve more passion and more love. Stress and wounds are necessary elements in the operation of human mind as sources for understanding and consideration as well as greater love and passion. 

When the man and the woman make efforts to be understanding and considerate toward each other, they become the healing system for each other. The psychology of dating is based on men's and women's desire for keeping their healing system right beside themselves. When they cannot serve as each other's healing system, they cannot stand continuous stress and wounds and may break up. Thus, understanding and consideration are absolutely important in a romantic relationship.

Men's passion and women's love are connected in a romantic relationship. Men perceive their passion with positive moods toward the woman as love and women perceive men's attention as love. Women accommodate both positive and negative emotions as feelings of love. Men's negative attention contributes to generating love in women's mind but indifference does not.         

Some people do not get involved in romantic relationships since they do not want any kind of stress or wounds. They may seek fun and pleasure mingling with people here and there and through social media. They endlessly communicate on the Internet with people they don't know for every possible topic. Online communication is readily available day and night and keeps you from the sense of isolation. However, happiness of human beings can be achieved only through real human relationships exchanging and overcoming stress and wounds and experiencing the full range of emotions. 

No two human beings share the same memory and life experiences. It is a complete fallacy to think that you and your counterparty share feelings. The man and the woman in a dating relationship are bound to have different thought standards and exchange stress and wounds. It is a pity that people give up on their relationship upon the slightest stress and wounds when they can actually grow their passion and love if they wisely overcome stress and wounds. Understanding the operational mechanism of men's and women's mind will prevent many couples from breaking up and promote generating more passion and more love. 

Three components of psychology, which are perception, memory of emotion, and expression, keep operating throughout the course of life. A person's psychology must not be judged based on only the visible manifestations of psychological components such as speech, actions, and facial expressions. Also, one's expression is greatly affected by the unconsciousness. When the man speaks and acts roughly and irrationally upon the woman's negative response, it may indicate that the man's unconscious is at work to simply block the incoming stress rather than that he does not like the woman. 

When the man and the woman have an argument due to the difference in thought standards, the man does not get stressed if the woman keeps smiling. Males perceive women's smiling face as a positive response and keep generating passion even when the content of women's talk is perceived negatively. The man's passion would make him go to catch a star in the sky for her. The woman does not generate wounds when the man does not generate stress. The woman may be moved by the man's passion toward her and generate more feelings of love. Then, they will grow trust toward each other and have their hearts connected. 

When the man and the woman ride a roller coaster, the train moves on the flat surface at first. They look around and talk to each other anticipating fun and pleasure. Then, it goes up to the highest point and stays there for a few seconds. They may develop fear and get nervous not knowing what may happen the next moment. The train begins to plunge with no mercy and the woman screams regretting her decision to ride on the train and blaming the man for taking her to the amusement park. She swears that she will never do such a foolish thing again in her lifetime. Finally, the train arrives back at the station and stops. The fear and anxiety suddenly disappear and the woman senses delight and excitement.

She expresses her feelings of happiness to the man holding his hands tightly and he feels the flame of passion generated inside himself. The life with the whole range of emotions circulating inside you as if you were riding a roller coaster is the life with the energy of passion and love at their full force. 

You must not give up the ecstasy of riding the roller coaster in life just because it is difficult to overcome stress and wounds. Only with the suffering of stress and wounds are the deep emotions of happiness which are passion for men and love for women generated. 



    About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)  

The willpower to restore healthy psychology and marriage relationship

No one else but the victimized spouse can sense the excruciating psychological pain of post traumatic stress caused by spouse infidelity. The victimized spouses may blame themselves or their spouses for their suffering. Many people do not even realize that their pain comes from post traumatic stress and aggravate their pathological condition by trying to solve the problem in wrong ways. 

Not many people know that the spouse in infidelity has developed relationship addiction, which is a psychological disorder. They assume that they have problems of marriage, love, and sex, and try to solve those problems by taking practical measures. They even develop the absurd idea that the spouse in infidelity may come back to senses and be able to recover their condition and save their marriage. Both the spouse in infidelity and the victimized spouse have developed psychological disorders, to which the method of self-recovery by conscious effort cannot be applied to achieve cure. 

Many people think that they want to treat and recover but not many people have the willpower to make efforts and go through the long and hard process. Not many people understand that the happiness of life is valuable enough to make all their effort to achieve, and they may have to pay with their whole life for giving up and collapsing upon spouse infidelity. Not many people understand that it is their spouse who caused their condition of post traumatic stress, but it is only themselves who can treat their condition by gearing up to exert their willpower and making efforts. 

A small number of people seem to learn the fact that they have developed post traumatic stress due to spouse infidelity, and their spouses have developed relationship addiction. They may also learn that the first thing to do is to treat their post traumatic stress on their own, and then, can make practical decisions on their marriage relationship and other practical matters.

As you look for adequate treatment methods of post traumatic stress, it is important that you judge and determine on the right methods since there are so many incorrect information available. Even so called experts and professionals provide wrong information and inadequate treatment methods, out of the lack of knowledge or their own selfish purposes. 

Also, any treatment method that sounds too easy or leads you to comfort and pleasure immediately without making efforts or taking time is considered to be not only ineffective but also detrimental. Normalizing psychological condition after experiencing post traumatic stress takes a couple of years of making efforts to realign the operation of the unconscious and prevent the recurrence of the symptoms. Post traumatic stress is as serious a condition as a cancer in your body. If you try to treat a cancer by adopting the method for treating a mild cold, you cannot but waste time and effort and aggravate the condition. 

Some people choose to do their best to recover themselves regardless of their spouse's condition or the current marriage relationship. They are considered to have strong willpower for restoring healthy psychology and happiness. They usually try hard to find the right way instead of easy ones. They have the strong willpower to complete the process making efforts and taking time, and they take actions to start treatment without waiting too long. 

On the other hand, people who do not have the willpower for the restoration of happiness in a true sense look for easy ways or just stay where they are. They may endure the difficult situation without hope and make excuses for not being able to do anything. They may blame themselves or others. They may adopt only practical solutions such as lawsuits, retaliation, or divorce. They may seek pleasure or get immersed into diverse activities to compensate for their psychological pain. 

Please, check for your current condition by referring to the provided descriptions. You may have the willpower to restore your psychology and happiness making efforts and taking time, and look for the right way to achieve a complete cure. Or you may opt for seemingly easy ways that will eventually ruin your whole life, or deny or suppress your serious condition and aggravate the situation. We hope that you belong to the former category and keep up with your willpower for happiness of yourself and your loved ones in a true sense.



 About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)


How the operation of the mind affects the function of the body


I have been researching on the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology and treatment methods of psychology. I have devised more than 100 therapies for different psychological conditions based on the Theory of Mimind and Xesmind. Differently from conventional psychology therapies that adopt the activation of the conscious, therapies based on the Theory of Mimind and Xesmind adopt the activation of the unconscious resulting in long-term efficacy.


I also have devised therapies that can positively affect hormonal changes in the body by activating the unconscious operation of mind. The body and the mind affect each other in a bidirectional way, and stabilization in psychological operation can definitely bring about remission and disappearance of physical symptoms of somatization.


A clear example of treating somatization through activating the unconscious operation of mind is a therapy implemented for women in menopausal stage. It is well known that menopause can cause diverse physical and psychological symptoms due to hormonal change and imbalance. Adopting the therapy that positively activates the unconscious so that women can stabilize psychology and generate feelings of happiness actually resulted in visible positive change in hormonal levelMost women reported recognizing positive changes in their physical and psychological functions such as more energy, better moods, remission or disappearance of physical symptoms.


It is clearly shown that the management of psychology is as important as the manage of the body for human beings' overall health. This finding also sheds light on the possibility of treating many, and hopefully most mild cases of psychological problems that are often accompanied by physical symptoms and illnesses by employing the same theoretical basis postulated by the Theory of Mimind and Xesmind. It was also discovered that the improvement was permanent rendering a complete cure rather than temporary remission of symptoms. Also, self-training methods wer proven to be much more effective than counseling methods for treating almost all types of psychological problems.


I hope that I will have an opportunity for participating in a collaborative research with scientists who are interested in integrating biology, medicine, and psychology.

Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac

E-mail : uip@uip.ac


The difference between psychology counseling and psychology treatment

Counseling is defined as 'the provision of assistance and guidance in resolving personal, social, or psychological problems and difficulties, especially by a professional'. In psychology counseling, the counselor will try to find the cause of psychological problems, provide information on the issue, and resolve the specific psychological problems. 

On the other hand, in psychology treatment, finding the cause of psychological problems and resolving the specific problems do not apply. When you have developed psychological disorders, you need psychology treatment instead of psychology counseling. In psychology treatment, you need to analyze what type of psychological disorders has occurred, and in what components of psychology the disorder has occurred. There are three components of psychology in human mind, which are perception, the memory of emotion, and expression. There are three types of psychological disorders, which are perception disorder, the disorder of memory of emotion, and expression disorder. Expression disorder can be sub-categorized into inward expression disorder, which is consciousness disorder, and outward expression disorder, which is addiction. 

Psychological problems imply that the person still has the ability for self-recovery and the problem can be solved through psychology counseling. On the other hand, psychological disorders imply that the person has lost the ability for self-recovery. When you have psychological disorders, you must rebuild the ability for self-recovery. Psychology counseling applied at this stage will actually aggravate the pathological condition. Also, different treatment methods must be applied to treat different levels of psychological disorders depending on the number of psychological components where the disorder has occurred. 

You may develop psychological disorders in 1 to 3 components of psychology. You are considered to have developed a psychological disorder in 1 component of psychology when you have panic disorder, which is a perception disorder, depression, which is a disorder of memory of emotion, or addiction, which is an expression disorder. You are considered to have developed a psychological disorder in 2 components of psychology when you have bipolar disorder, hysteria, intermittent explosive disorder, or relationship addiction. You are considered to have developed a psychological disorder in all 3 components of psychology when you have post traumatic stress disorder, sociopathy, or psychopathy. Psychology treatment of higher levels of psychological disorders takes much more time and effort than the treatment of lower levels of psychological disorders. 

Psychology counseling and psychology treatment are two separate concepts and must be properly applied depending on the types of psychological problems and disorders. When you experience psychological problems and difficulties, you must first analyze and determine whether you have psychological problems that can be solved through counseling and other healing methods or psychological disorders that must adopt proper psychology treatment methods. 

Korea Institute of Psycho-education provides psychology treatment through non-contact on-line self-training method. It can be applied to people around the world without any restriction on time and place in English, Japanese, and Korean. 


About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)


[The Psychology of Dating] The pink lens effect

When a woman and a man date and they like each other, they may develop the condition in which they perceive everything about their partner in a positive way. Then, you are considered to be under the influence of the pink lens effect.      The man and the woman may see each other almost everyday and have a wonderful time every time they meet. They keep contacting each other into late at night to maintain the positive moods through phone calls and text messages. The man may find the woman getting grumpy and irritated so charming. The woman may perceive the man's irrational behaviors as his strength. 

By definition, the pink lens effect is a phenomenon of distorted perception of the reality and it is supposed to be only temporary if the operation of your psychology is normal. During the period under the pink lens effect, you perceive all of your partner's characteristics as merits and strengths, with which you maximize your own positive emotions and accommodate them with the conscious thoughts. You become to believe that you and your partner are at the center of the universe, and any advice from other people is rejected since your are absolutely convinced that your idea is right. You only generate excessive positive moods from your relationship with your partner making any normal psychological interaction with stress and wounds meaningless and not applicable. The man is considered to have developed the pathological condition of distorted passion and the woman with distorted love. 

Men usually like being with women they date since they find it fun and pleasurable for women to respond to their speech and actions. Men do not like women who are not responsive no matter how beautiful they look since such women do not lead men to generate passion. Men often get silly when they are with women they like to trigger women's response. Men feel good or bad depending on women's response. The man may keep getting sillier when the woman keeps responding to them. When the woman expresses a serious objection against the man's behavior, the man may still keep bothering her thinking that she actually likes it and it is fun for both of them. 

Women's and men's minds operate differently, which not many people perceive or admit. Men think that what is fun for them is perceived as fun by women. Women think that men they are dating will like them as much as they like the men. Adhering only to their own ideas thinking that women's and men's minds operate identically will necessary result in some form of relational conflicts. 

The man gets immersed into positive moods and mistakes passion for love. He may say that he loves the woman every time he is in positive moods. However, love is the emotion of feelings not of moods. What the man considers as love is actually only positive moods.

Men's passion instantly disappears the moment they develop negative moods. The best thing to do to remove men's passion is women's interference and meddling. Men cannot tolerate or accommodate stress and they attempt to remove stress the moment it flows in for perception, which makes them lose passion as well. 

When a man is in negative moods in the afternoon, he automatically feels that he had a terrible time in the morning, when he actually had a wonderful time. Men's mind is manifested only by moods, which reflect only the present psychological state. On the other hand, women's love is lasting and consistent. Women also experience ups and downs depending on the current stimulation for perception, but their feelings of love do not change but continue inside them. By design, women accumulate wounds from the relationship with men and develop negative feelings, but they still keep their feelings of love toward their men. 

Only moods operate in men, so everything tends to be temporary and improvised. Women may get wounded upon some negative experiences since feelings instead of moods operate in women's mind. Men, who carry moods, tend to have frothy ideas and display exaggerated actions. Women, who carry feelings, tend to remember the smallest details from most events and incidents. Men's and women's minds are different at a fundamental level, which naturally leads to exchanging stress and wounds. People experience many relational conflicts due to the lack of understanding about the difference between men and women in the operation of mind. When you understand the operation of the other's mind as well as your own, you can become more understanding and considerate and stay free from unnecessary conflicts. 

The fuel for generating passion in men is the continuous inflow of positive moods. A man having passion toward a woman indicates that he is not stressed by the woman. When the woman provides response upon the man's attention, the man keeps producing energy of passion from positive moods. The fuel for generating love in women is men's continuous attention since women perceive men's attention as love. As the man pours his passion into the woman more and more, the woman falls into love with the man more and more. Here, it must be noted that each party is falling into their own moods and feelings respectively in the psychology of dating relationship. This mechanism explains the pink lens effect, which is considered as a temporary psychological disorder. 

The pink lens effect naturally wanes as time passes and it usually disappears in 6 months to 3 years. The pink lens effect contributes to the man and the woman getting married to each other by temporarily connecting the man's moods and the woman's feelings and generating the man's passion and the woman's love toward each other. It is considered as a temporary psychological disorder that is naturally treated without external intervention.  As time passes, both the man and the woman take off their glasses with a pink lens and begin to see their partners with their bare eyes. They begin to see the other's weaknesses and exchange negative moods and feelings, which results in stress in the man and wounds in the woman. 

This mechanism explains the phenomena where many couples break up in about 3 years after they start dating. Some couples continue dating for more than 10 years. They may be in actual psychological disorders, with which they continue to pursue fun and pleasure in the dating relationship. Or, the man has developed unlimited responsibility toward the woman and the woman has developed maternal love toward the man as it happens in a married couple. In the latter case, the couple may keep dating without generating passion and love but do not break up and stay with each other like friends.

Experiencing the pink lens effect in a dating relationship is a perfectly natural and healthy phenomenon. It indicates that both the man and the woman have healthy psychology with pure passion and pure love. However, some people start dating with their own selfish purposes. When you date someone with your own selfish purposes, you already have a psychological disorder and you will sever the relationship as soon as you learn that dating does not accord with your own selfish purposes. You may leave your partner either when they have lost what you want from them, or when you have achieved all you have wanted from them. 

However, when you keep repeating dating and breaking up even with pure passion and pure love, it indicates that you have another different type of psychological problems. It may indicate that you are an egocentric person and have strict thought standards that allow no room for flexibility or negotiation. Then, you may keep seeing partners and keep breaking up since they do not accord with your thought standards in some way without entering the phase of the pink lens effect. 

No two people on the earth share identical thought standards since everyone's life experiences are unique, and no human relationship is free from some degree of conflicts generating stress and wounds. When you begin to see your partner's weaknesses after some period after you start dating, it only indicates that you have come back to your normal psychological condition and now you can begin to build a true romantic relationship exchanging stress and wounds and experiencing the whole range of human emotions.

In the normal operation of psychology, the pink lens effect emerges and wanes as the dating relationship proceeds and time passes. However, if you find yourself staying under the pink lens effect continuously, it indicates that you have developed a psychological disorder, with which you cannot stop pursuing fun and pleasure. This psychological condition causes serious psychological disorders in both yourself and your partner, and adversely affect physical health. 


About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

The herd mentality of voyeurism and exhibitionism

Herd mentality or group psychology is formed when a large number of people in a society form some collective ideas and behaviors. People who agree on and comply with the group psychology prevalent in the society can live in comfort, but those who do not experience discomfort and difficulties. The specifics of group psychology vary and change in different societies and in different times. 

At present, the psychology of voyeurism and exhibitionism seems to spread and deepen in many modern societies affecting more and more people including even minors. The society seems to be polarized more and more between people who conform to the psychology of voyeurism and exhibitionism and people who do not. Voyeurism and exhibitionism usually involve sensualism and it being manifested as group psychology indicates that sensualism has also become accepted in the society as something to be shared openly and publicly.     

The society is formed by members in the society forming relationships. Members who live in relationships in the society must maintain harmony and order as well as enjoy individual freedom and equality. Individual freedom and equality may be restricted to a certain degree to achieve balance with social harmony and order and not to inflict damage on other people. 

There are components of human nature that must be contained exclusively within individuals' privacy. They include basic human desires such as eating, sleeping, and having sex. We all know that they are essential components of every individual's life but they are not to be publicly or casually shared with other people in maintaining social harmony and order in healthy relationships. Especially, human sexuality is a component of human nature that can have highly detrimental adverse effects on individuals' psychology and on the society when exploited carelessly. 

As more and more people claim and exploit their right for publicizing private components of human nature, and the society develops the group psychology that not only accepts but also promotes such ideas and behaviors, social harmony and order are to be breached and people who think and act differently are marginalized.      

As components that are supposed to remain private by human nature become publicized and such distorted ideas and behaviors spread to be formed into a type of group psychology, conventional social restrictions on the matter are challenged and people get confused between their right as individuals and responsibility as a person in relationships in the society. The development of technology such as internet and social media expedites the process of aggravating such distorted group psychology. These days, people can actually view other regular people's private lives and they can also expose their own private lives to other people easily and casually, and the media contribute to promoting such phenomena. 

The reason people view and expose the private components of human nature publicly is that they find it fun and pleasurable. In a society that mistakes pleasure for happiness and accepts pleasure seeking as not only being legitimate but also desirable, human sexuality, which is supposed to belong to one's privacy and to be dealt with great care as a source of generating positive energy within human mind, becomes a mere object of pleasure for everyone to play with anytime anywhere. Indeed, we are seeing the popularization of human sexuality in the modern era and we don't realize that it is damaging and destroying individuals' psychology, human relationships, and eventually the whole society. 

It is a high time that we accurately understood the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology, and tried to establish healthy and balanced group psychology. We must stop aggravating the current phenomenon of widely spread voyeurism and exhibitionism. We must also stop aggravating the general trend that equates pleasure with happiness, and justifies the pursuit of individual freedom and equality at the expense of social harmony and order. 


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[On Divorce & Remarriage] The importance of the consultation on divorce and remarriage

      You have chosen divorce or remarriage since you wanted to start a new life and become happy. However, many people suffer from problems and difficulties even after divorce or remarriage. Korea Institute of Psycho-education provides the guidance on how to solve psychological and practical problems and live a happy life after divorce or remarriage. 

      You will learn the basic concepts of the psychology of divorce or remarriage and how relationships can and must change after divorce or remarriage. Free Consultation on Divorce & Remarriage provided by Korea Institute of Psycho-education is different from conventional legal consultations or psychology counseling. It applies an innovative method of psychology treatment and provides solutions to practical problems with reference to the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology. 

    You must adequately realign many aspects of your life after divorce or remarriage such as psychology, sexuality, and relationships with people around you. Most of all, you must change your psychology to accord with your current marital status and prevent  psychological problems. First, you must accurately understand how your psychology must change after divorce and remarriage. You must analyze your current psychological condition and address fundamental issues to pursue happiness in the right way. You can become much happier than you expect when you understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology and adopt adequate strategies. 

     It is a pity that many people live an unhappy life after divorce or remarriage due to the lack of understanding of human mind and psychology and distorted ideas on happiness. Also, it is important that you address underlying issues instead of phenomena observed only on the surface. You must build the ability to solve practical problems and deal with your own stress and wounds. Free Consultation on Divorce and Remarriage provided by Korea Institute of Psycho-education will guide you to solve current problems, prevent future problems, and achieve happiness in a true sense.

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[Review] Answers to questions

Throughout my life, I always had so many questions inside myself.  Why would she do it?  Why did I do it?  Why does the world go the way it ...