Still, as I become happy everyday little by little,
my relationship with my husband improves,
and then, I can see that my child has become psychologically stable,
and finds the right direction in life on his own.
I am happy, composed, and grateful for everything.
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Q. My mother really wanted to get higher education when she was young, but she couldn't because she had to make a living. She always told me that education and having a big dream is important, so she even sent me abroad for study. However, my academic achievement didn't work out as she had planned, and I don't know what to do with my life. I tend to depend on her for everything I do and decide, and haven't really done anything by my own will. I guess I have to make my own decision and accomplishment from now on, but I have no sense of confidence. What should I do?
A. As a child learns to walk, parents help the child to start a few steps at first, and then, gradually let the child take over for walking independently. Child rearing becomes harder when the child walks about everywhere, but parents do not make the child stay at one spot or keep carrying the child.
As children become teenagers and begin to form their own self-identity and thought standards, parents should support them so that they can form healthy self-identity and thought standards, and pursue their own self-actualization when they become adults. However, as parents impose their own thought standards upon children, children are deprived of opportunities to build their own thought standards.
You seem to have lost the chance to build basic abilities for decision making and self-actualization during teenage years even though you were a good daughter and student. Your mother made all the decisions for you and helped you with every single thing when problems occurred. Now, you must make your own decisions and direct yourself in the path of life, but you don't have the ability to deal with stress and wounds in your career or relationships. You and your mother are likely to develop relational conflicts blaming each other as your mother is not satisfied with your achievement and you are also stressed from the relationship with your mother.
From now on, you must practice making your own decisions and accomplishments without your mother's help even if they are small and trivial ones. As you build problem solving abilities by tackling small issues one by one, you will gradually develop not only basic abilities but also confidence. You can overcome dependency on your mother and build your own self-identity and thought standards as far as you keep your will power to do so. Just keep in mind that it will take quite some time to become psychologically independent. Keep making efforts to put your ideas into practice and never give up.
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Q : I got a divorce due to husband infidelity. I thought I would be comfortable after divorce since I wouldn't have to see my ex-husband anymore. However, I suffer from even greater pain as I get involved with other men. I also find that people who used to be close to me seem to avoid me. I wait for my boyfriend's call all day, and become obsessive and dependent in the relationship. I don't know why I feel suffocated and keep crying. Does it mean that I am still being affected by the past experience with my ex-husband?
A : Men's infidelity is the phenomenon where they are addicted to women's response, and women's infidelity is the phenomenon where they are addicted to men's attention. In the condition of relationship addiction, men mistake relationship addiction for their passion and women for their love and they all justify their behaviors.
As a man and a woman get married and become husband and wife, they are supposed to build happy life together, but when the husband develops relationship addiction, he may want to exist only as a man instead of a husband, and seek only his own pleasure breaking trust and responsibility of marriage relationship. Then, the wife may choose to get a divorce as she develops post traumatic stress accompanied by the pain of death wanting to get out of the unbearable pain and be comfortable.
However, when she gets a divorce without treating post traumatic stress, she suffers from even greater pain every time her wounds of post traumatic stress are activated in daily life. Post traumatic stress gets aggravated for all your life time unless adequately treated whether you stay married or get divorced. After the divorce, most women become to make efforts to forget wounds and get attention and consolation every time the wounds are activated.
When a divorced woman with post traumatic stress gets attention from men, she temporarily feels better and mistakes it for happiness. However, every incident of temporary attention and consolation only aggravates her condition of post traumatic stress. As they repeat mistaking men's attention for love and justifying their behaviors, they may develop relationship addiction on top of post traumatic stress. Such phenomenon occurs in so many women who get a divorce with the condition of post traumatic stress.
The attention men give to divorced women with post traumatic stress is not love. These men mostly seek sexual pleasure by getting immersed into such women's response. When they cannot get sexual pleasure from these women, they will not even think twice before ending the relationship.
Women who mistake men's attention for love generate even greater wounds thinking that their love has been betrayed. It must be clearly noted that you cannot build healthy romantic relationship based on post traumatic stress. Women with post traumatic stress will repeat such unhealthy relationships and end up developing hysteria and being unable to live a happy life.
Women who get a divorce due to husband infidelity without treating post traumatic stress may lose their capacity for healthy women's feelings, develop relationship addiction, and become pleasure seekers themselves. Otherwise, they may develop severe depressive disorder. It is urgent and crucial that you treat post traumatic stress due to husband infidelity for your own happiness regardless of your marital status.
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Q. My 13 year-old daughter says that she has decided to go steady with a boy she has a crush on. I am thankful to her that she talks to me about her boyfriend, but I cannot help being worried about her first dating relationship. Will dating have a good or bad effect on a 13 year-old girl?
A. We cannot simply judge whether dating is good or bad for a teenage girl. Generally, her experience is likely to have both positive and negative influence on her life. However, a girl repeating dating relationships over and over again with different boys with short duration and intervals indicates that she has developed psychological problems.
For example, your daughter goes out with a boy and breaks up with him. Then, she goes out with another boy and breaks up with him for similar reasons. Next, she repeats the whole process with multiple boys in a row. Then, you as her mother must try to find out what psychological problems she has.
The experience of breaking up with a boy may accumulate psychological wounds in her and it may outweigh the positive effects of dating experience. Frequently changing partners for a dating relationship during teenage years may also lead her to develop similar pattern even when she becomes an adult.
You can help her form healthy habits of forming and maintaining harmonious relationships with men through dating experiences by paying attention to her and talking with her about the topic with warm heart. Then, she will naturally be able to learn how to manage healthy relationships at present and in the future.
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I could write a whole book for my review.
It was really hard to decide at first
since this treatment program was not famous.
I couldn't find any example case or review on it.
I asked around and was told by everyone that
it must be a fraud, it is way too expensive, I would be taken advantage of,
or it would make me feel even more frustrated.
However, I wanted to do everything I could to get out of the suffering.
“Is money more important than my life?”
I thought I would try it as one last resort before I die.
If I had known about any case of this treatment program,
I wouldn't have meaninglessly wandered about consulting lawyers, fortune tellers, counselors, and religious leaders for several months.
Those days were simply pain of death for me that should never occur again.
A river runs right next to my house.
I was endlessly looking at the river having some frightening idea.
I was really sick at heart.
If someone had advised to me,
“I was in the similar condition but I have recovered. You can treat yourself, too.”
If I had known about KIP Treatment Program a little sooner,
I wouldn't have shared my wounds with my friend,
who willingly listened through me and cried with me,
making both of us falling deeper and deeper into pain.
I still have a long way to go until a complete cure, but I am trying really hard.
Soon, I will treat myself and become happy again, and I won't have to contact Korea Institute of Psycho-education anymore.
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Q : I have found out that my husband has been having an affair for 3 years. All the family members including my husband and children stay at home a lot due to the Covid-19 pandemic situation. My husband asks for forgiveness and is really sweet to children. I have become to feel quite comfortable as we stay together a lot. I think that we could live happily after I forgive him since he looks like he has come back to me. However, I heard that infidelity would recur when he has not actually been cured? What should I do?
A : The husband asks for forgiveness and tries to be nice to the wife in order to avoid his own stress. It does not indicate that his relationship addiction is cured. The wife develops post traumatic stress upon the discovery of husband infidelity and her condition gets aggravated regardless of what the husband does.
Husband infidelity is affected by the practical situation and he cannot freely meet the adulteress due to the pandemic situation. He has to stay at home a lot and he may think that he needs to calm his wife down to avoid getting stress by conflicts with his wife.
The wife may begin to feel better since everything goes well in marriage and family life. She may even think that he would never have another affair since he looks like he has come back to her.
The husband may also think that his infidelity is over and he will not have another affair, being convinced that everything will be fine from now on. Or, he may think that the wife has overlooked or forgiven him and he can have an affair again later. Either way, he still has the condition of relationship addiction, which can recur anytime when the situation allows him. Either way, the wife’s post traumatic stress continues to deteriorate as time goes by unless properly treated.
The second time husband infidelity is discovered in the future, your post traumatic stress will become so severe that you will end up ruining your life and your children’s life since you will not be able to hold the pain anymore.
You may mistake staying at home with your husband and having a comfortable time with family for infidelity issues having been solved, but your post traumatic stress and your husband’s relationship addiction are getting aggravated even today. It is almost guaranteed that he will resume his infidelity after the pandemic situation is over and the whole painful process will repeat.
It is crucial that you treat post traumatic stress regardless of your husband’s condition. Then, you will be able to give your husband an opportunity to treat his relationship addiction.
Many teenagers use swear words. They may think that they have to use them to be included in the circle of friends or they look cool by adopting swearing. They may argue that they don't want to use them but it is difficult to resist peer pressure.
If you swear only in your thought and imagination, it may affect you in negative ways, but it would not affect other people since you don't express your swearing outwardly. However, when you express swearing outwardly toward other people in speech or writing, both others and you are definitely affected in negative ways.
It is impossible and not even right to stop teenagers from using swear words altogether or force them never to use them. However, adults must at least let them know how using swear words affect people's psychology and relationships. Once they accurately understand how human mind and psychology operate regarding adopting swear words, they cannot but be careful and refrain from swearing.
Everyone knows that swearing makes the listener feel bad without even thinking much about its exact meaning. All swearing expressions contain negative contents but people use them without knowing or thinking what they exactly mean. They may use them just because others also use them casually, which cannot justify their own adoption of swearing.
Whether you swear or not can be determined only by yourself. Therefore, making excuses for swearing blaming other people or situations cannot be justified. You yourself must understand what swear words mean and judge their use in different situations. Also, if someone knows exactly what swear words mean and still choose to use them just casually, he or she is the kind of person you had better avoid hanging out with.
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Q : I have developed abnormal sexual desire since I discovered my husband's infidelity, and we are having sex a lot. Moreover, my husband's affair seems to be related with sexual issues, so I am trying really hard and he also likes my effort. Especially, we stay at home a lot due to the pandemic situation, and it feels as if we were newlyweds. I think we have restored our marriage relationship, and both my husband and I have become normal. I guess I can be assured that we are fine now?
A : Upon the discovery of husband infidelity, the wife develops post traumatic stress. The wife's post traumatic stress may cause abnormally strong sexual desire in many cases. Then, the wife may become to seek sexual relationship with the husband excessively.
When the husband confesses that he had an affair due to some kind of sexual issues, the wife's sexual desire is reinforced and she may become obsessive about sexual relationship.
However, the fact is that all sexual actions with the wife are perceived as intense stress by the husband since he is in the condition of relationship addiction. Still, he cannot but accept the wife's demand for having sex when he cannot avoid the situation.
When the husband perceives stronger sexual response from the wife than that from his adulteress, the couple naturally get involved in having sex quite actively. Then, the husband may even develop relationship addiction toward his own wife, which is considered as the worst condition, and become the wife's adulterer, who destroys his own wife's mind.
The wife may become obsessive about having sex with the husband and also become her own husband's adulteress. She may mistake the distorted situation for happiness and feel as if they went back to the days when they were crazy about each other. She may be convinced that they have recovered and become happy again.
As time passes without proper treatment, their psychological conditions progress. The wife may develop hysteria adding relationship addiction to post traumatic stress, and the husband may develop intermittent explosive disorder adding perception disorder to relationship addiction.
Now, they stay at home a lot without many social activities and can get immersed into sexual pleasure as an adulterer and an adulteress, but soon, they will face situations where their hysteria and intermittent explosive disorder are activated to destroy their life and lives of people around them.
Moreover, both of them are highly likely to get involved in infidelity with other people as the pandemic situation is over and they resume social activities outside home. It is only natural that children also develop psychological problems being affected by both parents developing and aggravating psychological disorders.
Trying hard for restoring marriage relationship through active sexual relationship is likened to trying hard to destroy lives of all family members. You are driving yourself and your husband to become pleasure seekers who put the highest priority on sexual pleasure above all human values and meanings.
The foremost thing you must do is to treat post traumatic stress. It is extremely painful to get yourself out of the psychology of an adulteress and face the pain of post traumatic stress. However, you can regain your own and your children's happiness only when you treat your condition properly. Then, you can give your husband an opportunity to treat his relationship addiction.
Married couple's sexual happiness must never be based upon post traumatic stress and relationship addiction. When you accurately understand and try for true sexual happiness after treating psychological disorders, you can achieve the best sexual happiness that rivals that of newlyweds, and your children can also regain psychological stability and happiness.
Many parents hope their children will study hard, show interest in sports, and actively engage themselves in what they like. Parents want to help children form habits of immersion, generate passion, and make achievements in what they do.
Of course, any one, old or young, who has passion looks good and tends to make great achievements. You don't have to form habits of passion in childhood necessarily, but it wouldn't hurt for children to form habits of passion for what they do. It is possible to form habits of passion after they become adults, but it will take relatively more time, effort, and expense than when you form them during childhood.
Some parents push their children to do this and that based on parents' standards to help children form habits of passion and make achievements. Parents can become anxious and press children for the direction they think right and desirable, which actually hinders children from forming their own habits of passion.
To help children form habits of generating passion, you must first help them understand what passion is and why they need it. Then, you can encourage them to find what they are interested in, and what they want in their life based on their own thought standards. Some children will be quick to find their interest and others will take more time.
Parents must think what they do really helps children. Some children just follow as parents guide them even though they don't like it or without even thinking much about what they themselves like. Then, when they realize that they have been pushed around regardless of their own will, they may blame parents and stop pursuing what they have been working on. They are considered not to be given an opportunity to form habits of passion but to have passively followed parents' directions.
Many parents do their best to support children to help them form habits of passion, and they expect quick and visible results that equals their support. If you truly want to help your children form habits of passion, please, be patient and help them find their own interest based on their own thought standards.
When you are considerate enough to allow your children to freely explore with what they want and provide consolation and encouragement when they go through trials and error, children will naturally develop habits of passion in the process.
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Q : I have found out that my husband caught Covid-19 from his adulteress. He begs me for forgiveness and says he broke up with her. I have also learned that they had dates in unbelievably creative and the most bizarre ways. I simply freaked out and hired a lawyer for a lawsuit against the adulteress and a divorce. My husband keeps bagging me for forgiveness, but I just can't. My rage is such that I want to kill both of them, and I am suffering from excruciating pain due to the sense of betrayal and despair.
A : Social restrictions due to the pandemic situation leads to the revelation of infidelity cases for many couples. The husband cannot go out or leave home to meet the adulteress due to Covid-19 pandemic situation, so cannot but try to restore marriage relationship for now. Then, the wife begins to believe and trust the husband, and regains the sense of relief and comfort. However, it is highly likely that the husband plans to continue infidelity, or is still continuing infidelity in some secretive ways since he is still in the condition of relationship addiction.
Both the wife's post traumatic stress and the husband's relationship addiction continue to deteriorate whether he continues or stops infidelity unless properly treated. When post traumatic stress that has been covered up but progressing is activated by some trigger later, the wife may file lawsuits and get a divorce but she will end up living an unhappy life for the rest of her life since her condition has not been treated at all.
It is urgent that you treat post traumatic stress regardless of your husband's condition or other practical situations. Then, you can give your husband an opportunity to treat his relationship addiction and live a happy life with your children whether you stay in marriage or get a divorce.
I used to feel very tired when I came home, but these days, I enjoy interacting with my daughter. When my daughter feels tired and wants to stay alone in her room, I become considerate and understanding instead of feeling rejected. I generally feel composed and comfortable at home or at work these days.
The relationship between me and my daughter used to be really good or really bad in the past, but now the really bad part does not occur any more. I am confident that I can manage it well even if it occurs by being considerate and understanding based on our trusting relationship.
I feel happy and energetic due to the changed relationship with my daughter. I learned from Mother Therapy that women can have happiness of a woman, a wife, and a mother, which is so true but has been neglected by me so far. It means a lot to me that I can adopt Mother Therapy to form habits of happiness. I want to express my deep gratitude for being given a chance to train myself with Mother Therapy.
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Q. I am really concerned about my daughter, who always gets into troubles. She wouldn't listen to me or my husband, and my husband and I often get into arguments over what to do about her. What should I do?
A. First of all, you must carefully watch why she gets into troubles. It is likely that she gets into troubles since she has much stress and many psychological wounds. She may be trying hard on her part to adapt herself to situations and solve problems even if she looks thoughtless to her parents' eyes. When parents try to advise her or solve problems for her with their thought standards, parents and the daughter may develop relational conflicts.
Teenagers are in the process of forming their own thought standards and self-identity. Parents must understand that even troubles she is going through are part of her own precious experiences and trials and errors even if they worry parents who can clearly foresee their undesirable consequences. Experiencing trials and errors in the growth process is necessary for healthy psychological development, so parents must provide encouragement and recognition at least on that point.
You must discuss matters with her with open mind to help her develop healthy and rational thought standards instead of trying to impose your ideas upon her or direct her to behave as you want. Then, your daughter will also begin to share her own ideas with you with open mind, developing right judgment and making right decisions. She wouldn't think that you are scolding or nagging one-sidedly anymore.
Daughters are nurtured by mother's feelings. When the mother is unhappy and filled with negative feelings inside her, they are projected into the daughter and the daughter develops stress and wounds more and more, making her feel unhappy, too. It is also important that the mother heals stress and treats her own wounds and become a happy woman in order to make other family members psychologically stable and happy. Then, to your surprise, your daughter will take your advice not as nagging or bothering her but as paying attention to her in a positive way.
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Q : I have not contacted my parents for a long time since we didn’t get along well. I have a happy family of my own with my husband and children after marriage but I occasionally think about my parents. Will I experience relational conflicts again if I begin to see them?
A : Some parents consider their children as some type of possessions rather than independent individuals with their own thought standards. Then, the daughter may accumulate a lot of psychological wounds. Such parents are not interested in the daughter’s ideas, emotions, or psychological conditions, and just think everything is fine as far as things go as they want.
When the daughter stops contacting them, they may simply think that one of their possessions has disappeared. When the daughter begins contacting them again and they find out that the daughter has a happy family, they may develop the desire to regain the lost possession and have their way.
For the daughter to protect her own family’s happiness, she has to keep a certain distance from the parents to prevent the parents from destroying her happiness.
Thus, you must be able to protect your current happy life before anything. Then, you must accurately understand why your parents thought and acted that way by understanding the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology to correct and broaden your own perspective.
When you correct your own perspective and have accurate understanding of mind and psychology, your parents are likely to change their behaviors, too. Your change in attitudes will lead to their change in attitudes and behaviors.
Change must begin from within yourself first, and then, you will see more and more practical issues resolved. Please, do not rush but take time and go step by step in the process.
It was like living in a dark cave before I started the treatment.
I couldn't understand why I felt so hurt inside,
why I felt so suffocated and irritated,
and why I felt more and more miserable and anxious.
I worked hard as a mother and wife,
but kept losing energy
and just endured day by day,
getting skinnier and skinnier.
As Mind Training proceeded,
I came to understand my mind better.
It was the operation of untreated wounds that made me feel hurt.
Those wounds were supposed to be used as fuel to generate happiness in my mind.
My desire for treatment was being presented
by getting irritable to express wounds,
and I felt suffocated
since I was not able to generate feelings of happiness.
All these operations occurred inside my mind,
and only I could sense the suffering.
When I learned that
only I could understand my mind and could treat inner wounds,
I began to fear no negative emotions.
Of course, I still sense stress and wounds.
I sometimes get irritated and angry.
However, I also know that my mind can overcome all of them.
My wounds are the energy that makes me love my adorable children,
and feel everyday as a lovely day.
I want to cheer my mind up with all the might.
I want to thank my mind for persevering for the whole time.
I will work really hard for treatment until the day I completely cure my mind.
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On this road, I was walking weeping and crying.
In this season last year, I was furious and enraged.
Nothing has changed much around me.
But everything has changed in my mind
after I treated and cured myself.
Everyone is doing their best in life
and how beautiful they are.
I hope all participants will have good experience
taking the treatment program with KIP.
Apply for free consultation on psychological problems
I : I don’t know what to do. My husband has cheated on me!!!
Friend 1 : What? You can’t stand it. Just sue him!
Friend 2 : Right. It’s really easy these days!
I : I can’t think anything. It’s so painful...
He says he loves her more than me. He even asked me if love is sin.
Friend 3 : And you didn’t do anything? You’re not a saint.
Friend 4 : Right. How can you stand it? I would have divorced him on the spot!
Friend 1 : Cheating such a perfect wife like you?
You should live your own life from now on.
Friend 2 : Humans cannot be repaired for the better.
These days, it is a common practice that people focus more on practical issues over the root cause upon the discovery of spouse infidelity, which leads to immediate lawsuits and divorce. The cause of infidelity is not problems of marriage or love, or issues of sexuality or emotions, but is relationship addiction, which is a psychological disorder. Many people have wrong conviction on the root cause and take practical measures such as counseling, coaching, lawsuits, and divorce. They may make you feel better temporarily, but actually aggravate your psychological condition and lead to the destruction of all relationships.
Upon the discovery of spouse infidelity, you must first treat post traumatic stress and the spouse’s relationship addiction. Then, you can address practical issues related with infidelity, and you can live a happy life with your loved ones regardless of your marital status.
Psychological disorders including post traumatic stress and relationship addiction can be treated by adjusting the operation of mind, not of psychology, based on the Theory of Mimind and Xesmind.
Many people doubt and distrust the fact that psychology treatment is proceeded without counseling and coaching. However, you will be surprised that you can achieve restoration of healthy psychology and feelings of happiness through KIP treatment program regardless of your practical situation. This is only a natural result when the Theory of Mimind and Xesmind is applied to adjust the operation of mind in your unconscious. This method is not well known to even psychology experts let alone lay people, so there are some degree of hesitancy before people start the program, but its high efficacy shocks most participants.
Please, keep in mind that all your family members are in a life crisis situation now due to infidelity issues. Treatment must precede taking any practical measure. It is because you cannot judge or make decisions in the right way when you are in excruciating psychological pain or in psychological disorders. Only when you treat yourself and restore happiness inside yourself, can you see through all the situations with the right perspective and adopt right solutions.
Accurate treatment for restoring healthy psychology and happiness cannot but take time, effort, and expense. Please, think about how much time, effort, and expense happiness of yourself and your children is worth. Happy life cannot be converted into any value with concrete matter. Almost all the participants of KIP treatment program say that it was worth all their time, effort, and expense after they finish the course. Please, reflect upon the right direction of your life path upon facing pain and suffering due to infidelity issues.
Children make many trials and errors since they don’t have many experiences in most things. They don’t have the ability to solve problem...
