[Review_Infidelity Therapy] To those who are hesitating even at this very moment

 

I could sense that my husband had changed a bit,  

but I just assumed that he was also going through some tough time like others in their 40s.

I thought it would just pass naturally. 

After all, we had been happily married for more than 10 years. 

I had never imagined that he would have an affair.  

I was completely at a loss 

when I found out that he was actually having an affair. 

I had insomnia, was extremely irritable, 

lost more than 10 pounds in a week, and even missed my cycles. 

I was looking for causes I could never figure out. 

I blamed myself for all possible things. 

I kept trying to find some solutions. 

Everyday felt like a year. 

I was in pain every moment I was awake. 

I even thought about taking drastic actions. 

I hesitated to take the treatment since it seemed expensive and time consuming. 

I became dependent on Youtube videos. 

They gave me temporary comfort and consolation, but didn't solve any problem. 

One day, it just occurred to me that I had children. 

My children…. 

They were studying my face constantly. 

I suddenly came to my senses. 

'What have I done to them? 

I can't let my children be miserable no matter how much pain I have.' 

I began to take KIP Treatment Program. 

My children began to change for the better 

as my wounds were treated through watching training videos and doing therapeutic tasks.

I regret that I wandered about and hesitated for a few months before taking the treatment. However, I am grateful to myself that I made a right choice. 

I want to praise myself for not destroying myself further, 

not wandering about for too long, 

learning about Korea Institute of Psycho-education, 

and focusing on my treatment. 

I am still going forward to build happiness. 

I am trying to protect my precious life and my children.

Your decision may make the difference of night and day. 

If you are hesitating even today, I suggest you should give it a try and try hard. 

You will see what it means by the difference between knowing and not knowing about human mind. 

https://youtu.be/YwiJVBfS_xg

 About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education) 

[Infidelity Therapy] 3 Steps to take upon the discovery of spouse infidelity

 

     Upon the discovery of spouse infidelity, most people develop post traumatic stress with severe psychological pain and run about in confusion. They are overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions but cannot judge what is right or wrong, and they are simply swallowed by pain and rage. They may end up destroying everything with their own hands. If you want to overcome post traumatic stress and restore a healthy and happy life, you must take actions following the order provided. 

     The first and foremost thing you must do is to become independent psychologically. When you experience excruciating pain due to spouse infidelity, / you must focus on your existence as an individual rather than on your existence in marriage relationship until you recover healthy psychology. The decision on whether you will stay married or get a divorce can wait until then. Any practical measures taken to recover or sever marriage relationship in the condition of post traumatic stress will only expedite the destruction of individuals and family. The moment you discover spouse infidelity, you must simply erase the idea of marriage or divorce. 

     You must put yourself out of marriage relationship and achieve psychological independence. You must make it clear that you exist as an individual before you exist as a spouse or a partner in a relationship. You and your spouse are still parents of your children, but must stay psychologically separated until you restore healthy psychology. It is only natural that you are in great pain, but you must prepare yourself to live happily regardless of the presence or absence of your spouse. 

     The second most important thing to do is to become independent economically. You must be able to support and protect yourself and your children without other people's help. Economic independence does not mean that you must have the ability to live affluently. You just need to achieve sufficient economic independence with which you and your children can live in a safe and healthy environment. 

     As you make efforts to achieve psychological and economic independence, the treatment of post traumatic stress must be proceeded adequately. You can make right judgment and decision and take right actions only when you restore healthy psychology. In the process, you may also be able to give your spouse an opportunity to treat his or her psychological disorder. 

     The third thing you must do is to make decisions on practical matters such as restoring marriage relationship or getting a divorce. By then, you must have fully recovered and have the ability for right judgment for a happy life. You will be happy and will not experience much difficulty even when you get a divorce since you have prepared yourself well.

     Many practical measures people take when spouse infidelity occurs presuppose that you and your spouse still exist as people in relationships rather than as a self-contained individual. You must go back to exist as an individual to adequately address the condition of post traumatic stress. It is quite ineffective and even dangerous to approach the issue of spouse infidelity and post traumatic stress due to spouse infidelity from conventional points of view. It is recommended that you make efforts to restore healthy psychology and a happy life in the right direction with the right method.

https://youtu.be/yI_B_AgfZZY

 About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

[Mother Therapy_Q&A] My daughter won't talk to me and wants to stay alone.

Q. I am worried about my 13-year-old daughter. She used to be a very sweet girl who would always talk to me about every little thing about her daily life. However, these days, she wants to stay alone most of the time. Recently, she came home and just slammed the door into her room. I knocked on the door and asked her what happened, but she refused to talk and told me to leave her alone. I am really worried since she has suddenly changed so much.  

A. As a child's body grows, his or her mind also grows. They will not stay forever as what they are as children. Parents can easily see their body grow everyday but the growth of their mind is less visible, so parents may assume that their mind stays pretty much the same as before. One day, parents may suddenly realize that their children have changed a lot and become worried not knowing what to do.

When they are still in elementary school or before they reach the age of adolescence, they are quite close to parents and talk with them about almost everything no matter how trivial the topic is. Children's patterns of expressions naturally change as they enter the age of adolescence and develop their own thought standards, which are likely to be different from those of parents. They may sometimes disagree with parents and want some psychological space of their own. All these behaviors indicate that they have entered the developmental stage of the formation of self-identity, which usually covers the ages between 13 to 19. 

It is only a natural part of psychological growth, but parents may feel worried when they do not understand about the developmental process of child psychology and have not expected such a phenomenon. They may overreact and assume that there is something wrong with the child's condition or situation including school life or relationships with friends. 

Your daughter seems to be able to express her emotions and ideas clearly by saying that she wants to stay alone. If you still keep pushing her for talking with you, she may think that you are not listening to her and do not respect her ideas, which, in turn, makes her talk with you less and less. Therefore, you must first show her your respect for her ideas and let her have some time and space to herself. 

Please, understand that not only her body but also her mind grows as time goes by. Now, she is in the developmental phase of the formation of self-identity, where she is working on developing her own thought standards. You can be assured that your daughter is growing with healthy mind instead of being worried about her changed behaviors. Of course, she may experience many trials and errors in the process. 

When parents accurately understand about the growth process of children's psychology development and adopt adequate parenting strategies, children can develop healthy body and mind within the boundary of the safe environment parents have set up for them.

https://youtu.be/-2OblNEeCYo

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Mother Therapy : https://www.mothertherapy.net/

Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/

[Infidelity Therapy] Types of responses husbands make when they are caught cheating

 

There are so many different responses husbands make when they are caught cheating  depending on the husband's habits and the wife's response types. However, they can be categorized into roughly 10 different types. 

1. Husbands who realize how wrong they were and truly ask for forgiveness. 

2. Husbands who ask for forgiveness but do not realize how wrong they were. 

3. Husbands who admit their wrongdoing but cannot stop infidelity. 

4. Husbands who keep silence on the issue of their infidelity.

5. Husbands who continue infidelity secretly.

6. Husbands who blame the wife for their infidelity.

7. Husbands who display violent behaviors. 

8. Husbands who leave home. 

9. Husbands who overreact and turn on the wife. 

10. Husbands who explain about their affair to the wife in detail. 

Whatever type of behaviors they display, it is simply to avoid or remove stress they perceive from the situation. Husbands caught cheating perceive almost everything related with the wife as stress. Especially, when the wife expresses rage and anger interrogating, crying, or clinging, they sense extreme stress, which may be comparable to the pain of death. 

Therefore, the wife should not judge the situation according to the husband's responses, believe what he says, put any meaning to his actions and words, or expect anything from him. The wife just needs to make efforts to treat her own condition of post traumatic stress as she would treat her physical illnesses when her body is sick.

The wife can set a new direction of her happiness and give the husband an opportunity to treat his condition only when she restores healthy psychology. She cannot live a happy life even if she divorces her husband if she still has to carry on with the condition of post traumatic stress inside her. 

The wife must not be affected by any of the husband's responses upon the discovery of husband infidelity. She must treat post traumatic stress and build happiness ability before anything. Working to build her happiness in the future is not necessarily related with the husband. 

When the wife does not treat her post traumatic stress and takes other practical measures such as suppressing her feelings and enduring the situation, trying to get even with the husband and the adulteress, taking counseling and coaching, developing dependency on medical care, filing lawsuits, or getting a divorce, her post traumatic stress may advance at a fast rate and she ends up living an unhappy life destroying her life and the life of her children. In the process, the husband's relationship addiction also deteriorates at a fast rate. 

The couple do not nave to stay in marriage to be happy when infidelity occurs. However, the treatment of post traumatic stress must precede any discussion, judgment, or decision on the path of future life. When the wife's post traumatic stress is cured and she can live happily with children, any judgment and decision based on her healthy psychology will lead her to happiness. 

https://youtu.be/BtQXxTOFV-8

 About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education) 

[Review_Infidelity Therapy] I fought and I won! (overcoming husband infidelity)

 

Finally, the day has come!

"Congratulations! we are pleased to inform you that you have achieved complete recovery.”

I blankly looked at the sky with the setting sun for quite a while.

I have spent the last 4 years to hear this message...

I looked back at the days before I started treatment.

My whole life collapsed due to husband infidelity. I simply wanted to stop living. 

I had never even imagined such a thing could happen to me. 

My body collapsed. My children were in fear looking at me.  

Everyday was as if I were in the hell.   

I couldn't talk to anyone and endured all by myself. I cried so much.  

I decided to begin treatment to save myself and my children. 

I gradually learned about my mind, and made efforts to rebuild my life on my own. 

I repeated falling and rising within the guideline of the treatment program, 

and I encouraged myself to continue for buiding happiness habits. 

I guess I was changing slowly. Children began to smile. My husband began to join family.  

It has been a week after I got the report of full recovery. I am having a good life everyday. 

I still keep doing therapeutic tasks, just for myself. 

I generate xes energy through Xes Training, just for myself.  

I have enough amount of love and happiness to give to my children.  

Children do not seem scared anymore even when I get angry. 

I guess I express differently from when I was in pain. 

I can see that I am smiling most of the time. We are all smiling most of the time.  

I have trust in myself that I will be just fine no matter what.  

I know how to stay happy inside myself under any circumstance, and I also know how to rise when I fall. 

My life is going forward for happiness. 

I was lucky to be given the opportunity for KIP Treatment Program. 

It was one of the most valuable education I had in my life. 

I realized how great the difference between knowing and not knowing is. 

Keep up with your efforts, everyone!

https://youtu.be/lfKgSs4D0JQ

 About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education) 

[Infidelity Therapy] You will ruin your life if you sue the adulteress right away.

 

<Q> “I am suffering from excruciating pain caused by husband infidelity.” 

<A> The wife suffers from great pain since she has developed post traumatic stress. Post traumatic stress makes her sense not only the incident of infidelity but also all her life experiences with her husband as pain, which is referred to as ‘fake wounds’. The more the wife has had a good marriage life, the greater pain of post traumatic stress she senses. It is only natural that the wife suffers from great pain upon the discovery of husband infidelity. 

<Q> “Will I recover when my husband breaks up with the adulteress and comes back to me?”

<A> Suppose that the wife makes efforts to restore marriage relationship and the husband comes back to her. Actually, the wife’s post traumatic stress and the husband’s relationship addiction get aggravated in the process of making efforts since they add more wounds in the wife and more stress in the husband. Eventually, the restoration of marriage becomes more difficult and their relationship is more likely to worsen in the end. The whole situation unfolds in the opposite way from what the wife wishes for. 

<Q> “Most people around me tell me that I must break them apart and sever their relationship to have my husband back. Is that true?”

<A> They say so because they only see the surface phenomenon and do not accurately understand the erroneous operation of the wife’s and the husband’s psychology. Husband infidelity occurs when he develops relationship addiction, in which he becomes addicted to the adulteress’s response. The wife has developed post traumatic stress. They cannot engage themselves in normal psychological interactions. Most people assume that causes of husband infidelity are problems of marriage, sex, or love, so they simply think that they need to address those issues directly. 

People who advise on infidelity issues think that they have done the right thing since, at least on the surface, they helped the husband break up with the adulteress and come back to the wife. However, it is the wife and the husband who have to suffer and make all the efforts only to aggravate their psychological conditions leading to even worse practical situations in the future. 

<Q> “Does it mean that even experts advise for suing the adulteress knowing that it will aggravate the situation? How could they do that?”

<A> Of course, they may be well intended since filing a lawsuit against the adulteress makes the wife feel a little comfortable as far as they understand. Some experts advise for lawsuits to truly help the wife since they don’t understand the true nature and the root cause of infidelity. Others may seek their own interest associated with the procedure of lawsuits and divorce. Again, it is the wife and the husband who end up dealing with dire consequences of inadequate actions. 

Some people may induce the wife to develop the idea that the husband is a bad person for cheating her and encourage her to divorce him. Then, the wife may become thankful to them and they may take advantage of the wife in many ways. They are actually committing crimes in disguise of kindness and good intention. 

<Q> “What? Then, are people who advise for the lawsuit against the adulteress and divorce hiding their intention to take advantage of the suffering wife?” 

<A> Of course not. Not everyone is ill-intended. People who understand the true nature of infidelity or people who accurately understand that the couple can overcome the adversity and restore true happiness would recommend the treatment of post traumatic stress before filing a lawsuit against the adulteress. 

However, anyone who does not take consideration of the whole life the couple have had together or the wife’s suffering, and just advises for taking practical measures such as lawsuits and divorce is definitely trying to take advantage of the wife. Some of them even may try to make the wife dependent on them by gaslighting her. 

<Q> : Then, should I never sue the adulteress to break them apart?”

<A> Of course, you can sue the adulteress, but only after you recover. You must sue the adulteress after you recover your healthy psychology by adequately treating the condition of post traumatic stress. When the wife treats her condition and restores healthy psychology, she can have the ability to adequately resolve infidelity issue on her own, and live happily regardless of practical situations. The wife must restore healthy psychology first regardless of her husband’s condition, and then, she can take any practical measures she wants. 

When the wife can live happily with children after full recovery, she can decide on whether to stay in marriage or get a divorce as well as on other practical matters as she herself chooses. 

https://youtu.be/_viOOa521Ic

 About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education) 

[Mother Therapy_Review] My child is happy now.

 

My child is an adult. 

Still, as I become happy everyday little by little, 

my relationship with my husband improves, 

and then, I can see that my child has become psychologically stable, 

and finds the right direction in life on his own. 

I am happy, composed, and grateful for everything. 

https://youtu.be/KsKn2jXPHfM

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Mother Therapy : https://www.mothertherapy.net/

Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/

[Mother Therapy_Q&A] I have always lived my life as I was told by my mother, and I have become totally dependent on her.

 

Q. My mother really wanted to get higher education when she was young, but she couldn't because she had to make a living. She always told me that education and having a big dream is important, so she even sent me abroad for study. However, my academic achievement didn't work out as she had planned, and I don't know what to do with my life. I tend to depend on her for everything I do and decide, and haven't really done anything by my own will. I guess I have to make my own decision and accomplishment from now on, but I have no sense of confidence. What should I do?

A. As a child learns to walk, parents help the child to start a few steps at first, and then, gradually let the child take over for walking independently. Child rearing becomes harder when the child walks about everywhere, but parents do not make the child stay at one spot or keep carrying the child. 

As children become teenagers and begin to form their own self-identity and thought standards, parents should support them so that they can form healthy self-identity and thought standards, and pursue their own self-actualization when they become adults. However, as parents impose their own thought standards upon children, children are deprived of opportunities to build their own thought standards.

You seem to have lost the chance to build basic abilities for decision making and self-actualization during teenage years even though you were a good daughter and student. Your mother made all the decisions for you and helped you with every single thing when problems occurred. Now, you must make your own decisions and direct yourself in the path of life, but you don't have the ability to deal with stress and wounds in your career or relationships. You and your mother are likely to develop relational conflicts blaming each other as your mother is not satisfied with your achievement and you are also stressed from the relationship with your mother. 

From now on, you must practice making your own decisions and accomplishments without your mother's help even if they are small and trivial ones. As you build problem solving abilities by tackling small issues one by one, you will gradually develop not only basic abilities but also confidence. You can overcome dependency on your mother and build your own self-identity and thought standards as far as you keep your will power to do so. Just keep in mind that it will take quite some time to become psychologically independent. Keep making efforts to put your ideas into practice and never give up.

https://youtu.be/h1bE4-zdlkI

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Mother Therapy : https://www.mothertherapy.net/

Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/

[Husband Infidelity] Getting a divorce due to spouse infidelity is easy, but then, what?

 

Q : I got a divorce due to husband infidelity. I thought I would be comfortable after divorce since I wouldn't have to see my ex-husband anymore. However, I suffer from even greater pain as I get involved with other men. I also find that people who used to be close to me seem to avoid me. I wait for my boyfriend's call all day, and become obsessive and dependent in the relationship. I don't know why I feel suffocated and keep crying. Does it mean that I am still being affected by the past experience with my ex-husband? 

A : Men's infidelity is the phenomenon where they are addicted to women's response, and women's infidelity is the phenomenon where they are addicted to men's attention. In the condition of relationship addiction, men mistake relationship addiction for their passion and women for their love and they all justify their behaviors.

As a man and a woman get married and become husband and wife, they are supposed to build happy life together, but when the husband develops relationship addiction, he may want to exist only as a man instead of a husband, and seek only his own pleasure breaking trust and responsibility of marriage relationship. Then, the wife may choose to get a divorce as she develops post traumatic stress accompanied by the pain of death wanting to get out of the unbearable pain and be comfortable.

However, when she gets a divorce without treating post traumatic stress, she suffers from even greater pain every time her wounds of post traumatic stress are activated in daily life. Post traumatic stress gets aggravated for all your life time unless adequately treated whether you stay married or get divorced. After the divorce, most women become to make efforts to forget wounds and get attention and consolation every time the wounds are activated.

When a divorced woman with post traumatic stress gets attention from men, she temporarily feels better and mistakes it for happiness. However, every incident of temporary attention and consolation only aggravates her condition of post traumatic stress. As they repeat mistaking men's attention for love and justifying their behaviors, they may develop relationship addiction on top of post traumatic stress. Such phenomenon occurs in so many women who get a divorce with the condition of post traumatic stress. 

The attention men give to divorced women with post traumatic stress is not love. These men mostly seek sexual pleasure by getting immersed into such women's response. When they cannot get sexual pleasure from these women, they will not even think twice before ending the relationship. 

Women who mistake men's attention for love generate even greater wounds thinking that their love has been betrayed. It must be clearly noted that you cannot build healthy romantic relationship based on post traumatic stress. Women with post traumatic stress will repeat such unhealthy relationships and end up developing hysteria and being unable to live a happy life. 

Women who get a divorce due to husband infidelity without treating post traumatic stress may lose their capacity for healthy women's feelings, develop relationship addiction, and become pleasure seekers themselves. Otherwise, they may develop severe depressive disorder. It is urgent and crucial that you treat post traumatic stress due to husband infidelity for your own happiness regardless of your marital status. 

https://youtu.be/p4NCgsgCtoc

 About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education) 

[Mother Therapy_Review] Now, I can have good conversations with my daughter.

 

Since I started Mother Therapy, 

my daughter, who is staying in the school dormitory, and I 

have been interacting a lot through texting and video calls. 

In many cases, my daughter texts or calls me first. 

I feel comfortable talking with her, 

and my daughter seems to like talking with me too, 

as I adopt parenting strategies and treatment methods of Mother Therapy. 

I find learning about Mother Therapy very interesting and valuable. 

I feel that my life and my daughter's life as well as our relationship 

are changing for the better.

https://youtu.be/mlhDyHn52i8

Apply for free consultation on child's psychological problems

Mother Therapy : https://www.mothertherapy.net/

Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/

[Mother Therapy_Q&A] Mom's worry about 13 year-old daughter going steady with a boy.

 

Q. My 13 year-old daughter says that she has decided to go steady with a boy she has a crush on. I am thankful to her that she talks to me about her boyfriend, but I cannot help being worried about her first dating relationship. Will dating have a good or bad effect on a 13 year-old girl?

A. We cannot simply judge whether dating is good or bad for a teenage girl. Generally, her experience is likely to have both positive and negative influence on her life. However, a girl repeating dating relationships over and over again with different boys with short duration and intervals indicates that she has developed psychological problems. 

For example, your daughter goes out with a boy and breaks up with him. Then, she goes out with another boy and breaks up with him for similar reasons. Next, she repeats the whole process with multiple boys in a row. Then, you as her mother must try to find out what psychological problems she has. 

The experience of breaking up with a boy may accumulate psychological wounds in her and it may outweigh the positive effects of dating experience. Frequently changing partners for a dating relationship during teenage years may also lead her to develop similar pattern even when she becomes an adult. 

You can help her form healthy habits of forming and maintaining harmonious relationships with men through dating experiences by paying attention to her and talking with her about the topic with warm heart. Then, she will naturally be able to learn how to manage healthy relationships at present and in the future.

https://youtu.be/x0iC4UySpKQ

Apply for free consultation on child's psychological problems

Mother Therapy : https://www.mothertherapy.net/

Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/

[Review] Nothing can replace treatment for restoring my happiness

Where can I write my review? 

I could write a whole book for my review.

It was really hard to decide at first 

since this treatment program was not famous. 

I couldn't find any example case or review on it.

 

I asked around and was told by everyone that 

it must be a fraud, it is way too expensive, I would be taken advantage of, 

or it would make me feel even more frustrated.  

However, I wanted to do everything I could to get out of the suffering. 

“Is money more important than my life?” 

I thought I would try it as one last resort before I die.

If I had known about any case of this treatment program,

I wouldn't have meaninglessly wandered about consulting lawyers, fortune tellers, counselors, and religious leaders for several months. 

Those days were simply pain of death for me that should never occur again. 

A river runs right next to my house. 

I was endlessly looking at the river having some frightening idea. 

I was really sick at heart. 

If someone had advised to me, 

“I was in the similar condition but I have recovered. You can treat yourself, too.”  

If I had known about KIP Treatment Program a little sooner,

I wouldn't have shared my wounds with my friend,

who willingly listened through me and cried with me,

making both of us falling deeper and deeper into pain. 

I still have a long way to go until a complete cure, but I am trying really hard. 

Soon, I will treat myself and become happy again, and I won't have to contact Korea Institute of Psycho-education anymore. 

https://youtu.be/3nvq_O11cws

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                                       http://www.uip.ac

[Husband Infidelity] Has Covid-19 pandemic returned my husband back to me, or not?

 

Q : I have found out that my husband has been having an affair for 3 years. All the family members including my husband and children stay at home a lot due to the Covid-19 pandemic situation. My husband asks for forgiveness and is really sweet to children. I have become to feel quite comfortable as we stay together a lot. I think that we could live happily after I forgive him since he looks like he has come back to me. However, I heard that infidelity would recur when he has not actually been cured? What should I do?

A : The husband asks for forgiveness and tries to be nice to the wife in order to avoid his own stress. It does not indicate that his relationship addiction is cured. The wife develops post traumatic stress upon the discovery of husband infidelity and her condition gets aggravated regardless of what the husband does.

Husband infidelity is affected by the practical situation and he cannot freely meet the adulteress due to the pandemic situation. He has to stay at home a lot and he may think that he needs to calm his wife down to avoid getting stress by conflicts with his wife.

The wife may begin to feel better since everything goes well in marriage and family life. She may even think that he would never have another affair since he looks like he has come back to her.

The husband may also think that his infidelity is over and he will not have another affair, being convinced that everything will be fine from now on. Or, he may think that the wife has overlooked or forgiven him and he can have an affair again later. Either way, he still has the condition of relationship addiction, which can recur anytime when the situation allows him. Either way, the wife’s post traumatic stress continues to deteriorate as time goes by unless properly treated.

The second time husband infidelity is discovered in the future, your post traumatic stress will become so severe that you will end up ruining your life and your children’s life since you will not be able to hold the pain anymore.

You may mistake staying at home with your husband and having a comfortable time with family for infidelity issues having been solved, but your post traumatic stress and your husband’s relationship addiction are getting aggravated even today. It is almost guaranteed that he will resume his infidelity after the pandemic situation is over and the whole painful process will repeat.

It is crucial that you treat post traumatic stress regardless of your husband’s condition. Then, you will be able to give your husband an opportunity to treat his relationship addiction.  

https://youtu.be/c4iErz9Al4g

 About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education) 

[Mother Therapy] Teenagers who use swear words

 

Many teenagers use swear words. They may think that they have to use them to be included in the circle of friends or they look cool by adopting swearing. They may argue that they don't want to use them but it is difficult to resist peer pressure. 

If you swear only in your thought and imagination, it may affect you in negative ways, but it would not affect other people since you don't express your swearing outwardly. However, when you express swearing outwardly toward other people in speech or writing, both others and you are definitely affected in negative ways. 

It is impossible and not even right to stop teenagers from using swear words altogether or force them never to use them. However, adults must at least let them know how using swear words affect people's psychology and relationships. Once they accurately understand how human mind and psychology operate regarding adopting swear words, they cannot but be careful and refrain from swearing.

Everyone knows that swearing makes the listener feel bad without even thinking much about its exact meaning. All swearing expressions contain negative contents but people use them without knowing or thinking what they exactly mean. They may use them just because others also use them casually, which cannot justify their own adoption of swearing.

Whether you swear or not can be determined only by yourself. Therefore, making excuses for swearing blaming other people or situations cannot be justified. You yourself must understand what swear words mean and judge their use in different situations. Also, if someone knows exactly what swear words mean and still choose to use them just casually, he or she is the kind of person you had better avoid hanging out with. 

https://youtu.be/V0FFJ338yVg

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Mother Therapy : https://www.mothertherapy.net/

Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/

[Husband Infidelity] My husband and I are crazy about each other like newlyweds.

 

Q : I have developed abnormal sexual desire since I discovered my husband's infidelity, and we are having sex a lot. Moreover, my husband's affair seems to be related with sexual issues, so I am trying really hard and he also likes my effort. Especially, we stay at home a lot due to the pandemic situation, and it feels as if we were newlyweds. I think we have restored our marriage relationship, and both my husband and I have become normal. I guess I can be assured that we are fine now?

A : Upon the discovery of husband infidelity, the wife develops post traumatic stress. The wife's post traumatic stress may cause abnormally strong sexual desire in many cases. Then, the wife may become to seek sexual relationship with the husband excessively. 

When the husband confesses that he had an affair due to some kind of sexual issues, the wife's sexual desire is reinforced and she may become obsessive about sexual relationship. 

However, the fact is that all sexual actions with the wife are perceived as intense stress by the husband since he is in the condition of relationship addiction. Still, he cannot but accept the wife's demand for having sex when he cannot avoid the situation. 

When the husband perceives stronger sexual response from the wife than that from his adulteress, the couple naturally get involved in having sex quite actively. Then, the husband may even develop relationship addiction toward his own wife, which is considered as the worst condition, and become the wife's adulterer, who destroys his own wife's mind. 

The wife may become obsessive about having sex with the husband and also become her own husband's adulteress. She may mistake the distorted situation for happiness and feel as if they went back to the days when they were crazy about each other. She may be convinced that they have recovered and become happy again. 

As time passes without proper treatment, their psychological conditions progress. The wife may develop hysteria adding relationship addiction to post traumatic stress, and the husband may develop intermittent explosive disorder adding perception disorder to relationship addiction. 

Now, they stay at home a lot without many social activities and can get immersed into sexual pleasure as an adulterer and an adulteress, but soon, they will face situations where their hysteria and intermittent explosive disorder are activated to destroy their life and lives of people around them. 

Moreover, both of them are highly likely to get involved in infidelity with other people as the pandemic situation is over and they resume social activities outside home. It is only natural that children also develop psychological problems being affected by both parents developing and aggravating psychological disorders.

Trying hard for restoring marriage relationship through active sexual relationship is likened to trying hard to destroy lives of all family members. You are driving yourself and your husband to become pleasure seekers who put the highest priority on sexual pleasure above all human values and meanings. 

The foremost thing you must do is to treat post traumatic stress. It is extremely painful to get yourself out of the psychology of an adulteress and face the pain of post traumatic stress. However, you can regain your own and your children's happiness only when you treat your condition properly. Then, you can give your husband an opportunity to treat his relationship addiction. 

Married couple's sexual happiness must never be based upon post traumatic stress and relationship addiction. When you accurately understand and try for true sexual happiness after treating psychological disorders, you can achieve the best sexual happiness that rivals that of newlyweds, and your children can also regain psychological stability and happiness. 

https://youtu.be/xz5wBRWTuoA

 About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education) 

[Mother Therapy_Q&A] How can I help my children form habits of generating passion?

 

Many parents hope their children will study hard, show interest in sports, and actively engage themselves in what they like. Parents want to help children form habits of immersion, generate passion, and make achievements in what they do.

Of course, any one, old or young, who has passion looks good and tends to make great achievements. You don't have to form habits of passion in childhood necessarily, but it wouldn't hurt for children to form habits of passion for what they do. It is possible to form habits of passion after they become adults, but it will take relatively more time, effort, and expense than when you form them during childhood.

Some parents push their children to do this and that based on parents' standards to help children form habits of passion and make achievements. Parents can become anxious and press children for the direction they think right and desirable, which actually hinders children from forming their own habits of passion. 

To help children form habits of generating passion, you must first help them understand what passion is and why they need it. Then, you can encourage them to find what they are interested in, and what they want in their life based on their own thought standards. Some children will be quick to find their interest and others will take more time.

Parents must think what they do really helps children. Some children just follow as parents guide them even though they don't like it or without even thinking much about what they themselves like. Then, when they realize that they have been pushed around regardless of their own will, they may blame parents and stop pursuing what they have been working on. They are considered not to be given an opportunity to form habits of passion but to have passively followed parents' directions. 

Many parents do their best to support children to help them form habits of passion, and they expect quick and visible results that equals their support. If you truly want to help your children form habits of passion, please, be patient and help them find their own interest based on their own thought standards.

When you are considerate enough to allow your children to freely explore with what they want and provide consolation and encouragement when they go through trials and error, children will naturally develop habits of passion in the process.

https://youtu.be/TQgIDGALVRI

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