Are you hesitating to get a divorce? There may be 4 different reasons for hesitating to get a divorce.
Firstly, you may not be independent psychologically. You may be dependent on your spouse and you are scared and nervous about living all by yourself. You may not have confidence on living without your spouse.
Secondly, you may not be independent financially. You may be dependent on your spouse financially or you may not have confidence on managing financial matters alone. You may be thinking that you are better off staying in marriage.
Thirdly, you may be worried about problems with children after your divorce. You may be worried that children will not be happy due to parents' divorce, or you may not be competent enough to deal with children's problems alone in case they occur after your divorce. You may think that children need both parents until they become adults and decide to stay in marriage for a few years more. Some couples live together even after a divorce for the sake of children.
Fourthly, you may be conscious of your reputation or people around you. You may be worried that people will judge you differently when you get a divorce. You may do your best not to get a divorce hiding your true thoughts and feelings.
Most people who hesitate to get a divorce may fall under one or more of the above categories. These people are considered to have already been separated from their spouse psychologically. The cases are considered as psychological divorce. Then, you may grow psychological wounds more and more and end up living a very unhappy life. You cannot adequately prepare yourself for actual divorce or transfer to the psychology of divorce. You just suppress yourself and endure the circumstance.
You may decide to get a divorce after your children grow, you get old, and you don't care much about your reputation any more, which is a case of a gray divorce. Many people who get a gray divorce are considered to have already been separated psychologically for some prolonged time. Since they have been living in unhappy marriage for so long, it is usually difficult to treat psychology and restore marriage relationship. It is also not easy to restore individual's happiness ability in such cases.
You may think that you want to just live in comfort day in and day out and just get older like that, giving up becoming happy. However, it must be noted that there are ways to recover healthy psychology and happiness regardless of marital status. It is not humane to just give up on your happiness and spend time meaninglessly until death. If you are seriously thinking about a divorce, you must at least prepare yourself for future happiness and transfer to the psychology of divorce.
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Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/
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