Developing dependency on the moods of pleasure


Many people get excited about getting immersed into positive moods and enjoying activities of diversion for pleasure. Eating good foods, enjoying hobbies and traveling, and exposing themselves to all kinds of positive sensory stimulation are included in activities for pleasure. Social networking services accelerate and intensify the spread of the trend of putting pleasure at the center of life.


As more and more people get immersed into seeking pleasure instead of lightly taking such activities to relieve daily stress and become dependent on moods instead of maintaining balanced emotions, accidents and crime cases increase and we face more and more social problems.


People in the modern society cannot help getting more and more stress as the civilization advances to its extreme level. There are also abundant opportunities to relieve stress and be exposed to activities for diversion. Positive moods generated by taking activities for diversion is sensed only when the stimulation exists and then, disappears making you keep seeking for the positive sensation repeatedly and at more and more intense levels. Eventually, you may become dependent on the positive moods with sensory stimulation.


The dependency on positive moods may progress into habits. You may have to seek positive moods continuously and cannot bear even the lowest level of stress and explode leading to unfortunate incidents and even crimes.


When you overly and repeatedly get immersed into positive moods accompanied by continuous stress, you develop dependency on positive moods and then, a psychological disorder. Now, you do not pursue love and happiness in a true sense but seek only pleasure.


It takes time and effort to develop true emotions of love and happiness, but pleasure is quick to occur and disappear. Psychological disorders destroy individuals' life and human relationships. As more and more people lose emotions of love and happiness and develop psychological disorders, we may have to face the future of the society full of derivative consequences.

KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education) : http://www.uip.ac/

E-mail : uip@uip.ac


A mind crisis in life

We are to experience good times and bad times in life. When you look back on your life facing death in front of you, you will realize that life is a continuum with both uphill and downhill roads. The ups and downs of life experiences generate the whole range of human emotions such as joy, sorrow, pleasure, and anger. Emotions and feelings of happiness are generated in the process of the pursuit of self-actualization. Without the pursuit of self-actualization, there cannot exist emotions or feelings of happiness. When you face adversity while you are working hard for self-actualization and for happiness, you will necessarily feel that you are in a crisis situation. Some people who have never experienced a life crisis may panic and run about in confusion missing the safe spot and falling into an even more dangerous place. 

When you are prepared against crisis situations, you will stand strong in face of a crisis situation. You will stay firm and try to figure out the root cause and the nature of the problem. When you know the nature of the problem, you will know where to go and what to do to adequately cope with the situation. When you do not know the nature of the problem, you will only cling to the surface phenomena and even aggravate the condition. We are all to experience the crisis situation in life and we can never know when it will occur. It would be ideal to prepare for a mind crisis to overcome it wisely. Having sunny days for the whole month in a row does not guarantee that it will be sunny tomorrow. You never know whether you will have pouring rain or hail and it is wise to prepare a large umbrella just in case.

Most people want to live a peaceful and comfortable life, but it is impossible for you to pursue self-actualization and happiness in human relationships without any turbulence. You will experience both crises and opportunities depending on circumstances. It is easy to lose opportunities and it is hard to avoid crises. We experience many different situations and emotions in life. Three major emotions we feel with respect to the operation of psychology are emotions of comfort, pleasure, and frustration. Most people prefer the emotion of comfort, in which you have neither pleasure nor frustration and you are satisfied with what you have in life. Another type of emotion people like is pleasure, in which you enjoy what you are doing and what you have. When you experience the emotion of frustration, which no one wants, you will make efforts to solve the problem and when you solve the problem, you come back to comfort feeling happy. 

Humans are designed to live in the cycle of comfort, frustration, and pleasure. Human happiness is generated from experiencing the whole range of emotions in the cycle. You will naturally experience psychological frustration when you face a mind crisis in the midst of living in comfort. Then, you need to overcome the crisis and transfer to comfort or pleasure to maintain healthy psychology. When you stay in negative emotions for some prolonged time, you will develop psychological and other practical problems.      

You are considered to be in a crisis situation if you feel that life is painful and difficult. It is recognized only by yourself and people have different thought standards on what is a crisis since everyone has unique life experiences. A situation that is perceived as being a matter of little importance for one person may be perceived as being the biggest crisis ever causing frustration and despair for another person. 

Women feel that they are in a mind crisis when they lose meanings of life by losing feelings of love or the counterparty's passion toward them. Emotions of crisis are generated from within oneself rather than being given by other people and others cannot feel the identical emotions that you feel. Men feel that they are in a mind crisis when they cannot pursue values of life for future happiness. They experience emotions of crisis when they cannot find values to pursue or the pursuit of values is blocked by some external factors. Any crisis in life is either the crisis of meanings of life or that of values of life. 

Women are considered to have achieved meanings of life when they find a person toward whom they can have feelings of love and happiness. Men are considered to be happily working for future success when they are pursuing self-actualization. When women lose present happiness and when men lose future happiness, they feel they are in a crisis situation. Also, men experience emotions of crisis in their mind when they have achieved their life goal and cannot find another goal they can pursue. 

A mind crisis can occur when you are living in comfort. You may have thought that your life would just go as usual for the rest of your life, but one day, a typhoon hits and you are blown away helplessly. It is more dangerous to fall from the top to the bottom than from the middle to the bottom since the size of the fall is twice larger. Thus, people who consider themselves to be the best in many ways are more susceptible to experiencing more severe psychological difficulties than other people when they face a crisis situation. They may give up on overcoming the difficulties if they have never experienced or imagined such situations.         

You must gather your will power to overcome the crisis and also try to find the root cause of the problem to solve the current problem and prevent the recurrence. Then, you must make continuous efforts to restore and normalize the situation. Many great people have turned the failure into the source of nourishment for a greater success. The first hand experiences of trial and error are the most valuable resources in the pursuit of self-actualization and happiness. 

When you experience a mind crisis, you may panic and get confused but you yourself must find the way out for yourself, and then, you will be able to live a healthier and happier life than before you experienced the crisis. When you are overwhelmed by negative emotions, you cannot judge with reason and are likely to make mistakes falling down even further. You must try hard to get out of negative emotions and find the right way to restore healthy psychology and life by accurately understanding the nature of the phenomena. Comfortable life and pleasurable life can be achieved and maintained when you can adequately heal stress and treat wounds. When you cannot heal stress and treat wounds for a prolonged period of time, you will develop psychological disorders and eventually experience a crisis situation. When you try hard and overcome the crisis, you will achieve the feelings of happiness again. 

In order to build the ability to prevent crises, you can form habits of restoring positive moods and feelings in the cycle of comfort, pleasure, and frustration in daily life. When you are prepared for crises before you face them in reality, you will know what to do when a crisis comes. If you have achieved what you aimed for in life, now is the exact time to prepare for a mind crisis and set a new goal to pursue for further self-actualization and happiness. The same applies to people who are living in comfort at present. Children also must be trained to prepare for crises they cannot but experience in the course of life. They should be allowed to make mistakes and overcome difficulties on their own. They will learn and form habits on how to restore healthy psychology and advance with a new goal when they achieve one. 

It is crucial for a person in a mind crisis to build up will power and make efforts to restore healthy psychology and life. The crisis situation does not offer you any other choice than recovery or renunciation. Once you experience and overcome a mind crisis, you will not fear facing a crisis again since you know you can overcome and you also know how to. There is nothing more valuable than your own experiences in life. 


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Information is not necessarily truth


Everyday, we are overwhelmed by infinite amount of information. Some are factual and truthful and some are false and incorrect. There is also a great deal of information on human mind and psychology easily available to people. Experts including scholars, religious leaders, and psychologists publish books, give lectures, and provide educational programs. They all argue that they are preaching truth. Internet and social network services accelerate and intensify the spread of information more than ever.


When information on human mind and psychology is truthful, it may promote happiness in people's lives, but when it is not, it may cause unhappiness and suffering in many people's lives. Unfortunately, some of the information with global popularity seems harmful rather than beneficial to individuals and the whole society causing psychological pain and suffering and collapse of healthy human relationships.


Information may be based on facts but it does not guarantee that it is truth. It may  look and sound right and useful but it may be distorted and not fundamental. You may be convinced of the truthfulness of the information, but it may be self-conviction derived from self-justification.


To be able to discern the difference between truthful information and false information, you may consider the following points:


Information you know about human and psychology may not be truth.

Scripture is truth, but interpretation of it may not.

Truth is simple, but untruthful information is decorated with splendor.

KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education) : http://www.uip.ac/

E-mail : uip@uip.ac


Is it mind or psychology that makes you feel hurt?


Mind and psychology are two different concepts. Mind, which consists of the conscious and the unconscious operates to make psychology manifest to be recognized. We feel hurt and recognize negative emotions when mind operates to keep balance in psychology and make psychology proceed in certain directions. 

When mind and psychology are not clearly distinguished and their operational mechanisms are not accurately understood, it is almost impossible to treat psychological disorders and restore healthy psychology. It is psychological components rather than mind that develop problems in cases of psychological disorders and it requires the adjustment of habits in mind instead of the adjustment of psychology.      

In case of relationship addiction, it is considered that two components of psychology have developed disorders. The disorder of memory of emotions and expression disorder have developed in case of women and perception disorder and expression disorder have developed in case of men. In case of post traumatic stress, all three components of psychology are on the verge of developing disorders upon experiencing a traumatic incident causing excruciating pain. 

Immediate treatment is required for both relationship addiction and post traumatic stress since all your life is at stake. Neglecting the condition or getting immersed into diversions will only lead to the destruction of your whole life. 



Analysis of the inner child and childhood experiences is unnecessary for treatment of psychological disorders


Many people try to talk about their childhood experiences and family history when they are treated for psychological disorders. When I tell them such information is unnecessary for the treatment of psychological disorders, they look confused and sometimes even protest against my guidance.

When they adhere to their ideas about the treatment of psychological disorders that adopts conventional counseling methods, it takes much longer time to achieve the treatment effects compared to people who do not have fixated ideas. People with much knowledge on conventional theories and practices of psychological treatment are also slow in adapting themselves to the new treatment paradigm and showing progress.

The treatment method that is based on the Theory of Mimind and Xesmind does not require the analysis of past experiences. It diagnoses the present psychological condition and addresses the root cause to normalize the operation of all three components of psychology. Retrieving past experiences does not benefit the treatment of the present condition and often times aggravates the situation.

When you accurately understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology and adopt the adequate treatment method that adjust the operation of unconscious, you can stabilize your psychological operations without any long-term side effect and build happiness ability.

KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education) : http://www.uip.ac/

E-mail : uip@uip.ac


What is mind?


Mind consists of the conscious and the unconscious. The conscious is memory and thought and the unconscious is the energy that operates the conscious and the psychology by generating emotions. Mind is the recognition of thought based on memories and experiences from the past.

The operation of human mind is identical for everyone but no two people share the identical emotions that are sensed in their mind since each person's experiences and memories are unique. Individuals' experiences and memories form their psychology and their life, and their mind allows recognition.

Many people assume that their mind, psychology, and life are greatly affected by other people. They may blame and depend on other people and suffer from psychological pain without realizing that their emotions come from within themselves only based on their own memories and experiences.

You have psychological pain when you perceive your memories and experiences as being negative, and you feel happiness when your memories and experiences are perceived as being positive. The identical fact or situation can be perceived as negative or positive depending on your emotions imposed on it.

Happiness and unhappiness are determined by nothing but your mind. The energy in your unconscious constantly operates to generate emotions and thoughts upon every experience. Happiness and unhappiness are not determined by memories and experiences themselves but by the operation of the energy in the unconscious in a negative or a positive way. It is not the facts of the past but the present operation of the unconscious that determines happiness and unhappiness that you feel today.

KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education) : http://www.uip.ac/
E-mail : uip@uip.ac


Consolation and treatment


People who have psychological wounds want to get consolation. The more psychological wounds, the stronger the desire for consolation. Most people are generous in providing advice and consolation. People who have psychological wounds may get consolation in diverse ways including books, lectures, and talk with friends. They may make efforts for healing psychological wounds by taking professional counseling for consolation as well as by taking meditation and religion.

However, when you have severe psychological wounds, consolation aggravates rather than treats wounds. As psychological wounds grow even further, you may develop the condition of 'wound dissociation' with which you cannot not recognize your own wounds.

Wound dissociation leads you to develop severe psychological diosrders and live an unhappy life. You may become a pleasure seeker and inflict damage on people you encounter on the way. You may look fancy and glamorous outside but your mind and psychology have collapsed. What seems nice on the surface may not necessarily be beneficial for those who have psychological wounds. Getting consolation repeatedly may lead you to live the worst kind of life.

Severe psychological wounds can be treated only be activating and adjusting your own unconscious. The answer is within yourself rather than somewhere outside or in other people. When you accurately understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology, the treatment of psychological wounds is not that difficult.

KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education) : http://www.uip.ac/
E-mail : uip@uip.ac

The danger of materialism in the pursuit of happiness

Humans are designed to pursue happiness in relationships with other people. We must accurately understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology in order to pursue happiness in the right way instead of judging based on only visible phenomena. When you accurately understand the operational mechanism of mind and psychology, you can analyze your own and other people's psychology and find the right way to pursue self-actualization and maintain healthy relationships. 

These days, many people put importance on making financial success in pursuing happiness. They think that the more money you have, the happier you become, so never stop making efforts to accumulate wealth by all means. We also see the phenomenon of 'the rich getting richer, and the poor getting poorer' adopting the concept of relativistic view on wealth. 

As an individual who lives in the world of materialism, you cannot just blame others or the society for the prevalence of materialism. You must first calmly reflect on whether financial success can be equated with happy life or whether you put more importance on other things in the pursuit of self-actualization. People who get used to the convenience of materialism tend to equate wealth with happiness. Some may employ immoral or illegal ways to accumulate wealth losing integrity as a human being. The society with many people who prioritize wealth over many other important matters will experience the polarization of wealth and other diverse social problems.

Happiness is not determined by the amount of money you have. You will become unhappy if you constantly compare yourself with someone who has more money than you no matter how much you already have. You can become absolutely happy with only basic necessities when you are satisfied with what you have. Happiness comes from inside yourself based on your own standards. Everyone has different standards for how much money you need to be rich and happy. If you live with the idea that the richer, the happier, you will not be able to be satisfied with your life forever. You will be anxious and nervous to get one more sheep when you already have 99 sheep. 

There are two ways to achieve financial success. One is to make efforts on your own and the other is to take others' achievement. The latter is easier than the former. The society is considered healthy when most people choose to make efforts on their own to achieve financial or other types of success. Some people focus on what they are interested in instead of financial success itself. They can develop their own ability in the area they are interested in with passion, will power, and constant efforts. They are highly likely to achieve success that is often accompanied by financial success. They may experience many incidents of trial and error in the process, but they do not stop pursuing their goal keeping pure passion. 

Many people try to succeed on their own for financial or other types of success. In the process, many people make efforts only to fail and despair. If you give up pursuing self-actualization thinking that you are unlucky or incapable, all the efforts you have made so far become nothing. You must think that you are not unlucky or incapable but  the opportunity has not come just yet, and must keep going. Also, you must not give up just because you are not recognized by other people. We all have the desire for recognition, but it should not be the major factor that stops you from making efforts with passion for your own goal of success. 

When you are satisfied with what you have now adopting only your own standards, you don't even have to apply the concept of financial success or 'the rich get richer, and the poor get poorer' in the pursuit of happiness. You must decide for yourself whether you really want to become richer than now or you are satisfied with the financial situation you are in now. If you decide that you want to become richer, you must examine whether you are building skills and abilities to become richer, or watching for an opportunity to take others' wealth. In the society where materialism prevails over other values, rich people are susceptible to losing their wealth any time since many people try to take their wealth at all costs, and distrust and corruption also prevail.

When you get immersed into what you like with pure passion, you become happy and generate even more passion, which may eventually be accompanied by financial success. When you pursue only financial success in your life with the concept of materialism neglecting other important values, it is unlikely that you become happy and you will be easily damaged by stress and wounds. Humans are designed to feel happy when they are in the process of pursuing self-actualization. As you connect and equate self-actualization with the accumulation of wealth more and more, you will become greedier and greedier discarding all other values. 

If you really want to achieve financial success keeping other important values, you should first build your own skills and abilities to achieve your goal. People who want to become rich but do not want to make efforts are considered to be not pursuing self-actualization of any type for happiness and have psychological problems. Make sure that you examine what your standard of happiness is and your psychological condition. You cannot become happy until you die when money becomes the only standard for happiness. Wealth itself is not anything wrong or improper, but adopting materialism in the pursuit of happiness is.

The most dangerous thing in the pursuit of human happiness is not poverty but despair. When you keep hope and keep making efforts to cultivate the wasteland, you will find the land full of fruitful plants and lively animals someday. Rich people will lose happiness when they become greedy enough to be anxious and nervous to gain one last sheep to have 100 sheep by all means. Not only despair but also greed are unnecessary elements in the pursuit of self-actualization for true happiness.


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Two different pathways of life after post traumatic stress : Happiness or unhappiness

Post traumatic stress occurs when you discover or suspect spouse infidelity. Post traumatic stress is caused by the fear of your whole life and family collapsing at one blow. You may start blaming yourself or others to get out of fear and think that you must do something to solve the problems.

It is only natural that you sense excruciating pain and deep sorrow upon the discovery of spouse infidelity. Anyone who has lived a happy family life so far develops post traumatic stress upon the discovery of spouse infidelity. In this situation, you must select one of the two pathways of life. One is to deeply reflect upon your past life and think about how to transform the suffering into happiness. Post traumatic stress actually provides you with an opportunity to become even happier than before you experience post traumatic stress and prevent another psychological disorder from occurring for your whole life time. 

The other pathway of life after post traumatic stress is to aggravate your condition and ruin your life even further turning all your past life into a wrong one. You cannot but choose between the two pathways and there is no other pathways of life for people who are suffering from post traumatic stress. It is as if post traumatic stress forced you to choose between the two pathways of life. 

If you choose to ruin your whole life upon the occurrence of post traumatic stress due to spouse infidelity, you can do anything as you please. However, if you choose to recover and become even happier than before you experience post traumatic stress, you must find the right way to restore healthy psychology and build happiness ability. 

In the process of recovery, you should make sure that you take charge of your own life and make decisions on your own. You must not develop dependency on anyone else for making important decisions and managing your life. Also, you must put aside the issue of spouse infidelity itself and stop paying attention to the spouse for now in order to prioritize restoring your psychology and protecting your children. You will have an opportunity to address marriage relationship after you recover yourself.

It will take a couple of years of continuous efforts to recover healthy psychology and transform your life into a happy one including all your past, present, and future life. You must be the only active agent in the process of recovery and your children will greatly benefit from your effort and recovery. When you choose to avoid pain and suffering and try to find an easy and quick fix, you will end up ruining the whole life of yours and your loved ones. As you face the condition of post traumatic stress due to spouse infidelity, you are standing at a turning point from which you can rise high or fall deep. It is only you yourself who can decide which pathway you will take : one to happiness or one to unhappiness.



I have lived like trash and have done so many bad things in my life


A woman in her thirties consulted me a few years ago.

<Her question>
I have lived like trash and have done so many bad things in my life. I am so ashamed of my past behaviors and I don't want to repeat the mistakes any more. I know that I may not even be eligible for treatment after all I have done, but I thought, who knows, even a person like me might be able to recover and live a happy life. Do you think it is possible? Maybe I am asking too much? (She was extremely cautious in expressing her idea)

<My answer>
I don't have to know what kind of life you have lived. Your past experience is not important for treating your psychological disorder. It is only you who can decide on what your life was like based on your unique life experiences. No one else can judge on your life. All I need to know is that you want to treat yourself and live a happy life. All I can do is to guide you to treat your psychological disorder.

<Her question>
I am telling you again that I have been a very bad woman all my life. I can't believe that you don't have to know what kind of life I have had before starting treatment. How could you help me without knowing what kind of person I am? (She became a little aggressive and didn't seem to believe what I said)

<My answer>
There are many people who live like trash in the world. Some of them even think that they have no problem living that way. Human beings can make mistakes and can be bad.

It is only considered to be humane to realize your mistakes and try to correct and become happy again.

You have realized that your life has gone in the wrong direction and now you want to correct it. You are smart enough to try to treat your psychological disorder. Even after all you have done so far, you, as a human being like any other person, still have the right to recover and become happy again in a true sense. I can see that you have warm and beautiful heart deep inside you. I don't have to know the details of your past experiences. I will just do what I can do for you, which is to guide you to treat your psychological disorder and restore happiness.

*** Mehcanism of psychology treatment

Many people think that talking about and listening to the client's pain and suffering as well as providing attention and consolation are an important part of treatment process. However, empathizing and building rapport not only hinders the treatment of psychological disorders but also aggravates the psychological condition.

KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education) : http://www.uip.ac/
E-mail : uip@uip.ac


Psychology counseling and psychology treatment are different.


Many people tend to equate psychology counseling with psychology treatment but they are completely different concepts. A psychology counselor is defined as 'a person trained to give guidance on psychological problems'. Psychology counselors can be of great help to solve psychological problems but they cannot treat your psychological disorders. They will help you to find causes of psychological problems and guide you to solve specific problems with professional knowledge. 

Counseling can be adopted when you have psychological problems but still have the ability for self-recovery. However, when you develop psychological disorders, it indicates that you have lost the ability for self-recovery. Then, you need to adopt proper treatment method instead of psychology counseling. When you adopt psychology treatment, you don't have to look for the cause of the disorder as you don't look for the cause when you treat a case of cancer. An accurate diagnosis of the current condition and employment of adequate treatment are more important.

There are three components in human psychology : the psychology of perception for taking in external information, the psychology of memory for storing information of facts and emotions, and the psychology of expression for expressing one's emotions through speech, actions, and facial expressions. When the balance in one or more of the three components and the ability for self-recovery are lost, psychological disorders occur. Then, you must first restore the ability for self-recovery for proper treatment. Unfortunately, psychology counseling, which is helpful to solve psychological problems, is detrimental for the treatment of psychological disorders. 

It is also important to accurately diagnose the types of psychological disorders. When a psychological disorder occurs in one component of psychology, they are manifested as perception disorder such as panic disorder, the disorder of memory of emotions such as depression, or expression disorder such as addiction. When two components of psychology lose balance, they are manifested as bipolar disorder, hysteria, intermittent explosive disorder, or relationship addiction. When all three components of psychology lose balance, they are manifested as antisocial personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, or post traumatic stress disorder. It takes more time and effort to treat psychological disorders in more than one component than to treat a disorder in only one component.

Applying the method of psychological counseling to cases of psychological disorders is as if to take cold medicine to treat lung cancer, which will only aggravate the condition. You must first have your condition accurately diagnosed for whether you have psychological problems or psychological disorders, and for what level of psychological disorders you have. You must never apply the method of psychological counseling to treat psychological disorders.


People who truly pursue self-actualization keep simple and limited human relationships.


All human beings desire living happily with people they love and pursue happiness. Human mind also operates to pursue happiness of life. In the process, we not only pursue individual right and freedom but also acknowledge others' right and freedom maintaining harmony and order. Humans pursue self-actualization for meanings and values of life to achieve happiness in relationships. Women tend to focus more on meanings and men on values. 

Values to be pursued in self-actualization can be categorized into relational values, social values, and economic values. You can decide on one of the values, set specific goals, and pursue achievement in the area. When one goal is achieved, you must set another goal and continue to pursue self-actualization for future happiness. When you stop pursuing values of life after you become successful, you are considered to have stopped the pursuit of values and be susceptible to developing psychological problems. 

The pursuit of values makes humans happy less by getting the fruit of achievement but more by being engaged in the activities of pursuing. It makes you happy only when it is an ongoing process in your life. When you stop pursuing values of life because you have made a success or because you have failed in one endeavor, you cannot become happy. It is setting the goal and overcoming the difficulties to achieve the goal instead of staying in comfort or despair that produces and reinforces energy and passion. Continuing to pursue values for the whole life is success in a true sense. 

When you set a goal and begin to pursue values of life, you become to keep only necessary human relationships since you must focus more on what you pursue. Engaging yourself in all kinds of diverse relationships and activities may be fun and pleasurable but becomes less valuable. Some people get confused between the pursuit of values and that of meanings or focus on the activities of fun and pleasure more than on self-actualization. Then, their self-actualization is likely to be distorted and eventually fail. 

The same mechanism applies to the pursuit of meanings. You may meet as many people as you can until you find someone who is special in your life. Once you find your partner with whom you can pursue meanings of life, you will find yourself mingling with friends less than before. When a man and a woman get married and become husband and wife, the woman pursues meanings and the man pursues values more intensely. The wife transforms her feelings of love into meanings of life and the husband transforms his passion toward her into energy for pursuing values more and more. 

When women form a relationship in which they can achieve meanings of life, they tend to get immersed into the relationship. Now that the wife has already achieved meanings of life in the relationship with the husband and children, she doesn't feel the desire to maintain or newly make other relationships. It is common for women to exclusively focus on the husband and children with happy mind. They don't have the desire to go out and see other people since they already have achieved love and happiness with meanings of life. 

A married woman with children seeking fun and pleasure outside her family indicates that her husband and children are not her objects of meanings of life. Such women keep diverse human relationships and spend a lot of time outside home. Women's feelings do not change easily, but those women are considered to have gone through the change of emotions and to be seeking feelings of love and happiness in relationships with people other than their husband and children. They become to focus more and more on moods than on feelings. 

Humans are designed to pursue meanings and values of life for self-actualization and happiness in relationships. Stress and wounds necessarily occur in this process. Happiness is achieved when you overcome stress and wounds in the process of pursuing self-actualization. A life with all emotions including joy, anger, pleasure, and sorrow is considered to be more fulfilling than a life with only comfort. Positive energy is produced when stress and wounds are properly managed as they occur, but problems occur in human relationships when stress and wounds are not adequately managed. Managing stress and wounds is crucial to pursue self-actualization in a healthy way.          

People who do not pursue self-actualization in human relationships will someday reflect on their life and realize that their life has been quite empty. They have not experienced the full range of emotions with ups and downs in adventures of life. The saying, 'Patience is bitter but its fruit is sweet' accords well with this concept. 

When you pursue self-actualization in human relationships, all people involved have both right and responsibility. Therefore, balance with harmony and order in human relationships is required. One should not be overly self-centered or overly other-centered. People with overly other-centered psychology do not make efforts for self-actualization on their own. They try to pursue self-actualization through other people. They develop dependency on other people, so always rely on other people when problems occur. They lack the sense of self-respect and are easily taken advantage of by other people. Their life is likely to become a sand castle. 

On the contrary, people with overly self-centered psychology strongly believe that their own ideas are always right and try to have their own way in everything. They cannot stand when others go against their will and overreact to stress. They cause relational conflicts and experience difficulty in self-actualization since they cannot get along with other people. 

As the social structure becomes complex and competition fierce, many people get lost and despair in the process of self-actualization. It is recommended that you keep human relationships simple and limited so that you can focus on important matters in your life and achieve meanings and pursue values in a true sense. 


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The conscious and the unconscious


Human mind is not visible but is recognized and sensed through thoughts and emotions. Your thoughts and emotions are recognized and sensed only by yourself and others cannot recognize what you are feeling and thinking. In may cases, it is meaningless and even undesirable to share your thoughts and emotions with other people.

Human mind is operated by the conscious and the unconscious. The conscious is recognized by thought, but the unconscious operates without being recognized. The recognition through thought in the conscious is the result of the operation of the unconscious. Therefore, human mind cannot be understood without understanding the operation of the unconscious. What is recognized in the conscious is only part of the operation of mind and being invisible does not necessarily mean that it is not operating.

The operation of human mind cannot be discussed without the mechanism of the operation of the conscious and the unconscious. Addressing the issues of human mind and psychology without discussing the conscious and the unconscious only causes the distortion of the phenomena and leads many people to choose the wrong path in their life.

KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education) : http://www.uip.ac/
E-mail : uip@uip.ac


No on else but the victimized spouse can sense the pain of post traumatic stress due to spouse infidelity.


The victimized spouse experiences excruciating pain of post traumatic stress upon the discovery of spouse infidelity. Post traumatic stress occurs acutely in this case transforming all the past memories related with the spouse into unbearable stress or wounds. 

Post traumatic stress is recognized and sensed only by the victimized spouse. No one else can sense the pain. No one else can understand how painful it is no matter what you do to blame yourself or others. Also, you are the only one who can treat your own post traumatic stress. No one else can help you get out of pain and restore your healthy psychology. 

As you attempt to solve practical problems related with post traumatic stress and spouse infidelity, you actually aggravate the condition of post traumatic stress and keep destroying your life and the life of your loved ones. If you become dependent upon your spouse, who is in relationship addiction, which is another type of serious psychological disorder, or anyone else in any way, your condition will only deteriorate further. Your spouse or other people have no ability what so ever to treat your post traumatic stress. It is also not recommended that you become dependent upon any other information, knowledge, substance, or activities just to feel better. 

Korea Institute of Psycho-education guides people in post traumatic stress due to spouse infidelity to learn how to treat their condition and properly implement therapeutic tasks for adequate treatment. Some people stop the treatment process as they become comfortable, but they can and must resume the treatment process when they can. You must go all the way for treating post traumatic stress and building happiness ability continuing self-check for progress. Please, keep in mind that post traumatic stress can be treated only by yourself with your own will power and efforts.



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