[Mother Therapy] I don’t have passion because my parents are too strict.


Some people argue that they don’t have passion for anything due to their parents who are too strict. They say that they lose their passion so easily because they are always monitored and interrupted by their parents. What can they do to develop and maintain their own passion?  

They seem to justify themselves blaming their parents for their lack of passion. They blame their parents for their own difficult circumstance. The fact that they don’t have passion is only their own problem. Passion is formed in the process of  making efforts to solve problems on their own.

When you don’t have any experience of solving problems on your own, you may try to avoid the problem or blame other people. Of course, you can’t develop passion in this way. You must make efforts with your own will power if you want to develop passion. You may develop stress when things don’t progress as you wish. As you keep making efforts with even stronger will power, you can overcome stress and develop passion in the process.

      People who blame parents for lacking passion usually avoid the problems and try to stay where they are instead of making efforts. They blame other people and the society as well as their parents even when they become adults and pursue self-actualization for meanings and values of life. If you feel that you lack passion for your life, you can start thinking about what you want in life and what you are interested in. If you can’t find anything that interests you right now, you can take some time looking for what you are interested in.

      You should never blame yourself or other people for lacking passion. You can just wait until you find passion looking for what you are interested in. As you keep making efforts with strong will power, you will definitely find what you want to do in life and naturally develop passion.


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[Sex & Xes] What women can do for pleasurable sex


Many women put other people at the center in their life instead of themselves and they are conscious of what others think than what they think. Especially in having sex, many women simply follow the lead of men with the concept of other-centeredness. They try to look good to their sex partners, they want to make their partners satisfied, they even fake orgasm, and so on and so forth.

When women don’t understand how they can be satisfied in having sex, their partners naturally have no idea about how to satisfy their women. Women usually just assume that they are supposed to feel satisfied as they follow the lead of men. As men lead women in having sex, couples get stuck in a rut and having sex becomes a dull and boring routine.

There are several things women can do to make sex much more pleasurable for both themselves and their partners. 1. Women must not be worried about their physical appearance. Most women are overly conscious about their physical appearance when they have sex with their partners. They are worried that they have small busts, they are fat, or their partners should not like their appearance. As women think they don’t look good, men also perceive so, and as women are confident of the physical appearance, men also perceive that women look good enough. They perceive that even the chubby belly and tiny busts are pretty and sexy.

2. Women must focus only on their own satisfaction. They should not worry about men partners’ satisfaction. Men feel satisfied when women are satisfied. 95 % of men’s sexual satisfaction comes from women partners’ satisfaction and only 5 % of men’s satisfaction comes from ejaculation.  

3. Women can have sexual pleasure in the whole process of sexual actions. Differently from men, women can feel orgasm like satisfaction from every sexual action they like. Thus, women should focus on their own sensations every moment during having sex. Many women are obsessive for reaching orgasm and they even fake orgasm. However, women have the ability to amplify physical sensations and turn them into feelings in mimind. Women can feel absolutely satisfied without reaching orgasm when the whole process of sexual actions is satisfactory. Being obsessive for orgasm and aiming for orgasm limits and diminishes women’s sexual satisfaction. 

4. Women should express themselves as they please in having sex without feeling ashamed. As women focus on their own sensations, they naturally become to react and respond to their sensations. They should freely express as they please, and then, men can use women’s responses as signs that lead their actions. As couples adopt the same old techniques they learned from who knows where, sex becomes dull and boring for both men and women. Women don’t understand about their own body and men only think about ejaculation. All sexual actions must be women-centered instead of being men-centered. Women who feel fully satisfied and happy in having sex regardless of their physical appearance are perceived as the prettiest and sexiest woman by men.

5. Women should freely imagine about diverse sexual actions as they please. Then, they can accumulate sexual information in their memory and improve sexual functions and they can have greater sexual sensations during having sex. However, they should never express what they imagine outwardly through facial expressions, speech, or actions.

6. Women should try to find sexually sensitive parts in their body. They can touch and caress their own body and find body parts where they feel good. Then, they can lead men to caress and touch those parts during having sex. This lifts burden from men who try to satisfy women and lets both men and women feel satisfied and happy.

7. Women should talk about frankly what they like in having sex to men partners. They may be worried about how they will be perceived, but most men welcome listening to what women think about sex and try to apply women’s ideas in real sexual actions. As couples talk freely about their sex life in detail, they can maintain a healthy and happy relationship along with sexual happiness. This way, both men and women can generate healthy energy for daily life and generate passion and love for a happy life.



[Mother Therapy] Parents who put themselves first?


Most parents prioritize their children over themselves. Some parents may seem to put themselves first on the surface, but it is likely that they only seem so. They may just think that the most important role of parents is to support children by providing necessities of life such as food, clothing, and shelter and a safe environment. They may also think that children also have their role of doing well at school and staying healthy.

      When all family members accord with the basic premise and faithfully play their roles, parents don’t have to pay attention to children for every single matter of daily life. Then, parents may choose to focus on their own life or activities by themselves. They may seem to be neglecting their children but all family members are actually living happily without meddling unnecessarily.   

      There is a saying, ‘Too much is as bad as too little’. Children may develop psychological problems when parents pay attention to them and meddle excessively under the disguise of love and sacrifice out of their own fear and anxiety. Such parents tend to demand their children to follow parents’ standards and satisfy parents’ desire.   What appears to be normal or abnormal on the surface may not show the underlying mechanism that regulates the family structure. What we can be sure is that parents must be happy and healthy first for children to become happy and healthy.


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[Mother Therapy] The teacher’s role in the child’s psychological development


The presence of the teacher in the classroom at school is important. The absence of the teacher means that children do not have the standard to compare with and follow. Children under 12 years old are in the phase of adaptation to relationships. They have to learn how to form and manage relationships not only with friends who are their own age but also with adults who can be good role models.

Children who are over 12 years old are in the phase of formation of self-identity. They have to learn how to establish self-identity and prepare themselves to be adults interacting with and being guided by adult role models.

      There are some classroom experiments where children study and interact among themselves with only a minimum level of teacher guidance as a facilitator. It doesn’t seem to be problematic from the perspective of knowledge learning in the sense that this type of learning system encourages students’ active participation.

      However, the teacher’s role cannot be emphasized too much in promoting healthy development of child psychology since the teacher becomes the standard with which children can look at the world they will experience as adults in the future. Teachers should be able to protect and guide children to freely make trials and errors and build their own thought standards making reference to the teacher as their role model. Interaction with friends and interaction with teachers are equally important in school life.

      Minimizing the role of the teacher in the classroom may negatively affect psychological development of children by limiting the opportunity to be engaged in interactions with teachers in the classroom. Then, children may have to learn anew how to adapt themselves to relationships and form self-identity as adults, which will be much more difficult than they do as children.

      Adults who fear new environments and new tasks tend to be the ones who were less interactive at school with friends and teachers even though they were good at accumulating knowledge. They can learn adapting themselves to new environments as adults making trials and errors but adults have to take full responsibility for each and every action they take. Please, remember that teachers are important people for children’s healthy psychological development.


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[Sex & Xes] Do women need orgasm to be happy?


Many people show interest in womens sexual happiness. They talk about sex techniques, orgasm, or surgeries for improving womens sexual happiness. Unfortunately, all the conventional information and knowledge focus on the aspect of sexual pleasure itself.          

Especially, many people say womens orgasm is important for sexual pleasure. They argue that orgasm lets women experience the utmost pleasure in sexual actions and every woman has to make effort to reach orgasm. They think women must have interest in sexual pleasure and be active and be leading in sexual actions. Women who do not pursue sexual pleasure and sexual happiness are considered to be passive in their life and old-fashioned.  

They think that the world of sexual pleasure is so good that women who do not pursue sexual pleasure are wasting their life. Of course, it is women themselves who must be the major agents in sexual actions to be in accordance with the operational mechanism of human mimind and xesmind. Also, it is absolutely true that sexual happiness reinforces happiness in mimind. However, sexual happiness is not a necessary condition for happiness in mimind.

Conventional concept of sexuality puts men at the center instead of women. Men centered sexuality focuses on pleasurable sensations on sensory organs. All the concepts that focus on physical aspects such as orgasm, ejaculation, and sex techniques are considered as men-centered concepts of sexuality. Women can transform such physical sensations and energy into feelings of happiness, but pleasurable sex gives you positive moods only temporarily and it is not sexual happiness in and of itself. It is only a small part of sexual happiness.

This mechanism explains why women in general dont consider sexual actions to be important. Women put much more importance on positive feelings than on positive moods or pleasurable sensations. When women have great wounds and lack positive feelings in their mimind and feel unstable, they try to compensate for their negative feelings by having sexual pleasure. As they get themselves immersed into sexual pleasure more and more, they end up pursuing intense positive moods from sexual pleasure disregarding feelings of love and happiness. These women usually promote the importance of orgasm as well as womens sexual pleasure as a necessary condition for happiness. In other words, such women are considered to have great wounds in their mimind.

When women feel happy and comfortable with stable psychology, they dont think much about having sex or sexual pleasure. Womens xesmind is activated when women have wounds to be treated. Xesmind doesnt have to be activated when women have comfort and happiness. Women who do not show much interest in having sex are not necessarily passive, conservative, or boring people.  

It is also true that women can generate even greater happiness when they activate sexuality with woman-centeredness on top of the existing comfort and happiness. Woman-centered sex doesnt mean that women have to lead men in having sex or pursue their own sexual pleasure for positive moods. It means that sexual actions should focus on womens feelings instead of pleasurable sensations on sensory organs. Woman-centered sexual actions give greater happiness to both men and women then man-centered sexual actions.  

People who promote the importance of womens orgasm and sex techniques dont seem to understand the underlying mechanism of human sexuality. Every human being likes the pleasurable sensations and orgasm from having sex, but women dont have to deliberately try to reach orgasm every time they have sex to feel happy. Adopting the concept of woman-centered sexuality will naturally lead to sexual pleasure.

Women can live happily without having sex if they dont want to have sex. They can live happily without having a man partner. Happiness is not related with having sex at all. Women can generate great happiness through having sex if they activate sexuality in the right way and they can live happily without having sex at all. Please, remember that sexual actions are means but not ends.

[Sex & Xes] Sexual actions don’t carry any meaning in and of themselves.


Having sex can be viewed and interpreted from many different perspectives with meanings put to it, but it is just one of many actions humans take. Sexual actions don’t carry any meaning in themselves, but we put many different meanings to sexual actions associating them with emotions, relationships, values, and purposes. Sexual actions cannot be good or bad or right or wrong in and of themselves, but we humans put all kinds of meanings to sexual actions and create infinite number of categories of sexual actions. Contrasting and controversial positions about sexuality that lead to heated debates never seem to end in most societies.

     Meanings that are put to sexual actions can be different depending on individuals’ thoughts and emotions based on social customs and norms. We naturally think that sexual actions that don’t accord with our thoughts and emotions are wrong.

If there is a group of people who do not relate sexual actions with emotions, relationships, values, and purposes, sexual actions including even the most perverted forms will not cause emotional, relational, or social problems in people within the group. On the other hand, there can be a group of people who try to promote or force certain sexual actions that accord with their own ideas. In this case, what they are trying to promote or force onto other people is not certain forms of sexual actions but meanings that are connected with the specific forms of sexual actions. Of course, their attempt to promote or force certain sexual actions related with certain ideas will cause controversy and conflicts in the society since it contradicts other people’s ideas on sexuality. They may still justify their idea thinking that only their idea about sexuality is the right one even when most other people disagree.

Diverse forms of sexual actions people are taking currently are given all different kinds of meanings and are associated with distorted ideas causing controversies and conflicts. Different positions are taken regarding sexuality from all different perspectives based on religious, philosophical, social, cultural, and individual stances.

Meanings put to sexual actions associated with emotions, relationships, values, and purposes greatly affect individuals’ life and the society. As meanings of sexual actions associated with emotions, relationships, values, and purposes are distorted, one’s life itself becomes distorted and destroyed as well as the life of people around the person.  

Sexual actions have us generate powerful energy and we use the energy to pursue meanings and values of life. You can accept or reject any sexual action with your own will as far as your sexual actions don’t damage yourself and other people psychologically, physically, or in any other possible way. Connecting sexual actions with emotions, relationships, values, and purposes in distorted ways cause psychological problems in many people. The adverse effects keep being reinforced as the connection between distorted meanings and sexual actions gets stronger.


About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)


[Mother Therapy] Why would parents neglect or abuse children?


Many young people fall in love, get married, and have children. They feel so happy when their children are born. They do their best to raise their children with health and happiness. Then, why do so many parents ignore or abuse their own children? Why do so many children have behavioral problems and don’t like their parents and family and even try to leave home before they become adults?

Many parents justify their abusive behaviors saying that they are just disciplining children. Many parents justify their negligence saying that they are so busy with their career or with putting food on the table. They may complain that they are poor, they are tired, or they have difficult children. They are overwhelmed with all the work. They say they don’t know how else they can manage. It must be understood that they are just justifying their ideas and behaviors.

 As parents become happy inside themselves regardless of their external circumstances, they can feel happy raising children and share happiness with children. Then, children’s psychological or behavioral problems will disappear. When parents develop psychological problems and disorders, they cannot but ignore or abuse their children since they are affected by their distorted operation of perception, memory, and expression.

As parents take KIP treatment or psycho-education to restore their own psychological stability and adopt Mother Therapy to adopt right parenting strategies, both parents and children will become happy and all the problems will disappear naturally.  


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[Mother Therapy] Children’s problems caused by parents’ problems


Every parent feels pain and sorrow when their children suffer. Every parent does his or her best to solve problems their children face. In some cases, children’s problems are caused by parents’ problems, but not many parents think they are the ones that makes children experience difficulties. They just try to solve the apparent problems thinking that children’s problems are unrelated with parents themselves.

     Parents may blame themselves or other people for not being able to help children. They may consult professionals for children’s problems. No one, including professionals, seems to understand that many of children’s problems are caused by parents’ problems.

     When parents have psychological problems or disorders, they suffer from their own issues and cannot pay due attention to their children. They may pay attention to children but only in distorted ways.  Then, children cannot but form distorted self-identity and distorted relationships with other people. These children usually seek attention from other people than from their own parents.

     Children who are under the influence of parents who have psychological problems or disorders cannot build healthy habits of healing stress and treating wounds in mimind. These children tend to be neglected or abused by parents and suffer from physical and psychological problems. They can be easily taken advantage of by selfish people and become victims or perpetrators of crimes.

     Some children may rebel against parents and teachers and others may stay compliant and obedient. They end up developing psychological problems either way and keep aggravating problems developing psychological disorders when they become adults. Most parents who suffer from children’s problems are considered to have their own problems, which tend to be quite serious.

     Parents must treat their condition first before addressing their children’s problems. Then, they can adopt Mother Therapy to apply right parenting strategies to help children restore healthy psychology. This way and only this way, both parents and children become happy in a true sense. Please, remember that conventional approaches that directly address children’s problems without taking consideration of parents’ psychological problems and disorders cannot adequately solve any problem at the fundamental level.


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[Mother Therapy] How to help your child make academic achievement


All parents want their children to learn basic skills and make academic achievement to a certain degree. You may not believe it but children also have great interest in making academic achievement. It is reported that teenagers are stressed by relational issues the most and by study the second most. Your children may seem to care only about playing games and playing sports, but they are actually being stressed burdened by school work.

Then, how could parents help children put more energy on study instead of just getting stressed by even thinking about studying? They know that they have to study but they end up avoiding studying because it is stressful. They may have liked studying out of curiosity and they many have had fun studying when they were younger. They may have studied hard because parents liked it. However, they feel more and more stress as school work becomes more difficult. They play games and hang out with friends for diversion, and now such activities take most of their time. 

      It is important to understand that making efforts is necessarily accompanied by stress. When you heal and overcome stress, you can advance further, but when you can’t you may stop and give up. Children don’t have many experiences of overcoming stress and making achievement and they may have a difficult time dealing with stress even when they want to make efforts to make academic achievement.

The prerequisite of making academic achievement is to build stress healing ability since academic achievement is necessarily accompanied by making plans and continuous efforts and taking challenges. Parents must help children develop the ability to heal stress in healthy ways by providing a safe environment where children can make trials and errors. The first thing parents can do is to develop and maintain a good relationship with children, on which children can build psychological stability. Parents must also understand psychological development of children and the different psychological operations of boys and girls to meet children’s needs accordingly.


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[Sex & Xes] A easy solution to couple’s sex problems


It is not uncommon for couples to experience diverse sex problems. They stay together without having sex at all, lose interest in having sex, or one partner wants active sex life but the other doesn’t. Conventional approaches that attempt to solve couple’s sex problems usually focus on analyzing the visible phenomena that are recognized in the conscious and suggesting solutions for apparent issues.

For example, when you are a sexless couple, you may be advised on how to get yourself engaged in having sex and so on. If you feel less interested in having sex than before, you may be introduced to diverse sex techniques that can enhance your sexual sensations. You may also be guided to form stronger bonds with the partner and try to understand each other’s thoughts and feelings to feel closer to each other. As you can see, they are all solutions and suggestions at the surface level that don’t address the fundamental cause of couple’s sex problems. Approaches that deal with only visible phenomena actually cause even more serious problems by distorting the couple’s ideas on human sexuality and leading them in the wrong direction in pursuing sexual happiness.

Then, what is the fundamental cause of couple’s all sex problems? It is distorted concepts and ideas on sexuality that prevail in many societies and cultures. Many people think that men are more active in having sex, must lead women, and should know more about sex than women. Many people think that women are naturally passive in having sex and have less information on sex.

Of course, there are women who are active in having sex and lead men these days. This situation still causes couple’s sex problems because both men and women still have distorted ideas on human sexuality. Problems cannot but keep growing unless couples have the right concept of sexuality and try to solve sex problems in accordance with the right concept.

Sex problems occur when we become overly conscious about sex. Mimind and xesmind operate in the opposite ways from each other and the operation of xesmind is not recognized in the conscious. When you follow your conscious recognition in your mimind to guide yourself in managing your sex life, you will only aggravate problems. You don’t have to understand how  xesmind operates in detail. You just need to apply a couple of basic principles in your sex life.  

You only have to remember two things to improve your sex life with your partner and solve sex problems. One is that men must not think about sex and must not try to be exposed to sexual information of any kind. They should try to perceive their partner as a woman they love and protect not as a sexual object for pleasure. They don’t need any sex technique. Then, their sexual functions will be restored.

The other is that women must know about how to have a good sex to satisfy themselves. It doesn’t mean that they need to learn any sex technique or they should look sexually attractive. They should discard all the conventional concepts. Women should only focus on ways to gratify themselves in having sex. They must try to figure out what stimulations they like and when they feel satisfied physically and psychologically in having sex.

When the couple can apply the two things in practice, women naturally lead men to comply with them. Then, men can naturally satisfy women in the way women like activating their sexual functions. Men generate passion looking at the woman partner being satisfied. Both men and women can enjoy having sex and achieve sexual happiness in the way they can accord with the operational mechanism of human sexuality.  

Neither men nor women must pay any attention to conventional concepts of sexuality and especially women must not pay attention to the partner. Men should stay away from any sexual information to maintain healthy sexual functions and women must focus only on their own sexual happiness. Please, remember that what you recognize in the conscious regarding sexuality is not the lighthouse that leads you in the right direction.

[Mother Therapy] I don’t have passion because my parents are too strict.

  Some people argue that they don’t have passion for anything due to their parents who are too strict. They say that they lose their passi...