Showing posts with label 14. Mother Therapy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 14. Mother Therapy. Show all posts

3/13/2024

[Mother Therapy] The role of social media in parenting


 

Social media can provide sources of information in many different matters, one of which is parenting. Many parents refer to information provided in social media to adopt right parenting methods. In the past, parents had to seek most advice on parenting from other people, books, or lectures, but these days, social media offer easier and quicker ways of getting ideas and advice. You can simply search social media for any topic you are interested in to get diverse and detailed information.

     One thing to keep in mind in this process is that information you get from social media is only a piece of information, which may or may not suit you and your child. Actually, it is highly unlikely for such information to offer effective and suitable parenting method for you. To make matters worse, it may lead you to think that your child has some problems when you don’t get the result you wanted by adopting some parenting methods you found in social media. This happens especially when parents don’t have their own healthy standards in parenting.

     You will have healthy standards of parenting when you accurately understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychological development of children. Then, you can build your own parenting methods referring to all the information available in social media. Adopting the available information and advice as it is without adjusting it to the situation you and your child are in can be compared to trying to put on clothes you can’t fit into. Every parent and every child are unique and every situation is different. Adopting information and advice in social media without considering individual differences will only cause or aggravate problems.

You must be the composer and the conductor who has a clear standard on rearing your child. Of course, you can refer to information available in social media, but you must customize them to suit you and your child. You must never focus on addressing the visible individual problems in parenting. You must always have a broad perspective with the right standards and build your own parenting strategies.

                           https://youtu.be/Dtc3a5x1AzE?si=kN4hcjevFSnU00lU

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[Mother Therapy] Finding aptitude and choosing career path

 

 

Have you had your children take the aptitude test to help them choose their career path? Many parents want to help their teenage children to find their aptitude, potentials, and choose their career path by having them taking the aptitude test. However, there can be many different ways to interpret the result of the aptitude test and both parents and children may feel they are still confused about what to do with the result of the test.

Teenagers are in the process of forming their identity and their own thought standards. It is only natural that they don’t know what they like and what they are good at. They don’t know what type of self-actualization they will pursue as adults, and they need to keep experiencing many things and keep making trials and errors to find their aptitude.

 

It takes time and diverse experiences to find aptitude. They may need several years to find it and eventually decide on what they want to do as adults. They are in the process of preparing for the phase of self-actualization. Some adults wander about still not knowing what they like and what they are good at and go over the process of looking for their aptitude all over again.
As teenagers are encouraged to keep trying different things and making trials and errors under the protection of the society and the family, they will be naturally guided to something they like and are good at. Taking the aptitude test may help you understand your child’s current state, but you cannot find your aptitude and choose the career path based on one test.


      Teenagers need to take charge of finding their aptitude and choosing their career path. They can follow parents’ and teachers’ guidance but any decision should be based on their own will. Making reference to adults’ opinions will help them think more broadly since adults have much more experiences in life. 

      Teenagers are in the preparation stage for the phase of self-actualization they will enter in the future as adults. They should keep looking for what they like and what they are good at. Parents should also know what their children like and what they are good at. Parents can guide their children by providing resources and knowledge instead of finding aptitude and choosing the career path for them. To be able to do that, parents must accurately understand children’s psychological development and adopt right parenting strategies.  

 

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3/11/2024

[Mother Therapy] Children need to learn both competition and cooperation.

 


 A field day or a sports day is an exciting event like a festival for most children and parents. However, some children may feel they don’t want to participate because they are not good at sports and they don’t like being in competition with others. Being considerate of such children, some schools organize the field day with less competitive sports and emphasize cooperation over competition.

      An example is the relay race. It is a highly popular sport where players need both the spirit of cooperation and competition. It used to be highlighted as the most exciting sport on the field day and the best runners were chosen to represent each group. Viewers would cheer with all their might and express disappointment and joy according to the result.

Unfortunately, some schools have excluded the relay race claiming that it causes too much stress and anxiety in students. They think that cooperation is more important than competition, but emphasizing cooperation over competition lowers motivation and enthusiasm for participation. Also. Students lose the opportunity to learn how to respect other competitors when they win or lose.

       Discouraging competition and encouraging only cooperation in children’s life may have unexpected adverse effects by depriving them of opportunity to experience diverse circumstances and learn how to deal with them. Children must make trials and errors through as diverse experiences as possible under the protection of family and society to form healthy psychology. Parents and teachers must accurately understand psychological development of children and provide safe environment.

                                  https://youtu.be/lFud6iDd4ko?si=u29ZS9xtlw4PSoUt

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3/04/2024

[Mother Therapy] A necessary phase of development: Adolescence

 

Many parents experience difficulties in raising teenagers. They may feel as if every day were like a battle, as if they were stepping on thin ice or they were swimming in a chaotic sea. Parents who have younger children may fear the future when their own children will become teenagers listening to other parents who have teenage children. The teenage years are even called the stormy period of adolescence.

      It is understandable that parents of teenage children go through a difficult time, but you should also understand that teenagers go through a difficult time making trials and errors and figuring out about their identity and their own thought standards. Teenage years can be difficult time for both parents and children but it is a necessary and crucial phase of psychological development of children. Both parents and children can take advantage of this period as an opportunity to work for growth and development.

You may feel bewildered or lost upon facing your children’s unexpected responses and behaviors. However, you can change your perspective on the period of adolescence and provide support and safe environment for teenagers to explore and grow in. Teenagers usually want attention from parents but they don’t want parents to meddle with what they do since they are trying to build their own thought standards through their own experience and knowledge.

When parents accurately understand the psychological development of children and adopt right parenting strategies, both parents and children can become happy, sharing every moment of children’s growth period without developing conflicts. Such parents know that teenage children’s trials and errors are necessary part of their psychological development, and can provide the right kind of help and advice without being worried or anxious. Then, teenagers can also become happy and grow and flourish in the safe environment.

                                  https://youtu.be/l2_1LUFzM3w?si=rAyNzGwfIEeqJHsv

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2/28/2024

[Mother Therapy] Different positions of adults and teenagers

 

      Many teenagers think that adults don’t understand them and adults say that they can’t understand teenagers. Why would adults and teenagers have different positions in so many matters? The biggest difference between adults and teenagers is that adults have already established their thought standards and self-identity and teenagers are still in the process of forming thought standards and self-identity. Their psychology is developing and their habits are being formed. They have to go through diverse trials and errors before they fully establish their thought standards and self-identity.

     A 15 year-old boy has the experience and knowledge he has accumulated for 15 years. He is forming his self-identity and thought standards through each direct and indirect experience making what he likes and what he doesn’t and what is right and what is wrong clear every day. On the other hand, adults have more experience and knowledge and have already established self-identity and clear thoughts standards. They have their own way of thinking and what they accept as common sense as well as their own rules of life. They may take many things for granted with established thought standards and it is hard to think differently from their thought standards. They are likely to try to stick to their standards in interacting with other people.

     Both teenagers and adults get stress and wounds when their thought standards are not met and equally feel they can’t understand the counterparty. Adults may think that they are guiding teenagers with earnest and caring mind, but teenagers may feel that they are forced to think and act differently from their own thought standards, which may lead to conflicts between adults and teenagers.

     Adults must understand that teenagers are still in the process of development and they are forming self-identity and thought standards making trials and errors, which may look clumsy and irrational to adults’ eyes. Adults must try to provide teenagers with safe environments where they can explore and try as many things as possible to build healthy psychology. Teenagers must understand that adults and teenagers are different and anyone can have stress and wounds when their thought standards are violated.

                                https://youtu.be/0vdSH13kTWY?si=DaQcYowwygP63Xie

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2/21/2024

[Mother Therapy] Young children who refuse to go to school

 

What can you do when your seven or eight year-old child plays well at home, but refuses to go to school saying school is no fun. You sure must feel worried and anxious not knowing what to do. If you ask her why she doesn’t go to school, she may say she doesn’t like her teacher or friends, or say it’s just no fun.  

      Children in the ages from 5 to 12 are in the phase of adaptation to relationships. They act and react differently based on their perception of individual relationships. They feel the most difficulty when they find adapting themselves to relationships. Especially, younger children from the age of 5 to 8 may feel that school life is difficult because they don’t have good relationships with teachers and friends. In this situation, parents must try to help children form and maintain good relationships with teachers and friends instead of trying to find problems elsewhere, such as the child’s psychological condition itself or the teacher’s personality.

      You should never approach the issue in the same way as you deal with problems of teenagers or adults, who act and react based on their own thought standards in a rational way. You should never say to a 7 year-old boy, “You must understand that home and school are different. You must follow the rules at school and listen to your teacher.” The boy may vaguely understand what the parent says, but he will keep feeling nervous and anxious at school since he doesn’t have good relationships with people at school.

        You must never blame the teachers or other people, either. When your child says, “My teacher doesn’t like me. He always scolds me,” you shouldn’t say, “You teacher is weird. Why does he always scold you? He is not a good teacher.” You must figure out exactly what is going on instead of responding only based on your child’s argument. You may first contact the teacher and learn what the problem can be. Parents and teachers must work together to help children form and maintain healthy relationships with people they meet until they fully develop skills to manage relationships with diverse types of people on their own.  

      The prerequisite condition is for parents to have healthy and stable psychology in this process. Then, they must accurately understand the psychological development of children and adopt the right parenting strategies. As children are guided in the right direction at home and at school, children will find school fun in no time and enjoy meeting teachers and friends at school every day.  

                               https://youtu.be/ObUcQrPAvPo?si=WbkBlywhOSM95-Do

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2/19/2024

[Mother Therapy] Healthy standards of parenting

 

Are you swayed in parenting by paying attention to other people’s opinions and advice or blaming some external situations or other people for difficulties in parenting? It is easy to be swayed by other people’s words or advice even when you are doing so well in parenting when you don’t accurately understand what is important in parenting. You may also keep changing parenting strategies losing consistency and causing problems in children.

      Other people’s words or advice come from their own life experiences, which are all different and unique for everyone. They may apply their own thought standards instead of the fundamental operational mechanism of human mind and psychology and of children’s psychological development.  

     Of course, you can ask others for advice during parenting but you should be able to make your own judgment based on your own thought standards and take full responsibility for your decision. You should never be swayed by other people’s opinions or advice.  

     Many parents refer to information they learn through other parents’ examples or social or mass media for parenting strategies. When they have healthy standards on parenting, they will base their own standards for adopting and applying whatever they and their children need.  However, when you don’t have your own standards for parenting, you will keep following others’ examples disregarding your and your children’s circumstance and keep being swayed by every external information you encounter on the way. You may end up blaming other people or some external sources when problems occur.

      Every parent and every child are different and unique. Their circumstances and environments are all different. It is only natural that you will end up experiencing difficulties in parenting when you adopt this and that famous or fancy looking strategies without your own standards. It is crucial for parents to accurately understand how children develop psychologically until they become adults and adopt the right parenting strategies that suit their situation. When you have healthy standards of parenting, you will be able to discern specific parenting strategies that you can successfully adopt and help your children flourish.  

                         https://youtu.be/YM7EStBD4D8?si=GPvRyoqxlh_whnck

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2/14/2024

[Mother Therapy] Choosing their own path and finding their own way

 

When do you get yourself immersed into tasks and do your best? Is it when you are told to do so or when you are expected to do so by other people? Probably not. We usually get ourselves readily immersed into the tasks when we do something because we really like it. Then, we can naturally develop abilities and become good at it.

Most parents want their teenage children to build skills and abilities they can use in their career when they become adults. Some parents may want their children to study hard for academic achievement for better future. Parents usually understand that skills and abilities they build in the teenage years may not lead them to succeed in the adulthood, but they still want their children to be good at what they do. Parents want children to build basic abilities at least, out of their own fear and the sense of uncertainty.

When children feel that they are forced or pressured to do something against their own will, they are naturally stressed and their performance level only goes down. They also become to relate the specific activity with stress as such incidents are repeated. On the other hand, when they get immersed into something because they like it, they may spend hours without realizing the pass of time and reinforce passion and happiness. They will relate the specific activity with happy feelings and achieve good results.

You may think that such positive cases are rare and we just have to do what we have to do to achieve things in reality. However, the fact is that children will naturally look for what they want and what they are good at when they have healthy and stable psychology under the protection and support of parents who also have healthy and stable psychology. They will make efforts to achieve their own goals without having to be forced or pressured. Of course, they will be active and do their best in whatever they choose to do and they can build good habits that can last for their whole life time by repeating this process throughout the teenage years. They will not be disappointed that much even when the result is not good enough since they did it because they liked it. Please, remember that parents’ role is to provide a safe and healthy environment where children can choose their own path and find their own way making trials and errors.

              https://youtu.be/vdvul0DuYMY?si=LvOV_1DMaySqv9X2

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[Mother Therapy] When your child has conflicts with the teacher

 

Hello, everyone. Children in the phase of adaptation to relationships and the phase of formation of self-identity are supposed to be under the protection of family and build basic abilities and healthy psychology going through the teenage years. They also acquire knowledge and skills, learn right characters, and learn how to manage human relationships at school. Parents are in charge of taking care of children at home and teachers are in charge at home. Sometimes, children develop conflicts in the relationship with teachers at school.

When children are in the phase of adaptation to relationships, which generally covers from the age 5 to 13, their psychological development is centered around human relationships. They may dislike school and refuse to go to school just because they don’t like their teachers. On the other hand, children in the phase of formation of self, which covers from the age 13 to 19, they are building their own thought standards, so they try to figure out what is right and wrong and specifically and logically express their ideas about conflicts with their teachers. They may become rebellious when they are asked to do what seems irrational or absurd from their point of view even though teachers have authority at school. Understanding why things are the way they are based on their own thought standards is important for children in this phase.

      For example, a teacher who is 30 years old thinks and acts based on the unique experience and knowledge of 30 years. A teenager who is 15 years old thinks and acts based on the unique experience and knowledge of 15 years. It is unlikely that adult teachers and teenagers have similar thought standards. It would be ideal if teachers are understanding and considerate enough to manage the relationship with teenagers well, but what can parents do when children already have developed conflicts with their teachers?

When your teenage daughter says, “I can’t understand my teacher, and you say,” You just have to listen to your teacher. She should know better than you do,” your daughter may think that she cannot understand both you and her teacher and decides to stop talking to you about the matter. On the other hand, if you listen to your daughter’s thought in detail first and say, ”Your idea is right from your point of view,” and discuss further in a rational way why the teacher would have talked and acted that way from the teacher’s point of view, your daughter understand the matter better and will not be stressed any more when she meets her teacher the next day.

      Parents can guide children to understand that teachers can have different view points and opinions based on their unique life experiences and knowledge. Many children will feel better and deal with conflictual situations better when they understand what is going on from their own perspective. Mother’s role is especially important for healthy growth of children. Mothers should accurately understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology including developmental phases of child psychology and adopt right parenting strategies for their children to help them build healthy habits of psychology.  

                                 https://youtu.be/W5lRvOg-biA?si=ZB2IpzUS93mrfEOd

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1/31/2024

[Mother Therapy] A very important ability: Finding an easy way

 

Are you worried that your child is always looking for an easy way to solve problems and tries to stay in a comfort zone? Actually, the ability to find an easy way is an important ability. Children who seek easy ways tend to look for fun and pleasurable ways to do things and try new things in every situation.

      To find an easy way to solve diverse problems, you need to be able to analyze the situation correctly and keep thinking on their own to find a new way. You must be creative and adventurous. Children can actually develop problem solving abilities in the process.

      Children may be caught finding an easy way to deal with the situation by their parents and teachers. Then, they have to find another new way to do things in their own way from a different perspective not to get caught again. They may keep making trials and errors and develop thinking ability and problem-solving ability.

The ability to find an easy way and to stay in a comfort zone may be important in their social life when they become adults. They can be adaptable and flexible in their work and make good results in what they do since they keep being innovative and keep trying new things. They are more likely to make a greater achievement than people who just follow the instructions.

      It is natural for parents to get worried about children who seem out of control and stick out because they hardly follow the rules. It is necessary to stop children from doing dangerous things or things that may harm other people or themselves. However, trying to find an easy way itself is not something that should be stopped completely since it has a lot of positive effects in children’s psychological development. If your children seem to fit this type, you can think that they are creative and imaginative and always try to find their own way to deal with the situations. Please, keep in mind that parents’ healthy perspective can promote children’s healthy growth.

                                    https://youtu.be/hJAZt-cQrPU?si=AZipT4lEBWZYGnzo 

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[Mother Therapy] Keeping balance between facts and emotions in parenting


 

How much of your emotions do you believe to be true? Emotions you feel are definitely reflected in your decisions and actions, but making expressions or taking actions only based on your emotions may result in diverse problems. Either positive emotions or negative emotions can be obstacles against your judgments and actions.

      Correct thinking is crucial in making decisions and solving problems we face every day, so it is important not to be skewed emotionally in daily interactions with children. What would happen if you become overly emotional when you deal with problems in parenting? It is highly likely that you will end up having even more problems. It is not to say that being emotional is wrong in any sense. It is that depending on your emotions for parenting can create or aggravate problems.

      It is essential for parents to maintain balance between facts and emotions to be able to solve problems in parenting or any other problem. First, you should be able to distinguish facts that occur and emotions that are created inside you. Then, you must do your best to exclude your emotions in making judgments and taking actions.

To be able to do that, you must accurately understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology as well as psychological development of children and the right parenting strategies. Then, you can address the countless problems of parenting that occur day in and day out without difficulty or adverse effects. You can enjoy the happiness of being a mother and raising children. You can encourage children to make trials and errors and form healthy habits of psychology. When you feel happy as a mother, your children will absorb your happiness and feel happy themselves.

                      https://youtu.be/zIdGQw-ypy4?si=duj2hzYJV7VHetMy

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[Sex & Xes] Having extramarital intercourse indicates you have a psychological disorder.

  Most modern societies consider infidelity, prostitution, swapping, threesome or group sex of married people as immoral or illegal. Why w...