[Mother Therapy] Children and teens running away from home

 

Many children and adolescents run away from home, and many become victims or perpetrators of incidents after they run away. Whatever the situation, it is important to know exactly why children and adolescents run away, to address the issues and causes of running away, and to prevent them from running away.

     Children or adolescents may run away because their relationship with their parents or caregivers has become problematic and they feel they are being harmed and are convinced that they can no longer be kept safe by their parents or caregivers. Or they may run away because stress and wounds are always occurring at home but they are unable to heal themselves or deal with them, and are convinced that they can no longer bear it. It is very likely that neglect, abuse, or violence against the child or youth has occurred during this process.

      When a child or adolescent runs away, it is a dramatic change in life. First, running away from home is not a natural part of the process of forming psychological habits, but it is likely to cause psychological problems in them. Second, children and adolescents lose both the right to be safely protected and the right to form healthy psychological habits. Third, they must pursue the rights of their own happiness, happiness in relationships, and values of life, also taking responsibility for them like adults.

A serious problem is that psychological habits that can take on the rights and responsibilities of self-actualization have not been fully formed, and because they have problems of psychological habits, many people who meet them after running away can take advantage of them. As a result, they feel that their thoughts before running away and the reality after running away are very different, but they do not want to go back to the state before running away, and they end up living as perpetrators or victims of accidents and crimes after running away.

The best thing that can be done is to prevent children and youth from running away in the first place. To prevent them from running away, we need to keep them safe, help them develop habits of healing stress or treating wounds, and help them develop habits of conflict resolution, and help them grow while forming habits of relationship, habits of emotions, and habits of thoughts.

However, if a child or adolescent has already run away, the following steps should be taken: First, the child or adolescent must be helped by a facility, institution, or organization that can keep the child or adolescent safe; second, the child or adolescent must be helped to treat their own problems of psychological habits; third, the parent or caregiver must be able to help the child or youth develop healthy psychological habits while keeping them safe. The fourth is to help prevent runaways by addressing the issues of relationship, emotions, and thoughts that led to the runaway. This way, the runaway can learn how to deal with the issues, develop stress-healing or wound-treating habits, and develop healthy psychological habits through trial and error.

                                https://youtu.be/e-bC7cLWzf4?si=s-t_wle4cBMLLF6S

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[Mother Therapy] Making your child be interested in school work

      First of all, parents must let children understand that happiness and having knowledge are not related. Children become to believe that they should be good at school work to be happy when they are pressed for studying hard by parents and teachers. Then, they can encourage children to work hard for school work because they need basic knowledge and ability to be able to do things they want when they become adults. It is also wrong that parents tell children they don’t have to study if they are not interested in.  

Children learn many things in the process of working hard for school work. It is a firsthand experience for learning how to manage their time and effort, how to adapt themselves to different situations, and how to make use of their cognition and metacognition for doing tasks. Having knowledge and basic abilities is a necessary part in having a good life. Of course, happiness is more important than academic achievement.

As children connect being happy and being good at school work, they become to feel stressed and unhappy, and don’t like studying. When they understand that being happy and being good at school work are unrelated with each other, they may not feel stressed and begin to show interest in school work. When they feel too stressed about having to study to be happy, they may develop psychological problems. When children understand being happy is more important and they have stable psychology, they will naturally start studying subjects they like without feeling burdened or stressed.

                          https://youtu.be/APBD19d0Nvk?si=NK32nHDvwlzC3-Vt

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[Mother Therapy] Children grow making trials and errors

 

Children make many trials and errors since they don’t have many experiences in most things. They don’t have the ability to solve problems since they lack knowledge and information. They form their own standards about what is right and what is wrong by making many trials and errors. They can build basic abilities to solve problems as they keep trying to solve even small problems on their own. It is only natural that they experience failure from time to time.

However, when parents solve all the problems for children, or parents force their own standards in solving children’s problems, children cannot have opportunities to solve problems on their own, and they can’t form their own standards. Lacking experiences of trying to solve problems means lacking abilities to solve problems. Then, they experience difficulties with addressing stress and wounds and pursuing self-actualization when they become adults.

       Children have only the right to grow with healthy body and mind in a safe environment, and they don’t have the responsibility for making trials and errors. When children try to do something on their own, adults must protect them and encourage them to go on with making trials and errors. They will naturally develop abilities to solve problems in this process.

                                  https://youtu.be/TDfYQdYKo74?si=AU8IeKn4V8DhhNwi

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[Mother Therapy] I don’t have passion because my parents are too strict.

 

Some people argue that they don’t have passion for anything due to their parents who are too strict. They say that they lose their passion so easily because they are always monitored and interrupted by their parents. What can they do to develop and maintain their own passion?  

They seem to justify themselves blaming their parents for their lack of passion. They blame their parents for their own difficult circumstance. The fact that they don’t have passion is only their own problem. Passion is formed in the process of  making efforts to solve problems on their own.

When you don’t have any experience of solving problems on your own, you may try to avoid the problem or blame other people. Of course, you can’t develop passion in this way. You must make efforts with your own will power if you want to develop passion. You may develop stress when things don’t progress as you wish. As you keep making efforts with even stronger will power, you can overcome stress and develop passion in the process.

      People who blame parents for lacking passion usually avoid the problems and try to stay where they are instead of making efforts. They blame other people and the society as well as their parents even when they become adults and pursue self-actualization for meanings and values of life. If you feel that you lack passion for your life, you can start thinking about what you want in life and what you are interested in. If you can’t find anything that interests you right now, you can take some time looking for what you are interested in.

      You should never blame yourself or other people for lacking passion. You can just wait until you find passion looking for what you are interested in. As you keep making efforts with strong will power, you will definitely find what you want to do in life and naturally develop passion.

                                 https://youtu.be/4GEnGER4-EE?si=dzNYfwaF6y5y2BUm

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[Mother Therapy] Parents who put themselves first?

 

Most parents prioritize their children over themselves. Some parents may seem to put themselves first on the surface, but it is likely that they only seem so. They may just think that the most important role of parents is to support children by providing necessities of life such as food, clothing, and shelter and a safe environment. They may also think that children also have their role of doing well at school and staying healthy.

      When all family members accord with the basic premise and faithfully play their roles, parents don’t have to pay attention to children for every single matter of daily life. Then, parents may choose to focus on their own life or activities by themselves. They may seem to be neglecting their children but all family members are actually living happily without meddling unnecessarily.   

      There is a saying, ‘Too much is as bad as too little’. Children may develop psychological problems when parents pay attention to them and meddle excessively under the disguise of love and sacrifice out of their own fear and anxiety. Such parents tend to demand their children to follow parents’ standards and satisfy parents’ desire.   What appears to be normal or abnormal on the surface may not show the underlying mechanism that regulates the family structure. What we can be sure is that parents must be happy and healthy first for children to become happy and healthy.

                                       https://youtu.be/2C1BxK4COPA?si=zntBICZsDanIDrUE

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[Mother Therapy] The teacher’s role in the child’s psychological development

 

The presence of the teacher in the classroom at school is important. The absence of the teacher means that children do not have the standard to compare with and follow. Children under 12 years old are in the phase of adaptation to relationships. They have to learn how to form and manage relationships not only with friends who are their own age but also with adults who can be good role models.

Children who are over 12 years old are in the phase of formation of self-identity. They have to learn how to establish self-identity and prepare themselves to be adults interacting with and being guided by adult role models.

      There are some classroom experiments where children study and interact among themselves with only a minimum level of teacher guidance as a facilitator. It doesn’t seem to be problematic from the perspective of knowledge learning in the sense that this type of learning system encourages students’ active participation.

      However, the teacher’s role cannot be emphasized too much in promoting healthy development of child psychology since the teacher becomes the standard with which children can look at the world they will experience as adults in the future. Teachers should be able to protect and guide children to freely make trials and errors and build their own thought standards making reference to the teacher as their role model. Interaction with friends and interaction with teachers are equally important in school life.

      Minimizing the role of the teacher in the classroom may negatively affect psychological development of children by limiting the opportunity to be engaged in interactions with teachers in the classroom. Then, children may have to learn anew how to adapt themselves to relationships and form self-identity as adults, which will be much more difficult than they do as children.

      Adults who fear new environments and new tasks tend to be the ones who were less interactive at school with friends and teachers even though they were good at accumulating knowledge. They can learn adapting themselves to new environments as adults making trials and errors but adults have to take full responsibility for each and every action they take. Please, remember that teachers are important people for children’s healthy psychological development.

                                  https://youtu.be/ASEmNHr42rA?si=ZHJ8tIJuCfVIhzBk

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[Mother Therapy] Why would parents neglect or abuse children?

 

Many young people fall in love, get married, and have children. They feel so happy when their children are born. They do their best to raise their children with health and happiness. Then, why do so many parents ignore or abuse their own children? Why do so many children have behavioral problems and don’t like their parents and family and even try to leave home before they become adults?

Many parents justify their abusive behaviors saying that they are just disciplining children. Many parents justify their negligence saying that they are so busy with their career or with putting food on the table. They may complain that they are poor, they are tired, or they have difficult children. They are overwhelmed with all the work. They say they don’t know how else they can manage. It must be understood that they are just justifying their ideas and behaviors.

 As parents become happy inside themselves regardless of their external circumstances, they can feel happy raising children and share happiness with children. Then, children’s psychological or behavioral problems will disappear. When parents develop psychological problems and disorders, they cannot but ignore or abuse their children since they are affected by their distorted operation of perception, memory, and expression.

As parents take KIP treatment or psycho-education to restore their own psychological stability and adopt Mother Therapy to adopt right parenting strategies, both parents and children will become happy and all the problems will disappear naturally.  

                          https://youtu.be/BaDNdvuzi6I?si=qJrEN3crw6dZTfqJ

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[Mother Therapy] Children’s problems caused by parents’ problems

 

Every parent feels pain and sorrow when their children suffer. Every parent does his or her best to solve problems their children face. In some cases, children’s problems are caused by parents’ problems, but not many parents think they are the ones that makes children experience difficulties. They just try to solve the apparent problems thinking that children’s problems are unrelated with parents themselves.

     Parents may blame themselves or other people for not being able to help children. They may consult professionals for children’s problems. No one, including professionals, seems to understand that many of children’s problems are caused by parents’ problems.

     When parents have psychological problems or disorders, they suffer from their own issues and cannot pay due attention to their children. They may pay attention to children but only in distorted ways.  Then, children cannot but form distorted self-identity and distorted relationships with other people. These children usually seek attention from other people than from their own parents.

     Children who are under the influence of parents who have psychological problems or disorders cannot build healthy habits of healing stress and treating wounds in mimind. These children tend to be neglected or abused by parents and suffer from physical and psychological problems. They can be easily taken advantage of by selfish people and become victims or perpetrators of crimes.

     Some children may rebel against parents and teachers and others may stay compliant and obedient. They end up developing psychological problems either way and keep aggravating problems developing psychological disorders when they become adults. Most parents who suffer from children’s problems are considered to have their own problems, which tend to be quite serious.

     Parents must treat their condition first before addressing their children’s problems. Then, they can adopt Mother Therapy to apply right parenting strategies to help children restore healthy psychology. This way and only this way, both parents and children become happy in a true sense. Please, remember that conventional approaches that directly address children’s problems without taking consideration of parents’ psychological problems and disorders cannot adequately solve any problem at the fundamental level.

                               https://youtu.be/e8oOe-t9n98?si=nq_5gvqV6at_hSBA

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[Mother Therapy] How to help your child make academic achievement

 

All parents want their children to learn basic skills and make academic achievement to a certain degree. You may not believe it but children also have great interest in making academic achievement. It is reported that teenagers are stressed by relational issues the most and by study the second most. Your children may seem to care only about playing games and playing sports, but they are actually being stressed burdened by school work.

Then, how could parents help children put more energy on study instead of just getting stressed by even thinking about studying? They know that they have to study but they end up avoiding studying because it is stressful. They may have liked studying out of curiosity and they many have had fun studying when they were younger. They may have studied hard because parents liked it. However, they feel more and more stress as school work becomes more difficult. They play games and hang out with friends for diversion, and now such activities take most of their time. 

      It is important to understand that making efforts is necessarily accompanied by stress. When you heal and overcome stress, you can advance further, but when you can’t you may stop and give up. Children don’t have many experiences of overcoming stress and making achievement and they may have a difficult time dealing with stress even when they want to make efforts to make academic achievement.

The prerequisite of making academic achievement is to build stress healing ability since academic achievement is necessarily accompanied by making plans and continuous efforts and taking challenges. Parents must help children develop the ability to heal stress in healthy ways by providing a safe environment where children can make trials and errors. The first thing parents can do is to develop and maintain a good relationship with children, on which children can build psychological stability. Parents must also understand psychological development of children and the different psychological operations of boys and girls to meet children’s needs accordingly.

                    https://youtu.be/M8T29RcYBKI?si=3Ob2nL89PXpZhm3P

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[Mother Therapy] The role of social media in parenting

 

Social media can provide sources of information in many different matters, one of which is parenting. Many parents refer to information provided in social media to adopt right parenting methods. In the past, parents had to seek most advice on parenting from other people, books, or lectures, but these days, social media offer easier and quicker ways of getting ideas and advice. You can simply search social media for any topic you are interested in to get diverse and detailed information.

     One thing to keep in mind in this process is that information you get from social media is only a piece of information, which may or may not suit you and your child. Actually, it is highly unlikely for such information to offer effective and suitable parenting method for you. To make matters worse, it may lead you to think that your child has some problems when you don’t get the result you wanted by adopting some parenting methods you found in social media. This happens especially when parents don’t have their own healthy standards in parenting.

     You will have healthy standards of parenting when you accurately understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychological development of children. Then, you can build your own parenting methods referring to all the information available in social media. Adopting the available information and advice as it is without adjusting it to the situation you and your child are in can be compared to trying to put on clothes you can’t fit into. Every parent and every child are unique and every situation is different. Adopting information and advice in social media without considering individual differences will only cause or aggravate problems.

You must be the composer and the conductor who has a clear standard on rearing your child. Of course, you can refer to information available in social media, but you must customize them to suit you and your child. You must never focus on addressing the visible individual problems in parenting. You must always have a broad perspective with the right standards and build your own parenting strategies.

                           https://youtu.be/Dtc3a5x1AzE?si=kN4hcjevFSnU00lU

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[Mother Therapy] Finding aptitude and choosing career path

 

 

Have you had your children take the aptitude test to help them choose their career path? Many parents want to help their teenage children to find their aptitude, potentials, and choose their career path by having them taking the aptitude test. However, there can be many different ways to interpret the result of the aptitude test and both parents and children may feel they are still confused about what to do with the result of the test.

Teenagers are in the process of forming their identity and their own thought standards. It is only natural that they don’t know what they like and what they are good at. They don’t know what type of self-actualization they will pursue as adults, and they need to keep experiencing many things and keep making trials and errors to find their aptitude.

 

It takes time and diverse experiences to find aptitude. They may need several years to find it and eventually decide on what they want to do as adults. They are in the process of preparing for the phase of self-actualization. Some adults wander about still not knowing what they like and what they are good at and go over the process of looking for their aptitude all over again.
As teenagers are encouraged to keep trying different things and making trials and errors under the protection of the society and the family, they will be naturally guided to something they like and are good at. Taking the aptitude test may help you understand your child’s current state, but you cannot find your aptitude and choose the career path based on one test.

      Teenagers need to take charge of finding their aptitude and choosing their career path. They can follow parents’ and teachers’ guidance but any decision should be based on their own will. Making reference to adults’ opinions will help them think more broadly since adults have much more experiences in life. 

      Teenagers are in the preparation stage for the phase of self-actualization they will enter in the future as adults. They should keep looking for what they like and what they are good at. Parents should also know what their children like and what they are good at. Parents can guide their children by providing resources and knowledge instead of finding aptitude and choosing the career path for them. To be able to do that, parents must accurately understand children’s psychological development and adopt right parenting strategies.  

                   https://youtu.be/aDB-Z3A5xdI?si=qlWfPAkjgWlNzJwN

 

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