[Sex & Xes] Why happiness is within reach

 

There are three main types of people in going through life. The first type is people who live without thinking much. The second type is people who want to be happy. The third type is people who live in pain and create pain. People who live mindlessly are either living in the moment without giving their life much thought because they mistake comfort for happiness, or they find it so hard to strive for happiness that they avoid the effort and try not to think about it.

If you're living in pain and creating pain, it means you're constantly trying to find happiness in someone or something outside of yourself, which is why you're constantly hurting and struggling. Happiness is something that is created by your own mind and can only be felt by yourself, so it has nothing to do with others or anything external, which is why it is said that happiness is something that is close at hand.

In the end, mistaking comfort for happiness, avoiding frustration while seeking happiness, and suffering and seeking happiness from others or something external are all because the human mind ultimately seeks happiness. There is an absolute goal of the mind called happiness, but because we do not know the mechanism, we live our lives in a distorted and wrong way.

Despite not knowing this mechanism, people constantly look for ways to be happy. There seem to be countless ways, but none of them are right for you if they are derived from other people's experiences or statistics. If you try to find your happiness through other people's methods, you will live in pain no matter how hard you try, because you want something external to you to make you happy.

So, what is the ultimate goal in happiness that humans live for? Humans live in pursuit of the meaning of life, which creates feelings of happiness in relationships, and in pursuit of the value of life to develop themselves and increase their values. The meaning of life is not to receive happiness from others, but to create feelings of happiness for oneself by being with others, and the value of life is to share, cooperate, and pursue with others for one's own fulfillment and future happiness. This is called “self-actualization,” which is to realize what one's heart desires in the world in order to create one's own happiness.

Why are we talking about this in the field of xes psychology? It's because within the human mind is the xesmind, which is the most fundamental and powerful source of energy in the process of creating happiness. When we seek to obtain happiness from others or external things, instead of developing our own happiness, the energy of our mind is not used to create our own happiness, but instead is used as a means to obtain happiness from others, and the energy is diverted to the other person. This becomes a tremendous amount of energy that destroys both others and yourself.

If you know how mimind and xesmind work, you can combine xes energy with your own habits to create your own way of pursuing happiness, but if you don't know how they work, you'll still keep trying to figure it out and decide what works, what doesn't work, what's right, what's wrong based on wrong information. However, we can't and shouldn't discuss what's right and what's wrong because the standard of happiness is different for everyone.

The same applies for sexual actions that activate the xesmind. Some things are institutionalized, some things are perverted, some things are ethical, and these superficial standards are not consistent with the mechanism of true happiness. They cause people to disagree, to argue, and to divide. But if you are happy and others can be happy together, how to be happy doesn't even matter, and this is not something that can be judged by ethics or institutions.

We can make ourselves happy by accurately understanding how the human mind and sexuality work. Of course, people you are with can be happy as well, so any method is fine as long as you know the operational mechanisms and have clear standards of your own, and Korea Institute of Psychology-education provides programs for understanding the operational mechanism of human mind and sexuality and creating habits for your own right standards. People who have been living in suffering for a long time are so used to seeking happiness from others or outside that it has become a habit in their perception, memory, and expression. The process of understanding the mechanism and making efforts to build habits of happiness is the process of treating your wounds and building happiness ability.

If you feel that you are hurting because of someone else or something external, that feeling is a sign that your mind is begging you to let it create its own happiness.

                                https://youtu.be/Btt9OFNwuEY?si=CbJxCbnbtY2ecI6g

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[Sex & Xes] Pleasure

 

We use the word ‘pleasure’ a lot, but not many people know about the true nature of it. In fact, everyone wants pleasure, but no one wants to admit that they want it, because it seems to be somehow tabooed socially, morally, or religiously.

The pursuit of pleasure is not from altruistic motivation. Pleasure is generated through the stimulation of one’s own senses, and the level of pleasure is the strongest especially when all five senses are engaged. These senses belong to you not others. In fact, there is no such thing as “pleasure for the sake of others.” Pleasure is only for yourself.

When you get yourself immersed in chasing pleasure, you gradually lose your selflessness and become a person who is willing to sacrifice everything else for your own pleasure. This is something we must guard against religiously, socially, and morally, which is why the word ‘pleasure’ somehow has a negative connotation and feels like something we shouldn't say openly or casually.

Pleasure itself is not a bad thing. It's just a feeling of satisfaction and enjoyment. Even if we can't be hedonistic in every part of our lives, feeling pleasure often creates great energy and enthusiasm in our lives. Then, how can we distinguish between healthy and unhealthy pleasure?

First, pursuing pleasure with the goal of fulfilling our own needs and desires creates problems. This is because the power generated from pleasure is used to fuel your needs and desires further, and you end up being dominated by your desire, dependent on pleasure, and chasing only pleasure in life.

On the other hand, enjoying pleasure without any selfish desire or purpose doesn't cause any problem. There was no selfish desire or purpose in the first place, so there is no desire to be fed by the power of pleasure. This pure pleasure can be a great source of energy and passion in your life, enriching your life, so the more opportunities you have for pleasure, the healthier you are.

One of the greatest sources of pleasure for humans is sexual activity. Pleasure intensifies with stimulus in the five senses added up: sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell, and in having sex, all five are activated simultaneously.

When you have sex without selfish desire and purpose of your own pleasure, like sex between a married couple, it doesn't cause problems. This kind of pleasure creates energy that keeps the couple and family together in this tough world. On the other hand, the stronger the desire and purpose of pleasure, the more problems having sex causes. It intensifies stress and wounds in yourself and the partner, leads to possessiveness or dependence on the partner, and finally to criminal behaviors, such as fanatical obsession with the partner or coercive sexual behaviors. These are the kinds of pleasures that religious, social, and moral boundaries guard against.

The criterion by which we can judge whether a pleasure is healthy or unhealthy is whether it is driven by selfish desires and purposes, or whether it arises and passes away naturally and incidentally without desires and purposes. In fact, it is our selfish desires and purposes, not pleasure, that should be guarded against.

It's worth noting that if we can't make this distinction, we can either feel guilty about having pleasure being wary of pleasure itself, or we can become dehumanized by indiscriminately celebrating pleasure.

                                https://youtu.be/vz4_TuPwhD4?si=UTUN4RbTZ8rl5x0V

                                About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

[Sex & Xes] Don't mess around with sexuality

 

Today, we're going to talk about the topic of “Sexual happiness is not about being together, but it is a happiness that works only within yourself.

We all have the mind, and the xesmind exist within the mind. The mind allows us to pursue happiness in relationships, to interact with others psychologically, and to achieve happiness together. Everyone has the mind that makes us want to share meanings of life with loved ones and pursue values of life interacting with others.

Within the mind, there exists the xesmind. It energizes the mind to generate energy for moods and feelings, and it also influences the operation of psychology. The operation of the xesmind greatly affects the operation of the mind.

And here's the most important thing. Sexuality is not for interacting with others. It is only for energizing one's own mind, and it is only the mind that is for interacting with others through operating psychology. This is often mentioned in sacred books, but today, the nature of sexuality is distorted and many problems arise because no one knows of the existence of the xesmind, and because no one knows that the xesmind only works within one's own mind. Even if the problems that arise in human relationships may seem to have nothing to do with sexual behaviors on the surface, the cause of psychological disorders and incidents that go beyond common sense is the distortion of sexuality.

Problems arise when sexuality, which is supposed to work within oneself and only toward one's own mind, becomes connected to the psychology of the mind and activated in relationships with others. When sexuality is expressed in psychological interactions with others, the person feels that the other person has activated their sexuality. You're connecting it to others without realizing that it should only work within yourself, and you're allowing them to control your sexuality. The feelings and thoughts of envy, jealousy, isolation, hurt, possessiveness, wanting someone to love you and only you, wanting someone to have sex with you, and so on all arise for the same reason. It's because sexuality is directed toward another person through the mind.

Sexual expression can be made externally through words, actions, and facial expressions, or it can be expressed internally through thoughts. The moment you express your sexuality externally toward another person, your sexuality will continue to be directed toward them through your mind, and you will want them to direct their sexuality toward you. In this situation, your sexuality will not be able to supply energy to your mind, your mind will lose the power to recover from wounds and stress, and psychological disorders will occur easily. Therefore, we should not express sexuality casually, and we should not watch or listen to expressions of sexuality for fun. We should pursue happiness together activating the mind and psychology, but we should pursue sexual happiness only within ourselves and for ourselves.

When we see a pretty woman, we think, ‘Wow, she's pretty,’ and when we see a handsome man, we think, ‘Wow, he's handsome.” The external expression of these ideas and emotions can be controlled by the consciousness in the mind. However, people who are expressing sexuality indiscriminately and continuously because the workings of their xesmind are distorted are not controlling their sexuality with consciousness. It takes very difficult training to bring this back to normal. Not only do you have to control yourself with your consciousness, but also you have to change your environment to keep yourself from losing control, and you have to put yourself under tremendous control until your mindset changes. But who wants to do all these when it feels so fun to express sexuality in your consciousness?

People who are psychologically disturbed and unable to control their sexuality go on to destroy the sexuality of others and try to make everyone else psychologically disturbed. You can see these people very commonly on social media. If you are exposed to these environments, or if you have problems in your relationships, you just need to stop activating sexuality in relationships. The reason why we often become emotional instead of objective and logical in situations of envy, jealousy, inferiority complex, and other confrontations and conflicts is because our xesmind is activated in a distorted way. It's important to realize that not only sexual thoughts and expressions, but also giving and taking attention, comfort, and affection come from the operation of sexuality.

We have lived in ignorance of the nature of sexuality for so long that it is almost impossible to separate the xesmind from the mind in human relationships. At the very least, it would be good to know that sexuality should be directed solely toward one's own mind within oneself and to avoid expressing sexuality improperly.

                                   https://youtu.be/pQ9caJYbuI8?si=YoN1Vxq3PhVLoTJC 

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[Sex & Xes] Mirages and salt water vs. oases and the water of life

 

Today we're going to talk about men’s sexuality, specifically the difference between having sex with selfish purposes and having sex without selfish purposes.

In several of the previous videos, it was mentioned that “men’s love is the passion to do something for the partner, and sex is the most powerful means to make the partner happy.” In other words, the male mind and sexuality should not work to make themselves feel good, but rather as a means to make the woman partner happy. I'm sure some people will make a frown and say, “What, you're a feminist?” But actually, what I'm saying is much more helpful and beneficial to men's bodies and minds than the existing concept of sexuality, which is highly distorted and causes so many of the deadly sexual problems in men.

Not many men have sex to make women happy, but they have sex solely for their own pleasure - this is “having sex with selfish purposes” - but here's what no one realizes. The male xesmind creates xes wounds whenever sexual information is perceived, which men recognize as pleasure, but in reality, when xes wounds are excessive, it causes psychological disorders and sexual dysfunction in men. This is because the energy of xesmind affects both the body and the mind.

To put it another way, a man who has sex only for his own sexual pleasure is considered to have already developed a psychological disorder and sexual dysfunction. The irony is that the workings of the xesmind are unconscious, and when a man has a psychological disorder, he doesn't realize that he has a sexual dysfunction; he just thinks that his sexual function doesn't work because the woman he's with is not attractive enough or active enough.

When a man perceives women as a means of pleasure, he will perceive much more sexual information from women, and the xes wounds that are created will be more severe. This negative energy obviously takes a toll on the body and the mind, which creates a more intense sense of pleasure in the mind, which in turn leads to hedonic adaptation.

No matter how intense and pleasurable sex is, once a man ejaculates and turns around, the energy dissipates and disappears. Then, what happens when hedonic response occurs? The level of pleasure they want gets higher and higher, and they may try to indulge in diverse kinds of sex to satisfy themselves, but when they turn around, there's still nothing left. The only thing that's left is a worsening of their psychological disorder and sexual dysfunction.

When this breaks through the threshold of their mind and body, all the values of life they've been pursuing for their future happiness are destroyed, and their bodies get sick and they can even die. So, when men have “sex with selfish purposes,” they're chasing a mirage that they can't have, and they're drinking salt water that causes thirst and death the more they drink.

Then, what is different about having sex to make the woman partner happy? Sex that makes the woman partner happy is called “sex without selfish purposes” because it's not for men’s own pleasure. In this case, the focus is on connecting with the woman and the woman expressing her happiness, rather than on having sex itself. There's very little sexual perception in men in this case, and as a result, very little xes wounds in men. The most optimized relationship for this to happen is a marriage relationship.

Wives are not perceived as sexual information by their husbands as time passes after marriage, which leads to a lack of sexual desire in husbands, and husbands often fantasize about or even practice having sex with other women thinking their wives don’t turn them on. They don't realize that the only woman that makes them healthy physically and psychologically and doesn’t cause the growth of xes wounds is the wife

When men have sex without selfish purposes and see that it makes the partner happy, it creates a vague sense of future happiness, which in turn creates a sense of fulfillment and passion in the man, so that he is always passionate and energized even when he is not chasing pleasure, and his sex drive is transformed into a desire to pursue values of life, and he is more likely to make achievement in his career.

When men have sex without purpose, it's like finding a true oasis and drinking the water of life. In fact, the most ideal happiness as a human being is to live happily enjoying sex as a married couple until the day they die. The existing concept of sexuality is highly distorted because most people don't know how the mind works, and the workings of the xesmind cannot be realized in the conscious. Men themselves don't realize that having sex with selfish purposes is a path to self-destruction.

Women generate emotions through the workings of xesmind differently from men and men generate passion by recognizing women’s emotions. Men's sexuality should be used to make women happy and protect women’s feelings. Women, on the other hand, should have sex for their own feelings of happiness and should also protect their minds from men who want to use women as a means of pleasure. Having sex itself is nothing more than an act, but the activation of sexuality generates powerful energy, and this powerful energy can be used for destruction or for happiness, depending on the direction of the activation of mind.

                             https://youtu.be/7xG9Kco4TZQ?si=0wIyUqwuMzh9j3xQ

                                  About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

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[Sex & Xes] Love dolls are not masturbation devices.

 

Most men think that love dolls are masturbation devices, and using love dolls is only a form of masturbation. Let's talk about why love dolls cannot be just a masturbation device, both in terms of mimind and xesmind.

First, in order to distinguish between using love dolls and masturbation, we need to be clear about the concept of having sex. Having sex always takes place in a human relationship. It is an action that combines words, actions, facial expressions, and gestures, and doing many other things with the partner. If we look at it from the perspective of the xesmind, we perceive xes information, retrieve or store xes information in memory, and express xes information to the partner, which in turn affects the operation of our mimind. Having sex is a behavior in which sexuality is expressed mutually, and it is the result of the interaction of the mimind, xesmind, psychology, and xes psychology.

Strictly speaking, masturbation does not involve an activation of xesmind or a human relationship. Masturbation may be done out of sexual desire, out of stress, or just to feel good all by yourself, and the sexual desire in this case is related only with your own thoughts, and there is no actual object to whom you express sexuality. That is, there is no human to interact with, who is actually perceived as a sexual object through your sensory organs such as sight, hearing, or touch. The good feeling you feel while stimulating your sensory organs during masturbation is also felt only by yourself and is not shared with anyone.

Of course, if you masturbate while watching an adult video, xes perception in xesmind is activated, but still there is no object for your sexual expressions. If you masturbate while looking at a real person in front of you, it becomes having sex involving human interactions. In other words, the presence or absence of an object of sexual expression and human interaction is what distinguishes actual sex from masturbation.

Using a love doll is closer to having sex than to masturbation. Love dolls can be an object of sorts, and this is where it gets very fuzzy. It's not human, but it's shaped like a human, and it may feel to some people like they are having sex with a human. When you begin to interact with a non-human object activating sexuality as if it were a human, your psychology necessarily begins to work in a distorted way and it may become very hard for you to form regular and healthy relationships with real human partners.

Also, it is absolutely harmful to your psychology to treat a love doll as a real lover and have affectionate and passionate sex with it. Some people may actually treat a love doll as if it were their lover, and this is a very serious problem. Human beings are designed to live by interacting with other human beings, exchanging thoughts and feelings one another and necessarily experiencing and overcoming relational conflicts. Even if you think of a love doll as your lover, the reactions and feelings you feel from a love doll are all your own thoughts. Then, you may become to be unable to effectively interact with real human beings.

Different societies, cultures, and times have different perceptions and ideas about sexuality. In countries where love dolls are legally permitted, the psychology of perceiving love dolls as they are meant to be can be stabilized after going through trials and errors regarding the issues and ideas of love dolls. Nevertheless, women's opposition against love dolls has been strong in every country since women by nature perceive sexuality and having sex being closely related with love and emotions.

We think that what we feel and recognize and what we perceive in our consciousness is all there is and right, but the opposite of what you perceive in your consciousness may be operating in your unconscious mind and in your xesmind. Human mind has a very complex mechanism, and we can't simply think that a love doll is just a device for masturbation and it’s no big deal.

                                        https://youtu.be/umoR4qvk5zY?si=zagexoPiT6UGLo0l 

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[Sex & Xes] Men and women who focus on sex techniques are in serious conditions.

 

Sexual action is the outward expression of sexuality, often referring to having sex. Having sex generates energy that creates happiness, and every man and woman who is an adult has the right to enjoy it. Of course, it also comes with responsibility.

Most people have sex naturally, as a means to love, passion, and happiness, but there are some people who want to learn how to have sex for pleasure. This in itself is a sign that you have come to mistake having sex for happiness, rather than a means to create the energy of happiness. The current trend in society as a whole is to live for fun and pleasure rather than happiness. Having fun and pleasure sexually is not a bad thing in itself, but the problem is that the majority of information we find on sexuality is about how to enhance sexual sensations physically and people are not that interested in understanding the nature of human sexuality.

It's mainly women who are very deeply wounded, and men who are stressed and addicted, who turn to ways to enhance pleasure of sex. Women are looking for ways to improve their sexual sensations to feel orgasm, and men are looking for techniques for sex. Let's take a look at why this is a problem.

When women’s sexual function improves, the pleasure from the sensory organs makes them feel as if wounds in mind disappeared. This is because women feel the pleasure of sex as great as the size of their wounds in mind. The sensory pleasure is temporary, fading away in the absence of stimulation, and the sexual action must be repeated to continue to cover the wounds, which requires someone to do it with.

However, since women tend to connect sexual actions from emotions, they don't want to engage in sexual actions with someone who has hurt them. Ironically, the person who causes the most hurt is usually the person they love the most. You have no reason to be hurt by someone who you don’t care about. Eventually, sexual actions with the person you love the most disappear and you may end up having sex with people you don't love if you mistake sexual pleasure for love. This is why you shouldn't use sexual actions to make yourself feel better. 

Women have good feelings when their wounds are healed, and the more deeply wounded a woman is, the more energy she produces to heal her deep wounds. She needs and has enough energy to heal her deep wounds. If a woman has healed her wounds and has good feelings, and if she has enough sexual information in her memory, her sexual function will improve by itself as her xes energy is activated. Having sexual information doesn't mean taking sexual actions. It literally refers to internal ideas as information and knowledge about sexuality, so women don't need to take sexual actions at all to have a good sexual function.

Whether you're a single, married, or divorced woman, you develop the worst condition when you're intentionally made to feel good sexually by adopting specific techniques or methods. Women need to heal their wounds first, and then, learn about right perceptions, values, and methods of sexual pleasure to be able to create true happiness through sexual actions.

Most people think of having free sex with multiple partners as living in sexual happiness for themselves, but for women, sexual happiness is felt and amplified by their emotions mainly. A woman who has lost her heart and feelings is not actually living in her own sexual happiness; she is merely using her body to create the pleasure of sex for the partner, mistaking it for her own bliss.

Men, on the other hand, live on mood energy, which is only temporarily felt when their sensory organs are stimulated. Since this mood energy is transient and disappears when the stimulus disappears, men are constantly looking for pleasures that can generate positive moods and passion, the most powerful of which is related to sexual actions, which is why men are generally more sexually active and driven than women.

When men, like women, start to think of having sex not just as a way to generate energy of passion, but as happiness and pleasure in and of itself, they seek out all kinds of information and techniques about sex. Xes wounds accumulate as men perceive sexual information, and these xes wounds cause men’s sexual dysfunction. The more men learn about how to have sex better, the faster they develop sexual dysfunction.

In order to live a happy life and happy sex life, it is not important to know about techniques and methods of sex. Men and women can reach ultimate sexual happiness and find true happiness in life only when the mechanism of how sexuality works on the body and mind, and the nature of human sexuality are accurately understood and sexual actions are taken accordingly.

                                https://youtu.be/uk6Wwkp6sWA?si=L6H4FhSs2C71zueb

                              About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

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[Sex & Xes] Forbidden love is not love, but misguided sexual desire.

 

Forbidden love is often the subject of movies and novels. Forbidden love can include incestuous relationships, love between minors and adults, love between married people, and love between people of different races and religions, and they actually happen in real life situations.

The question of whether these relationships can be defined as love can be controversial. While there are countless definitions of love, love is generally considered a positive force for happiness in human relationships. Then, can so-called forbidden love qualify as love that promotes happiness?

This confusion comes from not clearly understanding the essential criteria for love. Love is a phenomenon that creates happiness by amplifying good feelings and good moods when you are in control of your life and you are healing wounds and stress in a healthy way. The more you love, the happier and healthier you and your partner are supposed to become in a true sense.

However, the types of love listed above - incestuous relationships, love between minors and adults, love between married people, love between people of different races and religions, and even love with different species - are destructive behaviors that is intended to achieve your satisfaction by destroying yourself and the partner because you are trying to forget powerful wounds and stresses through sexual interactions with the partner when you cannot heal yourself properly in the first place. Therefore, it's very hard to get out of what's called forbidden love. When you try to get out of it, you feel like you're going to die because all the powerful wounds and stresses that have been covered up by sexual pleasure are coming out at once, and you can't stand without taking advantage of your sexual partner. So, it is misguided activation of sexuality, not love.

Not all sex drives are misguided; most people live with a certain levels of sex drive, and often don't even realize they have sex drive. In any case, sexual desire is the expression of one's needs, so it's not for other people or relationships but only for yourself.

This is why people with a healthy mind tend to keep their sexual desire well hidden. This is the will to not use others to fulfill one's own desire, even if the desire is recognized as a thought. However, what is called forbidden love is wrongful lust because it is satisfied by taking advantage of others. So called forbidden love does not consider how much further destruction of one's own body and mind will occur, or how much further destruction of the partner's body and mind will occur, because the intense pleasure felt when the purpose of the lust is realized in reality has taken over the person's mind altogether including thoughts and emotions.

When a person indulges in this false sexual desire, their body and mind are destroyed, and they cease to be human beings and live their lives as if the wrong sexual desire and sexual pleasure were all that matters for happiness. I wonder how such a destructive behavior can be even likened to love. Something that is rooted in stress and wounds, that creates even more stress and wounds, and that is practiced in violation of social, cultural, moral, and institutional rules cannot be love. We usually and correctly call it an addiction or an obsession.

It's even worse when people directly describe their own relationship as “forbidden love,” because they think it's love, and knowing it's forbidden means they don't care about the reasons for it being forbidden, and all they care about is the intense sexual pleasure. They've gotten to the point where they don't know what love is at all, and the best they can hope for is to control their sexual desire at a manageable level.

Thus, we shouldn't use the term “forbidden love” since it doesn’t make any sense. Please, remember that it's not forbidden love but misdirected sexual desire, and it's a psychological disorder that destroys harmony and order in human relationships and the society as well as individuals.

                                    https://youtu.be/qib64pg6-WE?si=NhUTpHAVjCPkiKt8

                               About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

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[Sex & Xes] Men who hide sexual dysfunction from their partner vs. men who talk about it

 

Today, we're going to look at the difference between men who hide their sexual dysfunction from their partners, their wives, or girlfriends - and men who talk about it. Before we get into the differences, let's consider how important sexual function is to men.

While women don't care as much about their sexual performance, men consider it to be the best thing they have. For example, if a group of men friends are at a bar and a guy tells other men that he's made a million dollars in profit from his business, everyone will be envious of him. Then, if he says, “But, I’m not doing so well sexually lately, you know...”, every man instantly feels sorry for him.

On the other hand, if a friend who's unemployed and looking for a job tells them that he's been having tireless, vigorous sex all night long, everyone will be the most envious of him. In other words, for men, sexual function is like a lifeline that they wouldn't trade for a million bucks. Even if they don't have anyone to have sex with, men who have good sexual function always have composure.

Would it be easy for a man to tell someone he loves that his sexual function is impaired when it's like their lifeblood? Even if the woman notices his sexual dysfunction and is concerned about it, he's likely to tell her that he's just tired and that it's no big deal, and then he'll diligently look for ways to fix it without anyone noticing. This is a very common approach men who have healthy psychology take. They know exactly what their problem is.

On the other hand, when a man readily admits to his partner that he has sexual dysfunction, it's likely that he has selfish purposes in the relationship. In this case, he usually doesn't come clean and say that he has sexual dysfunction. He usually says, “I can't get aroused because we've been doing the same thing over and over again,” or “I'm not attracted to you as much as before.” This is not recognizing sexual dysfunction as his problem, but rather transferring his problem to the partner.

This can lead to things like the man demanding different forms of sex, demanding the partner to look more provocative, or even worse, demanding sex with other people. It indicates that he already has a psychological disorder that tears both the man and the partner down.

So, when a man is caught cheating, he'll usually tell his wife, “How can I have a sex drive with the way you look?” or “You are not active enough when having sex with me.” or something like that, and most of the time, the wife will actually think that there's something wrong with herself and that's why he's cheating. But in essence, it's the man himself who is sexually dysfunctional and he is cheating attempting to change the way he has sex and changing who he has sex with. Husband infidelity has nothing to do with the wife. Men who have sexual dysfunction try all these new things because men’s sexual dysfunction is temporarily restored when they recognize new sexual information, which sadly enough, aggravates their sexual dysfunction in the long term.

Of course, there are exceptions. Only a very small percentage of men will realize their sexual dysfunction and want to discuss it with their partner so that they can work through it together. In this case, it's more likely that the couple have been creating sexual happiness together for a long time, and the man is worried that his sexual dysfunction is interfering with his partner's sexual happiness and wants to work through it together.

When you understand the mechanism of men's sexual function, and the differences in whether or not a man talks about his sexual dysfunction, you can also understand what psychological condition he's in.

                                 https://youtu.be/y3LwxiJrTak?si=TiN6cHRxseERD8vP

                                            About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/ 

[Sex & Xes] Why Do You Need to Know about Sex & Sexuality?

 

People who either love sex or hate sex see it only in terms of its aspect of pleasure, which is why people who love sex try to sustain and enhance the pleasure, and people who hate sex say they don't need and don’t want the pleasure. Sex-loving people ignore or don't recognize the problems that arise from sex, and sex-hating people think about only the problems that arise from sex, which makes them dislike sex even more.

If you're in a couple relationship and both of you like sex, or if both of you hate sex, it doesn't create a conflict, but if one of you likes sex and the other hates sex, it creates a conflict and breaks down your relationship.

If someone came to you with these concerns, what would you advise them to do? Surprisingly, the vast majority of experts would recommend that the two of you align in the direction of having sex. They tell you that sex is a very good thing, and they try to change your perception of it. And if you like sex, they give you a bunch of solutions to help the partner who doesn't like sex enjoy it. The answer is already set in stone: you should have sex.

It's a strange thing. Clearly, one person is suffering because they're not enjoying sex as much as they'd like, and the other is suffering because they're being asked to do something they don't want to do, so why is the answer always one way? Can two people really have a healthy and happy union only if sex is good?

The outcome is completely dependent on whether the couple knows or doesn't know the essential concepts and functions of sex. If you don't know the essential concepts and functions of sex, and you have sex just because you are told sex is a good thing, you'll both suffer from damage to your bodies and minds. As a result, either both people become pleasure-seekers and lose their happiness as human beings; or conflicts escalate and the relationship is doomed; or, because experts have decided that sex is good, the person who doesn't want sex has to comply with the person who does, even though he or she hates it. This means that the rights and responsibilities of the couple are out of balance, and the relationship ends up being one of exploiter and exploited, making it hard to call them a couple.

On the other hand, understanding the essential concepts and functions of sex and sexuality leads both men and women to accept that sexuality is an important part of human nature. This removes the distorted purpose of having sex and prevents stress and wounds from occurring in mind. In this state, sex makes both people healthy and happy.

By understanding exactly what sex is and what it does, two people can live a healthy and happy life with or without it. They can have not the kind of superficial happiness in which one person suppresses and sacrifices for the other, but the kind of happiness that is true and without deficiency. Sex is only one of the means by which humans seek happiness, as there are many other means that can replace sex and still create great happiness. In other words, to have sex or not to have sex is a choice that should be made after accurately understanding what it is and what it does.

Pleasure and love are just one of the outcomes of having sex, but to get caught up in it and have sex for pleasure, or for love, or for anything else, is a serious error that distorts the nature of sex, because you're basically having sex based on a need for that something, and the energy that's generated serves to feed that need again and again.

So you have to be suspicious. You must question what sex is, why it's necessary for human beings, how it works, and what it does. When you find the answer to that, the problem of sex is fundamentally solved, and you will have the wisdom to live your life happily with or without sex.

                                  https://youtu.be/yFbXjySZZpA?si=cpYIzWVW00YCpJjW

                             About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/ 

[Sex & Xes] Sexual dysfunction in men who commit sexual misconduct

Sexual harassment or sexual misconduct is a common occurrence in everyday life. Today, we're going to talk about sexual dysfunction in men who sexually harass, which is not to say that women don't sexually harass. Sexual harassment by women can also be very traumatizing and offensive, and women who sexually harass have serious psychological disorders. However, we're going to talk about sexual harassment and misconduct by men because it's more prevalent.

Not all men harass sexually, and the ambiguity exists when the behavior can be misconstrued as sexual harassment or not depending on how it's perceived by the other person. At the root of this misconception is the difference between how women attach emotions to sex and how men attach emotions to sex. For men, sex is just sex, and it's a feeling that goes away after the moment, whereas for women, sex is highly emotionally charged, and feelings of love or hurt arise connected with sexual actions. So men may think, “Why is she overreacting to something that's not a big deal?” and women may think, “How can anyone relate sex just with fun and enjoyment?” Just recognizing these differences will give us more scope for mutual understanding and consideration.

Of course, I'm not condoning sexual harassment and sexual misconduct. The workings of sexuality can create deep wounds in women’s mind and deep xes wounds in men’s xesmind that lead to sexual dysfunction.  The more sexual information men perceive, the more xes wounds they accumulate, causing damage to their bodies and resulting in sexual dysfunction.

Men who sexually harass and molest rarely focus on one person. They are sexually oriented to a large number of people since they always try to perceive new sexual information from others. Big problems for them is that they perceive an enormous amount of sexual information, which is way too much to deal with, before, during, and after they make sexual harassment.

A man who frequently engages in such excessive perception of sexual information has so many xes wounds that his sexual functioning cannot be intact. He is considered to be in a serious condition if he not only thinks about sexual harassment but also expresses it externally through words, actions, and facial expressions, and then perceives the other person's reaction again. It is important for women victims not to create wounds in their feelings but to just perceive the perpetrator only as a sick person who is sexually dysfunctional. To address the matter properly, it is also necessary to be very firm in dealing with the situation, as looking embarrassed, angry, or perplexed are all perceived as sexual reactions by the perpetrator.

It would also be great if this concept could be incorporated into sexual assault prevention training at workplaces. The more this information becomes known, the more people understand about the relationship between men’s sexual dysfunction and sexual harassment which need to be treated as a medical and psychological condition. If you simply try to stop sexual harassment, you're allowing their forcibly repressed desires to evolve and explode into something else, which could lead them to commit more serious sex crimes. If you think you might be one of those people, you should seriously consider treating your sexual dysfunction in the right way, because it is always accompanied by a psychological disorder that will destroy your relationships and your life altogether.

                           https://youtu.be/BkaJ9R_S6sI?si=Yla19jr9ZBqihXq5

                            About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/