[Sex & Xes] The real reason women become sexless

 

It's common for women to lose their desire for sex after giving birth and during raising children. Many people say that this is because they're tired of parenting, or because sex is just not fun for them anymore. Of course, they are all legitimate reasons because that's how women feel in their conscious.

However, when you look at how xesmind works behind what the conscious recognizes, you'll find something interesting and surprising. Women make love and have sex to create meanings of life, which means that xesmind works to have mimind create meanings of life. That's why women are so active in having sex with men during the dating phase and even in the early days of marriage.

When a woman gives birth and raises a child, she develops the sense of  fulfillment in her life: she has a husband who she believes will never be separated from her, and she has a child born out of that loving relationship. That's when she changes from being a woman to being a wife and a mother.

From this point on, a realm of which she is not aware begins to operate in her  xesmind and the unconscious. In the operation of xesmind, a woman pursues the value of her sexuality. She tries to find a person who she can trust and share sexuality. When she can't find such a person, she feels lonely and wants to be in a relationship. Then, when she thinks she has found the person, she keeps confirming it through love and sex. Finally, when the person is confirmed and settled in her unconscious mind, her xesmind decides that she has achieved the value of sexuality and stops seeking it. Her mimind feels this as happiness and comfort in the conscious. This is the true cause of sexlessness in women.

On the other hand, the male xesmind works completely differently from the female xesmind: the male xesmind is focused on the present realization of sexuality. Men need to keep generating energy by activating sexuality in xesmind to be able to generate passion in mimind for the pursuit of future happiness and values of life. So when a man activates sexuality, it doesn't matter with whom he activates sexuality from the perspective of xesmind. It just matters to him that he activates sexuality at the present moment. It is like throwing coal into the stove to build up the energy of passion.

When the wife completes the value of sexuality and no longer needs sex, the husband may still seek to activate sexuality to be used as fuel for generating passion for life. Or, surprisingly, when the wife is no longer seeking the value of sexuality, that is, when she is in a relaxed state of mind, the husband may also stop thinking about activating sexuality with his wife. This is how human mimind and xesmind work, and this is why many couples end up living in sexlessness, which is only a natural phenomenon.

However, there is one thing that women should know. Happiness, once created, does not last forever until the day you die. Happiness may last for only a certain period of time, and it is fleeting and fades away as life's storms come and go, so you must constantly strive for your own happiness until the day you die.

When we feel stable and comfortable in the present, we think that this comfort will last forever. However, no one can guarantee that we will be comfortable and happy tomorrow because we are comfortable and happy today. This is why even women who have been living comfortably without having sex suddenly start to experience abnormal sexual desire when they experience traumatic stress, such as husband infidelity, bereavement, or other traumatic events. It's a phenomenon that occurs when a woman feels so much pain that she desperately wants to feel stable again, so her sexuality, which has been dormant, is strongly triggered to be activated again.

At some point, when sex becomes a distant or obligatory part of a couple's life, they have to start from scratch to rekindle their passion and love. So if you're still in a relationship in which you have passion, love, and sex, you both need to work to make sure you don't lose it. And if you're in a relationship where you've been sexless for a long time, you shouldn't rush into sex, but you should prepare little by little to have passion, love, and sex again. If you have sex before you're ready, and passion and love haven't been rekindled, it may not mean anything to you and may even serve to destroy your relationship.

Whatever the case may be, please, remember that a life with lasting love, passion, and sex in a couple creates the energy for overcoming adversity and, more importantly, the fuel for endless happiness.

                                   https://youtu.be/bp2wFgjYGls?si=9y99UMKh8KdjqtTS

                  About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

[Sex & Xes] A good sex or a bad sex

 

If you were to be asked the question, “What is good sex and what is bad sex?”, you would probably come up with your own definition of good and bad based on your own needs. For example, if you think of sex as a means of pleasure, you might think that sex that is pleasurable is good sex and sex that is not pleasurable is bad sex. If you think of sex as a means of love, you might think that sex where love is present is good sex and sex where love is absent is bad sex. Of course, this presupposes that the sex is mutually consensual, and a more antecedent notion might be that sex that is mutually consensual is good sex, and sex that is one-sided and forced by one person is bad sex. All of these judgments are valid in their own right, but there is a concept that underlies them all, and we must first determine what is good sex and what is bad sex based on that concept.

When you have sex, you are always activating moods and feelings, and the sexual information activates the energy of xesmind, and the energy from the xesmind feeds into mimind to maximize moods and feelings, which are much more intense than the moods and feelings you experience in your everyday life. Then, sex becomes the greatest resource of emotional energy that you have, and depending on how to use it, it can be the most beneficial resource or the most destructive.  

First, let’s look at good sex. For a man, sex is the source of the greatest passion in mimind. Compared with passion in general, passion created through sex is hundreds or thousands of times greater. It becomes a tremendous source that drives men to protect the people they love and to pursue their values in life. So for a man, good sex is sex that drives passion and the pursuit of values of life, and it is why some men are constantly looking for sex when their pursuit of values isn’t going well.

For women, sex is a source of amplifying feelings of love in mimind, so when a woman has sex that is  physically and emotionally safe, feelings of wounds are repaired and feelings are enriched. These enriched feelings strengthen her love again, and she shares them with the people she loves. This is what makes relationships happy.

A man is happy when he is passionately pursuing values of life and keeping the people he loves safe, and a woman is happy when she feels secure in the present moment while her feelings of love are maximized. Sex that creates happiness for a man and a woman is good sex.

Then, what is bad sex? Whether we like it or not, sex is one of the most powerful emotional energies we have, and when it serves to reinforce stress and wounds, it can lead to psychological problems and psychological disorders. For example, if you use sex as a way to escape or cover up stress and wounds, or to seek pleasure or comfort, you are having sex out of need, and the powerful energy generated by sex fuels your need, and the inability to satisfy your need actually magnifies your stress and wounds.  

Then, the powerful passion that sex creates in a man is directed toward the pursuit of sexual pleasure itself, which leads him to believe that nothing in his life is more important than having sex, and that if he doesn’t have sex, his life will fall apart. The same goes for a woman, who gets so caught up in the powerful feelings of love that sex creates in her that she attaches enormous significance to sex itself. She feels if she doesn’t have sex, she doesn’t love, and if she doesn’t have sex, her relationship with her partner is meaningless. If the mother in a family is in this state, the children are the ones who suffer the most from this. Since the children are not the object of sex for her, the mother feels that children don’t mean anything to her.  

The deeper this problem goes, the more men and women alike turn away from what is not pleasurable and live only for what is. However, pleasure is not happiness. Happiness requires the coexistence of all emotions including pleasure, joy, pain, and sorrow, and it is accompanied by not only right but also responsibility for one’s emotions. People who only seek pleasure become self-righteous and destroy relationships with other people. Therefore, good sex is sex that is not for pleasure and love as you feel in the conscious, but for the sake of creating happiness as a human being in relationships with other people. Please, remember that when you have sex keeping this concept in mind, both pleasure and love will follow naturally.

              https://youtu.be/WwKkQTsfZ6Q?si=WmFaJE-LZQAW1iNM

 About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

[Sex & Xes] Sex techniques

 

Diverse sex techniques that are supposed to improve physical sensations in having sex are promoted by many professionals. When you adopt such sex techniques in your sex life, you must aggregate and synthesize all the information and turn them into your own unique techniques since every individual has different preference and different physical and emotional conditions.  

Knowledge is necessarily different from practice in having sex. You must learn the available and relevant information, and then, you must put it into practice to see if it suits you and your partner. Of course, you must talk about the issue with your partner freely and frankly. It is also natural that it takes time for you and your partner to find the right techniques for both of you. You can just keep making efforts to find right techniques without feeling ashamed.  

Psychological factors are most important in having sex. Having sex excluding all psychological aspects is only boring and irksome toil. Then, you may become to endlessly wander about looking for new sex techniques and new partners to improve sexual sensations. It is not to say that new techniques and new partners are undesirable in any way, but having sex with a partner with whom you are in a stable and good relationship brings you the most sexual satisfaction with the highest level of efficiency.

You can maximize sexual sensations accompanied by psychological satisfaction by actively expressing what you like and putting it into actions in having sex. You can also freely  express how you feel and can be imaginative in taking sexual actions. You can add expressions of love and care on top of sexual expressions to increase passion and feelings of love that will amplify and elevate the level of sexual sensations.

When you can make good use of psychological factors in having sex, you need to make only half of physical efforts to achieve sexual satisfaction compared with conventional sex. People who have true sex ability by adopting the right concept of sexual satisfaction and putting it into practice in the right way never boast about their sex ability. Every individual is different in sexual preference, and one of the most important sex techniques is to figure out what makes the partner psychologically satisfied in having sex.

An example related with psychological aspects of sex is the size of the man’s penis. Most men and women have the idea that a big sized penis makes women more satisfied than a small sized penis. This idea prevails and affects people psychologically, which in turn affects their sexual sensations in having sex. Women may reach orgasm more easily when they have sex with a man with a big penis not because a big penis helps orgasm but because they believe so and they feel more aroused psychologically. Focusing too much on the size of the penis will only interrupt with sexual pleasure and sexual happiness.  

Ironically, men who have a big sized penis tend to be proud of themselves and may not make efforts to satisfy women adopting diverse sex techniques, which makes women partners less satisfied. Only those who continue making efforts for pleasurable sex regardless of the size of the penis or any specific sex technique can achieve sexual happiness in a true sense. The same applies to women who believe they have good physical appearance because they tend not to make efforts for sexual satisfaction for both themselves and their partners.

                        https://youtu.be/ZPoVZ887Mug

About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

[Sex & Xes] What women can do for pleasurable sex

 

Many women put other people at the center in their life instead of themselves and they are conscious of what others think than what they think. Especially in having sex, many women simply follow the lead of men with the concept of other-centeredness. They try to look good to their sex partners, they want to make their partners satisfied, they even fake orgasm, and so on and so forth.

When women don’t understand how they can be satisfied in having sex, their partners naturally have no idea about how to satisfy their women. Women usually just assume that they are supposed to feel satisfied as they follow the lead of men. As men lead women in having sex, couples get stuck in a rut and having sex becomes a dull and boring routine.

There are several things women can do to make sex much more pleasurable for both themselves and their partners. 1. Women must not be worried about their physical appearance. Most women are overly conscious about their physical appearance when they have sex with their partners. They are worried that they have small busts, they are fat, or their partners should not like their appearance. As women think they don’t look good, men also perceive so, and as women are confident of the physical appearance, men also perceive that women look good enough. They perceive that even the chubby belly and tiny busts are pretty and sexy.

2. Women must focus only on their own satisfaction. They should not worry about men partners’ satisfaction. Men feel satisfied when women are satisfied. 95 % of men’s sexual satisfaction comes from women partners’ satisfaction and only 5 % of men’s satisfaction comes from ejaculation.  

3. Women can have sexual pleasure in the whole process of sexual actions. Differently from men, women can feel orgasm like satisfaction from every sexual action they like. Thus, women should focus on their own sensations every moment during having sex. Many women are obsessive for reaching orgasm and they even fake orgasm. However, women have the ability to amplify physical sensations and turn them into feelings in mimind. Women can feel absolutely satisfied without reaching orgasm when the whole process of sexual actions is satisfactory. Being obsessive for orgasm and aiming for orgasm limits and diminishes women’s sexual satisfaction. 

4. Women should express themselves as they please in having sex without feeling ashamed. As women focus on their own sensations, they naturally become to react and respond to their sensations. They should freely express as they please, and then, men can use women’s responses as signs that lead their actions. As couples adopt the same old techniques they learned from who knows where, sex becomes dull and boring for both men and women. Women don’t understand about their own body and men only think about ejaculation. All sexual actions must be women-centered instead of being men-centered. Women who feel fully satisfied and happy in having sex regardless of their physical appearance are perceived as the prettiest and sexiest woman by men.

5. Women should freely imagine about diverse sexual actions as they please. Then, they can accumulate sexual information in their memory and improve sexual functions and they can have greater sexual sensations during having sex. However, they should never express what they imagine outwardly through facial expressions, speech, or actions.

6. Women should try to find sexually sensitive parts in their body. They can touch and caress their own body and find body parts where they feel good. Then, they can lead men to caress and touch those parts during having sex. This lifts burden from men who try to satisfy women and lets both men and women feel satisfied and happy.

7. Women should talk about frankly what they like in having sex to men partners. They may be worried about how they will be perceived, but most men welcome listening to what women think about sex and try to apply women’s ideas in real sexual actions. As couples talk freely about their sex life in detail, they can maintain a healthy and happy relationship along with sexual happiness. This way, both men and women can generate healthy energy for daily life and generate passion and love for a happy life.

                                             https://youtu.be/o8kYlW_8sMs

About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

[Sex & Xes] Do women need orgasm to be happy?

 

Many people show interest in women’s sexual happiness. They talk about sex techniques, orgasm, or surgeries for improving women’s sexual happiness. Unfortunately, all the conventional information and knowledge focus on the aspect of sexual pleasure itself.          

Especially, many people say women’s orgasm is important for sexual pleasure. They argue that orgasm lets women experience the utmost pleasure in sexual actions and every woman has to make effort to reach orgasm. They think women must have interest in sexual pleasure and be active and be leading in sexual actions. Women who do not pursue sexual pleasure and sexual happiness are considered to be passive in their life and old-fashioned.  

They think that the world of sexual pleasure is so good that women who do not pursue sexual pleasure are wasting their life. Of course, it is women themselves who must be the major agents in sexual actions to be in accordance with the operational mechanism of human mimind and xesmind. Also, it is absolutely true that sexual happiness reinforces happiness in mimind. However, sexual happiness is not a necessary condition for happiness in mimind.

Conventional concept of sexuality puts men at the center instead of women. Men centered sexuality focuses on pleasurable sensations on sensory organs. All the concepts that focus on physical aspects such as orgasm, ejaculation, and sex techniques are considered as men-centered concepts of sexuality. Women can transform such physical sensations and energy into feelings of happiness, but pleasurable sex gives you positive moods only temporarily and it is not sexual happiness in and of itself. It is only a small part of sexual happiness.

This mechanism explains why women in general don’t consider sexual actions to be important. Women put much more importance on positive feelings than on positive moods or pleasurable sensations. When women have great wounds and lack positive feelings in their mimind and feel unstable, they try to compensate for their negative feelings by having sexual pleasure. As they get themselves immersed into sexual pleasure more and more, they end up pursuing intense positive moods from sexual pleasure disregarding feelings of love and happiness. These women usually promote the importance of orgasm as well as women’s sexual pleasure as a necessary condition for happiness. In other words, such women are considered to have great wounds in their mimind.

When women feel happy and comfortable with stable psychology, they don’t think much about having sex or sexual pleasure. Women’s xesmind is activated when women have wounds to be treated. Xesmind doesn’t have to be activated when women have comfort and happiness. Women who do not show much interest in having sex are not necessarily passive, conservative, or boring people.  

It is also true that women can generate even greater happiness when they activate sexuality with woman-centeredness on top of the existing comfort and happiness. Woman-centered sex doesn’t mean that women have to lead men in having sex or pursue their own sexual pleasure for positive moods. It means that sexual actions should focus on women’s feelings instead of pleasurable sensations on sensory organs. Woman-centered sexual actions give greater happiness to both men and women then man-centered sexual actions.  

People who promote the importance of women’s orgasm and sex techniques don’t seem to understand the underlying mechanism of human sexuality. Every human being likes the pleasurable sensations and orgasm from having sex, but women don’t have to deliberately try to reach orgasm every time they have sex to feel happy. Adopting the concept of woman-centered sexuality will naturally lead to sexual pleasure.

Women can live happily without having sex if they don’t want to have sex. They can live happily without having a man partner. Happiness is not related with having sex at all. Women can generate great happiness through having sex if they activate sexuality in the right way and they can live happily without having sex at all. Please, remember that sexual actions are means but not ends.

https://youtu.be/6Q8stjg9baM?si=y6xJmt4XVvVe6QhN

About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

[Sex & Xes] Sexual actions don’t carry any meaning in and of themselves.

 

Having sex can be viewed and interpreted from many different perspectives with meanings put to it, but it is just one of many actions humans take. Sexual actions don’t carry any meaning in themselves, but we put many different meanings to sexual actions associating them with emotions, relationships, values, and purposes. Sexual actions cannot be good or bad or right or wrong in and of themselves, but we humans put all kinds of meanings to sexual actions and create infinite number of categories of sexual actions. Contrasting and controversial positions about sexuality that lead to heated debates never seem to end in most societies.

     Meanings that are put to sexual actions can be different depending on individuals’ thoughts and emotions based on social customs and norms. We naturally think that sexual actions that don’t accord with our thoughts and emotions are wrong.

If there is a group of people who do not relate sexual actions with emotions, relationships, values, and purposes, sexual actions including even the most perverted forms will not cause emotional, relational, or social problems in people within the group. On the other hand, there can be a group of people who try to promote or force certain sexual actions that accord with their own ideas. In this case, what they are trying to promote or force onto other people is not certain forms of sexual actions but meanings that are connected with the specific forms of sexual actions. Of course, their attempt to promote or force certain sexual actions related with certain ideas will cause controversy and conflicts in the society since it contradicts other people’s ideas on sexuality. They may still justify their idea thinking that only their idea about sexuality is the right one even when most other people disagree.

Diverse forms of sexual actions people are taking currently are given all different kinds of meanings and are associated with distorted ideas causing controversies and conflicts. Different positions are taken regarding sexuality from all different perspectives based on religious, philosophical, social, cultural, and individual stances.

Meanings put to sexual actions associated with emotions, relationships, values, and purposes greatly affect individuals’ life and the society. As meanings of sexual actions associated with emotions, relationships, values, and purposes are distorted, one’s life itself becomes distorted and destroyed as well as the life of people around the person.  

Sexual actions have us generate powerful energy and we use the energy to pursue meanings and values of life. You can accept or reject any sexual action with your own will as far as your sexual actions don’t damage yourself and other people psychologically, physically, or in any other possible way. Connecting sexual actions with emotions, relationships, values, and purposes in distorted ways cause psychological problems in many people. The adverse effects keep being reinforced as the connection between distorted meanings and sexual actions gets stronger.

            https://youtu.be/-v3bBKUGW3Q?si=nMjcOqFmxa8fh2We

About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

[Sex & Xes] A easy solution to couple’s sex problems

 

It is not uncommon for couples to experience diverse sex problems. They stay together without having sex at all, lose interest in having sex, or one partner wants active sex life but the other doesn’t. Conventional approaches that attempt to solve couple’s sex problems usually focus on analyzing the visible phenomena that are recognized in the conscious and suggesting solutions for apparent issues.

For example, when you are a sexless couple, you may be advised on how to get yourself engaged in having sex and so on. If you feel less interested in having sex than before, you may be introduced to diverse sex techniques that can enhance your sexual sensations. You may also be guided to form stronger bonds with the partner and try to understand each other’s thoughts and feelings to feel closer to each other. As you can see, they are all solutions and suggestions at the surface level that don’t address the fundamental cause of couple’s sex problems. Approaches that deal with only visible phenomena actually cause even more serious problems by distorting the couple’s ideas on human sexuality and leading them in the wrong direction in pursuing sexual happiness.

Then, what is the fundamental cause of couple’s all sex problems? It is distorted concepts and ideas on sexuality that prevail in many societies and cultures. Many people think that men are more active in having sex, must lead women, and should know more about sex than women. Many people think that women are naturally passive in having sex and have less information on sex.

Of course, there are women who are active in having sex and lead men these days. This situation still causes couple’s sex problems because both men and women still have distorted ideas on human sexuality. Problems cannot but keep growing unless couples have the right concept of sexuality and try to solve sex problems in accordance with the right concept.

Sex problems occur when we become overly conscious about sex. Mimind and xesmind operate in the opposite ways from each other and the operation of xesmind is not recognized in the conscious. When you follow your conscious recognition in your mimind to guide yourself in managing your sex life, you will only aggravate problems. You don’t have to understand how  xesmind operates in detail. You just need to apply a couple of basic principles in your sex life.  

You only have to remember two things to improve your sex life with your partner and solve sex problems. One is that men must not think about sex and must not try to be exposed to sexual information of any kind. They should try to perceive their partner as a woman they love and protect not as a sexual object for pleasure. They don’t need any sex technique. Then, their sexual functions will be restored.

The other is that women must know about how to have a good sex to satisfy themselves. It doesn’t mean that they need to learn any sex technique or they should look sexually attractive. They should discard all the conventional concepts. Women should only focus on ways to gratify themselves in having sex. They must try to figure out what stimulations they like and when they feel satisfied physically and psychologically in having sex.

When the couple can apply the two things in practice, women naturally lead men to comply with them. Then, men can naturally satisfy women in the way women like activating their sexual functions. Men generate passion looking at the woman partner being satisfied. Both men and women can enjoy having sex and achieve sexual happiness in the way they can accord with the operational mechanism of human sexuality.  

Neither men nor women must pay any attention to conventional concepts of sexuality and especially women must not pay attention to the partner. Men should stay away from any sexual information to maintain healthy sexual functions and women must focus only on their own sexual happiness. Please, remember that what you recognize in the conscious regarding sexuality is not the lighthouse that leads you in the right direction.

https://youtu.be/0olKsvgdygU?si=uBDGuEVO4MAcqbr0

About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

[Sex & Xes] Why it is hard to restore sexual functions by adopting conventional methods.

 

     Many men adopt conventional methods for improving their sexual functions or treating sexual dysfunctions. The condition usually improves a little at first, but it usually keeps deteriorating in the long run. Then, they conclude that sexual dysfunction is a natural phenomenon that comes with aging, which is not the case at all.

     Humans have both the body and the mind. The mind has xesmind inside it for operating human sexuality. As men perceive sexual information, it is accumulated as xes wounds in xes memory. As xes wounds grow in men’s xesmind, negative energy is produced in mimind and affects men’s body and mind negatively, which results in sexual dysfunction eventually. Focusing on physical aspects of sexual dysfunction cannot improve or cure sexual dysfunction in any meaningful way.

     The body and the mind are inseparable from each other. Focusing only on the physical aspects of sexual dysfunction actually aggravates the condition by destroying the balance between the body and the mind. As you try to improve physical sexual functions, you necessarily perceive more and more sexual information and accumulate more and more xes wounds in xes memory since you become to think more about sexuality and relate general information with sexuality more and more. For example, you used to eat a certain food without any reason or thinking, but now you eat it because you think it helps your sexual function.

     As you lose balance by overly focusing on physical aspects of sexual functions disregarding mental and psychological aspects, psychogenic condition develops as a form of even more severe sexual dysfunction. If you feel that your sexual function has deteriorated, you must think that it is time to recover your mind as well as your body.

     Most conventional therapies that claim for treating sexual dysfunctions cannot remove xes wounds in men’s xesmind. They usually add xes wounds in xes memory and aggravate physical and psychological problems. Thus, sexual dysfunction is always accompanied by psychological problems or disorders such as panic disorder, neurotic disorder, or diverse types of addiction.

     Men who have addiction, which is an expression disorder, have strong energy of immersion for pleasure. They tend to be obsessive for sexual pleasure and develop strong sexual desire. They also develop consciousness disorder, which makes them justify all their distorted ideas and behaviors. They usually blame sex partners for their sexual dysfunction and keep looking for new partners or end up developing perversion.

     They feel their sexual function is restored when they meet a new sex partner and their distorted thinking becomes more solid aggravating their psychological disorders. Then, sexual dysfunction recurs soon and they need to find another new partner.

     Some men decide to change their sexual preference and pursue perverted sexual actions, which are likely to destroy relationships with other people and cause social problems. Types of sexual actions cannnot be good or bad in themselves, but these men are likely to take advantage of other people in the process.

     People tend to think that men who have strong sexual desire also have good sexual function. On the contrary, the more sexual desire men have, the more severe sexual dysfunction they have. Sexual desire is the conscious thought and it is the manifestation of deficiency. As men try to treat sexual dysfunction by adopting conventional methods, they enter the vicious cycle of worsening both sexual function and psychological condition. Men who have good sexual function are composed, do not think much about sexuality, and do not make as many sexual expressions as men who have sexual dysfunction.

                            https://youtu.be/I0AHTb976J8?si=MTKkqJ4es_fOPNyD

About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

[Sex & Xes] Setting limits on sexual pleasure #2: What is a sexual action and what is not?

 

We usually think that sexual actions are specific set of actions such as having sex involving a man and a woman being naked and kissing and caressing, and involving penetration and ejaculation. People also think that certain sexual actions are perverted, and thus, more stimulating when they deviate from the prototypical form of sex.

For example, sexual actions in public places, with certain clothes on, with ejaculation without penetration, or with penetration without foreplay are all considered to be different and atypical. Such variations can be limitless and it also indicates that sexual actions don’t seem to have any criterion for defining what it is and what it is not. Actually, you can go to the limit of your imagination in having sex with your partner as far as it doesn’t hurt or damage anyone.

The fact that sexual actions don’t have criteria that define and limit what it is indicates that sexual actions may not have the beginning and end. Every action can be a sexual action when you and your partner perceive that what you are doing is a sexual action. It doesn’t necessarily have to involve penetration or ejaculation, which are only a very small part of having sex.

Thus, sexual actions that focus on penetration and ejaculation minimize the pleasure of sex. Masturbation accompanied by wild imagination may give you more pleasure and satisfaction than having sex with limited concepts and actions. In other words, you may not be able to have more pleasure through having sex with a partner than through masturbation unless you can enjoy the whole process before and after penetration and ejaculation. On the contrary, if you can enjoy the whole process of being together with the partner, you can live feeling as if you were having sex every moment of everyday.

Especially in case of women, they connect feelings they experience from sexual actions with feelings they have in daily life. Women can learn how to generate positive feelings they experience from having sex on their own whenever they want. Women are affected by feelings activated in having sex much more than by physical stimulations on sensory organs in having sex. Women feel completely different about sexual actions not depending on what stimulations they get on the body but depending on what feelings are activated by sexual actions. Women’s sexual actions are emotional instead of physical and the amplification of women’s feelings has no limit. Women-centered sexual actions have no limit and men can also enjoy limitless pleasure when they follow women-centered sexual actions.

We all make expressions in daily life through speech, actions, and facial expressions. We make all the above similar expressions in having sex, too, but daily expressions and expressions in having sex are recognized differently depending on whether we perceive the specific situation to be sexual or not. If you perceive a situation to be sexual even when it is supposed to be daily, you may recognize all the counterparty’s speech, actions, and facial expressions as sexual expressions. If both parties perceive the situation to be sexual, they are considered to be making sexual actions with each other. All their expressions can count as foreplay or afterplay as parts of sexual actions even without penetration and ejaculation.

When you confine the concept of having sex to penetration and ejaculation and focus on them in having sex, you may lose all the richness of sexuality by limiting the scope and depth of sexual pleasure with your own hands. On the other side of the coin, it must be clearly understood that any daily situation can be perceived as being sexual by someone, which can lead to a situation of sexual harassment and sex crime, you being a victim or a perpetrator.  

                                https://youtu.be/f08QRQDoyoc?si=5bYGUoj4_9K0GD3f

                  About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

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[Sex & Xes] Having extramarital intercourse indicates you have a psychological disorder.

 

Most modern societies consider infidelity, prostitution, swapping, threesome or group sex of married people as immoral or illegal. Why would the society regulate individuals’ sexual activities if sexuality is personal and instinctual by nature?

In case of men, their instinct doesn’t restrict sex partners only to the spouse since men do not connect sexuality with the operation of mind. Men learn to think that they have to restrict sex partners only to women they love and protect in the socialization process. Men also accept only new sexual information in their xesmind without conscious recognition. They are automatically and instantly attracted to unfamiliar and pretty women passing by in the street even when they are with women who they are truly in love with.

On the other hand, women feel uncomfortable when they perceive new and unfamiliar sexual information. They are also much slower than men in perceiving information of men they see for the first time. Thus, as a couple stay together for a long time, the man perceives less and less sexual information from the woman partner, but the woman perceives more and more sexual information from the man partner. The man becomes so poor at recognizing any change in the woman and the woman becomes so good at detecting even a small change in the man.

We are born into a certain culture and custom that is regulated by the society. We learn to pursue harmony and order of the society as well as individual’s freedom and right. Our psychology develops in accordance with the social norm, custom, and law. People who have normal psychology naturally accord with social, moral, and cultural standards. If extramarital intercourse is considered as a norm in a society, thinking that it is no problem is also considered to be normal psychologically, since they are born and raised in accordance with the specific social custom and culture.

In other societies where extramarital intercourse is unacceptable socially and culturally, such as a society that takes monogamy as a norm, thinking extramarital intercourse is abnormal is considered to be psychologically normal. If you start thinking you can ignore social norm to achieve sexual pleasure, or having sex with someone who is not your spouse is OK, it indicates that you are developing a psychological disorder. Furthermore, if you actually have extramarital intercourse, it indicates that you are in an advanced condition of a psychological disorder. 

When you have a psychological disorder, you have a strong conviction of your own ideas, and you justify your thoughts and behaviors. You ignore or strongly disagree on socially accepted customs and laws that exist for harmony and order. You may become good at using sophistry and blame the society for your problems.

Many people think that infidelity, prostitution, swapping, and group sex are all different, but all of them are based on and caused by psychological disorders. Sexual actions of any kind don’t carry value judgment in themselves. We cannot say one sexual action is right and another is wrong in itself. However, human societies and human relationships put meanings on sexual actions. That is, sexual actions are strongly connected with human mind and activating sexuality generates powerful energy in human mind. Humans produce the sense of ownership, feelings of love, and the desire for happiness, which becomes the basis of the most important constituent of the society, family.  

Sexuality itself is personal and instinctual, but you must not activate sexuality out of the context of your society, culture, and circumstance. Sexuality must not be activated only as a means of getting pleasure. The issue of extramarital intercourse also must be discussed not from the perspective of individuals and instincts but from the perspective of humans who live together and human mind that is intertwined with the operation of sexuality. Sexuality is only one of many human instincts that we yield and restrain for living together with others in harmony and order. Justifying extramarital intercourse in the society where it is not accepted is a clear sign of a psychological disorder.

                       https://youtu.be/Bo2Pzi1WHuI?si=ziuCdIkS5IfltC5o

   About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

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