[Sex & Xes] Love dolls are not masturbation devices.

 

Most men think that love dolls are masturbation devices, and using love dolls is only a form of masturbation. Let's talk about why love dolls cannot be just a masturbation device, both in terms of mimind and xesmind.

First, in order to distinguish between using love dolls and masturbation, we need to be clear about the concept of having sex. Having sex always takes place in a human relationship. It is an action that combines words, actions, facial expressions, and gestures, and doing many other things with the partner. If we look at it from the perspective of the xesmind, we perceive xes information, retrieve or store xes information in memory, and express xes information to the partner, which in turn affects the operation of our mimind. Having sex is a behavior in which sexuality is expressed mutually, and it is the result of the interaction of the mimind, xesmind, psychology, and xes psychology.

Strictly speaking, masturbation does not involve an activation of xesmind or a human relationship. Masturbation may be done out of sexual desire, out of stress, or just to feel good all by yourself, and the sexual desire in this case is related only with your own thoughts, and there is no actual object to whom you express sexuality. That is, there is no human to interact with, who is actually perceived as a sexual object through your sensory organs such as sight, hearing, or touch. The good feeling you feel while stimulating your sensory organs during masturbation is also felt only by yourself and is not shared with anyone.

Of course, if you masturbate while watching an adult video, xes perception in xesmind is activated, but still there is no object for your sexual expressions. If you masturbate while looking at a real person in front of you, it becomes having sex involving human interactions. In other words, the presence or absence of an object of sexual expression and human interaction is what distinguishes actual sex from masturbation.

Using a love doll is closer to having sex than to masturbation. Love dolls can be an object of sorts, and this is where it gets very fuzzy. It's not human, but it's shaped like a human, and it may feel to some people like they are having sex with a human. When you begin to interact with a non-human object activating sexuality as if it were a human, your psychology necessarily begins to work in a distorted way and it may become very hard for you to form regular and healthy relationships with real human partners.

Also, it is absolutely harmful to your psychology to treat a love doll as a real lover and have affectionate and passionate sex with it. Some people may actually treat a love doll as if it were their lover, and this is a very serious problem. Human beings are designed to live by interacting with other human beings, exchanging thoughts and feelings one another and necessarily experiencing and overcoming relational conflicts. Even if you think of a love doll as your lover, the reactions and feelings you feel from a love doll are all your own thoughts. Then, you may become to be unable to effectively interact with real human beings.

Different societies, cultures, and times have different perceptions and ideas about sexuality. In countries where love dolls are legally permitted, the psychology of perceiving love dolls as they are meant to be can be stabilized after going through trials and errors regarding the issues and ideas of love dolls. Nevertheless, women's opposition against love dolls has been strong in every country since women by nature perceive sexuality and having sex being closely related with love and emotions.

We think that what we feel and recognize and what we perceive in our consciousness is all there is and right, but the opposite of what you perceive in your consciousness may be operating in your unconscious mind and in your xesmind. Human mind has a very complex mechanism, and we can't simply think that a love doll is just a device for masturbation and it’s no big deal.

                                        https://youtu.be/umoR4qvk5zY?si=zagexoPiT6UGLo0l 

                                 About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

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[Sex & Xes] Men and women who focus on sex techniques are in serious conditions.

 

Sexual action is the outward expression of sexuality, often referring to having sex. Having sex generates energy that creates happiness, and every man and woman who is an adult has the right to enjoy it. Of course, it also comes with responsibility.

Most people have sex naturally, as a means to love, passion, and happiness, but there are some people who want to learn how to have sex for pleasure. This in itself is a sign that you have come to mistake having sex for happiness, rather than a means to create the energy of happiness. The current trend in society as a whole is to live for fun and pleasure rather than happiness. Having fun and pleasure sexually is not a bad thing in itself, but the problem is that the majority of information we find on sexuality is about how to enhance sexual sensations physically and people are not that interested in understanding the nature of human sexuality.

It's mainly women who are very deeply wounded, and men who are stressed and addicted, who turn to ways to enhance pleasure of sex. Women are looking for ways to improve their sexual sensations to feel orgasm, and men are looking for techniques for sex. Let's take a look at why this is a problem.

When women’s sexual function improves, the pleasure from the sensory organs makes them feel as if wounds in mind disappeared. This is because women feel the pleasure of sex as great as the size of their wounds in mind. The sensory pleasure is temporary, fading away in the absence of stimulation, and the sexual action must be repeated to continue to cover the wounds, which requires someone to do it with.

However, since women tend to connect sexual actions from emotions, they don't want to engage in sexual actions with someone who has hurt them. Ironically, the person who causes the most hurt is usually the person they love the most. You have no reason to be hurt by someone who you don’t care about. Eventually, sexual actions with the person you love the most disappear and you may end up having sex with people you don't love if you mistake sexual pleasure for love. This is why you shouldn't use sexual actions to make yourself feel better. 

Women have good feelings when their wounds are healed, and the more deeply wounded a woman is, the more energy she produces to heal her deep wounds. She needs and has enough energy to heal her deep wounds. If a woman has healed her wounds and has good feelings, and if she has enough sexual information in her memory, her sexual function will improve by itself as her xes energy is activated. Having sexual information doesn't mean taking sexual actions. It literally refers to internal ideas as information and knowledge about sexuality, so women don't need to take sexual actions at all to have a good sexual function.

Whether you're a single, married, or divorced woman, you develop the worst condition when you're intentionally made to feel good sexually by adopting specific techniques or methods. Women need to heal their wounds first, and then, learn about right perceptions, values, and methods of sexual pleasure to be able to create true happiness through sexual actions.

Most people think of having free sex with multiple partners as living in sexual happiness for themselves, but for women, sexual happiness is felt and amplified by their emotions mainly. A woman who has lost her heart and feelings is not actually living in her own sexual happiness; she is merely using her body to create the pleasure of sex for the partner, mistaking it for her own bliss.

Men, on the other hand, live on mood energy, which is only temporarily felt when their sensory organs are stimulated. Since this mood energy is transient and disappears when the stimulus disappears, men are constantly looking for pleasures that can generate positive moods and passion, the most powerful of which is related to sexual actions, which is why men are generally more sexually active and driven than women.

When men, like women, start to think of having sex not just as a way to generate energy of passion, but as happiness and pleasure in and of itself, they seek out all kinds of information and techniques about sex. Xes wounds accumulate as men perceive sexual information, and these xes wounds cause men’s sexual dysfunction. The more men learn about how to have sex better, the faster they develop sexual dysfunction.

In order to live a happy life and happy sex life, it is not important to know about techniques and methods of sex. Men and women can reach ultimate sexual happiness and find true happiness in life only when the mechanism of how sexuality works on the body and mind, and the nature of human sexuality are accurately understood and sexual actions are taken accordingly.

                                https://youtu.be/uk6Wwkp6sWA?si=L6H4FhSs2C71zueb

                              About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

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[Sex & Xes] Forbidden love is not love, but misguided sexual desire.

 

Forbidden love is often the subject of movies and novels. Forbidden love can include incestuous relationships, love between minors and adults, love between married people, and love between people of different races and religions, and they actually happen in real life situations.

The question of whether these relationships can be defined as love can be controversial. While there are countless definitions of love, love is generally considered a positive force for happiness in human relationships. Then, can so-called forbidden love qualify as love that promotes happiness?

This confusion comes from not clearly understanding the essential criteria for love. Love is a phenomenon that creates happiness by amplifying good feelings and good moods when you are in control of your life and you are healing wounds and stress in a healthy way. The more you love, the happier and healthier you and your partner are supposed to become in a true sense.

However, the types of love listed above - incestuous relationships, love between minors and adults, love between married people, love between people of different races and religions, and even love with different species - are destructive behaviors that is intended to achieve your satisfaction by destroying yourself and the partner because you are trying to forget powerful wounds and stresses through sexual interactions with the partner when you cannot heal yourself properly in the first place. Therefore, it's very hard to get out of what's called forbidden love. When you try to get out of it, you feel like you're going to die because all the powerful wounds and stresses that have been covered up by sexual pleasure are coming out at once, and you can't stand without taking advantage of your sexual partner. So, it is misguided activation of sexuality, not love.

Not all sex drives are misguided; most people live with a certain levels of sex drive, and often don't even realize they have sex drive. In any case, sexual desire is the expression of one's needs, so it's not for other people or relationships but only for yourself.

This is why people with a healthy mind tend to keep their sexual desire well hidden. This is the will to not use others to fulfill one's own desire, even if the desire is recognized as a thought. However, what is called forbidden love is wrongful lust because it is satisfied by taking advantage of others. So called forbidden love does not consider how much further destruction of one's own body and mind will occur, or how much further destruction of the partner's body and mind will occur, because the intense pleasure felt when the purpose of the lust is realized in reality has taken over the person's mind altogether including thoughts and emotions.

When a person indulges in this false sexual desire, their body and mind are destroyed, and they cease to be human beings and live their lives as if the wrong sexual desire and sexual pleasure were all that matters for happiness. I wonder how such a destructive behavior can be even likened to love. Something that is rooted in stress and wounds, that creates even more stress and wounds, and that is practiced in violation of social, cultural, moral, and institutional rules cannot be love. We usually and correctly call it an addiction or an obsession.

It's even worse when people directly describe their own relationship as “forbidden love,” because they think it's love, and knowing it's forbidden means they don't care about the reasons for it being forbidden, and all they care about is the intense sexual pleasure. They've gotten to the point where they don't know what love is at all, and the best they can hope for is to control their sexual desire at a manageable level.

Thus, we shouldn't use the term “forbidden love” since it doesn’t make any sense. Please, remember that it's not forbidden love but misdirected sexual desire, and it's a psychological disorder that destroys harmony and order in human relationships and the society as well as individuals.

                                    https://youtu.be/qib64pg6-WE?si=NhUTpHAVjCPkiKt8

                               About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

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[Sex & Xes] Men who hide sexual dysfunction from their partner vs. men who talk about it

 

Today, we're going to look at the difference between men who hide their sexual dysfunction from their partners, their wives, or girlfriends - and men who talk about it. Before we get into the differences, let's consider how important sexual function is to men.

While women don't care as much about their sexual performance, men consider it to be the best thing they have. For example, if a group of men friends are at a bar and a guy tells other men that he's made a million dollars in profit from his business, everyone will be envious of him. Then, if he says, “But, I’m not doing so well sexually lately, you know...”, every man instantly feels sorry for him.

On the other hand, if a friend who's unemployed and looking for a job tells them that he's been having tireless, vigorous sex all night long, everyone will be the most envious of him. In other words, for men, sexual function is like a lifeline that they wouldn't trade for a million bucks. Even if they don't have anyone to have sex with, men who have good sexual function always have composure.

Would it be easy for a man to tell someone he loves that his sexual function is impaired when it's like their lifeblood? Even if the woman notices his sexual dysfunction and is concerned about it, he's likely to tell her that he's just tired and that it's no big deal, and then he'll diligently look for ways to fix it without anyone noticing. This is a very common approach men who have healthy psychology take. They know exactly what their problem is.

On the other hand, when a man readily admits to his partner that he has sexual dysfunction, it's likely that he has selfish purposes in the relationship. In this case, he usually doesn't come clean and say that he has sexual dysfunction. He usually says, “I can't get aroused because we've been doing the same thing over and over again,” or “I'm not attracted to you as much as before.” This is not recognizing sexual dysfunction as his problem, but rather transferring his problem to the partner.

This can lead to things like the man demanding different forms of sex, demanding the partner to look more provocative, or even worse, demanding sex with other people. It indicates that he already has a psychological disorder that tears both the man and the partner down.

So, when a man is caught cheating, he'll usually tell his wife, “How can I have a sex drive with the way you look?” or “You are not active enough when having sex with me.” or something like that, and most of the time, the wife will actually think that there's something wrong with herself and that's why he's cheating. But in essence, it's the man himself who is sexually dysfunctional and he is cheating attempting to change the way he has sex and changing who he has sex with. Husband infidelity has nothing to do with the wife. Men who have sexual dysfunction try all these new things because men’s sexual dysfunction is temporarily restored when they recognize new sexual information, which sadly enough, aggravates their sexual dysfunction in the long term.

Of course, there are exceptions. Only a very small percentage of men will realize their sexual dysfunction and want to discuss it with their partner so that they can work through it together. In this case, it's more likely that the couple have been creating sexual happiness together for a long time, and the man is worried that his sexual dysfunction is interfering with his partner's sexual happiness and wants to work through it together.

When you understand the mechanism of men's sexual function, and the differences in whether or not a man talks about his sexual dysfunction, you can also understand what psychological condition he's in.

                                 https://youtu.be/y3LwxiJrTak?si=TiN6cHRxseERD8vP

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[Sex & Xes] Why Do You Need to Know about Sex & Sexuality?

 

People who either love sex or hate sex see it only in terms of its aspect of pleasure, which is why people who love sex try to sustain and enhance the pleasure, and people who hate sex say they don't need and don’t want the pleasure. Sex-loving people ignore or don't recognize the problems that arise from sex, and sex-hating people think about only the problems that arise from sex, which makes them dislike sex even more.

If you're in a couple relationship and both of you like sex, or if both of you hate sex, it doesn't create a conflict, but if one of you likes sex and the other hates sex, it creates a conflict and breaks down your relationship.

If someone came to you with these concerns, what would you advise them to do? Surprisingly, the vast majority of experts would recommend that the two of you align in the direction of having sex. They tell you that sex is a very good thing, and they try to change your perception of it. And if you like sex, they give you a bunch of solutions to help the partner who doesn't like sex enjoy it. The answer is already set in stone: you should have sex.

It's a strange thing. Clearly, one person is suffering because they're not enjoying sex as much as they'd like, and the other is suffering because they're being asked to do something they don't want to do, so why is the answer always one way? Can two people really have a healthy and happy union only if sex is good?

The outcome is completely dependent on whether the couple knows or doesn't know the essential concepts and functions of sex. If you don't know the essential concepts and functions of sex, and you have sex just because you are told sex is a good thing, you'll both suffer from damage to your bodies and minds. As a result, either both people become pleasure-seekers and lose their happiness as human beings; or conflicts escalate and the relationship is doomed; or, because experts have decided that sex is good, the person who doesn't want sex has to comply with the person who does, even though he or she hates it. This means that the rights and responsibilities of the couple are out of balance, and the relationship ends up being one of exploiter and exploited, making it hard to call them a couple.

On the other hand, understanding the essential concepts and functions of sex and sexuality leads both men and women to accept that sexuality is an important part of human nature. This removes the distorted purpose of having sex and prevents stress and wounds from occurring in mind. In this state, sex makes both people healthy and happy.

By understanding exactly what sex is and what it does, two people can live a healthy and happy life with or without it. They can have not the kind of superficial happiness in which one person suppresses and sacrifices for the other, but the kind of happiness that is true and without deficiency. Sex is only one of the means by which humans seek happiness, as there are many other means that can replace sex and still create great happiness. In other words, to have sex or not to have sex is a choice that should be made after accurately understanding what it is and what it does.

Pleasure and love are just one of the outcomes of having sex, but to get caught up in it and have sex for pleasure, or for love, or for anything else, is a serious error that distorts the nature of sex, because you're basically having sex based on a need for that something, and the energy that's generated serves to feed that need again and again.

So you have to be suspicious. You must question what sex is, why it's necessary for human beings, how it works, and what it does. When you find the answer to that, the problem of sex is fundamentally solved, and you will have the wisdom to live your life happily with or without sex.

                                  https://youtu.be/yFbXjySZZpA?si=cpYIzWVW00YCpJjW

                             About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/ 

[Sex & Xes] Sexual dysfunction in men who commit sexual misconduct

Sexual harassment or sexual misconduct is a common occurrence in everyday life. Today, we're going to talk about sexual dysfunction in men who sexually harass, which is not to say that women don't sexually harass. Sexual harassment by women can also be very traumatizing and offensive, and women who sexually harass have serious psychological disorders. However, we're going to talk about sexual harassment and misconduct by men because it's more prevalent.

Not all men harass sexually, and the ambiguity exists when the behavior can be misconstrued as sexual harassment or not depending on how it's perceived by the other person. At the root of this misconception is the difference between how women attach emotions to sex and how men attach emotions to sex. For men, sex is just sex, and it's a feeling that goes away after the moment, whereas for women, sex is highly emotionally charged, and feelings of love or hurt arise connected with sexual actions. So men may think, “Why is she overreacting to something that's not a big deal?” and women may think, “How can anyone relate sex just with fun and enjoyment?” Just recognizing these differences will give us more scope for mutual understanding and consideration.

Of course, I'm not condoning sexual harassment and sexual misconduct. The workings of sexuality can create deep wounds in women’s mind and deep xes wounds in men’s xesmind that lead to sexual dysfunction.  The more sexual information men perceive, the more xes wounds they accumulate, causing damage to their bodies and resulting in sexual dysfunction.

Men who sexually harass and molest rarely focus on one person. They are sexually oriented to a large number of people since they always try to perceive new sexual information from others. Big problems for them is that they perceive an enormous amount of sexual information, which is way too much to deal with, before, during, and after they make sexual harassment.

A man who frequently engages in such excessive perception of sexual information has so many xes wounds that his sexual functioning cannot be intact. He is considered to be in a serious condition if he not only thinks about sexual harassment but also expresses it externally through words, actions, and facial expressions, and then perceives the other person's reaction again. It is important for women victims not to create wounds in their feelings but to just perceive the perpetrator only as a sick person who is sexually dysfunctional. To address the matter properly, it is also necessary to be very firm in dealing with the situation, as looking embarrassed, angry, or perplexed are all perceived as sexual reactions by the perpetrator.

It would also be great if this concept could be incorporated into sexual assault prevention training at workplaces. The more this information becomes known, the more people understand about the relationship between men’s sexual dysfunction and sexual harassment which need to be treated as a medical and psychological condition. If you simply try to stop sexual harassment, you're allowing their forcibly repressed desires to evolve and explode into something else, which could lead them to commit more serious sex crimes. If you think you might be one of those people, you should seriously consider treating your sexual dysfunction in the right way, because it is always accompanied by a psychological disorder that will destroy your relationships and your life altogether.

                           https://youtu.be/BkaJ9R_S6sI?si=Yla19jr9ZBqihXq5

                            About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/ 

[Sex & Xes] The serious reality of conventional sex education

 

Today, I'd like to talk about the seriousness of providing sex education without understanding the concept of xes psychology. The bottom line is that conventional sex education is not true sex education, but sex promotion education.

Human sexuality is a comprehensive concept that goes far beyond sexual behavior, and whatever sex you feel is what you feel in your mind, because the workings of the xesmind and xes psychology can never be recognized in isolation, but only through the mind. Like a core embedded deep inside the earth, sexuality is the energy supply for the mind, and depending on the direction of your thoughts and feelings, sexuality takes on two completely different faces. It can either destroy you and others, or it can lead you and others to happiness. Depending on what standards, memories, ideas, and feelings you have about sexuality in your mind, it will manifest differently.

Any sexual behavior is only the result of psychology and xes psychology at work, so there is no psychology in a sexual action itself. What about those who speak as if they knew everything about human sexuality just by analyzing sexual behaviors, and what would happen to people who accept a distorted view of the nature of sex as a result?

Here are some facts that are not known to many people. Humans make a distinction between general information and sexual information. Masturbation is closer to sexual perception than sexual expression. A woman's sexual sensations are enhanced and amplified by the workings of her mind, not her body. The xes mind is supposed to work solely on one's own mind, and not many people know how to do that. Not many people know how the xesmind works and why humans need sexual behaviors in the first place.

You will need to understand your own mind and how it works, and then teach others about sexuality. The working of xesmind is an unconscious process, and if you want to use it as your own blissful energy, you need to understand its nature accurately, and create habits of thought and habits of control in your unconscious mind. This is a process that takes time and effort.

I came across a theory that explained why women are passive and men are active when it comes to sex. In a nutshell, it was that women develop sexually slower than men because men and women observe their genitals differently from an early age due to physical differences, which leads to differences in perception of sexuality. This is called sexual self-observation. Does this sound plausible to you?

The concept of sexual self-observation doesn't make sense in the first place. Who on earth perceives their body as being sexual, especially from a young age? It's like saying that a child perceives their body as sexual information. It's one thing to look at your genitals frequently or infrequently, but it's another thing entirely to perceive some information as sexual or not. Also, when we say that women are less sexually developed than men, we're talking about the development of sexual awareness and the development of sexual sensitivity in the body, and in fact, if women intentionally develop sexual awareness and sexual sensitivity, they will automatically develop psychological disorders and live their lives chasing the pleasure of sex.

Women can have as much sexual pleasure and satisfaction as they want by controlling and utilizing the workings of their minds and xesminds, even without intentionally developing sexual awareness and sexual sensations in their bodies. The reason women have sexual desire is because their minds are wounded and need to be repaired, not because they open themselves up to sex.

We can all be sure of our thoughts and have beliefs, but if you want to be an expert who can influence people in any way, you have to constantly validate your thoughts and try to learn the right concepts. If you blindly spread misinformation for your own benefit, many people will fall apart and many societal problems will become rampant because of it.

Everyone should be able to protect themselves from the information that is out there about sexual psychology and sexual behaviors. I urge you to keep in mind that if your values and perceptions about sexuality are distorted, it will never lead you to happiness, but it will lead you to complete ruin.

                          

                                  https://youtu.be/0_z_p_FGPYI?si=BUdTdXFtyYUg7RhB

                                       About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

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[Sex & Xes] Men who deny sexual dysfunction

 

Men who recognize their sexual dysfunction are usually working for recovery, accepting that something is wrong with them and trying to fix it.

However, there are also men who deny their sexual dysfunction. They believe that their sexual dysfunction is caused by external factors and not by themselves, so the first thing they do is to change who they have sex with. When you change the sex partner, you're taking in new sexual information, so you feel your sexual function is enhanced but the effect is only temporary.

Accepting new sexual information by changing partners means developing further sexual wounds, and the result is that the sexual function gets even worse, but men don't realize it, so they may continue to change the sex partner, and if that doesn't work, they change the sex style or technique. Therefore, men who are constantly chasing and immersing themselves in the pleasure of sex looking for new stimulation can be considered to have an advanced condition of sexual dysfunction.

In other words, the process of searching for sexual pleasure is the process that destroys a man's life. The moment they deny their sexual dysfunction and attribute it to any external factor, this destructive process begins. If a woman is with a man like that, she has to be very careful because it's also going to destroy the life of the woman the man is with.

                                  https://youtu.be/9eDLqyTh8uc?si=VcIHclRFpA6bTOdy

                                About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/ 

[Sex & Xes] Secrets of long-lasting male adult video actors

 

Men's sexual function is not weakened by aging. The more you have a desire for sex and immerse yourself in existing sex methods, the more your body and mind are damaged by the negative xes energy generated by it, and your sexual function is weakened. This negative xes energy causes sexual problems in men, and if you don't stop and pursue sex excessively through drugs or surgeries, you will develop psychological disorders and other unexplained physical illnesses. It can also be inferred that a person who seems to be healthy suddenly dying for no reason or having a coition death is caused by negative xes energy.

Male adult video actors who make sex their business are bound to experience psychological problems and physical problems, including sexual problems, more intensely than other men. So, how do long-lasting and legendary adult video actors maintain their sexual performance?

Of course, they may have been born with stronger physical durability than others, so even if they are damaged by negative xes energy, there are cases where their sexual function lasts longer than other men, but psychological disorders are inevitable even if their sexual function lasts physically. In such cases, the rate of destruction is only delayed, but at some point, complete destruction of the mind and body by negative xes energy will come.

Surprisingly, however, there are two cases in which men are not harmed by negative xes energy. The first is when a man thinks of sex only as a job. He does think of sex strictly as a job, to the extent that he does not have the purpose of sexual pleasure, and he treats it as if it were like any other regular job.

Negative xes energy comes from having sex with a purpose and a desire for sexual pleasure, so if you don't perceive having sex as a sexual action, or if you don't have a desire for sex, then you don't activate negative xes energy. In that case, you don't have sexual problems or dysfunctions, but the moment you find a partner you like, or the moment you start perceiving sex as sex, then all of that falls apart.

The second case is that, because you've made having sex your business, you may inadvertently realize the nature of human sexuality in the midst of all the sex opportunities you have, which is to realize the intrinsic gender roles of men and women in sex. The intrinsic gender role of a man is to not perceive sex as a means of self-pleasure, but to use himself as a tool like a dildo to make the woman's body and mind happy, and to do everything in his power to make her happy.

It doesn't matter if the sex partner is or isn't the woman he loves. Men, by their nature, keep love and sex separate. Of course, when love is involved, a man's passion amplifies his sexual sensations, leading to boundless pleasure. But even if love is not involved, if he's using everything he has for the woman partner at least for that moment, then he's having sex in accordance with his essential gender role.

In this case, the man has no specific sexual standards for his own pleasure, no desire for his own pleasure, and no purpose to use the woman, because he only has to adapt himself to the woman, and his sexual function is infinitely activated by the woman partner. Naturally, there is no damage to the body and mind caused by negative sexual energy, so the body and mind can remain healthy for a long time.

This is the kind of sex men should be aiming for. Most men think that having sex with a woman who doesn't meet their sexual standards and having no desire for sex will make it impossible for them to have sex at all, but the truth is that men need to play their natural gender role, not have any sexual standards for their own pleasure, and not have any desire for sex for their own pleasure, so that they can enjoy the pleasure of real sex they've never felt before.

                               https://youtu.be/GCiSMIHNR_k?si=4raHZxb9OPmoGgDR

                             About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

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[Sex & Xes] Self-esteem and self-respect in sexuality

 

Self-esteem is about ideas, while self-respect is about feelings. In sexuality, there are many issues of self-esteem and self-respect, mostly self-esteem for men and self-respect for women. Men are hurt by words and actions that go against their ideas and concepts, and women are hurt by words and actions that go against their feelings and expressions. The lower your self-esteem in sexuality, the less control you have over sex, and without self-respect in sexuality, the expression of your feelings in sex will gradually disappear.

  For men, self-esteem in sex is very important because it involves your thoughts and ideas about your own sexuality. Low self-esteem in sex can lead to negative perceptions and rejection of your own sexual abilities. It can also lead to feelings of comparison, like you're not as good as others at sex.

  Self-respect in sexuality is very important for women. If a woman has low self-respect in sex, she will compare herself with others about the feelings and emotions of sex, and as a result of the comparison, she will feel inferior to others. They'll also have negative feelings about how much permission and freedom they have in sex, so they'll feel less empowered than before. They'll also feel hurt if they don't feel the same way about sex as their partner.

  For both men and women, the result of low self-esteem and low self-respect is a very negative  sexual relationship, resulting in rejection, discomfort, avoidance of sex, and a loss of self-confidence, causing self-deprecation, self-devaluation, and feelings of guilt toward the partner.

  If this situation persists and becomes entrenched, sex with your partner can become dull and dry, which is very different from dull sex related with just boredom. While overcoming boredom can bring back the pleasure and enjoyment of sex if the dull sex is due to boredom, the decline and loss of self-esteem or self-respect manifests as lethargy and disinterest, making it very difficult to analyze the specific cause of the problem. This is a matter of restoring lowered self-esteem and self-respect, not a matter of boredom, so the approach and analysis must be different.

  If couples are struggling with self-esteem and self-respect issues, it may be time for sexual counseling and therapy. This is when you need to seek professional help to heal the wounds, especially if you've experienced unwanted sex due to one-sided, coercive sex, or if you're in an unavoidable situation where you feel guilty after sex. When a person is forced to have sex in a situation where he or she feels rejection, guilt, discomfort, unpleasantness, or other negative feelings about sex, he or she may self-justify by converting the negative feelings into an attachment to his or her own entitlement or pleasure. This leads to enjoying and seeking pleasure from one-sided, coercive sex, and the self-justification process that changes the original concept of love and affection and leads to mistaking pleasure for love and affection.

  Self-esteem and self-respect in sexuality are unique feelings that each individual possesses, and damage to self-esteem and self-respect of sexuality has serious after-effects. This is why it is important to talk to each other about it, to express your feelings wisely, to understand each other, and to repair it with care and consideration. Even a casual remark can cause serious hurt in your partner. If it is not repaired, it will gradually go deeper and deeper into the heart, and it will not be resolved easily.

  When you have low self-esteem and self-respect in sexuality, both the person who was hurt and the person who hurt the partner can become victims. Sex is not something to be enjoyed alone, and it requires two people of loving mind, and ways to heal and recover from problems should be applied as soon as they arise. Behaviors that may harm the partner’s self-esteem and self-respect need to be changed and worked on.

                               https://youtu.be/-TEgXvhquyY?si=G5T1mzBCPMGAgGdr

                             About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

 

[Sex & Xes] The interrelationship between the pleasure of sex and the mind.

The xesmind exists within the mind, supplying energy to the mind and the body. When the xesmind is activated, you can have feelings of happiness in the mind or pleasure in the body. When sexuality energizes the mind, it can create positive feelings by healing wounds in the mind to create feelings of comfort or happiness, and when sex energizes the body, it can create pleasurable sensations in the sensory organs or make the body healthy. When these actions are out of order and distorted, they can disrupt the psychology that works in the mind and cause illness or sexual dysfunction in the body.

When this activation of sexuality is biased toward one or the other between the body and the mind, energy is lost in the other. In the case of women, once they are married and have a solid sense of stability in their minds, the pleasure of sex felt in the body becomes unnecessary. Surprisingly, women’s xesmind works for the happiness of the mind, so when a woman feels she has fulfilled meanings of life with her husband and children, there is no reason for her sexuality to be activated.

On the other hand, women who have a lot of wounds to heal, or who are not yet married and have not yet created meanings in their lives, live with a passion for sex. But what happens if a woman’s xes energy is activated only for the body and not for the mind? The mind loses its function and role as the energy is not fed to the mind, so the feelings of love and happiness, or the social norms and controls that operate in the mind, all lose their meaning, and she lives solely to feel pleasure from the sensory organs in the body. In other words, she becomes psychologically disturbed and live her life solely for the pleasure of sex.

Men, on the other hand, do not generate emotional energy from their xesmind; their minds are conceptual minds that process only facts and temporary moods. Men’s xesmind is biased to direct its energy toward feeling pleasure in the sensory organs of the body in the first place, men's love is not connected to sexuality, and men value the pleasure of sex for its own sake. 

Men use sex as a vehicle to activate the women’s xesmind, and women use sex with men to create feelings of happiness and love in their minds. When a man's passion for sex creates the feelings of happiness in a woman, he can create a mood energy called passion based on the woman’s emotional energy. In this way, a man's passion is generated by doing something for his woman, using his heart and his sexuality as a vehicle. So, ironically, men don't connect sexuality with their own emotion because their sexuality is supposed to be a tool to create happiness in women.

If this mechanism is disrupted, if a man has sex for his own pleasure and not for the happiness of the woman he's with, he becomes overly sexualized and develops psychological disorders and sexual dysfunction. This is what happens when men begin to perceive women as tools for their own pleasure.

Normal women use sex to create emotional energy in their minds, so it's very important for them to have a sexual partner who doesn't see them as a tool for pleasure, but who can help create feelings of happiness and protect them. Connecting emotions to sexuality is what women need.

When a man and a woman meet and marry to protect each other's bodies and minds, the woman fulfills meanings of life and feels stable, and she doesn't need sexuality to work for her. Then, the man's passion for creating happiness for the woman can become misdirected, and he wants to use sex for his own pleasure. If you don't understand this mechanism, all kinds of sexual problems, marital problems, and social problems will arise.

No matter how stable a woman's mind is, she should know that she can strengthen her emotional energy for happiness and love through the work of her xesmind, so she should never stop activating sexuality with the person she loves for her own happiness. It is good to keep in mind that a woman can continue to live the happiest life until the moment she dies by activating both her xesmind and her mind at the same time.

                             https://youtu.be/axHzgzwYn3k?si=WhDjlZ_5t6C6z5_z

                           About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/