People who either love sex or hate sex see
it only in terms of its aspect of pleasure, which is why people who love sex
try to sustain and enhance the pleasure, and people who hate sex say they don't
need and don’t want the pleasure. Sex-loving people ignore or don't recognize
the problems that arise from sex, and sex-hating people think about only the
problems that arise from sex, which makes them dislike sex even more.
If you're in a couple relationship and both
of you like sex, or if both of you hate sex, it doesn't create a conflict, but
if one of you likes sex and the other hates sex, it creates a conflict and
breaks down your relationship.
If someone came to you with these concerns,
what would you advise them to do? Surprisingly, the vast majority of experts
would recommend that the two of you align in the direction of having sex. They
tell you that sex is a very good thing, and they try to change your perception
of it. And if you like sex, they give you a bunch of solutions to help the partner
who doesn't like sex enjoy it. The answer is already set in stone: you should
have sex.
It's a strange thing. Clearly, one person
is suffering because they're not enjoying sex as much as they'd like, and the
other is suffering because they're being asked to do something they don't want
to do, so why is the answer always one way? Can two people really have a
healthy and happy union only if sex is good?
The outcome is completely dependent on
whether the couple knows or doesn't know the essential concepts and functions
of sex. If you don't know the essential concepts and functions of sex, and you
have sex just because you are told sex is a good thing, you'll both suffer from
damage to your bodies and minds. As a result, either both people become
pleasure-seekers and lose their happiness as human beings; or conflicts
escalate and the relationship is doomed; or, because experts have decided that
sex is good, the person who doesn't want sex has to comply with the person who
does, even though he or she hates it. This means that the rights and
responsibilities of the couple are out of balance, and the relationship ends up
being one of exploiter and exploited, making it hard to call them a couple.
On the other hand, understanding the essential concepts and functions of sex and sexuality leads both men and women to accept that sexuality is an important part of human nature. This removes the distorted purpose of having sex and prevents stress and wounds from occurring in mind. In this state, sex makes both people healthy and happy.
By understanding exactly what sex is and
what it does, two people can live a healthy and happy life with or without it. They
can have not the kind of superficial happiness in which one person suppresses
and sacrifices for the other, but the kind of happiness that is true and
without deficiency. Sex is only one of the means by which humans seek happiness,
as there are many other means that can replace sex and still create great
happiness. In other words, to have sex or not to have sex is a choice that
should be made after accurately understanding what it is and what it does.
Pleasure and love are just one of the
outcomes of having sex, but to get caught up in it and have sex for pleasure,
or for love, or for anything else, is a serious error that distorts the nature
of sex, because you're basically having sex based on a need for that something,
and the energy that's generated serves to feed that need again and again.
So you have to be suspicious. You must
question what sex is, why it's necessary for human beings, how it works, and what
it does. When you find the answer to that, the problem of sex is fundamentally
solved, and you will have the wisdom to live your life happily with or without
sex.
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