Do you praise your kids often?
There are so many moments in raising children when you realize the importance
of praise. Saying “Good job!” can be a huge motivator for a child, and it can
spur them on to do something else. There was even a best-selling book called
“Praise Makes Whales Dance,” so the positive effects of praise are huge.
However, praise can also
be used in the wrong way, and it can easily lead to looking for results and
avoiding difficult or challenging tasks. There's an experiment with elementary
school children called ‘the counterattack of praise’, which shows that when you
praise for results, children will do things only to get praised, so they will
no try to do difficult things, they will do only things that they are good at,
and they will do things for the results.
When you praise, it's
best to focus on the behavior itself, the effort and the process, because then
the behavior is more likely to be repeated and lead to good results. There are
many ways to praise, but here are three effective ones that I'd like to share
with you.
First, praise
immediately. It's harder to remember something later, so if you do it right
away when you see it, no matter how small, it becomes associated with a
positive emotion and the child can remember the behavior and repeat it. But to
do it right away, you need to observe and pay attention to your child often.
Secondly, don't use
unnecessary words. For example, when a child gets a good grade on a test, you
don't want to say, “Oh, you got a good score this time, you got lucky or what?”,
which can be confusing whether it is a praise or not. You want to emphasize the
effort and the process, saying, “I can see you worked hard, and it paid off,
good job.”
Third, focus on the
process rather than the outcome. Results are important, but praising the
behavior and process encourages the repetition of the behavior and naturally leads
to good results. For example, when your child tries a new activity, instead of
saying, “Oh... You're so good at this,” focusing on the outcome, you can say, “This
must have been hard for you because it's new, but you didn't give up and kept
trying.” Praise the process of creating a good result. By emphasizing the
process, not just the result, your child will feel that their efforts were
truly recognized and they will be more likely to try something again next time.
At the end of the day,
praise is a tool to help your child feel like they're doing a good job. If you
only praise them for the outcome, they'll only choose what's easy and familiar,
but if you praise them for the process and effort, they'll be more likely to
try something new or keep making efforts. Praise isn't just for the sake of
praise. Try using praise today to encourage your child to keep doing what they
like or what they aim for.
No comments:
Post a Comment