[Husband Infidelity] Getting a divorce due to spouse infidelity is easy, but then, what?

 

Q : I got a divorce due to husband infidelity. I thought I would be comfortable after divorce since I wouldn't have to see my ex-husband anymore. However, I suffer from even greater pain as I get involved with other men. I also find that people who used to be close to me seem to avoid me. I wait for my boyfriend's call all day, and become obsessive and dependent in the relationship. I don't know why I feel suffocated and keep crying. Does it mean that I am still being affected by the past experience with my ex-husband? 

A : Men's infidelity is the phenomenon where they are addicted to women's response, and women's infidelity is the phenomenon where they are addicted to men's attention. In the condition of relationship addiction, men mistake relationship addiction for their passion and women for their love and they all justify their behaviors.

As a man and a woman get married and become husband and wife, they are supposed to build happy life together, but when the husband develops relationship addiction, he may want to exist only as a man instead of a husband, and seek only his own pleasure breaking trust and responsibility of marriage relationship. Then, the wife may choose to get a divorce as she develops post traumatic stress accompanied by the pain of death wanting to get out of the unbearable pain and be comfortable.

However, when she gets a divorce without treating post traumatic stress, she suffers from even greater pain every time her wounds of post traumatic stress are activated in daily life. Post traumatic stress gets aggravated for all your life time unless adequately treated whether you stay married or get divorced. After the divorce, most women become to make efforts to forget wounds and get attention and consolation every time the wounds are activated.

When a divorced woman with post traumatic stress gets attention from men, she temporarily feels better and mistakes it for happiness. However, every incident of temporary attention and consolation only aggravates her condition of post traumatic stress. As they repeat mistaking men's attention for love and justifying their behaviors, they may develop relationship addiction on top of post traumatic stress. Such phenomenon occurs in so many women who get a divorce with the condition of post traumatic stress. 

The attention men give to divorced women with post traumatic stress is not love. These men mostly seek sexual pleasure by getting immersed into such women's response. When they cannot get sexual pleasure from these women, they will not even think twice before ending the relationship. 

Women who mistake men's attention for love generate even greater wounds thinking that their love has been betrayed. It must be clearly noted that you cannot build healthy romantic relationship based on post traumatic stress. Women with post traumatic stress will repeat such unhealthy relationships and end up developing hysteria and being unable to live a happy life. 

Women who get a divorce due to husband infidelity without treating post traumatic stress may lose their capacity for healthy women's feelings, develop relationship addiction, and become pleasure seekers themselves. Otherwise, they may develop severe depressive disorder. It is urgent and crucial that you treat post traumatic stress due to husband infidelity for your own happiness regardless of your marital status. 

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[Husband Infidelity] Has Covid-19 pandemic returned my husband back to me, or not?

 

Q : I have found out that my husband has been having an affair for 3 years. All the family members including my husband and children stay at home a lot due to the Covid-19 pandemic situation. My husband asks for forgiveness and is really sweet to children. I have become to feel quite comfortable as we stay together a lot. I think that we could live happily after I forgive him since he looks like he has come back to me. However, I heard that infidelity would recur when he has not actually been cured? What should I do?

A : The husband asks for forgiveness and tries to be nice to the wife in order to avoid his own stress. It does not indicate that his relationship addiction is cured. The wife develops post traumatic stress upon the discovery of husband infidelity and her condition gets aggravated regardless of what the husband does.

Husband infidelity is affected by the practical situation and he cannot freely meet the adulteress due to the pandemic situation. He has to stay at home a lot and he may think that he needs to calm his wife down to avoid getting stress by conflicts with his wife.

The wife may begin to feel better since everything goes well in marriage and family life. She may even think that he would never have another affair since he looks like he has come back to her.

The husband may also think that his infidelity is over and he will not have another affair, being convinced that everything will be fine from now on. Or, he may think that the wife has overlooked or forgiven him and he can have an affair again later. Either way, he still has the condition of relationship addiction, which can recur anytime when the situation allows him. Either way, the wife’s post traumatic stress continues to deteriorate as time goes by unless properly treated.

The second time husband infidelity is discovered in the future, your post traumatic stress will become so severe that you will end up ruining your life and your children’s life since you will not be able to hold the pain anymore.

You may mistake staying at home with your husband and having a comfortable time with family for infidelity issues having been solved, but your post traumatic stress and your husband’s relationship addiction are getting aggravated even today. It is almost guaranteed that he will resume his infidelity after the pandemic situation is over and the whole painful process will repeat.

It is crucial that you treat post traumatic stress regardless of your husband’s condition. Then, you will be able to give your husband an opportunity to treat his relationship addiction.  

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[Husband Infidelity] My husband and I are crazy about each other like newlyweds.

 

Q : I have developed abnormal sexual desire since I discovered my husband's infidelity, and we are having sex a lot. Moreover, my husband's affair seems to be related with sexual issues, so I am trying really hard and he also likes my effort. Especially, we stay at home a lot due to the pandemic situation, and it feels as if we were newlyweds. I think we have restored our marriage relationship, and both my husband and I have become normal. I guess I can be assured that we are fine now?

A : Upon the discovery of husband infidelity, the wife develops post traumatic stress. The wife's post traumatic stress may cause abnormally strong sexual desire in many cases. Then, the wife may become to seek sexual relationship with the husband excessively. 

When the husband confesses that he had an affair due to some kind of sexual issues, the wife's sexual desire is reinforced and she may become obsessive about sexual relationship. 

However, the fact is that all sexual actions with the wife are perceived as intense stress by the husband since he is in the condition of relationship addiction. Still, he cannot but accept the wife's demand for having sex when he cannot avoid the situation. 

When the husband perceives stronger sexual response from the wife than that from his adulteress, the couple naturally get involved in having sex quite actively. Then, the husband may even develop relationship addiction toward his own wife, which is considered as the worst condition, and become the wife's adulterer, who destroys his own wife's mind. 

The wife may become obsessive about having sex with the husband and also become her own husband's adulteress. She may mistake the distorted situation for happiness and feel as if they went back to the days when they were crazy about each other. She may be convinced that they have recovered and become happy again. 

As time passes without proper treatment, their psychological conditions progress. The wife may develop hysteria adding relationship addiction to post traumatic stress, and the husband may develop intermittent explosive disorder adding perception disorder to relationship addiction. 

Now, they stay at home a lot without many social activities and can get immersed into sexual pleasure as an adulterer and an adulteress, but soon, they will face situations where their hysteria and intermittent explosive disorder are activated to destroy their life and lives of people around them. 

Moreover, both of them are highly likely to get involved in infidelity with other people as the pandemic situation is over and they resume social activities outside home. It is only natural that children also develop psychological problems being affected by both parents developing and aggravating psychological disorders.

Trying hard for restoring marriage relationship through active sexual relationship is likened to trying hard to destroy lives of all family members. You are driving yourself and your husband to become pleasure seekers who put the highest priority on sexual pleasure above all human values and meanings. 

The foremost thing you must do is to treat post traumatic stress. It is extremely painful to get yourself out of the psychology of an adulteress and face the pain of post traumatic stress. However, you can regain your own and your children's happiness only when you treat your condition properly. Then, you can give your husband an opportunity to treat his relationship addiction. 

Married couple's sexual happiness must never be based upon post traumatic stress and relationship addiction. When you accurately understand and try for true sexual happiness after treating psychological disorders, you can achieve the best sexual happiness that rivals that of newlyweds, and your children can also regain psychological stability and happiness. 

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[Husband Infidelity] My husband caught Covid-19 from his adulteress.

 

Q : I have found out that my husband caught Covid-19 from his adulteress. He begs me for forgiveness and says he broke up with her. I have also learned that they had dates in unbelievably creative and the most bizarre ways. I simply freaked out and hired a lawyer for a lawsuit against the adulteress and a divorce. My husband keeps bagging me for forgiveness, but I just can't. My rage is such that I want to kill both of them, and I am suffering from excruciating pain due to the sense of betrayal and despair.

A : Social restrictions due to the pandemic situation leads to the revelation of infidelity cases for many couples. The husband cannot go out or leave home to meet the adulteress due to Covid-19 pandemic situation, so cannot but try to restore marriage relationship for now. Then, the wife begins to believe and trust the husband, and regains the sense of relief and comfort. However, it is highly likely that the husband plans to continue infidelity, or is still continuing infidelity in some secretive ways since he is still in the condition of relationship addiction. 

Both the wife's post traumatic stress and the husband's relationship addiction continue to deteriorate whether he continues or stops infidelity unless properly treated. When post traumatic stress that has been covered up but progressing is activated by some trigger later, the wife may file lawsuits and get a divorce but she will end up living an unhappy life for the rest of her life since her condition has not been treated at all. 

It is urgent that you treat post traumatic stress regardless of your husband's condition or other practical situations. Then, you can give your husband an opportunity to treat his relationship addiction and live a happy life with your children whether you stay in marriage or get a divorce. 

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[Wife Infidelity] I am taking KIP treatment program due to my girlfriend's infidelity and I feel insecure about my future.

 

Q. I was in such pain due to my girl friend's infidelity and I decided to take KIP treatment program. As I was told, I feel better little by little and I can control myself better these days. The level of pain has subsided and the attack comes less often. My girlfriend is also considering taking the treatment. We are engaged to get married but I feel that I want to leave her as I feel better and better. Am I avoiding the situation or aggravating my condition? Of course, I plan to continue with the treatment. I think I will feel that I am providing some kind of service to her even when my girlfriend takes the treatment program. ​I would not leave her if we were already married, but I ask myself whether I have to go through this much for her even before I get married. 

A. It is your girlfriend's responsibility to treat her own condition through her own determination and effort. As they restore psychological stability in the process of treatment, most people feel comfortable and wish to avoid the nature of the stress in spite of yourself. 

Many people feel the desire to get a divorce and have a hard time generating positive emotions toward the spouse in infidelity. As your emotions go up and down, you also experience the middle point with comfort, in which you feel that you don't want to bother to save the relationship. It is a common phenomenon that appears in the process of treatment and it does not indicate that your condition is being aggravated. It is recommended that you stay in the relationship until you recover completely instead of leaving her now and focus on your treatment.

Your girlfriend may decide to treat her relationship addiction and build happiness ability. Then, she will reflect on her behaviors in the right perspective and understand what you have been through due to her infidelity. She will also treat her wounds from all her past life and stabilize her psychology. Each of you can focus on your own treatment and both of you will see whether it is better to stay together or break up for future happiness after complete cure. 

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My husband seems to be truly in love with the adulteress.

 

Q. My husband has been having an affair with a young barmaid for 6 months. He is not just seeing her for fun but seems to be truly in love with her. He has a well-paid job and is a good person. He seems to have stopped seeing her for now and be making efforts to forget her, but has a difficult time doing it. He looks so depressed and almost like dying at home. Differently from the time his affair was first discovered, he says he will do his best to come back and restore family. He hardly talks and does not make any effort though. I wonder what psychological condition he is in now. It seems to me that he has not sever the relationship yet and is still in infidelity.

The concept of love does not apply to infidelity. Infidelity is the result of relationship addiction, which is a psychological disorder. The adulteress may have met your husband for her own purpose. She may have wanted pleasure, money, and other things but your husband can mistake it for love since he has the condition of relationship addiction. Your husband can be an ideal target to take advantage of since he has a well-paid job and is a good person. He is likely to give the woman more and more as the relationship progresses. The woman will simply change men when the relationship ends for some reason. Both of them can mistake the condition for love since they are both in relationship addiction, but the fact that you also think they are in a true love indicates that you are also in a serious condition. 

Your husband is depressed not because he has lost his love but because his pleasure has stopped. His relationship addiction will be easily reactivated when he finds another woman to pursue pleasure with. This is a common symptom of relationship addiction. He will display rage when things don't go his way and stay depressed when he cannot do anything as he pleases. He thinks that he wants to make efforts and restore family, but his pathological condition makes it difficult for him to put his ideas into actions. He will feel that the whole world has collapsed when the adulteress meets another man, which is actually caused by the operation of relationship addiction but mistaken for love. 

Please, keep in mind that your husband has a psychological disorder, which only he himself can treat. He will continue infidelity changing women and aggravating the condition unless he is properly treated. He may keep more than one adulteress not to lose his pleasure in case one adulteress leaves him. 

You cannot give your husband an opportunity to treat unless you treat your post traumatic stress first. It is crucial that you stop paying attention to your husband and treat post traumatic stress. Then, you will give him hope for recovery of marriage relationship based on the wife's happiness ability. 

You can tell him that you have started the treatment but don't have to force him to treat his condition. Things will only keep getting worse if you postpone your treatment and keep paying attention to your husband thinking that you will be OK only if he comes back to you. It is guaranteed that husband infidelity will recur with an advanced condition of relationship addiction and post traumatic stress will also keep getting aggravated, which will cause even more dire consequences in your life and your husband's life.

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[Husband Infidelity] I cannot forget being insulted by the adulteress and I am considering filing a law suit against her.

 

Q. My husband had an affair one year ago and I cannot forget about the incident where I was insulted by the adulteress. I want to get even with the adulteress for my suffering and humiliation by filing a law suit against her. I have good evidence, her name, and her phone number. She doesn't have a job or a permanent address and doesn't seem to have any money. She also seems to be involved with many men. Will I be able to punish her by a lawsuit?

A. Women with a progressed condition of relationship addiction cannot live without getting men's attention constantly. They will do anything to get attention from men for their whole lifetime. Relationship addiction is divine retribution in and of itself. 

You are in pain and suffering since you have developed post traumatic stress due to husband infidelity. Post traumatic stress transforms all your memories of life into wounds causing excruciating psychological pain. You will continue to suffer from pain regardless of the fact that you were insulted by the adulteress. Post traumatic stress operates in you for your life time unless properly treated and you cannot just remove the painful memories unless you yourself develop relationship addiction, with which you will destroy your life and lives of others. 

You may develop the desire to revenge by filing a lawsuit against the adulteress since you are in such great pain. However, your condition of post traumatic stress gets aggravated more and more as you take practical measures to cope with the situation. You will get even more furious when the adulteress does not seem to be affected by the lawsuit. Moreover,what will be waiting for you after you feel better temporarily by winning a lawsuit? You will begin to attack people around you since you have aggravated your condition of post traumatic stress. 

The adulteress is already suffering from her misfortune since relationship addiction is ruining her life. She mistakes pleasure for happiness and cannot stand even a moment without getting men's attention. She may have started with normal psychology and may have experienced pain and suffering as you did. She ended up living as a human trash since she did not treat her condition and chose to destroy her life. Infidelity caused by relationship addiction has nothing to do with love and it is only a type of psychological disorder, which often times leads to dire consequences in life.

You must prioritize the treatment of your condition above anything. You can do anything to cope with the situation after you restore healthy psychology and build happiness ability. Filing a lawsuit when you are still in post traumatic stress only aggravates both practical situation and psychological condition. 

The painful memory of one year ago will not just disappear even in 10 or 20 years unless you treat yourself properly. Your pain is the signal that you want to recover and restore happiness, not the signal that you need to file a lawsuit.

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[Husband Infidelity] I am having an affair with two women at the same time and I can't get myself out of the relationships.

 

Q. I am seeing two women at the same time and I cannot get myself out of the relationships. They both know that I am seeing two women but they don't bother me as far as I see them. They get really angry and harass me when I don't. I drink a lot when I see them and my health is deteriorating. I promise myself that I will stop seeing them when I am sober but I can't control myself when they call me for a date.

A. You are in relationship addiction, which is a psychological disorder. You become addicted to any relationship in which the woman is highly responsive to you. The women who are seeing you are also in relationship addiction. They are addicted to attention that men give them. They would not really care how many women you see as far as you give them attention whenever they want. They will find their own way of justifying the situation and both relationships will continue with you getting response from them and them getting attention from you. 

When you are in attention addiction and response addiction, the person you are involved with is not important since all you want is attention and response. Everything is fine as far as you exchange attention and response, but problems occur the moment you refuse to see them. They will harass you since they cannot stand without getting attention. 

Your physical and psychological health will keep deteriorating paying doubly for the two relationships. You drink more and you get tired more when you see them so you think that you must stop seeing them. However, your response addiction is activated the moment they contact you and you are dragged to see them again and again not being able to get out of the vicious cycle. Relationship addiction makes you lose the power of conscious control so you cannot stop your addictive behavior with your conscious thought. 

Men's relationship addiction is accompanied by perception disorder and expression disorder. Expression disorder is accompanied by consciousness disorder with which one loses the power of conscious control. People in relationship addiction always self-justify that they can stop the relationship easily when they want but they can never do so. By definition, addiction is a type of pathological condition in which you cannot control yourself. Men's relationship addiction may stop for some time when the situation does not allow the manifestation of addiction, but it recurs and continues until death as far as women with attention addiction are available. 

Women's relationship addiction keeps being aggravated as time passes and an advanced condition is accompanied by hysteria. They lose their reason and display hysteria when they cannot get attention but they become extremely excited when they get what they want. They never consider the counterparty's situation and you never know what they will do upon their negative emotion being triggered. You have two women who are in critical condition by your side and hysterical and violent incidents may happen anytime.

You must thank them if they leave you but your relationship addiction will make you look for women who are responsive again. You must think really hard about what you can and must do to restore physical and psychological health beyond getting yourself out of the current relationships. It must be clearly understood that your relationship addiction is progressing even at this moment and you must treat your condition not to end up ruining your life completely. 

 

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[Husband Infidelity] The psychology of a husband who does not pay child support expense

 

Q. What is the psychology of a husband how does not pay child support expense after divorce?

A. Both parents have the responsibility for rearing children so when one parent lives with children and raises them, the other has the responsibility for child support expense. There can be two reasons for your ex-husband's not paying child support expense. One is that he really does not have money to pay for child support for diverse reasons. The other is that he forgets about his family and children getting immersed into other things, usually getting immersed into seeking his own pleasure. He vaguely assumes that the mother will take care of the children well and this symptom is more severe especially when he perceives the ex-wife as a source of his stress.

The ex-husband who does not pay for child support is likely to be in a conflictual relationship with the ex-wife. He would try to get rid of stress by not remembering the ex-wife and children and getting immersed into his own things since thinking about the ex-wife and children triggers intense stress in him. This is a symptom of relationship addiction, which is a pathological psychological condition that makes him have the distorted idea that his family is stopping him from doing what he needs.

Men with normal psychology tries to take good care of family even after they get a divorce. The two cases of not having money and not giving money when they have money must be clearly differentiated in analyzing the psychology of a divorced man. It is also affected by the level of stress that is induced by the ex-wife. 

 

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[Husband Infidelity] The woman I am having an affair with does not care about her husband at all.

Q. I am having a affair with a married woman. She does not care about her husband at all. She comes to see me whenever I ask her out. Would her husband still not know about his wife's affair after such a long time? I actually want to stop seeing her but I cannot refuse when she calls me for a date. I guess this relationship must end sooner or later but things are not going as I wish. 

A. You are in relationship addiction, which is a psychological disorder. You can neither stop the distorted relationship nor treat relationship addiction with your conscious efforts without professional help. When a woman is in relationship addiction for a long enough time, she develop more and more advanced condition of relationship addiction, which causes her not to pay attention to her husband at all. Her husband may not pay attention to his wife either if he himself is also in infidelity with relationship addiction. 

The adulteress is in attention addiction, which makes her come to see you anytime she perceives that she can get attention from you. She may even neglect her children to see you. Attention addiction makes women focus on getting attention by all means. As time passes and her condition progresses, she displays hysteria losing her reason upon the slightest trigger of wounds. 

Her husband may or may not know about his wife's infidelity. However, it is certain that their marriage relationship is in a serious condition and they are just maintaining an empty shell marriage. Another possibility is that her husband is aware of his wife's infidelity but cannot do anything about it since he is extremely scared of her and the whole situation and does not know what to do. 

It is not important anymore whether her husband knows about infidelity or not. Their marriage and family are considered to have already collapsed. You are the one who has destroyed the adulteress, her husband, and her children. You have become a criminal who has destroyed a family in the condition of response addiction. Many people mistake attention addiction and response addiction for love. 

You and your adulteress are not capable of stopping seeing each other or stopping relationship addiction with conscious efforts no matter how hard you try. You cannot resist seeing each other when either of you contacts the other since both of you are in the pathological condition of addiction unless you are stopped by some external force. 

You say this relationship must end sooner or later but relationship addiction only gets aggravated unless properly treated until you destroy your life completely or you die. By definition, psychological disorders are caused by two of the three psychological components losing balance and the ability to recover.

When you develop relationship addiction on top of post traumatic stress due to spouse infidelity, all three psychological components are considered to have developed disorders. Then, you only seek fun and pleasure at the expense of all the relationships. 

Psychological disorders must be treated before it gets too aggravated. The longer you have psychological disorders, the longer time it takes to treat. In your case, whether the adulteress' husband is aware of your infidelity or not is of no importance at all. The only way you can get out of relationship addiction and restore healthy psychology and happy life is to treat relationship addiction with professional help. 

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[Wife Infidelity] Should I let my ex-wife stay at my place when she comes to see children?

 

Q. My ex-wife and I got a divorce due to wife infidelity a year ago. My ex-wife often visits us saying that she wants to stay with children. I refused a few times but recently began to let her stay. We do not talk to each other but she stays with children for a couple of days and leaves. I am confused whether it is a right thing to let her stay in my place. How should I behave when she is around me? 

A. Your wife has developed relationship addiction, which is a psychological disorder. Women's relationship addiction gets aggravated as time passes. The husband develops post traumatic stress upon the discovery of wife infidelity, which causes excruciating psychological pain. 

Fortunately, the fact that your wife comes to see children and stays with them may indicate that her condition is not severe enugh to forget about children completely and she still keeps maternal love in her unconscious. Also, it may additionally indicate that the relationship with her adulterer has problems. However, her relationship addiction will keep being aggravated as time passes regardless of her circumstance.

 Your wife is in relationship addiction and you are in post traumatic stress, which makes any interaction between the two people difficult and almost impossible. Neither of you may feel comfortable to be around each other. As the situation where your wife visits to see children and both of you feel awkward to be around each other repeats, your relationship gets harder and harder to be restored. 

It is recommended that you keep allowing her to visit your place. She may have no other place to go to and she may end up getting involved with another man when she is rejected by you. It is also recommended that you calmly talk with your ex-wife. To be able to do so, you must treat post traumatic stress first and restore healthy psychology and happiness ability. Then, you can also talk about her treatment and even the restoration of family relationship. 

Your ex-wife must treat relationship addiction. However, it is highly likely that she will reject the idea that she has a condition and will not show interest in treatment since she has the consciousness disorder. Women in relationship addiction only desire other people's attention instead of making efforts to recover and men in relationship addiction only desire others' response. You must treat yourself first and then decide whether you will restore the relationship with your ex-wife or choose otherwise. 

When you restore you own healthy psychology, you will be able to calmly discuss what both of you can do to proceed with life. Your ex-wife may or may not decide on the treatment, which is solely her own right and responsibility. For now, do not try to do anything when your ex-wife visits your place since it will only aggravate the situation. It is recommended that you give her a chance to recover since she is still the mother of children and still has maternal love at least. 

 

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[Husband Infidelity] How would the psychology of the husband in infidelity operate when the wife becomes suspicious?

A. From the perspective of the husband, it is the wife that has the problem of suspecting, which he does not care about much anyway as far as he is not caught with clear evidence. He would blame the wife for delusional jealousy until his infidelity is disclosed. 

People in infidelity and relationship addiction also have the consciousness disorder, which makes them think in the opposite way from normal people. He would think that everything is OK as far as infidelity is kept hidden from the wife. Upon the disclosure of his infidelity, he would self-justify his behaviors making excuses and thinking he was just unlucky to be caught. 

Such distorted ideas are widely shared among people or through mass media. People in infidelity share their ideas on how to hide their behaviors, how to get away with accusation, how to make self-justification, and how to cope with the spouse's reaction. They are all considered to be generating distorted information in the condition of the consciousness disorder. Unfortunately, people in relationship addiction with the conscious disorder and the amount of distorted information are on the rise.

It must be clearly understood that the psychology of the husband in infidelity operates in the distorted way and in the completely opposite way from the psychology of normal people. It is meaningless to try to judge or fathom his words and behaviors from the perspective of normal people. He is likely to think that he is under suspicion but will not get caught. The husband's infidelity will definitely be disclosed sooner or later but for now, he is immersed into the distorted pleasure, has no intention to stop infidelity, and does not think about the future at all. 

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[Wife Infidelity] My ex-wife and I got a divorce due to wife infidelity a year ago, but she keeps visiting me.

Q. My ex-wife and I got a divorce due to wife infidelity a year ago, but she keeps visiting me. She says she wants to live with children but I cannot accept her. What should I do?

A. It is a lucky situation that your ex-wife has not abandoned children and keeps coming to see them. Of course, you must be going through pain and difficulty while you are raising children on your own after divorce, but mother showing attention to children must have a positive influence on children. 

It is absolutely understandable that you are confused about the current situation and what to do about it. To be able to address the issue in the right way, it must be first noted that you have the condition of post traumatic stress, and the treatment of your condition must precede any other actions to be able to make a right judgment and decision for yourself and your children. Then, you will also give your ex-wife an opportunity to treat herself. When time comes, you will suggest that your ex-wife treat her psychological condition in order to restore family relationship.

Above all, it is impossible to restore family relationship and marriage relationship unless you treat post traumatic stress first. You and your ex-wife may decide to stay divorced after treatment, but then, you will be able to have a good relationship with children and build happiness separately with healthy psychology and happiness ability. Without proper treatment, both of you will keep aggravating your conditions and influence you children negatively no matter what practical measures you take. 

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[Husband Infidelity] My husband is openly seeing the adulteress after being caught for infidelity.

 

Q. Why is my husband openly seeing the adulteress even after infidelity was discovered by me? I am not responding at all to his words or behaviors after I watched your videos. We came across each other at home and he said he would come back in 10 days and make effort to restore marriage relationship. I felt quite despised. What should I do?

A. Your husband doesn't seem to take you seriously or be afraid of you at all even upon the revelation of his infidelity. He will become to take you seriously above anything when you treat post traumatic stress and build happiness ability and coping ability. Then, you will be able to calmly take all the practical measures you want including divorce, lawsuits, and other measures.

You husband is seeing the adulteress without even trying to hide it from you. It indicates that he knows that you are overwhelmed with your own pain and cannot take any action just keeping your heart in your mouth. You may look easy to his eyes since he has a psychological disorder, which makes him perceive things in the opposite ways and have the conviction in his thought. He would even try to get a divorce right away if you take any practical measures now. He would simply do and say all kinds of absurd things since he has a distorted consciousness. 

You must not pay attention to him whatever he does and try to treat your condition of post traumatic stress. Then, you can give him an opportunity to treat himself and restore marriage relationship. It is not to say that you just let him do whatever he wants but to say that you wait until you restore healthy psychology. Otherwise, both you and your husband cannot but aggravate psychological conditions. Luckily, he at least seems to vaguely think that he needs and wants to recover. You can just tell him to make efforts and go ahead with your own treatment.

If your husband comes back and both of you just try to restore marriage relationship with practical measures without treatment, you may feel comfortable for some time at first but your husband's infidelity and your post traumatic stress are highly likely to recur in a more advanced form.

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[Wife Infidelity] I am taking KIP treatment program due to my girlfriend's infidelity and I feel insecure about my future.

Q. I was in such pain due to my girl friend's infidelity and I decided to take KIP treatment program. As I was told, I feel better little by little and I can control myself better these days. The level of pain has subsided and the attack comes less often. My girlfriend is also considering taking the treatment. We are engaged to marry but I feel that I want to leave her as I feel better and better. Am I avoiding the situation or aggravating my condition? Of course, I plan to continue with the treatment. I feel that I am providing some kind of service even when my girlfriend takes the treatment program. ​I would not leave her if we were already married, but I ask myself whether I have to go through this much for her even before I get married. 

A. It is your girlfriend's responsibility to treat her own condition through her own determination and effort. As you restore psychological stability in the process of treatment, most people feel comfortable and wish to avoid the nature of the stress in spite of yourself. 

Many people feel the desire to get a divorce and have a hard time generating positive emotions toward the spouse in infidelity. As your emotions go up and down, you also experience the middle point with comfort, in which you feel that you don't want to bother to save the relationship. It is a common phenomena that appear in the process of treatment and it does not indicate that your condition is being aggravated. It is recommended that you stay in the relationship until you recover completely instead of leaving her now and focus on your treatment.

Your girlfriend may decide to treat her relationship addiction and build happiness ability. Then, she will reflect on her behaviors in the right perspective and understand what you have been through due to her infidelity. She will also treat her wounds from all her past life and stabilize her psychology. Each of you can focus on your own treatment and both of you will see whether it is better to stay together or break up for future happiness after complete cure. 

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[Husband Infidelity] My husband seems to be truly in love with the adulteress.

 

Q. My husband has been having an affair with a barmaid for 6 months. He is not just seeing her for fun but is truly in love with her. He has a well-paid job and is a good person. He seems to have stopped seeing her for now and be making efforts to forget her, but has a difficult time doing it. He looks so depressed and almost like dying at home. Differently from the time his affair was first discovered, he says he will do his best to come back and restore family. He hardly talks and does not make any effort. I wonder what psychological condition he is in now. It seems to me that he has not sever the relationship yet and is still in infidelity.

A. The concept of love does not apply to infidelity. Infidelity is the result of relationship addiction, which is a psychological disorder. The adulteress may have met your husband for her own purpose. She may have wanted pleasure, money, and other things but your husband can mistake it for love since he has the condition of relationship addiction. Your husband can be an ideal target to take advantage of since he has a well-paid job and is a good person. He is likely to give the woman more and more as the relationship progresses. The woman will simply change men when the relationship ends for some reason. Both of them can mistake the condition for love since they are both in relationship addiction, but the fact that you also think they are in a true love indicates that you are also in a serious condition. 

Your husband is depressed not because he has lost his love but because his pleasure has stopped. His relationship addiction will be easily reactivated when he finds another women to pursue pleasure with. This is a common symptom of relationship addiction. He will display rage when things don't go his way and stay depressed when he cannot do anything as he wishes. He thinks that he wants to make efforts and restore family, but his pathological condition makes it difficult for him to put into actions. He will feel that the whole world has collapsed when the adulteress meets another man, which is actually caused by the operation of relationship addiction but mistaken for love. 

Please, keep in mind that your husband has a psychological disorder, which only he himself can treat. He will continue infidelity changing women and aggravating the condition unless he is properly treated. He may keep more than one adulteress not to lose his pleasure in case one adulteress leaves him. 

You cannot give your husband an opportunity to treat unless you treat your post traumatic stress first. It is crucial that you stop paying attention to your husband and treat post traumatic stress. Then, you will give him hope for recovery of marriage relationship based on the wife's happiness ability. 

You can tell him that you have started the treatment but don't have to force him to treat his condition. Things will only keep getting worse if you postpone your treatment and keep paying attention to your husband thinking that you will be OK only if he comes back to you. It is guaranteed that husband infidelity will recur with an advanced condition of relationship addiction and post traumatic stress will also keep getting aggravated, which will cause even more dire consequences in your life and your husband's life.

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A man who claims he is in love with a married woman

 

(Q) A man in separation with his wife and a married woman have had an extramarital relationship for 7 years. The man tells the woman that he loves her and plans to marry her after his divorce 5 years later. Can we say that he really loves her?

 

(A) The two people are in relationship addiction with psychological disorders. They have been seeking only pleasure in life for the last 7 years and they could easily continue such a relationship for the rest of their life. It is simply a nonsense that he loves her and he plans to get a divorce 5 years later and marry the woman.

 

He is only lying that he plans to marry her in order to continue his pleasurable life without problems and is self-justifying the current situation. It is identical to say that they should just keep enjoying as they do now since they will get married in 5 years, which is unlikely to happen.

 

Normal people cannot understand speech and actions of people with psychological disorders since their thoughts are completely distorted from normal operation. They may look absolutely smart and rational in dealing with other matters, but their psychology operates in a distorted way to accord with the standard of pleasure seeking regarding the object of addiction, which is relationship in this case.

 

People in infidelity may actually think and argue that those who seek pleasure are capable of love and those who do not are not. They are at the center of destroying healthy human relationships along with destroying individuals, families, and the whole society. The nature of such a relationship is the woman offering her body for the man's sexual pleasure disguised as love.

 

The woman is likely to be indifferent to her family and her children since she is also in relationship addiction. She is considered to be addicted to the man's attention and consolation at the cost of her life, and she has to keep responding to the man in return for his attention. She is also highly likely to display symptoms of hysteria upon the slightest negative stimulation.

 

Both of them are ruining their own life and the lives of people around them without even having a clue about what is actually going on in their mind and psychology.

 

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