Q : I have found out that my husband has been having an affair for 3 years. All the family members including my husband and children stay at home a lot due to the Covid-19 pandemic situation. My husband asks for forgiveness and is really sweet to children. I have become to feel quite comfortable as we stay together a lot. I think that we could live happily after I forgive him since he looks like he has come back to me. However, I heard that infidelity would recur when he has not actually been cured? What should I do?
A : The husband asks for forgiveness and tries to be nice to the wife in order to avoid his own stress. It does not indicate that his relationship addiction is cured. The wife develops post traumatic stress upon the discovery of husband infidelity and her condition gets aggravated regardless of what the husband does.
Husband infidelity is affected by the practical situation and he cannot freely meet the adulteress due to the pandemic situation. He has to stay at home a lot and he may think that he needs to calm his wife down to avoid getting stress by conflicts with his wife.
The wife may begin to feel better since everything goes well in marriage and family life. She may even think that he would never have another affair since he looks like he has come back to her.
The husband may also think that his infidelity is over and he will not have another affair, being convinced that everything will be fine from now on. Or, he may think that the wife has overlooked or forgiven him and he can have an affair again later. Either way, he still has the condition of relationship addiction, which can recur anytime when the situation allows him. Either way, the wife’s post traumatic stress continues to deteriorate as time goes by unless properly treated.
The second time husband infidelity is discovered in the future, your post traumatic stress will become so severe that you will end up ruining your life and your children’s life since you will not be able to hold the pain anymore.
You may mistake staying at home with your husband and having a comfortable time with family for infidelity issues having been solved, but your post traumatic stress and your husband’s relationship addiction are getting aggravated even today. It is almost guaranteed that he will resume his infidelity after the pandemic situation is over and the whole painful process will repeat.
It is crucial that you treat post traumatic stress regardless of your husband’s condition. Then, you will be able to give your husband an opportunity to treat his relationship addiction.
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