For normal people, emotions fluctuate between ㊀10 and ㊉10 in a metaphorical sense. When you feel ㊀ emotions, you can recover to ㊉ emotions by making efforts on your own. However, when you neglect emotions of ㊀10, your condition deteriorate to lower than ㊀10. You may develop psychological problems and go between ㊀100 and ㊉100 from then.
When psychological problems occur, it is hard to recover only by your own effort and you may need help from psychological or psychiatric treatment. When you neglect the condition further, your condition deteriorates further. You may develop psychological disorders and go between ㊀1000 and ㊉1000 from then.
As negative emotions advance to a lower level, positive emotions also advance to a higher level. When you fall from ㊉10 to ㊀10, you feel the pain of ㊀20. When you fall from ㊉100 to ㊀100, you feel the pain of ㊀200. When you fall from ㊉1,000 to ㊀1,000, you feel the pain of ㊀2,000. When you fall from ㊉10,000 to ㊀10,000, you feel the pain of ㊀10,000.
Even healthy psychology of a normal people does not stay only at the same level of 0 all the time. Human psychology is designed to fluctuate between ㊉ and ㊀ to some degree. Human experience emotions of joy, sorrow, anger, and pleasure going between ㊉ and ㊀. When your psychology develops problems or disorders, the range of fluctuation becomes bigger.
When you are in ㊉ state of emotions, you feel comfort and pleasure, but you cannot help falling to as negative level as the size of the positive level and sensing the pain of the size of the fall. The range grows more and more as the condition advances. It is when you feel comfort and pleasure that is really dangerous since you don't even realize that you are sick and you are about to fall in a short time.
When you focus on making people feel better temporarily in the conscious for psychology treatment, treatment seems to be quite an easy task, but it is quite dangerous at the fundamental level. Then, psychology treatment plays the role of aggravating psychological condition.
Therapies adopting theories of psychology, psychiatry, and the Theory of Mimind must be differentiated and applied in the right way. The degree of suffering and the time period of experiencing psychological problems must be considered to determine which method to adopt.
Economic class can be divided roughly into 3 categories : upper class, middle class, and lower class. Psychological class can also be divided roughly into 3 categories : psychology of leaders, psychology of self-actualization, and psychology of survival. One's life is determined as a happy life, an unhappy life, the worst life, and a ruined life by the psychological class adopted for each economic class. Understanding the relationship between economic class and psychological class will lead you to pursue happiness in a more adequate way for yourself and your family.
People with psychology of leaders pursue happiness through helping people with psychology of self-actualization and psychology of survival to pursue happiness. People with psychology of self-actualization pursue happiness of self-actualization with meanings and values. People with psychology of survival pursue the satisfaction of basic necessities of food, clothing, and shelter. The relationship between economic class and psychological class are as follows.
1. Life of economically upper class with psychology of leaders
They use their wealth to help people with psychology of self-actualization and survival to pursue happiness and are respected by others.
2. Life of economically upper class with psychology of self-actualization
They have strong desire for wealth and use their wealth for their own satisfaction and pleasure through consumption and self-display.
3. Life of economically upper class with psychology of survival
They have strong desire for basic necessities and pursue their own satisfaction and pleasure through consumption and self-display.
4. Life of economically middle class with psychology of leaders
They use their wealth to help people through donation and voluntary work and are respected by others.
5. Life of economically middle class with psychology of self-actualization
They have strong desire for wealth and try hard to become upper class. They use their wealth for their own satisfaction and pleasure through consumption and self-display.
6. Life of economically middle class with psychology of survival
They have strong desire for basic necessities and use their wealth for their own satisfaction and pleasure through consumption and self-display.
7. Life of economically lower class with psychology of leaders
They try hard to stabilize their condition for survival and do their best to share what they have through donation and voluntary work. They are respected by others.
8. Life of economically lower class with psychology of self-actualization
They try hard to stabilize their condition for survival and have strong desire for wealth. They try hard to become middle class or upper class.
9. Life of economically lower class with psychology of survival
They try hard for survival but have no desire for wealth. They are satisfied with the stabilized condition for survival.
You can make reference to the above categorization to analyze your current situation and decide what to do to achieve your happiness and your family's happiness.
There is a clear difference between a person and a person in relationships. It must be quite new to most people to differentiate a person and a person in relationships. A person exists all by oneself, and a person in relationship exists interacting with other people.
A criminal who commits a brutal crime is said to have 'given up on being a human being' since such a person is considered to have destroyed human relationships. When we exist as a person all by ourselves, we are rarely stressed or wounded psychologically. To be able to come up with solutions to overcoming stress and wounds in a healthy way, we need to clearly understand that stress and wounds are generated only in relationships. When you suffer from stress and wounds due to relational conflicts, you must go back to exist as a person all by yourself to heal stress and treat wounds. Trying to deal with stress and wounds staying in relationships only aggravate psychological conditions and practical situations.
It is recommended that you have a pause or a time-out in conflictual situations. Please, do not try to solve the issue staying in relationships, but go back to exist as a person to take a time-out to heal stress and treat wounds separately. Then, it becomes easier to communicate with each other. When you build a habit of going back to exist as a person in stressful situations and healing stress and treating wounds by yourself, you can prevent growing stress and wounds to a great extent. Of course, it may not be easy at first, but it will give you the power to protect your mind in conflictual relationships.
We usually classify people into wealthy and successful class, middle class, and poor class with respect to economic and social status. We can also classify people's psychology into leader psychology, psychology of self-actualization, and psychology of survival.
The combination of economic and social class and psychological class leads some people to live a happy life benefiting self and others and being respected by everyone. It leads others to live an unhappy life destroying self and others and being condemned by everyone.
Especially, wealthy and successful people cannot but have great social influences whether they are positive or negative. Thus, wealthy and successful people's psychological status is intimately associated with the society's overall condition and wellbeing.
For example, when wealthy and successful people have healthy leader psychology, they use their power of influence to lead other people to happiness. People in middle class and poor class can have more opportunities for self-actualization and survival, they pay respect to wealthy people who help them, and the society progresses in the direction of happiness and prosperity.
However, when wealthy and successful people live with distorted psychological condition, they prioritize their own individual happiness. Then, people with less economic ability and lower social status are more deprived of opportunities to pursue happiness since people cannot but affect one another in human relationships and people with wealth and success and distorted psychology negatively influence other people with more power. When wealthy people with the psychology of self-actualization or survival pursue distorted happiness with greed and selfishness, many people's pursuit of happiness is destroyed. Then, everyone in the society suffers and lives of many people are destroyed.
Not all wealthy and successful people have leader psychology, so they must try to build healthy leader psychology when they achieve financial and social success. You cannot just automatically obtain leader psychology when you rise from middle class or poor class to wealthy and successful class.
Also, they must lead their children and their spouse to build leader psychology. Then, they can enjoy not only economic affluence but also true happiness, which is accompanied by respect from other people and prosperity of the whole society. When wealthy people and their family cannot build healthy leader psychology, they may look fancy and happy outside, but they live in pain and unhappiness inside with insatiable greed and distorted desire. They may develop compensation mentality with self-display and over-consumption seeking pleasure and indulgence at all costs. Wealthy and successful people with distorted psychology inflict great damage upon many people and aggravate division and conflict in the whole society. Then, the society will have more and more people with distorted and destructive psychology in all social and financial classes.
If you feel that you and people around you are not happy even when you are rich and successful, you may greatly benefit from Consultation on Leader Psychology. For your wealth and success to be valued and be connected with happiness in a true sense, you need to live in healthy relationships with other people with harmony and order. Consultation on Leader Psychology will help you build and maintain healthy leader psychology so that you can achieve happiness in a true sense on top of what you have already achieved.
Q : I have not contacted my parents for a long time since we didn’t get along well. I have a happy family of my own with my husband and children after marriage but I occasionally think about my parents. Will I experience relational conflicts again if I begin to see them?
A : Some parents consider their children as some type of possessions rather than independent individuals with their own thought standards. Then, the daughter may accumulate a lot of psychological wounds. Such parents are not interested in the daughter’s ideas, emotions, or psychological conditions, and just think everything is fine as far as things go as they want.
When the daughter stops contacting them, they may simply think that one of their possessions has disappeared. When the daughter begins contacting them again and they find out that the daughter has a happy family, they may develop the desire to regain the lost possession and have their way.
For the daughter to protect her own family’s happiness, she has to keep a certain distance from the parents to prevent the parents from destroying her happiness.
Thus, you must be able to protect your current happy life before anything. Then, you must accurately understand why your parents thought and acted that way by understanding the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology to correct and broaden your own perspective.
When you correct your own perspective and have accurate understanding of mind and psychology, your parents are likely to change their behaviors, too. Your change in attitudes will lead to their change in attitudes and behaviors.
Change must begin from within yourself first, and then, you will see more and more practical issues resolved. Please, do not rush but take time and go step by step in the process.
Men’s mind and women’s mind operate completely differently. Therefore, a man and a woman in a close relationship necessarily develop conflicts and disputes. This is all due to the fact that neither party understands that the counterparty's mind operates differently and both argue only for their own position.
Psychological manifestation changes depending on situations and environments. Many people think that the counterparty is a capricious person and develop misunderstanding based on arbitrary interpretation.
For example, suppose that a couple is on a vacation and has just arrived at the hotel room.
W : Ugh... This is quite different from what I expected.
M : At least, the view of the ocean is great. We can’t move to another place now. Let’s just relax and have fun.
W: I don’t care about the view. I planned to take a ton of pictures in the room. This is so old and dull. I just want to go home.
The man does his best to make the woman feel better but she keeps complaining. Then, the man makes diverse speech, actions, and facial expressions just to get out of the situation. He could try harder and take her out to enjoy other things, but he may display anger or just disappear. Then, the woman assumes that the man has changed and doesn’t love her anymore, feeling deeply hurt. The fact is that his feelings toward her have not changed even a bit but manifestations of his psychology change moment by moment.
Men’s mind operates to avoid or remove stress and women’s mind operates to accommodate stress and transforms it into wounds in memory. Men’s display of anger or avoidance is simply the result of attempting to get out of stress. Women cannot understand this mechanism and generate wounds on their own based on arbitrary interpretation.
The operation of human mind does not change from birth to death but the manifestation of psychology changes moment by moment in forms of speech, actions, and facial expressions. We are all to misunderstand others’ thoughts and emotions when we do not accurately understand the operational mechanism of mind and psychology.
Different thoughts and emotions cause stress and wounds in relationships. In such cases, it is recommended that you stop interacting with each other and heal your own stress and wounds separately.
When stress and wounds continue and are neglected, psychological problems get aggravated and develop into psychological disorders.
Women’s mind decides to block memories of emotions when the amount of accumulated wounds exceeds the capacity for accommodation. This is manifested as the disorder of memory of emotions or depression. The root cause of depression is accumulated wounds and it can be treated by forming habits of wound treatment.
Men’s mind develops neurotic conditions not to perceive stress anymore when it cannot remove or avoid stress. This is manifested as perception disorder such as panic disorder, anxiety disorder, or obsessive-compulsive disorder. The root cause of perception disorder is stress and it can be treated by forming habits of healing stress in healthy ways.
The disorder of memory of emotions in women and perception disorder in men occur in order to prevent psychology from being excessively activated in any one component among perception, memory, and expression losing balance.
Balanced psychology leads to stable emotions and losing balance in psychology leads to unstable emotions or psychological problems or disorders. Manifestations of psychology change moment by moment, so temporary change of psychology is not appropriate or applicable to treat psychological disorders. Adjustment at the level of mind, which consists of the conscious and the unconscious, does not change depending on situations, and fundamentally affect the manifestation of psychology, is necessary to treat psychological disorders.
When people achieve their goal in life, they are referred to as successful people. If you want to succeed, you must first know what your interests are and decide on the direction you want to take. Then, you can set the goal and pursue values of life. Values of life can be categorized into financial values, relational values, and social values. When you make efforts in the right direction without digression to achieve your goal, you will find yourself getting closer to success. Humans are designed to pursue happiness with self-actualization. They set goals and pursue values of life for self-actualization. In the pursuit of values of life, the process is more important than the result of success by giving you the sense of achievement through overcoming difficulties. The immersion into what you pursue with passion is more important than the achievement itself to make you feel the sense of fulfillment.
You must continuously make efforts with the will power to pursue values of life. Success never comes from luck but from effort. If you are born with everything you can ask for in life, you don't have to make any effort and don't have to pursue self-actualization. Then, you may indulge yourself with only fun and pleasure but you cannot achieve happiness and success since you don't pursue self-actualization.
You must form habits of success to be able to achieve success. Habits are formed only through constant practice and any great idea is of no use unless it is put into actions. You must begin by setting a small and practical goal to form habits of success. You can set bigger and bigger goals gradually and you can form habits of success and abilities for great achievement. When you set too high a goal, you are more likely to give up and form habits of failure since it is too difficult.
Everyone wants to become successful but only a small number of people end up being successful. Naturally, people try to learn about how to succeed from successful people's experiences. What you must learn from successful people is not how they have made the achievement in their field but their will power and effort in the process of the pursuit of their goal. The will power and efforts come from hope, and successful people acquire and accumulate knowledge and put their ideas into actions one by one. Putting your ideas into practice means that you build the will power and keep making efforts. Each practice is accumulated to make values of your life increase. Then, you will also grow confidence and ability to solve problems and cope with crises, which in turn charge you with more energy and passion for even further pursuit of values of life.
One of the most important factor in achieving success is one's own experience. It is to put your ideas and knowledge into practice. Through first-hand experience, you go through trials and errors learning what more you need and building problem solving abilities. No one can succeed with only one try in an easy way. Every successful person has experienced trials and errors and continued to try without losing hope. They enjoy the process, overcome difficulties, and continue to generate passion for further challenge.
Success in one area does not mean that your whole life is a successful one, and any life is to go through ups and downs. If you just focus on seeking pleasure thinking that you are in golden days of your life, you will soon fall into dark days in the near future. People who achieve success in a true sense never choose to stay in the present comfort and never stop pursuing self-actualization based on their experience of success.
Many people give up right before reaching the summit not because it is impossible to climb the cliff but because they think it is impossible. One's thought results in one's action and negative thoughts will lead you to stop going forward. On the other hand, there are some people who achieve success with only one try. They may easily collapse since they lack experiences as well as habits and abilities of success. Therefore, there is not much to learn from people who have succeeded with good luck. Any path to success is long and rough and it is strange and scary to anyone. You will fall and get confused many times. People without strong will power for their goal will easily give up but people with strong will power will keep going making trials and errors until they find their own ways.
The more experiences you have, the more abilities you can build for problem solving. People with abilities for success always focus on restoration and make efforts when they are faced with crises. You don't have to fear making mistakes since you are just building abilities through trials and errors. However, you cannot go closer to your goal if you avoid or give up.
To be able to achieve success in life, knowledge and experience are necessary elements. However, many people fail because they just try to follow the experiences of successful people without their own knowledge and experience. Some people even try to follow the successful people's life itself. Then, they are imitating other people's life instead of living their own life and their life becomes a clear failure. Life is to accumulate the whole range of facts and emotions through unique experiences and imitating other people's life without making efforts with your own knowledge and experience may simply lead you nowhere.
It would be ignorant of you to try to learn about the know-how of success from successful people since success is possible only when you make efforts with your own knowledge and experience. The only thing you can learn from successful people is their strong will power, efforts, and perseverance. No one can succeed without numerous trials and errors. Those who hold onto hope and make efforts even in the worst situation will find the way to success and those who do not will fail. You must find your own way to success. When you follow the path other people have taken, you may lose the way in spite of yourself. Other people's methods of success cannot be your method of success.
You may want to learn about how to succeed from successful people since you want to reach the destination in easy and comfortable ways. Then, you could take a shortcut and wouldn't have to make efforts with strong will power. However, the shortcut is what the successful people have found with their will power and effort not with yours. It must always be kept in mind that you must learn the successful people's will power and effort not the specific methods of success.
When someone dies, people evaluate the person's life as a happy life or an unhappy life. To be able to judge on a happy or an unhappy life, we must first accurately understand what life is and what happiness and unhappiness are. Life is one's journey from birth to death. No life journey is simple and easy. One day, life is comfortable, and the very next day, some problem makes you stay up all night. Sometimes, it is pleasurable enough to make you feel that you are in the golden days of your life, and other times, you develop suicidal ideation since life is too painful to endure. Life is the continuum of ups and downs with the whole range of emotions inside you including joy, pleasure, sorrow, and anger generating both happiness and unhappiness.
You life is considered to be a happy one when you continuously pursue self-actualization. You feel the emotion of happiness when you overcome difficulties in life and regain the comfortable and positive condition. The ups and downs in life generate the emotion of happiness. Happiness is not given by other people and it is not placed far away. The emotion of happiness is generated and recognized only by yourself in your mind. The same applies to unhappiness. Your emotion of unhappiness is never given by other people. It is generated and recognized only by yourself in your mind. It is up to you to control your mind to become happy inside your mind.
Your life is considered to be an unhappy one when you lose the balance in your mind. When people lose their pet, they put up posters in the whole neighborhood and even offer a reward to find it. However, not many people even recognize when they lose the balance in their mind. We must pay attention to and take care of our mind to prevent problems from occurring in our mind. We are supposed to feel deep positive emotions as we overcome difficulties in life and the deep positive emotions are emotions of happiness. When life is too comfortable or too pleasurable for some prolonged time, it indicates that unhappiness is to come soon. Happy life is a life where we enjoy what we have together with our loved ones in balance without excess or deficiency.
Some people complain that they cannot get out of worries and problems even for a day and they keep grieving over their tough luck. They usually do not have the will power to solve their problems and just keep worrying and complaining. Some blame people around them or the society for their misfortune. They usually have the condition of dependency and inferiority complex and always try to find some easy way by taking advantage of other people. Still others get immersed into fun and pleasure and do not care about other people's pain and suffering. They destroy harmony and order in relationships and lack conscience. People described above end up living an unhappy life by causing the loss of balance in their life and lives of other people.
Life experiences always change like weather. Being sunny today does not guarantee that it will be sunny tomorrow. It may be rainy or even stormy. The present situation does not represent your whole life whether you are happy or unhappy at present. You will be able to evaluate your life only on your death bed and we never know when we will face crisis in life. Being unhappy today does not mean that you will be unhappy tomorrow and vice versa. The important thing is to set the right direction for the future regardless of your current situation.
The fact that you are suffering in mind indicates that your mind wants you to overcome difficulties and achieve happiness again. Thus, you must try to solve the current problem and go forward for happiness. Failures and trials and errors will only make you stronger by accumulating valuable first hand experiences. You must build your own ability to overcome the crisis instead of blaming yourself or other prople to be able to restore happiness. You must focus on recovery with happiness ability instead of giving up or avoiding. No matter how hard your life is at present, it does not represent your whole life since you still have the whole future in front of you. Whether you overcome or give up determines whether you will be happy or unhappy in the future.
There can be three types of problems in life everyone is to experience. They are problems of human relationships, problems in the pursuit of values of life, and problems in the pursuit of meanings of life. Upon facing those problems in your life, you must think hard on how to solve the problems and put your ideas into practice instead of just giving up or avoiding. Then, you will build problem solving abilities, be able to overcome difficulties in life, and achieve happiness. Not thinking is equivalent to giving up on your life and avoiding problems will only lead you to failure. Also, knowledge and experience are useless unless they are put into practice.
Human mind is designed to pursue happiness. When the pursuit of happiness is obstructed, you suffer from pain and difficulties, which is an indication that your mind wants you to overcome the difficulties and go back to happiness. Therefore, we must focus on regaining happiness whenever we face problems in life. If you do not have the ability to solve problems you can build basic abilities by accumulating small efforts and small achievements. Then you can free yourself from depending on other people and develop independence.
You are to experience the whole range of emotions and it is only you yourself who can generate your emotions from within yourself based on your own thought standards. You may feel sorry for people who have lost their job but they may actually feel fine since they didn't like the job and they have a better plan for their life. Happiness or unhappiness is determined only by yourself. Your friend may look very happy to your eyes but it is only your thought and you can not know how he or she feels inside.
When you live only by yourself, you need to pursue only your own happiness for your freedom and right with your own standards. However, when you live with other people in human relationships, you must pursue being happy together with other people and maintain balance between right and duty and respect harmony and order.
When you suffer from relational conflicts, you may develop victim mentality. You may feel angry and raged and perceive everything in negative ways. As you continue with victim mentality, your condition may advance and lead you to develop perpetrator mentality in spite of yourself. You may inflict the same degree of damage as you have received onto other people, and it will make you feel comfortable by offsetting your suffering. You may mistake it for happiness and live an unhappy life with distorted ideas and behaviors.
Some people develop compensation mentality to get out of negative emotions. They usually develop the sense of inferiority and shame, and try to compensate their negative emotions with behaviors that can provide them with the sense of satisfaction such as shopping or eating. Perpetrator mentality and compensation mentality are different in the sense that in the former you feel satisfied by damaging other people and in the latter you feel satisfied by damaging yourself.
All people with conditions described above cannot but live unhappily since their ideas and behaviors are distorted and end up destroying their own life and lives of people around them. They also easily blame others, themselves, or develop dependency. They seek only comfort and pleasure without pursuing true happiness with meanings and values of life. They also become easy targets by people with selfish purposes and are taken advantage of, which aggravates their psychological conditions further.
It is difficult to restore healthy psychology once it completely collapses. It is crucial for us to reflect upon conditions of our mind and find the cause of problems if there is any. You can get out of unhappiness only when you accurately understand why you are unhappy. Once you understand the root cause of problems, you can think about solutions and put your ideas into practice by making efforts. Many people stay in unhappiness because they do not think hard enough and give up, avoid, or depend on other people in face of crisis. You can get out of unhappiness and restore happiness only when you have your own will power and make efforts on your own.
When you become popular and famous, you get a lot of attention from general public. Fame and popularity are determined by other people. You become more popular and more famous when people show more interest in you. People pay attention to all of your behaviors and your behaviors affect people in certain ways.
At first, people will become interested in a specific part of you such as your knowledge, experience, or achievement. Then, they begin to show interest in every aspect of you, for which they may have different ideas and standards from yours. They may be constantly curious about what type of person you are and try to find out about you and your family.
You have much more memories and experiences than the part that made you famous and popular and you are a human being with much more than your fame and popularity. You may think that it is unfair that people want to know everything about you, including your past, present, and future, but that's what general public expect from famous and popular people.
You may become famous and popular accidentally without any specific purpose, but you may develop purposes as your fame and popularity continue and grow. Then, from a certain point, everything about you becomes commercialized whether you like it or not, which can contribute to achieving your goal further and more easily feeding you with more desire for even more fame and popularity.
On the other hand, as your fame and popularity subside and it becomes harder to achieve your goal, you may feel depressed and frustrated. Then, you may try to regain fame and popularity by not only reinforcing your original talent but also employing other knowledge and experience you have, commercializing everything you have into products for fame and popularity. Eventually, you may put the cart before the horse and everything about you exists only for your pursuit of fame and popularity. Then, you yourself become a means to an end.
Of course, people will be interested in everything you do since everything about you has been commercialized. Your opinions on some other areas than your own expertise will draw attention from people, which may have a great influence on general public, provide distorted information, and cause psychological problems in many people.
Some people may overtly express negative views on what you do, which also indicates that they are highly interested in you. People involve emotions in judging famous and popular people's behaviors, so they either like you or dislike you. People may make heated arguments over your behaviors, and people's opinions about you will be polarized. Some people may like or dislike everything about you because they agree or disagree on some small part of yours.
When you become famous and popular, you cannot but get attention from many people and be judged for everything you do. Your life becomes limited and restrained and you are fervently welcomed or fiercely attacked in public places. Now, you have become to sacrifice a normal and comfortable life for fame, popularity, and achievement.
It is not that fame and popularity are good or bad, or right or wrong by nature. It is that you must accurately understand the nature and the mechanism of getting fame and popularity in order to prevent problematic situations and protect yourself and people around you from undesirable consequences. Some famous people do not prepare themselves for unexpected situations and end up losing all their fame, popularity, and achievement and ruining their life completely. They may try to restore their fame and popularity by starting fresh again but they will only repeat the vicious cycle as far as they do not understand why they failed at first and what to do in order not to repeat failure.
You may lose the enthusiasm and vitality when things do not go as intended while you are pursuing values and meanings of life. Then, you may enter the state of lethargy in which you don't want to do anything. Then, you must first find the cause of your lethargy instead of just trying to address the problem in a practical way. Some people force themselves to restore vitality when they enter the state of lethargy, only looking for fun and pleasure, which may lead them to develop addiction in spite of themselves. It is recommended that you try to find the cause of your lethargy and adequately address the problem instead of just trying to get out of it by all means.
You may enter the state of lethargy when you cannot find the direction in your life for some prolonged time. Or, you become lethargic when you are stopped from pursuing values and meanings of life by some external force. You may try to find a new direction of life and be able to get out of lethargy by thinking hard and restoring hope and vitality. Thinking is important as the initial action in regaining hope and vitality for setting a new direction of life and hope cannot exist without thinking.
All humans live pursuing values and meanings of life for self-actualization. We feel emotions of happiness in the process of pursuing self-actualization when we achieve our goals and share happiness with loved ones. By design, humans are to pursue self-actualization in their own unique ways until the very moment they die. People who do not pursue self-actualization may pursue and have fun and pleasure but not happiness. On the contrary, when humans cannot pursue values and meanings for self-actualization for any reason, they may lose enthusiasm and vitality in life and enter the state of lethargy. Humans are designed to generate enthusiasm and vitality when they can pursue values and meanings of life and to enter the state of lethargy when they cannot.
We experience difficulties when we have problems with pursuing values of life. However, we do not stop pursuing values just because we face difficulties. We keep pursuing values trying to overcome difficulties for the whole life time. We gather up the will power and make efforts to achieve the goal. Then, we may solve problems and grow hope along with more hope, enthusiasm, and vitality.
On the contrary, we may lose hope when we find the problems are overwhelming and impossible to overcome. We may decide that there is no hope and stop pursuing values of life. When you have a firm idea that there is no hope, you lose enthusiasm and vitality and enter the state of lethargy.
When you feel that there is no hope in what you have been doing, you must transfer to pursuing another value instead of giving up everything. You must start fresh by collecting new information and acquiring new knowledge to pursue a new value based on all the precious experiences you have accumulated so far. You must find a new value to pursue to get out of lethargy instead of being absorbed in the result of failure. You can bring back enthusiasm and vitality as you set a new goal and make efforts with strong will power. The period of lethargy continues from when you stop pursuing values until you find new hope and vitality to pursue a new value. The longer the period of lethargy is, the harder it is to get out of it since you become indolent.
Even successful people can fall into lethargy. When you achieve the goal of life, you may stop pursuing values since you don't have values to pursue anymore. You may feel the sense of achievement and satisfaction and want to enjoy the fruit of your effort. However, you will feel the emptiness of life no matter how much fun and pleasure you have, and then, you may begin to ask yourself why you are living, falling into lethargy. Successful people may stay in the state of lethargy from the time they achieve their goal until they find a new goal of life. The longer the period of lethargy is, the harder it is to get out of it, and the more likely it is to get immersed into fun and pleasure without finding a new goal.
There are people who pursue fun and pleasure in order to get out of lethargy and regain enthusiasm and vitality. They cannot maintain normal relationships since they prioritize their own fun and pleasure over being happy with other people. They take advantage of other people disregarding others' pain and damage. They live only as an individual rather than as a person in relationships. As time passes and their condition advances, they destroy themselves and others more and more disregarding the harmony and order of the society.
The pursuit of fun and pleasure does not belong to the pursuit of values and meanings of life for self-actualization. The pursuit of values and meanings involve making efforts to be happy together in relationships. Pursuing fun and pleasure is a distorted way of getting out of lethargy whereas trying to set a new goal and make efforts is a healthy way of getting out of lethargy.
Women tend to focus more on meanings than values of life for self-actualization. Women usually enter the state of lethargy when they lose meanings of life. Meanings come from emotions you feel at present, so the loss of meanings leads to the loss of feelings of love and happiness. Feelings of happiness comes from exchanging and sharing emotions in close relationships. Women achieve meanings of life through living happily with family members, getting married, or having children.
Women may enter the state of lethargy when they lose meanings toward the counterparty. They may suffer from pain and wounds caused by conflicts in the relationship. They feel that they will feel comfortable if they give up on the relationship but it is quite difficult since their feelings are involved deeply. Once women decide that the relationship is meaningless, they can change the object of meaning to another person and continue to pursue meanings, which often times leads to the distorted pursuit of meanings of life. They may give up their husband and children and attempt to pursue meanings with other people, which is usually accompanied by pleasure seeking.
When you enter the state of lethargy while pursuing values of life, the most important thing is to restore hope since you will not attempt to do anything unless you have hope for the future. Hope will generate enthusiasm and vitality. On the other hand, when you enter the state of lethargy while pursuing meanings of life, you must treat psychological wounds and restore healthy psychology before anything. Then, you can make the right judgment and decision on how to proceed with the pursuit of meanings again with the current counterparty or with other people.
When you suddenly enter the state of lethargy, you must first find the cause of it and accurately understand the mechanism of falling into and getting out of it. Please, do not give up on the pursuit of meanings and values of life for happiness. Try to find a ray of light even in the darkest place and follow the light of hope to stabilize psychology and regain enthusiasm and vitality.
Words can be truly powerful. Words can destroy the tranquility of mind and drive to despair or heal the pain in mind and sow the seeds of hope. Human psychology consists of perception, memory, and expression, and the outward expression consists of speech, actions, and facial expressions, of which speech can express one's mind the best. We all exchange words when we communicate with other people in human relationships. Words can contain and generate the whole spectrum of emotions. Rude words generate pain, humble words generate respect, and arrogant words hurt pride. Words can have either positive or negative influence on human relationships. People who understand the power of words are careful with their words.
The power of words can be shown by the example of praise. Everyone feels good upon being praised since we all have the desire for recognition. However, you may not be able to judge whether the praise is true or false unless you have the wisdom of looking into the human mind. Both praising and being praised can be dangerous in some cases.
Psychology is always manifested with the principle of symmetry. Anything positive has the negative aspect on the other side. Someone who always and overly praises you may have a completely opposite idea inside him or her. Therefore, it is crucial to build the right values and maintain balanced mind to make right judgment. Otherwise, you may be taken advantage of by people who disguise themselves with selfish purposes.
On the contrary, some people say negative words when they actually care about the counterparty deeply and boundlessly, usually in a stressful situation. They may say things they don't really mean causing the relationship to be destroyed. However, once you understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology, you will know that their venomous words are only the result of psychological operation rather than the truth of their heart.
Words always require someone who listens to them and we use words to be able to communicate with other people in human relationships. Different words are used depending on the type of relationships. They may be close relationships where both parties use mostly the unconscious in interactions, purposeful relationships where both parties use mostly the conscious, or abnormal relationships where one party takes advantage of the other. Understanding the nature of the given relationship must precede the interpretation of the words exchanged between or among the parties involved.
There are five points of reference to check in order to adequately analyze and interpret the power of words. Firstly, it should be known whether words are employed in a unidirectional or bidirectional way. Secondly, it should be known whether the relationship is a close, a purposeful, or an abnormal one. Thirdly, it should be known whether words accord with your or others' thought standards and purposes. Fourthly, it should be known how many people are involved in communication. Fifthly, it should be known whether words are used for positive influence or negative influence.
Your words are considered to have a negative influence when the counterparty is hurt by your words even if you were well intended. On the contrary, your words are considered to have a positive influence when they make the counterparty feel comfortable even if you intended to reproach him or her with your words. Thus, words can have different impacts depending on how they are perceived by people who listen to them not by people who say them. Everyone has different thought standards and purposes, which necessarily causes stress and wounds in relationships.
The key point to bear in mind is that you must properly judge whether your words result in healing and recovering the counterparty's psychology or damaging and destroying it. When one's words accord with the other's thought standards and purposes, the other will feel comfortable. When one's words do not accord with the other's thought standards and purposes, the other will feel uncomfortable. Stress and wounds are generated whenever one's standards and purposes do not accord with the others'. It is recommended that words be carefully employed not to cause unnecessary conflicts in relationships and you always consider the impact your words may have on the counterparty.
You must apologize to your counterparty if your well-intended or inadvertent words hurt his or her feelings. The presence of a conflict indicates that your standards and the other's standards are different, which is only natural, and your interpretation of the relationship is also different from the other's. You can apply the five reference points to adequately analyze and interpret the pattern of communication and maintain healthy relationships.
You can destroy or restore relationships with your words. It will be ideal for you to use words to help other people and build happiness together. When your counterparty uses destructive words when interacting with you, you must stop or avoid the conversation for the present. If you cannot stop or avoid, you must do your best not to be affected in order to prevent your negative response and the development of a conflict. Also, you must stop talking immediately when you find your counterparty is hurt by your words.
We form diverse relationships to pursue self-actualization and being happy together. In this process, stress and wounds naturally occur since everyone's thought standards and purposes are different. The level of stress and wounds is much higher in close relationships since people use the unconscious much more than the conscious. You may damage and destroy relationships with words or you may restore and consolidate them with words. Your words have the power of either thrusting at the other's heart with coldness and cruelty or warming and comforting the other's heart with sweetness and consideration.
%20%EB%A7%88%EC%9D%8C%20%EC%8B%AC%EB%A6%AC%20%EC%B9%98%EB%A3%8C_%EC%9D%B4%EB%A0%87%EA%B2%8C%20%EC%A6%90%EA%B1%B0%EC%9A%B4%EB%8D%B0%20%EC%8B%AC%EB%A6%AC%EC%9E%A5%EC%95%A0.jpg)
%20%5B%EC%9D%B8%EC%83%9D%EC%9C%84%EA%B8%B0%5D%20%EB%B6%80%EC%9E%90%EB%9D%BC%EA%B3%A0%20%EB%8B%A4%20%EA%B0%99%EC%9D%80%20%EB%B6%80%EC%9E%90%EB%8A%94%20%EC%95%84%EB%8B%88%EB%8B%A4-002.jpg)
%20%EA%B0%88%EB%93%B1%EA%B3%BC%20%EC%8A%A4%ED%8A%B8%EB%A0%88%EC%8A%A4%EB%A1%9C%20%EB%84%88%EB%AC%B4%20%ED%9E%98%EB%93%A4%EB%8B%A4%EB%A9%B4___!-002.jpg)
