1/05/2022

How to get out of unhappiness

 

When someone dies, people evaluate the person's life as a happy life or an unhappy life. To be able to judge on a happy or an unhappy life, we must first accurately understand what life is and what happiness and unhappiness are. Life is one's journey from birth to death. No life journey is simple and easy. One day, life is comfortable, and the very next day, some problem makes you stay up all night. Sometimes, it is pleasurable enough to make you feel that you are in the golden days of your life, and other times, you develop suicidal ideation since life is too painful to endure. Life is the continuum of ups and downs with the whole range of emotions inside you including joy, pleasure, sorrow, and anger generating both happiness and unhappiness. 

You life is considered to be a happy one when you continuously pursue self-actualization. You feel the emotion of happiness when you overcome difficulties in life and regain the comfortable and positive condition. The ups and downs in life generate the emotion of happiness. Happiness is not given by other people and it is not placed far away. The emotion of happiness is generated and recognized only by yourself in your mind. The same applies to unhappiness. Your emotion of unhappiness is never given by other people. It is generated and recognized only by yourself in your mind. It is up to you to control your mind to become happy inside your mind. 

Your life is considered to be an unhappy one when you lose the balance in your mind. When people lose their pet, they put up posters in the whole neighborhood and even offer a reward to find it. However, not many people even recognize when they lose the balance in their mind. We must pay attention to and take care of our mind to prevent problems from occurring in our mind. We are supposed to feel deep positive emotions as we overcome difficulties in life and the deep positive emotions are emotions of happiness. When life is too comfortable or too pleasurable for some prolonged time, it indicates that unhappiness is to come soon. Happy life is a life where we enjoy what we have together with our loved ones in balance without excess or deficiency. 

Some people complain that they cannot get out of worries and problems even for a day and they keep grieving over their tough luck. They usually do not have the will power to solve their problems and just keep worrying and complaining. Some blame people around them or the society for their misfortune. They usually have the condition of dependency and inferiority complex and always try to find some easy way by taking advantage of other people. Still others get immersed into fun and pleasure and do not care about other people's pain and suffering. They destroy harmony and order in relationships and lack conscience. People described above end up living an unhappy life by causing the loss of balance in their life and lives of other people. 

Life experiences always change like weather. Being sunny today does not guarantee that it will be sunny tomorrow. It may be rainy or even stormy. The present situation does not represent your whole life whether you are happy or unhappy at present. You will be able to evaluate your life only on your death bed and we never know when we will face crisis in life. Being unhappy today does not mean that you will be unhappy tomorrow and vice versa. The important thing is to set the right direction for the future regardless of your current situation. 

The fact that you are suffering in mind indicates that your mind wants you to overcome difficulties and achieve happiness again. Thus, you must try to solve the current problem and go forward for happiness. Failures and trials and errors will only make you stronger by accumulating valuable first hand experiences. You must build your own ability to overcome the crisis instead of blaming yourself or other prople to be able to restore happiness. You must focus on recovery with happiness ability instead of giving up or avoiding. No matter how hard your life is at present, it does not represent your whole life since you still have the whole future in front of you. Whether you overcome or give up determines whether you will be happy or unhappy in the future. 

There can be three types of problems in life everyone is to experience. They are problems of human relationships, problems in the pursuit of values of life, and problems in the pursuit of meanings of life. Upon facing those problems in your life, you must think hard on how to solve the problems and put your ideas into practice instead of just giving up or avoiding. Then, you will build problem solving abilities, be able to overcome difficulties in life, and achieve happiness. Not thinking is equivalent to giving up on your life and avoiding problems will only lead you to failure. Also, knowledge and experience are useless unless they are put into practice. 

Human mind is designed to pursue happiness. When the pursuit of happiness is obstructed, you suffer from pain and difficulties, which is an indication that your mind wants you to overcome the difficulties and go back to happiness. Therefore, we must focus on regaining happiness whenever we face problems in life. If you do not have the ability to solve problems you can build basic abilities by accumulating small efforts and small achievements. Then you can free yourself from depending on other people and develop independence. 

You are to experience the whole range of emotions and it is only you yourself who can generate your emotions from within yourself based on your own thought standards. You may feel sorry for people who have lost their job but they may actually feel fine since they didn't like the job and they have a better plan for their life. Happiness or unhappiness is determined only by yourself. Your friend may look very happy to your eyes but it is only your thought and you can not know how he or she feels inside.

When you live only by yourself, you need to pursue only your own happiness for your freedom and right with your own standards. However, when you live with other people in human relationships, you must pursue being happy together with other people and maintain balance between right and duty and respect harmony and order. 

When you suffer from relational conflicts, you may develop victim mentality. You may feel angry and raged and perceive everything in negative ways. As you continue with victim mentality, your condition may advance and lead you to develop  perpetrator mentality in spite of yourself. You may inflict the same degree of damage as you have received onto other people, and it will make you feel comfortable by offsetting your suffering. You may mistake it for happiness and live an unhappy life with distorted ideas and behaviors.  

Some people develop compensation mentality to get out of negative emotions. They usually develop the sense of inferiority and shame, and try to compensate their negative emotions with behaviors that can provide them with the sense of satisfaction such as shopping or eating. Perpetrator mentality and compensation mentality are different in the sense that in the former you feel satisfied by damaging other people and in the latter you feel satisfied by damaging yourself.    

All people with conditions described above cannot but live unhappily since their ideas and behaviors are distorted and end up destroying their own life and lives of people around them. They also easily blame others, themselves, or develop dependency. They seek only comfort and pleasure without pursuing true happiness with meanings and values of life. They also become easy targets by people with selfish purposes and are taken advantage of, which aggravates their psychological conditions further.  

It is difficult to restore healthy psychology once it completely collapses. It is crucial for us to reflect upon conditions of our mind and find the cause of problems if there is any. You can get out of unhappiness only when you accurately understand why you are unhappy. Once you understand the root cause of problems, you can think about solutions and put your ideas into practice by making efforts. Many people stay in unhappiness because they do not think hard enough and give up, avoid, or depend on other people in face of crisis. You can get out of unhappiness and restore happiness only when you have your own will power and make efforts on your own. 

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