[On Remarriage] I am a 47-year-old divorced man. I have been seeing a 35-year-old divorced woman for a year. I am seriously thinking about breaking up with her since she persists on getting married.

I am a 47-year-old divorced man. I have been seeing a 35-year-old divorced woman for a year. At first, we agreed that we would postpone talking about getting married since both of us experienced pain and difficulties in the first marriage and divorce. However, she has recently been asking me for getting married and she is quite tenacious. I am thinking about breaking up with her since we tend to argue over remarriage every time we meet each other. I am also worried about her tendency of attachment even after we get married in the future. 

Many people want only a dating relationship without getting married again after a divorce since they experienced pain and difficulties during their first marriage and the divorce process. Stress and wounds that you had in the past do not just disappear as time passes but stay continuously operating inside you even after divorce. You must accurately analyze psychological conditions of yours and your partners if you experience conflicts and difficulties in relationships after divorce. 

Many people think that their past is over by getting a divorce and they can just start fresh for future happiness. When you remarry without treating psychological disorders and preparing yourself for remarriage, you will live with distorted psychology in your new relationship developing dependency and demanding compensation. 

Your partner has already developed the desire for remarriage, and her desire grows more and more as she grows her wounds by being rejected by you. On the other hand, her demanding remarriage only adds stress on you making you want to avoid her. She may begin to think that only remarriage will make her happy reinforcing the idea for remarriage and you may begin to think that only break-up will resolve the issue reinforcing the idea against remarriage. 

Neither of you understands why your partner has such a strong desire for remarriage. For one part, her desire is the manifestation of her deep wounds stored in her memory through years of negative experiences before, during, and after divorce. For another, it is the manifestation of her lack of preparation for life after divorce from psychological and practical perspectives. She may be identifying remarriage with happiness and want comfort and compensation through remarriage, which are all based on the operation of wounds in her memory. 

You have to analyze your psychological conditions they may have been affected by your past experiences as well as your partner's psychology. You must also understand that the root cause of relational conflicts is the man's stress and the woman's wounds. You may be able to reach a wise conclusion if you two discuss the issue sincerely and calmly and cooperate to overcome difficulties together. Both of you may have to compromise on your positions for dating and remarriage. It is not a good idea to decide on a break-up just because you don't want to get stressed from the conflict with your partner since avoidance can be habituated in your unconscious. 

 You can talk to your partner about this consultation with open mind. She may feel loved that you are trying hard to maintain a good relationship with her. Her wanting to marry you indicates that she loves you unless she has some selfish purpose. Your worrying and agonizing indicate that you love her and don't want to break up with her. It is much better to overcome difficulties together and prepare yourself for the future than to jump into remarriage thinking that it will always be fun to be together without any preparation and then to repeat conflicts and divorce.

 Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

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  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/

[On Divorce] Infidelity is a major cause of divorce in many cases.

Infidelity is a major cause of divorce in many cases. When infidelity occurs during marriage, it is almost guaranteed that a situation may occur sometime in the future where a serious incident occurs that leads to a divorce. Other causes such as difference in personalities, financial situations, and sex problems also contribute to divorce, but almost all divorce cases are related with infidelity in the first place. 

You must treat relationship addiction and post traumatic stress upon the discovery of spouse infidelity and restore healthy psychology and happy marriage. Otherwise, the pathological conditions of both spouses necessarily get aggravated as time passes and the couple usually end up getting a divorce since both parties become to want to avoid psychological and practical difficulties by all means. 

80% of all divorce cases are considered to be related with infidelity. When wounds and stress keep operating inside you, you necessarily become to want to avoid them and achieve comfort. However, it is recommended that you should not try to avoid difficulties or achieve comfort just by getting a divorce. Getting a divorce without treating psychological disorders and preparing yourself for life after divorce will result in unhappy life of yours and your loved ones.

No one wants to live unhappily after divorce. No one intends to inflict damage upon other people in order to pursue their own fun and pleasure after divorce. You must restore healthy psychology and happiness ability by treating psychological disorders before getting a divorce. 

You can apply for 'Free Consultation on Divorce & Remarriage' at Korea Institute of Psycho-education to accurately understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology and learn about how to transform your psychology from that of marriage into that of divorce to live an happy life after divorce. 

 Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

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  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/

[On divorce & remarriage] It is most important that you build your own happiness.

Not many people know what it is to build their own happiness as an individual. Sacrificing your life for family and children is not exactly your happiness as an individual. We aim for being happy together with our loved ones but we cannot not be happy unless we are happy as an individual to begin with. You can have healthy and happy relationships only when you are a healthy and happy person as an individual. 

Many people do not realize that they have severe psychological wounds and blame themselves or others for their unfortunate condition. They may become dependent on other people to avoid facing their wounds. They may also seek only pleasure claiming that they are entitled to live their own life as they wish and give up on true happiness. Pleasure seeking is not living your life but destroying your life. 

We must accurately understand about meanings and values of life and how to become happy in a true sense. If you do not adequately build your own happiness as an individual, you are likely to get involved in wrong and unhappy relationships, and suffer more and more from all kinds of practical and psychological problems. 

You must also build your happiness as an individual to be able to solve children's psychological problems since most psychological problems of children stem from parents' psychological problems. Sadly enough, so many parents do not realize that they themselves must change and become healthy in order to solve children' psychological problems. This applies to all parents in all cultures and societies since all human beings share identical operational mechanism of mind and psychology. 

Suffering from psychological pain indicates that you badly want to become happy. Seeking pleasure at the expense of your life and your loved ones indicates that you are trying to compensate for your psychological pain in a distorted way. Our mind operates only for ourselves and it can be manifested as selfish pleasure seeking. However, we live in relationships with other people and pursue being happy together in harmony and order. Our psychology is supposed to operate in the way harmony and order in relationships can be achieved and maintained. 

When you suffer from depressive feelings and then restore confidence in some ways, you may feel that your condition has been treated and willingly get immersed into positive moods through activities of diversion. However, you may have actually aggravated your condition and developed a psychological disorder with which you employ distorted ways of compensating for your negative emotions and inflict damage upon other people including your children. 

Children's psychological problems are caused by parents' psychological problems. Children's psychological problems are quickly and easily solved when parents' psychology is stabilized and adequate parenting strategies are adopted. Focusing only on children's problems per se is unlikely to lead you any where near treatment or improvement. Imposing rules and responsibilities on children for managing their psychology is the last thing you want to do for healthy psychological development of children. It is parents' and adults' responsibility to cultivate healthy body and mind in children. 

The first and foremost thing to do is to establish yourself as a healthy and happy individual. You must analyze your psychological condition and restore healthy psychology if necessary. Then, you must transform your psychology to the psychology of divorce or remarriage depending on your circumstance. You must also adjust and realign your relationships with people. Once you accurately understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology, you can restore healthy psychology and become a happy person regardless of your marital status. 

 Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

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  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/

[On divorce] Divorce without preparation forecasts misfortune.

Through 'Free Consultation on Divorce & Remarriage' of KIP, you can learn about causes of divorce, things to prepare before divorce, problems that may occur in the process of divorce, directions of life after divorce, and how to solve diverse problems and live happily.

You may experience one of the most drastic changes in psychology through divorce process. The first important change occurs during the process of dating in which you form an intimate relationship with another person. The second important change in psychology occurs when you get married. You form a relationship where two people pursue and share happiness of life together. The psychology of dating and that of marriage are completely different and people develop relational conflicts since they do not know about how their psychology operates before and after marriage. 

The third important change in psychology occurs when you get a divorce. You will choose to get a divorce when you want and decide to build happiness by yourself instead of building it with your partner. Then, you will return to yourself before you got married regardless of the period of marriage, that is, to the time even before you were in a dating relationship. 

Of course, you can date and get married again after a divorce. You will experience another major change in psychology when you remarry. The psychology of the first marriage and that of the second or the third marriage are different. You also experience another major change in psychology when you are bereaved of your spouse. Our psychology keeps changing at every major turning point in life. It is only you yourself who can maneuver the course of life through all the changes in life situations in the way you build and maintain happiness for yourself.

When you are alone, you are to pursue only your own happiness. When you are with other people, you are to pursue not only your happiness but also happiness of your loved ones. It is more challenging to build happiness after divorce than to build happiness in a dating or marriage relationship. That is why you must prepare yourself well for life after divorce. Jumping into divorce without preparation often makes you suffer from even more practical and psychological problems after divorce.

You live only once. You may be able to take difficulties after divorce as a good experience of life, but you may also want to choose less painful and less damaging path of life if you can. It may be even better if you can become happy after divorce without too many trials and errors. Also, many couples get a divorce when they can be perfectly happy together staying in marriage just because they do not understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology. Some couples are better off by getting a divorce. Either way, the most important thing is your happiness in a true sense. 

You may decide to get a divorce or not depending on your circumstance. Under any circumstance, you must be well prepared for your future happiness. Getting a divorce a a way of avoidance or retaliation will only result in even greater misfortune. Blaming other people and your environment will only aggravate your psychological condition. 'Free Consultation on Divorce and Remarriage' of KIP will provide you with an opportunity to treat psychological wounds, solve practical problems, and build happiness ability. 

  Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

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  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/

[On Remarriage] I am a 57-year-old woman and got a divorce 16 years ago. I have been seeing a man recently and he wants to get married with me.

Q. I got a divorce 16 years ago. I am seeing a man whose wife passed away a few years ago and he wants to get married with me. However, I don't want to get married again so I feel uncomfortable when I meet him. Should I break up with him?

A. Many people feel uncomfortable about getting married again even when they are in a romantic relationship with a new person. You must feel very comfortable to live alone by now since it has been 16 years after you got a divorce. 

Usually, the man whose wife passed away and the woman who got a divorce have different ideas when they meet each other since the psychology of bereavement and that of divorce are quite different. The man may think that he wants to have a good wife again living together and sharing every aspect of life. You don't really want a remarriage but you like the man, so you have the inner conflict. 

First of all, you can calmly express your ideas about remarriage to him. You can say that it makes you feel uncomfortable to bring up the idea of remarriage during your date. You don't have to go long to explain why you don't want to remarry in detail. You should not declare that you will never remarry, either. You can simply let him know that you feel uncomfortable about remarriage for now. Hiding and suppressing your emotions to maintain the current relationship will only aggravate your psychological condition, which in turn negatively affects your partner and your relationship with him. 

When you express your ideas about remarriage calmly and comfortably, you can expect one of the two possible responses from the man. The first is that the man may feel disappointed and begin to keep distance from you and the second is that the man will wait until you feel comfortable about remarriage and propose remarriage from your part. In the latter cases, he may continue to stay as your partner and make efforts to make you feel positive about remarriage. When the man keeps distance upon his learning about your hesitancy for remarriage, you don't have to keep the relationship with him anymore.

When you become to think positively about remarriage with the man, you must prepare yourself for remarriage by transforming your psychology from the psychology of divorce to that of remarriage. You will repeat the same mistake that you made in your first marriage if you go back to the psychology of the first marriage when you remarry, and then, you will become unhappy again. You will also have to take time to change relationships with people around you including your family members while preparing for remarriage. 

The man you will remarry has to change his psychology from the psychology of bereavement to that of remarriage when he marries you in the future. Jumping into remarriage hastily without preparation and adjustment regarding both parties' psychological conditions may lead to another life experience of trial an error. The whole point is not about practical decisions of keeping the relationship, breaking up, or getting remarried, but it is about communicating positively and properly and maintaining healthy psychology. 

  Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

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  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/

[On Divorce] I am in the process of getting a divorce now. We have decided that I will have custody of children. I have not told my children about the divorce yet and I am worried.

Q. I am in the process of getting a divorce now. We have decided that I will have custody of children. My husband is 41 years old and I am 37. My 12-year-old son and 10-year-old daughter do not usually listen to me well, so I could not talk to children about the divorce yet. I am worried. What should I do?

A. You must start preparing for how you will manage your life and raise your children after divorce. When parents get a divorce, children also go through changes in relationships. Now, they have a close relationship with both their mother and father, but after divorce, they will keep the relationship with their mother but they will meet their father only occasionally. Children also need time to prepare for the change in the relationship with parents after divorce. 

You had the husband to manage life together before divorce, but you will have to decide on every matter alone after divorce. You must change your psychology so that you can raise children on your own and you must prioritize the preparation for such change when you proceed with divorce. 

So far, you were not good at communicating with your children and your children did not listen to you well. They are in the phase of the formation of self-identity in psychological development in which they develop their own thought standards and may confront parents ideas. You may experience some conflicts with your children in the process of getting a divorce due to difference in thought standards between you and your children.

So far, you have played the role of a woman, a wife, and a mother. When you get a divorce, you will live as a woman and a mother without the role of a wife. It will be very important to recover the relationship with your children when you get a divorce. You must analyze the reasons for conflicts and miscommunications with children and build the ability to live happily with your children. 

You must also protect your children from psychological problems they may go through after divorce. It is important to cultivate the environment where you and your children have fun together, build rapport, and share ideas and emotions. You as their mother must initiate to cultivate good environment for children. You don't have to explain to children the reasons for your divorce in detail and you can simply let them know how the family structure will change and their father will keep serving as their father even after the divorce. 

It is also crucial that you must communicate considering their point of view at the level of their eyes. To be able to do so, you must first get closer to them. You must change yourself to get closer to children whether they listen to you or not. Once you are closer to each other, children will begin to listen to you. 

It is important for you to stay healthy psychologically to be able to manage your life and take a good care of children after divorce. You must first transform your psychology from the psychology of a married person into that of a divorced person. You must also think about how you want to maintain or change your relationships with family, friends, and people around you including your husband. If you keep in touch with him casually and continuously after divorce, you will stay in the psychology of marriage and put yourself in danger of developing psychological problems. 

If you adequately prepare yourself and your children psychologically for life after divorce, you and your children will be able to wisely cope with and solve almost all the practical problems that may occur after divorce. 

  Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

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  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/ 

[On Divorce & Remarriage] The importance of the consultation on divorce and remarriage

      You have chosen divorce or remarriage since you wanted to start a new life and become happy. However, many people suffer from problems and difficulties even after divorce or remarriage. Korea Institute of Psycho-education provides the guidance on how to solve psychological and practical problems and live a happy life after divorce or remarriage. 

      You will learn the basic concepts of the psychology of divorce or remarriage and how relationships can and must change after divorce or remarriage. Free Consultation on Divorce & Remarriage provided by Korea Institute of Psycho-education is different from conventional legal consultations or psychology counseling. It applies an innovative method of psychology treatment and provides solutions to practical problems with reference to the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology. 

    You must adequately realign many aspects of your life after divorce or remarriage such as psychology, sexuality, and relationships with people around you. Most of all, you must change your psychology to accord with your current marital status and prevent  psychological problems. First, you must accurately understand how your psychology must change after divorce and remarriage. You must analyze your current psychological condition and address fundamental issues to pursue happiness in the right way. You can become much happier than you expect when you understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology and adopt adequate strategies. 

     It is a pity that many people live an unhappy life after divorce or remarriage due to the lack of understanding of human mind and psychology and distorted ideas on happiness. Also, it is important that you address underlying issues instead of phenomena observed only on the surface. You must build the ability to solve practical problems and deal with your own stress and wounds. Free Consultation on Divorce and Remarriage provided by Korea Institute of Psycho-education will guide you to solve current problems, prevent future problems, and achieve happiness in a true sense.

       Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

Apply for Free Consultation on Remarriage

  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/ 

[On Divorce] I feel that I am still tied to my previous marriage even after divorce.

      It seems that you have not freed yourself from the previous marriage psychologically even though you have got a divorce. You are still affected by the difficulties that you have experienced during the previous marriage life. You remain in the psychology of marriage and have not transferred to the psychology of divorce.

     First, you must transform your psychology from the psychology of a married person to that of a divorced person. You cannot have a happy life if you remain in the psychology of marriage after divorce. You must never think that divorce will make you unhappy in any way. You can become perfectly happy after divorce. You cannot achieve happiness after divorce if you stay in the psychology of marriage after divorce. It is highly likely that you have developed a psychological disorder during marriage but have not treated it yet. 

     You must first analyze you current psychological condition accurately with the help of a professional. Then, you must adequately address the fundamental issues and solve practical problems to break away from the previous marriage completely. You will be able to let the previous marriage pass as a past experience and redirect yourself into the new path for happiness.

     You psychological condition may worsen when you do not transfer to the psychology of divorce and force yourself to forget about the previous marriage consciously. Your psychology must change depending on your marital status such as married, divorced, or remarried. 

     For further inquiries, please apply for 'Free Consultation on Divorce and Remarriage' provided by Korea Institute of Psycho-education. We will kindly guide you to analyze your psychological condition to determine how to address fundamental issues and solve practical problems.

  Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

Apply for Free Consultation on Remarriage

  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/

[On Divorce] I am divorced but still live with my ex-husband due to financial circumstances.

Q. I am divorced but still living with my ex-husband since I can't afford to get a place for myself. My ex-husband also gives me living expenses and pocket money. I just stay at home and take care of my children. I don't know how long we will live like this, but I feel comfortable since I am not married to him anymore and I don't interact with him much. I have comfortable daily lives and I don't regret getting a divorce. It is OK to live this way? Will I have problems in the future? I don't think it is likely for us to get back together. 

A. You say that you are comfortable, but are you truly happy? Is it happiness that you are satisfied with feeling comfort, taking care of children, and having no interest in your own love and happiness?

When you suffer from great pain and difficulties, you may feel as if comfort were happiness. You feel relatively more comfortable and happier when you are relieved from severe pain or difficulties to a certain degree. However, it is not happiness. Your present situation is that you are financially dependent on your ex-husband, who is not related with you any more. You seem to have got a divorce when you were not prepared for a divorce, so it is highly likely that you are not only financially but also psychologically dependent on you ex-husband.

Also, you seem to be self-justifying your actions by equating comfort with happiness. If you are not interested in happiness of your own life at all, you could live this way forever. You will be living only in comfort, which is the state of not feeling much of anything, all your lifetime. You are legally divorced but dependent on ex-husband for the most important components of your life : finance and psychology. It is also highly likely that you still have feelings toward your ex-husband, whether positive or negative  and have deep wounds still operating inside you. You may be denying your feelings in the conscious and trying to concentrate on child rearing as a way of avoidance and compromise.

Then, what happens to your life and happiness as a woman and wife? Giving up your happiness as a woman and wife and only pursuing happiness as a mother cannot but lead you to unhappiness eventually. Also, your children may have to get the burden of having to take the responsibility for their mother's happiness when they become adults. 

Belatedly but wisely, you must begin to get yourself prepared for a real divorce. You must transform your psychology into that of a divorced person and find ways to become independent financially and psychologically. You are the only person who can and must make efforts to achieve a happy life of yours. 

Please, apply for 'Free Consultation on Divorce and Remarriage' for further inquiries. 

 

  Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

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  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/

[On Remarriage] My ex-husband asks me for remarriage in 10 years after divorce. Children and I do not want to get back together with him.

Q. I got a divorce 10 years ago. Recently, my ex-husband contacted me and asked for remarriage, which makes me quite perplexed. Children and I do not want remarriage but my ex-husband keeps pushing his idea. 

A. Your case is not an uncommon one. Your ex-husband has lived as he pleases for the last 10 years, and suddenly realized that you are raising children without seeing another man. Now, he may feel that you look like a new woman to him. Also, he has the habit as your husband from the previous marriage, which makes him feel as if he were still your husband. He may do things to earn your heart and ask you for forgiveness for his past wrongdoings. He will say that he is a different man now and he will be really nice to you and children. He may go further by visiting you if you respond to him in any positive way and even act like a real husband and father.

It is no wonder you are perplexed upon his unexpected and irrational behaviors. He is likely to take every action of yours as a positive response thinking in his own ways as he did before divorce. This phenomenon is caused by him not having transformed his psychology from that of marriage into that of divorce even in all these years. He is likely to show similar behavioral patterns that he showed during your marriage life now and after remarriage. 

He may actually think that you are willing to remarry anytime he wants. He wasn't thinking about remarriage when he was immersed into his own life after divorce, but somehow he does now. He may have some specific purpose of remarriage. It is almost guaranteed that you and your children will go back to the time you had all kinds of difficulties before divorce if you get back together with him. You are also considered to be in danger of going through diverse problems when you adamantly reject his suggestion of remarriage.

The fact that children oppose to your remarriage indicates that your ex-husband and your children have not had a good relationship so far. It is likely that your ex-husband did not contact children or took a good care of them as a father before and after divorce. Or, they may have negative perception of their father since you yourself did not transform your psychology of marriage into that of divorce and kept infusing his negative image into children all these years. 

Regardless of your children's opinions, you are likely to go back to unhappy marriage when you get back together with your ex-husband who seems to have distorted ideas and an unstable psychological state. You may experience even worse marriage relationship than your first one. As he continues pushing his ideas of remarriage onto you, he may display abusive language and even violence. The present situation also indicates that his psychological condition is so severe that he is desperately looking for a place for his rest disregarding your ideas and emotions.

It is certainly not a good time to remarry your ex-husband. Your husband may react with rage when you bluntly reject his suggestion, so you need to be strategic and soft in your expression of refusal. You can ask him for some time for thinking or make some plausible excuses for not being able to get back together right now. Then, you must treat your psychological wounds and transform your psychology into that of a divorced person. The fact that your husband is proposing remarriage indicates that you still remain to be in the same unhealthy psychological condition as you were during your first marriage, which gave him a signal that it might be OK for him to approach you. 

When you restore healthy psychology and live a happy life with your children, your ex-husband cannot even think about approaching you and propose remarriage. It does not mean that you should never remarry your ex-husband. It is just that it is not the right timing and neither of you are in the right psychological condition for remarriage. When you cannot deal with the present situation wisely, your ex-husband may keep pushing  for his ideas and even begin stalking you. It is crucial for you to restore healthy psychology not to be pushed around by your ex-husband and put yourself and children in danger. 

When you restore healthy psychology and build the psychology of a divorced person, you will be able to see clearly whether remarriage is good or not for you and your children. 

Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

Apply for Free Consultation on Remarriage

  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/ 

[On Divorce] A mother who is shocked at her 14 year-old-girl dating with men through SNS.

Q. I got a divorce 6 years ago to forget the past and start afresh. I have been working hard on my career and doing my best to raise my daughter. However, my daughter has been grumpy and irritable for quite a long time. Recently, I have found out that she is dating with men through SNS and I am completely shocked. I took her for psychology counseling to no avail. She says that she wants to leave home. I don't know what to do. 

A. Many people experience difficulties due to problems of children after divorce or remarriage. Many children of parents who are divorced or remarried have psychological problems, but they are not recognized until they get serious and manifested as apparent behavioral problems. 

You may have thought that you are doing well both with your career and parenting and just thought that your daughter is going through normal period of adolescence with small problems here and there. Diverse problems of adolescence occur when children and teenagers begin to think for themselves and form their own thought standards. They find their own thought standards and adults' thought standards do not accord with each other and experience conflicts and discordance. Teenagers with unstable psychology may experience more difficulties in the process. Your daughter seems to have had psychological problems for quite a long time but they have not been detected and been aggravated. 

Psychology counseling may not be very effective in this case. Your daughter had to talk about her negative emotions and experiences during counseling. Unfortunately, females including children grow psychological wounds when they retrieve negative emotions in the absence of safe types of attention and consolation. They may even generate new wounds or transform fake wounds into real wounds during the process. When parents find that psychology counseling is not effective, they may even refer their child's case to professional psychiatrists for a more robust treatment including medication, which may put the child into the vicious cycle of worsening the condition and applying more powerful treatment. 

It is very dangerous for a 14 year-old-girl to be dating with men through SNS, but from your daughter's point of view, she is doing it since it provides her with comfort and pleasure, and makes her feel good from getting attention and consolation. Your daughter's psychology seems to be getting aggravated judging from the fact that  counseling did not work and she wants to leave home. She feels more comfortable with attention and consolation from dating with men through SNS than with counselors or her mother. 

It is essential to accurately understand the root cause of the child's psychological problems. When females have negative emotions and unstable psychology, their mind operates to have them try to treat psychological wounds by getting attention and consolation. In case of girls, attention and consolation must be provided by their mother, and otherwise, their psychological condition deteriorates even further. When attention and consolation are not provided by their mother, girls may seek them from other people feeling comfortable and loved in their conscious. 

When the mother herself has psychological wounds in herself, it is harder for her to provide her daughter with adequate attention and consolation. Even if the mother consciously tries to connect with her daughter psychologically, her psychological condition makes it hard to implement the adequate parenting method.

Your daughter's psychological problems are likely to have started when you first sensed that your daughter is going through the phase of adolescence and have been worsening for the whole time. The problem cannot be solved by viewing it as the child's problem, which can actually expedite the advancement of the condition. It must be viewed as having stemmed from the mother's psychological problems and problems of parenting. The root cause of your daughter's psychological problems is your inability or failure to provide adequate attention and consolation and adequate parenting when she first developed negative emotions and psychological wounds. 

First and foremost, you must treat your own psychological wounds and restore healthy psychology. Then, both you and your daughter will feel more stabilized and comfortable to interact and connect with each other. You must first analyze your present psychological condition and find ways to restore healthy psychology. When you interact with your daughter with healthy psychology, your daughter will also experience the improvement in her condition and naturally stay away from behaviors that used to worry you since she has no reason to get attention and consolation from undesirable or inappropriate relationships. 

You may want to apply for Free Consultation on Divorce and Remarriage to be guided for the restoration of your healthy psychology. You will learn exactly what to do for yourself and your daughter through the consultation. It won't take long for your daughter to recover once you become a happy mother.

Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

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  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/ 

[On Remarriage] There is a man I want to marry, but I don't feel close to his 11-year-old daughter and I am worried that I will not become a good mother for her.

Q. There is a man I want to marry, but I don't feel close to his 11-year-old daughter and I am worried that I will not become a good mother for her. I gave up the custody of my own child because I was not so good at raising children. Would it be OK for me to remarry?

A. When you are nice to the child, the child will respond positively, and then you will feel close to the child and become confident of rearing the child well. It seems that you cannot maneuver smoothly for the process and you don't have the confidence on child rearing. 

Firstly, you must accurately analyze your idea that you were not good at rearing your own child. You may have been a very good mother but your psychological difficulties may have made you think that it is hard to raise a child. You may be connecting the fact that you gave up the custody of your own child with the current situation, and have the sense of guilt leading to the lack of confidence.

Secondly, you must analyze the psychological conditions of yours and the man you want to marry. Women usually like everything that is associated with the man they want to marry. Your reluctance to raise your future husband's child indicates that your psychology, your future husband's psychology, or your relationship has some problems. 

It is important that you and your future husband restore healthy psychology before you get married. You also need to restore a healthy relationship with your own child, who is being taken care of by your ex-husband. Then, you must be able to evaluate your future husband from an objective perspective. You must also accurately analyze how he has become to raise his daughter by himself. 

You must recover yourself and lead your future husband to recover himself in order to have a healthy marriage relationship. You can raise his daughter confidently and restore the relationship with your own child when you have a healthy psychological condition. 

Actually, if you did not even have the sense of guilt and not care about your own child at all, but really liked the future husband's daughter, it would indicate that you like his daughter in order to be loved by the man, which is a more serious psychological condition. Then, you will become to hate his daughter after you get married thinking that his daughter is causing problems in your marriage and your life. The fact that you feel guilty about not taking a good care of your own child and you feel distant to your future husband's daughter is a sign that at least, you are not in the worst psychological condition yet. 

The most important thing to do now is to restore your own healthy psychology. You must also lead your future husband to build his own healthy psychology. Then, you will be able to build a healthy and happy family. It is recommended that you do not take the face value of your ideas to make important practical decisions in life since the symmetry of psychology is always at work and what you perceive may not be all there is to the phenomena. 

Please, apply for Free Consultation on Remarriage provided by KIP for more detailed analysis of psychology and guidelines for happiness.

   Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

Apply for Free Consultation on Remarriage

  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/ 

[On Divorce] Changing the pattern of relationships with people after divorce

When you get married, your relationships with people change. Before you get married, all relationships with people including parents, siblings, friends, and acquaintances are formed putting yourself at the center, but after you get married, your relationships with people change so that they accord with your husband's standards and his relationships with people. You may become more distant with friends you used to hang out with everyday, or you may even have to stop seeing some people. You may also form new relationships with new people after you get married. 

When you get a divorce, it is only natural that your relationships with people change once more. Not only the people you meet but also the dynamics and patterns of the existing relationships must change so that they accord with your marital status. When you do not adequately change the patterns of relationships with people after divorce, you may experience psychological problems and relational conflicts. 

To be able to adequately change the dynamics and patterns of relationships with people after divorce, you must first accurately understand how human relationships work and how they affect psychology. You must learn what relationships to sever, what relationships to start, and for what relationships to change their meaning. You must also change your psychology to that of a divorced person in this process. For example, your relationship with your parents must be different before marriage, after marriage, and after divorce respectively. 

When you do not understand this mechanism and do not change your psychology and relationships after divorce, you may keep confronting problems and conflicts. Problems and conflicts worsen when you avoid dealing with them properly and address only practical problems that rise to the surface. Your relationship with your children must also change after divorce. Keeping the same pattern of your relationship with children will lead to psychological and practical problems in both yourself and your children. 

The psychology of a married person and that of a divorced person are completely different. Relationships during marriage and after divorce must be different, too. You can prevent relational problems from occurring after divorce and prepare for a happy life through Free Consultation on Divorce provided by Korea Institute of Psycho-education. 

   Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

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  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/ 

[On Divorce] Important things to take into consideration when you decide on divorce.

Firstly, you must transform human relationships to accord with your marital status. It is recommended that you transform relationships into relationships of a divorced person as you consider getting a divorce and even before divorce is actually processed. You may have to sever some relationships, maintain some others, change the dynamics of some, or form some new relationships. 

Secondly, you must take children into consideration. When you do not prepare for adequately taking care of your children before, during, and after the divorce process, you may have to confront quite serious problems with children's psychology and behaviors. It is not a divorce itself but inadequate parenting that causes the problems of children. When you just get a divorce accumulating stress and wounds and without transferring to the psychology of divorce, you will definitely experience problems with psychology of your children. It is crucial to be well-prepared for divorce and adequate parenting to prevent problems that may emerge soon or years after divorce.

Thirdly, you must take your career and financial ability into consideration to become financially independent. You must build at least the minimum level of financial ability and the ability for your future career to support yourself and your children after divorce. It is not recommended that you depend only on child rearing expense provided by your ex-spouse to support yourself and your children since it is likely to lead you to pursue economic values in a distorted way. 

Fourthly, you must set new standards for happiness after divorce. New standards for happiness after divorce can be determined based on your changed psychology, which is the psychology of divorce. When you stay in the psychology of marriage or in the state of some mixed forms of psychology, it is impossible to achieve happiness in a true sense after divorce.

You and your life will be and must be different after divorce. If you take the four things into consideration when preparing for a divorce, you and your children will be able to maneuver smoothly into the life after divorce and live as happily as or even happier than when you were happily married. It is also recommended that you treat deep psychological wounds that have accumulated for a long time before getting a divorce and reset all human relationships putting yourself at the center. Building happiness ability will make you happy whether you get a divorce or not. It is hoped that, through Free Consultation on Divorce of KIP, you will learn about how to prepare for divorce, how you can build the psychology of divorce, how to change relationships with other people, and how to achieve happiness after divorce.

     Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

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  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/ 

[On Divorce] On what matter should I practice caution the most when I get a divorce?

The most important thing to practice caution on when you get a divorce is human relationships. When you get a divorce, you need to change your relationships that you formed and maintained during your marriage life. You must build the ability to form and control relationships in a new way and transform relationships into new ones after divorce. Then, you can live a happy life even after a divorce. 

It is not a right or happy relationship if you make others suffer or feel uncomfortable in order for you yourself to maintain comfort and pleasure. You need to understand and build healthy psychology as a divorced person, which is quite different from the psychology of people who have not experienced divorce. 

The psychology of divorce is not known to many people including psychology experts. Free Consultation on Divorce provided by Korea Institute of Psycho-education guides you to understand the operational mechanism of mind and psychology of divorced people and customize each case of divorce to help you proceed with the new life preventing problems and pursuing happiness in a true sense. 

The operations of memory, habits, and life styles after divorce are different from those before divorce. Individuals have different operations of psychology, but the psychology of divorce operates identically for all people at a fundamental level. Also, the human mind operates differently for men and women at a fundamental level letting the analysis and guidance feasible with respect to the operation of psychology during marriage and after divorce. 

Through Free Consultation on Divorce provided by KIP, you will be able to learn about what to do and what not to do when you prepare for divorce, things to consider after divorce, what mindset you must have for your life after divorce, and so on. Many people get a divorce without accurately understanding the root cause of divorce and psychological and practical consequences of divorce. Many people also experience great psychological suffering before, during, and after the divorce process. 

Every individual is unique regarding life experiences and every divorce case is unique in its own way. It is recommended against that you make reference to other people's divorce cases to address you divorce case. It is hoped that you will make a right choice by taking Free Consultation on Divorce of KIP that provides a customized analysis and guides you to choose the right direction in your future life for success and happiness in a true sense. 

   Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

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  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/ 

      

[On Divorce] Reasons for hesitating to get a divorce

Are you hesitating to get a divorce? There may be 4 different reasons for hesitating to get a divorce. 

Firstly, you may not be independent psychologically. You may be dependent on your spouse and you are scared and nervous about living all by yourself. You may not have confidence on living without your spouse. 

Secondly, you may not be independent financially. You may be dependent on your spouse financially or you may not have confidence on managing financial matters alone. You may be thinking that you are better off staying in marriage.

Thirdly, you may be worried about problems with children after your divorce. You may be worried that children will not be happy due to parents' divorce, or you may not be competent enough to deal with children's problems alone in case they occur after your divorce. You may think that children need both parents until they become adults and decide to stay in marriage for a few years more. Some couples live together even after a divorce for the sake of children. 

Fourthly, you may be conscious of your reputation or people around you. You may be worried that people will judge you differently when you get a divorce. You may do your best not to get a divorce hiding your true thoughts and feelings. 

Most people who hesitate to get a divorce may fall under one or more of the above categories. These people are considered to have already been separated from their spouse psychologically. The cases are considered as psychological divorce. Then, you may grow psychological wounds more and more and end up living a very unhappy life. You cannot adequately prepare yourself for actual divorce or transfer to the psychology of divorce. You just suppress yourself and endure the circumstance. 

You may decide to get a divorce after your children grow, you get old, and you don't care much about your reputation any more, which is a case of a gray divorce. Many people who get a gray divorce are considered to have already been separated psychologically for some prolonged time. Since they have been living in unhappy marriage for so long, it is usually difficult to treat psychology and restore marriage relationship. It is also not easy to restore individual's happiness ability in such cases. 

You may think that you want to just live in comfort day in and day out and just get older like that, giving up becoming happy. However, it must be noted that there are ways to recover healthy psychology and happiness regardless of marital status. It is not humane to just give up on your happiness and spend time meaninglessly until death. If you are seriously thinking about a divorce, you must at least prepare yourself for future happiness and transfer to the psychology of divorce.

 Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

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  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/ 

[On Divorce & Remarriage] The importance of free consultation on divorce & remarriage

You can become happy regardless of your marital status. It is not important what circumstance you are in at present. You may be at the lowest point of life now and it may be painful beyond description, but you can become happy again when you treat your psychological wounds and build happiness ability.

Divorce or remarriage itself does not guarantee happiness or unhappiness. You become unhappy because you avoid the underlying problems or try to solve only superficial problems. You yourself are the one who choose happiness or unhappiness, not your situation. Marital status is a neutral concept in and of itself. 

We all have different and unique life experiences, and therefore, different and unique psychological operations. We all have unique ways to maneuver our journey of life and pursue happiness. Only you yourself can determine what to do with your life, so contents of free consultation on divorce and remarriage are unique for each case. 

You may have access to different people's stories on divorce or remarriage and try to make reference to them to make a decision for your life. However, it is not recommended at all that you consider other people's cases in making an important decision in your life. Taking other people's cases to apply to your problems may only aggravate the situation. It is recommended that you take free consultation on divorce and remarriage in order to make a right judgment and analysis of your situation before making any major decision. You will be guided to make the right decision only for yourself with your own standard. 

  

 Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

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  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/ 

  

[On Divorce] My husband left home and we have lived separately for 2 years now. What should I do?

Q. My husband left home 2 years ago and we have lived separately since then. I am getting tired of the situation. Should I maintain the current situation for the sake of children? Will he come back? Should I get a divorce?

A. Your husband left home for two reasons. One is because he is greatly stressed at home by staying with family. The other is he is having such fun outside home so he has no reason to come home. He left home because of his own serious condition with which his psychology operates in a distorted way. 

It must be very hard for you to just wait for him to come back. What you need to do is to analyze your own psychological condition rather than thinking about your husband. If it turns out that you have psychological wounds and problems, you must treat yourself and build happiness ability to be able to live happily with children regardless of your husband's condition. Healthy psychology must be the basis of your happiness even if you get a divorce later. When you have unhealthy psychology, children will also develop psychological problems and you and your children will live unhappily even after a divorce. You can live happily whether your husband comes back or not as far as you maintain healthy psychology. 

You can decide on divorce once you restore healthy psychology. Keeping or severing the marriage relationship is only an additional matter when you already have happiness ability. You are not recommended to decide on divorce before you restore healthy psychology since your decision is likely to be a distorted one. For example, you may not recognize your psychological wounds even when you have deep wounds inside. Then, you may feel quite comfortable when you get a divorce with the disappearance of the source of pain, that is, your husband. Psychological wounds disguised as comfort will keep worsening and display themselves in explosion someday destroying the life of yours and your loved ones.

You must restore your psychology and become independent psychologically and economically regardless of your husband's condition. It is not to sever the relationship with your husband but to pay no attention to him for now. You should not overly concentrate on earning money but do something minimal to become economically independent. 

Your husband will repeat leaving home since he is stressed at home unless you restore yourself and become a happy person. When you build your happiness ability, you will be the one who decides whether to keep him or not. 

  Apply for Free Consultation on Divorce

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  Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/