Not many people know what it is to build their own happiness as an individual. Sacrificing your life for family and children is not exactly your happiness as an individual. We aim for being happy together with our loved ones but we cannot not be happy unless we are happy as an individual to begin with. You can have healthy and happy relationships only when you are a healthy and happy person as an individual.
Many people do not realize that they have severe psychological wounds and blame themselves or others for their unfortunate condition. They may become dependent on other people to avoid facing their wounds. They may also seek only pleasure claiming that they are entitled to live their own life as they wish and give up on true happiness. Pleasure seeking is not living your life but destroying your life.
We must accurately understand about meanings and values of life and how to become happy in a true sense. If you do not adequately build your own happiness as an individual, you are likely to get involved in wrong and unhappy relationships, and suffer more and more from all kinds of practical and psychological problems.
You must also build your happiness as an individual to be able to solve children's psychological problems since most psychological problems of children stem from parents' psychological problems. Sadly enough, so many parents do not realize that they themselves must change and become healthy in order to solve children' psychological problems. This applies to all parents in all cultures and societies since all human beings share identical operational mechanism of mind and psychology.
Suffering from psychological pain indicates that you badly want to become happy. Seeking pleasure at the expense of your life and your loved ones indicates that you are trying to compensate for your psychological pain in a distorted way. Our mind operates only for ourselves and it can be manifested as selfish pleasure seeking. However, we live in relationships with other people and pursue being happy together in harmony and order. Our psychology is supposed to operate in the way harmony and order in relationships can be achieved and maintained.
When you suffer from depressive feelings and then restore confidence in some ways, you may feel that your condition has been treated and willingly get immersed into positive moods through activities of diversion. However, you may have actually aggravated your condition and developed a psychological disorder with which you employ distorted ways of compensating for your negative emotions and inflict damage upon other people including your children.
Children's psychological problems are caused by parents' psychological problems. Children's psychological problems are quickly and easily solved when parents' psychology is stabilized and adequate parenting strategies are adopted. Focusing only on children's problems per se is unlikely to lead you any where near treatment or improvement. Imposing rules and responsibilities on children for managing their psychology is the last thing you want to do for healthy psychological development of children. It is parents' and adults' responsibility to cultivate healthy body and mind in children.
The first and foremost thing to do is to establish yourself as a healthy and happy individual. You must analyze your psychological condition and restore healthy psychology if necessary. Then, you must transform your psychology to the psychology of divorce or remarriage depending on your circumstance. You must also adjust and realign your relationships with people. Once you accurately understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology, you can restore healthy psychology and become a happy person regardless of your marital status.
Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/