Korea Institute of Psycho-education: The power of words

Words can be truly powerful. Words can destroy the tranquility of mind and drive to despair or heal the pain in mind and sow the seeds of hope. Human psychology consists of perception, memory, and expression, and the outward expression consists of speech, actions, and facial expressions, of which speech can express one's mind the best. We all exchange words when we communicate with other people in human relationships. Words can contain and generate the whole spectrum of emotions. Rude words generate pain, humble words generate respect, and arrogant words hurt pride. Words can have either positive or negative influence on human relationships. People who understand the power of words are careful with their words.

The power of words can be shown by the example of praise. Everyone feels good upon being praised since we all have the desire for recognition. However, you may not be able to judge whether the praise is true or false unless you have the wisdom of looking into the human mind. Both praising and being praised can be dangerous in some cases.

Psychology is always manifested with the principle of symmetry. Anything positive has the negative aspect on the other side. Someone who always and overly praises you may have a completely opposite idea inside him or her. Therefore, it is crucial to build the right values and maintain balanced mind to make right judgment. Otherwise, you may be taken advantage of by people who disguise themselves with selfish purposes.

On the contrary, some people say negative words when they actually care about the counterparty deeply and boundlessly, usually in a stressful situation. They may say things they don't really mean causing the relationship to be destroyed. However, once you understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology, you will know that their venomous words are only the result of psychological operation rather than the truth of their heart.

Words always require someone who listens to them and we use words to be able to communicate with other people in human relationships. Different words are used depending on the type of relationships. They may be close relationships where both parties use mostly the unconscious in interactions, purposeful relationships where both parties use mostly the conscious, or abnormal relationships where one party takes advantage of the other. Understanding the nature of the given relationship must precede the interpretation of the words exchanged between or among the parties involved.

There are five points of reference to check in order to adequately analyze and interpret the power of words. Firstly, it should be known whether words are employed in a unidirectional or bidirectional way. Secondly, it should be known whether the relationship is a close, a purposeful, or an abnormal one. Thirdly, it should be known whether words accord with your or others' thought standards and purposes. Fourthly, it should be known how many people are involved in communication. Fifthly, it should be known whether words are used for positive influence or negative influence.

Your words are considered to have a negative influence when the counterparty is hurt by your words even if you were well intended. On the contrary, your words are considered to have a positive influence when they make the counterparty feel comfortable even if you intended to reproach him or her with your words. Thus, words can have different impacts depending on how they are perceived by people who listen to them not by people who say them. Everyone has different thought standards and purposes, which necessarily causes stress and wounds in relationships.

The key point to bear in mind is that you must properly judge whether your words result in healing and recovering the counterparty's psychology or damaging and destroying it. When one's words accord with the other's thought standards and purposes, the other will feel comfortable. When one's words do not accord with the other's thought standards and purposes, the other will feel uncomfortable. Stress and wounds are generated whenever one's standards and purposes do not accord with the others'. It is recommended that words be carefully employed not to cause unnecessary conflicts in relationships and you always consider the impact your words may have on the counterparty.

You must apologize to your counterparty if your well-intended or inadvertent words hurt his or her feelings. The presence of a conflict indicates that your standards and the other's standards are different, which is only natural, and your interpretation of the relationship is also different from the other's. You can apply the five reference points to adequately analyze and interpret the pattern of communication and maintain healthy relationships.

You can destroy or restore relationships with your words. It will be ideal for you to use words to help other people and build happiness together. When your counterparty uses destructive words when interacting with you, you must stop or avoid the conversation for the present. If you cannot stop or avoid, you must do your best not to be affected in order to prevent your negative response and the development of a conflict. Also, you must stop talking immediately when you find your counterparty is hurt by your words.

We form diverse relationships to pursue self-actualization and being happy together. In this process, stress and wounds naturally occur since everyone's thought standards and purposes are different. The level of stress and wounds is much higher in close relationships since people use the unconscious much more than the conscious. You may damage and destroy relationships with words or you may restore and consolidate them with words. Your words have the power of either thrusting at the other's heart with coldness and cruelty or warming and comforting the other's heart with sweetness and consideration.