Q : I have not contacted my parents for a long time since we didn’t get along well. I have a happy family of my own with my husband and children after marriage but I occasionally think about my parents. Will I experience relational conflicts again if I begin to see them?
A : Some parents consider their children as some type of possessions rather than independent individuals with their own thought standards. Then, the daughter may accumulate a lot of psychological wounds. Such parents are not interested in the daughter’s ideas, emotions, or psychological conditions, and just think everything is fine as far as things go as they want.
When the daughter stops contacting them, they may simply think that one of their possessions has disappeared. When the daughter begins contacting them again and they find out that the daughter has a happy family, they may develop the desire to regain the lost possession and have their way.
For the daughter to protect her own family’s happiness, she has to keep a certain distance from the parents to prevent the parents from destroying her happiness.
Thus, you must be able to protect your current happy life before anything. Then, you must accurately understand why your parents thought and acted that way by understanding the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology to correct and broaden your own perspective.
When you correct your own perspective and have accurate understanding of mind and psychology, your parents are likely to change their behaviors, too. Your change in attitudes will lead to their change in attitudes and behaviors.
Change must begin from within yourself first, and then, you will see more and more practical issues resolved. Please, do not rush but take time and go step by step in the process.
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