Q. I am really concerned about my daughter, who always gets into troubles. She wouldn't listen to me or my husband, and my husband and I often get into arguments over what to do about her. What should I do?
A. First of all, you must carefully watch why she gets into troubles. It is likely that she gets into troubles since she has much stress and many psychological wounds. She may be trying hard on her part to adapt herself to situations and solve problems even if she looks thoughtless to her parents' eyes. When parents try to advise her or solve problems for her with their thought standards, parents and the daughter may develop relational conflicts.
Teenagers are in the process of forming their own thought standards and self-identity. Parents must understand that even troubles she is going through are part of her own precious experiences and trials and errors even if they worry parents who can clearly foresee their undesirable consequences. Experiencing trials and errors in the growth process is necessary for healthy psychological development, so parents must provide encouragement and recognition at least on that point.
You must discuss matters with her with open mind to help her develop healthy and rational thought standards instead of trying to impose your ideas upon her or direct her to behave as you want. Then, your daughter will also begin to share her own ideas with you with open mind, developing right judgment and making right decisions. She wouldn't think that you are scolding or nagging one-sidedly anymore.
Daughters are nurtured by mother's feelings. When the mother is unhappy and filled with negative feelings inside her, they are projected into the daughter and the daughter develops stress and wounds more and more, making her feel unhappy, too. It is also important that the mother heals stress and treats her own wounds and become a happy woman in order to make other family members psychologically stable and happy. Then, to your surprise, your daughter will take your advice not as nagging or bothering her but as paying attention to her in a positive way.
Apply for free consultation on child's psychological problems
Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/
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