Q : I have developed abnormal sexual desire since I discovered my husband's infidelity, and we are having sex a lot. Moreover, my husband's affair seems to be related with sexual issues, so I am trying really hard and he also likes my effort. Especially, we stay at home a lot due to the pandemic situation, and it feels as if we were newlyweds. I think we have restored our marriage relationship, and both my husband and I have become normal. I guess I can be assured that we are fine now?
A : Upon the discovery of husband infidelity, the wife develops post traumatic stress. The wife's post traumatic stress may cause abnormally strong sexual desire in many cases. Then, the wife may become to seek sexual relationship with the husband excessively.
When the husband confesses that he had an affair due to some kind of sexual issues, the wife's sexual desire is reinforced and she may become obsessive about sexual relationship.
However, the fact is that all sexual actions with the wife are perceived as intense stress by the husband since he is in the condition of relationship addiction. Still, he cannot but accept the wife's demand for having sex when he cannot avoid the situation.
When the husband perceives stronger sexual response from the wife than that from his adulteress, the couple naturally get involved in having sex quite actively. Then, the husband may even develop relationship addiction toward his own wife, which is considered as the worst condition, and become the wife's adulterer, who destroys his own wife's mind.
The wife may become obsessive about having sex with the husband and also become her own husband's adulteress. She may mistake the distorted situation for happiness and feel as if they went back to the days when they were crazy about each other. She may be convinced that they have recovered and become happy again.
As time passes without proper treatment, their psychological conditions progress. The wife may develop hysteria adding relationship addiction to post traumatic stress, and the husband may develop intermittent explosive disorder adding perception disorder to relationship addiction.
Now, they stay at home a lot without many social activities and can get immersed into sexual pleasure as an adulterer and an adulteress, but soon, they will face situations where their hysteria and intermittent explosive disorder are activated to destroy their life and lives of people around them.
Moreover, both of them are highly likely to get involved in infidelity with other people as the pandemic situation is over and they resume social activities outside home. It is only natural that children also develop psychological problems being affected by both parents developing and aggravating psychological disorders.
Trying hard for restoring marriage relationship through active sexual relationship is likened to trying hard to destroy lives of all family members. You are driving yourself and your husband to become pleasure seekers who put the highest priority on sexual pleasure above all human values and meanings.
The foremost thing you must do is to treat post traumatic stress. It is extremely painful to get yourself out of the psychology of an adulteress and face the pain of post traumatic stress. However, you can regain your own and your children's happiness only when you treat your condition properly. Then, you can give your husband an opportunity to treat his relationship addiction.
Married couple's sexual happiness must never be based upon post traumatic stress and relationship addiction. When you accurately understand and try for true sexual happiness after treating psychological disorders, you can achieve the best sexual happiness that rivals that of newlyweds, and your children can also regain psychological stability and happiness.
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