Q : I got a divorce due to husband infidelity. I thought I would be comfortable after divorce since I wouldn't have to see my ex-husband anymore. However, I suffer from even greater pain as I get involved with other men. I also find that people who used to be close to me seem to avoid me. I wait for my boyfriend's call all day, and become obsessive and dependent in the relationship. I don't know why I feel suffocated and keep crying. Does it mean that I am still being affected by the past experience with my ex-husband?
A : Men's infidelity is the phenomenon where they are addicted to women's response, and women's infidelity is the phenomenon where they are addicted to men's attention. In the condition of relationship addiction, men mistake relationship addiction for their passion and women for their love and they all justify their behaviors.
As a man and a woman get married and become husband and wife, they are supposed to build happy life together, but when the husband develops relationship addiction, he may want to exist only as a man instead of a husband, and seek only his own pleasure breaking trust and responsibility of marriage relationship. Then, the wife may choose to get a divorce as she develops post traumatic stress accompanied by the pain of death wanting to get out of the unbearable pain and be comfortable.
However, when she gets a divorce without treating post traumatic stress, she suffers from even greater pain every time her wounds of post traumatic stress are activated in daily life. Post traumatic stress gets aggravated for all your life time unless adequately treated whether you stay married or get divorced. After the divorce, most women become to make efforts to forget wounds and get attention and consolation every time the wounds are activated.
When a divorced woman with post traumatic stress gets attention from men, she temporarily feels better and mistakes it for happiness. However, every incident of temporary attention and consolation only aggravates her condition of post traumatic stress. As they repeat mistaking men's attention for love and justifying their behaviors, they may develop relationship addiction on top of post traumatic stress. Such phenomenon occurs in so many women who get a divorce with the condition of post traumatic stress.
The attention men give to divorced women with post traumatic stress is not love. These men mostly seek sexual pleasure by getting immersed into such women's response. When they cannot get sexual pleasure from these women, they will not even think twice before ending the relationship.
Women who mistake men's attention for love generate even greater wounds thinking that their love has been betrayed. It must be clearly noted that you cannot build healthy romantic relationship based on post traumatic stress. Women with post traumatic stress will repeat such unhealthy relationships and end up developing hysteria and being unable to live a happy life.
Women who get a divorce due to husband infidelity without treating post traumatic stress may lose their capacity for healthy women's feelings, develop relationship addiction, and become pleasure seekers themselves. Otherwise, they may develop severe depressive disorder. It is urgent and crucial that you treat post traumatic stress due to husband infidelity for your own happiness regardless of your marital status.
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