12/22/2021

[Husband Infidelity] I am having an affair with two women at the same time and I can't get myself out of the relationships.

 

Q. I am seeing two women at the same time and I cannot get myself out of the relationships. They both know that I am seeing two women but they don't bother me as far as I see them. They get really angry and harass me when I don't. I drink a lot when I see them and my health is deteriorating. I promise myself that I will stop seeing them when I am sober but I can't control myself when they call me for a date.

A. You are in relationship addiction, which is a psychological disorder. You become addicted to any relationship in which the woman is highly responsive to you. The women who are seeing you are also in relationship addiction. They are addicted to attention that men give them. They would not really care how many women you see as far as you give them attention whenever they want. They will find their own way of justifying the situation and both relationships will continue with you getting response from them and them getting attention from you. 

When you are in attention addiction and response addiction, the person you are involved with is not important since all you want is attention and response. Everything is fine as far as you exchange attention and response, but problems occur the moment you refuse to see them. They will harass you since they cannot stand without getting attention. 

Your physical and psychological health will keep deteriorating paying doubly for the two relationships. You drink more and you get tired more when you see them so you think that you must stop seeing them. However, your response addiction is activated the moment they contact you and you are dragged to see them again and again not being able to get out of the vicious cycle. Relationship addiction makes you lose the power of conscious control so you cannot stop your addictive behavior with your conscious thought. 

Men's relationship addiction is accompanied by perception disorder and expression disorder. Expression disorder is accompanied by consciousness disorder with which one loses the power of conscious control. People in relationship addiction always self-justify that they can stop the relationship easily when they want but they can never do so. By definition, addiction is a type of pathological condition in which you cannot control yourself. Men's relationship addiction may stop for some time when the situation does not allow the manifestation of addiction, but it recurs and continues until death as far as women with attention addiction are available. 

Women's relationship addiction keeps being aggravated as time passes and an advanced condition is accompanied by hysteria. They lose their reason and display hysteria when they cannot get attention but they become extremely excited when they get what they want. They never consider the counterparty's situation and you never know what they will do upon their negative emotion being triggered. You have two women who are in critical condition by your side and hysterical and violent incidents may happen anytime.

You must thank them if they leave you but your relationship addiction will make you look for women who are responsive again. You must think really hard about what you can and must do to restore physical and psychological health beyond getting yourself out of the current relationships. It must be clearly understood that your relationship addiction is progressing even at this moment and you must treat your condition not to end up ruining your life completely. 

 

 About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

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