1/22/2025

[Sex & Xes] Self-esteem and self-respect in sexuality

 


Self-esteem is about ideas, while self-respect is about feelings. In sexuality, there are many issues of self-esteem and self-respect, mostly self-esteem for men and self-respect for women. Men are hurt by words and actions that go against their ideas and concepts, and women are hurt by words and actions that go against their feelings and expressions. The lower your self-esteem in sexuality, the less control you have over sex, and without self-respect in sexuality, the expression of your feelings in sex will gradually disappear.

  For men, self-esteem in sex is very important because it involves your thoughts and ideas about your own sexuality. Low self-esteem in sex can lead to negative perceptions and rejection of your own sexual abilities. It can also lead to feelings of comparison, like you're not as good as others at sex.

  Self-respect in sexuality is very important for women. If a woman has low self-respect in sex, she will compare herself with others about the feelings and emotions of sex, and as a result of the comparison, she will feel inferior to others. They'll also have negative feelings about how much permission and freedom they have in sex, so they'll feel less empowered than before. They'll also feel hurt if they don't feel the same way about sex as their partner.

  For both men and women, the result of low self-esteem and low self-respect is a very negative  sexual relationship, resulting in rejection, discomfort, avoidance of sex, and a loss of self-confidence, causing self-deprecation, self-devaluation, and feelings of guilt toward the partner.

  If this situation persists and becomes entrenched, sex with your partner can become dull and dry, which is very different from dull sex related with just boredom. While overcoming boredom can bring back the pleasure and enjoyment of sex if the dull sex is due to boredom, the decline and loss of self-esteem or self-respect manifests as lethargy and disinterest, making it very difficult to analyze the specific cause of the problem. This is a matter of restoring lowered self-esteem and self-respect, not a matter of boredom, so the approach and analysis must be different.

  If couples are struggling with self-esteem and self-respect issues, it may be time for sexual counseling and therapy. This is when you need to seek professional help to heal the wounds, especially if you've experienced unwanted sex due to one-sided, coercive sex, or if you're in an unavoidable situation where you feel guilty after sex. When a person is forced to have sex in a situation where he or she feels rejection, guilt, discomfort, unpleasantness, or other negative feelings about sex, he or she may self-justify by converting the negative feelings into an attachment to his or her own entitlement or pleasure. This leads to enjoying and seeking pleasure from one-sided, coercive sex, and the self-justification process that changes the original concept of love and affection and leads to mistaking pleasure for love and affection.

  Self-esteem and self-respect in sexuality are unique feelings that each individual possesses, and damage to self-esteem and self-respect of sexuality has serious after-effects. This is why it is important to talk to each other about it, to express your feelings wisely, to understand each other, and to repair it with care and consideration. Even a casual remark can cause serious hurt in your partner. If it is not repaired, it will gradually go deeper and deeper into the heart, and it will not be resolved easily.

  When you have low self-esteem and self-respect in sexuality, both the person who was hurt and the person who hurt the partner can become victims. Sex is not something to be enjoyed alone, and it requires two people of loving mind, and ways to heal and recover from problems should be applied as soon as they arise. Behaviors that may harm the partner’s self-esteem and self-respect need to be changed and worked on.

                               https://youtu.be/-TEgXvhquyY?si=G5T1mzBCPMGAgGdr

                             About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

 




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