Forbidden love is often
the subject of movies and novels. Forbidden love can include incestuous relationships,
love between minors and adults, love between married people, and love between
people of different races and religions, and they actually happen in real life
situations.
The question of whether
these relationships can be defined as love can be controversial. While there
are countless definitions of love, love is generally considered a positive
force for happiness in human relationships. Then, can so-called forbidden love
qualify as love that promotes happiness?
This confusion comes from
not clearly understanding the essential criteria for love. Love is a phenomenon
that creates happiness by amplifying good feelings and good moods when you are in
control of your life and you are healing wounds and stress in a healthy way. The
more you love, the happier and healthier you and your partner are supposed to
become in a true sense.
However, the types of
love listed above - incestuous relationships, love between minors and adults,
love between married people, love between people of different races and
religions, and even love with different species - are destructive behaviors
that is intended to achieve your satisfaction by destroying yourself and the partner
because you are trying to forget powerful wounds and stresses through sexual
interactions with the partner when you cannot heal yourself properly in the
first place. Therefore, it's very hard to get out of what's called forbidden
love. When you try to get out of it, you feel like you're going to die because
all the powerful wounds and stresses that have been covered up by sexual
pleasure are coming out at once, and you can't stand without taking advantage
of your sexual partner. So, it is misguided activation of sexuality, not love.
Not all sex drives are
misguided; most people live with a certain levels of sex drive, and often don't
even realize they have sex drive. In any case, sexual desire is the expression
of one's needs, so it's not for other people or relationships but only for
yourself.
This is why people with a
healthy mind tend to keep their sexual desire well hidden. This is the will to
not use others to fulfill one's own desire, even if the desire is recognized as
a thought. However, what is called forbidden love is wrongful lust because it
is satisfied by taking advantage of others. So called forbidden love does not
consider how much further destruction of one's own body and mind will occur, or
how much further destruction of the partner's body and mind will occur, because
the intense pleasure felt when the purpose of the lust is realized in reality
has taken over the person's mind altogether including thoughts and emotions.
When a person indulges in
this false sexual desire, their body and mind are destroyed, and they cease to
be human beings and live their lives as if the wrong sexual desire and sexual
pleasure were all that matters for happiness. I wonder how such a destructive
behavior can be even likened to love. Something that is rooted in stress and wounds,
that creates even more stress and wounds, and that is practiced in violation of
social, cultural, moral, and institutional rules cannot be love. We usually and
correctly call it an addiction or an obsession.
It's even worse when people
directly describe their own relationship as “forbidden love,” because they
think it's love, and knowing it's forbidden means they don't care about the
reasons for it being forbidden, and all they care about is the intense sexual
pleasure. They've gotten to the point where they don't know what love is at all,
and the best they can hope for is to control their sexual desire at a manageable
level.
Thus, we shouldn't use
the term “forbidden love” since it doesn’t make any sense. Please, remember
that it's not forbidden love but misdirected sexual desire, and it's a
psychological disorder that destroys harmony and order in human relationships
and the society as well as individuals.
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