Korea Institute of Psycho-education: [Sex & Xes] Men who hide sexual dysfunction from their partner vs. men who talk about it

Today, we're going to look at the difference between men who hide their sexual dysfunction from their partners, their wives, or girlfriends - and men who talk about it. Before we get into the differences, let's consider how important sexual function is to men.

While women don't care as much about their sexual performance, men consider it to be the best thing they have. For example, if a group of men friends are at a bar and a guy tells other men that he's made a million dollars in profit from his business, everyone will be envious of him. Then, if he says, “But, I’m not doing so well sexually lately, you know...”, every man instantly feels sorry for him.

On the other hand, if a friend who's unemployed and looking for a job tells them that he's been having tireless, vigorous sex all night long, everyone will be the most envious of him. In other words, for men, sexual function is like a lifeline that they wouldn't trade for a million bucks. Even if they don't have anyone to have sex with, men who have good sexual function always have composure.

Would it be easy for a man to tell someone he loves that his sexual function is impaired when it's like their lifeblood? Even if the woman notices his sexual dysfunction and is concerned about it, he's likely to tell her that he's just tired and that it's no big deal, and then he'll diligently look for ways to fix it without anyone noticing. This is a very common approach men who have healthy psychology take. They know exactly what their problem is.

On the other hand, when a man readily admits to his partner that he has sexual dysfunction, it's likely that he has selfish purposes in the relationship. In this case, he usually doesn't come clean and say that he has sexual dysfunction. He usually says, “I can't get aroused because we've been doing the same thing over and over again,” or “I'm not attracted to you as much as before.” This is not recognizing sexual dysfunction as his problem, but rather transferring his problem to the partner.

This can lead to things like the man demanding different forms of sex, demanding the partner to look more provocative, or even worse, demanding sex with other people. It indicates that he already has a psychological disorder that tears both the man and the partner down.

So, when a man is caught cheating, he'll usually tell his wife, “How can I have a sex drive with the way you look?” or “You are not active enough when having sex with me.” or something like that, and most of the time, the wife will actually think that there's something wrong with herself and that's why he's cheating. But in essence, it's the man himself who is sexually dysfunctional and he is cheating attempting to change the way he has sex and changing who he has sex with. Husband infidelity has nothing to do with the wife. Men who have sexual dysfunction try all these new things because men’s sexual dysfunction is temporarily restored when they recognize new sexual information, which sadly enough, aggravates their sexual dysfunction in the long term.

Of course, there are exceptions. Only a very small percentage of men will realize their sexual dysfunction and want to discuss it with their partner so that they can work through it together. In this case, it's more likely that the couple have been creating sexual happiness together for a long time, and the man is worried that his sexual dysfunction is interfering with his partner's sexual happiness and wants to work through it together.

When you understand the mechanism of men's sexual function, and the differences in whether or not a man talks about his sexual dysfunction, you can also understand what psychological condition he's in.

https://youtu.be/y3LwxiJrTak?si=TiN6cHRxseERD8vP

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