Does your
adolescent son make no sense to you? Do you wonder what's in his head? Don't
know what the heck is wrong with him? Then, just stand by him, trust him, and
he'll go through it on his own. Adolescence is an inevitable and necessary part
of growing up. He has been learning how to relate to people in a sheltered
environment so far, and now he is creating his own thought standards, which is
naturally accompanied by anxiety and confusion, and then, there's the physical
changes called secondary sex characteristics, and you are having a very
disconcerting experience with your son who's not the same as before.
As a mom, it's hard to accept the
unfamiliarity of your son, and you try to talk to him, soothe him, and argue
with him to get him back to the way he used to be. It's unnerving to think that
he's becoming less and less like the child you once knew.
Of course, you went through puberty yourself,
so you often look at your child through the lens of your own experience, but you
are looking at the situation from the perspective of the mother but not the
child, and his circumstances and environment are completely different from yours.
You are a woman, so it is hard for you to know about the changes in boys during
that period. If you look at your son through the lens of your own experience, you
are bound to make a lot of errors.
So you send an SOS to your husband and tell
him to do something about it, but he says, “Leave him alone,” which can make
you feel like he's not interested in parenting and that only you are freaking
out, but that's not the case. He's actually offering a good solution, and
you're just feeling frustrated and upset that he didn't say it the way you
thought he would.
Your son needs time to himself while he's
still developing his own thought standards. This doesn't mean you shouldn’t
care whatever he does. It means you should care but not interfere. Sometimes
the mother has limited thought standards, so she cannot see him from a lot of
different perspectives. He may be doing something wrong, but if he's not
hurting anyone or getting into legal problems, share your experiences and
information with him, but don't push it. If you're consistent and trusting,
he'll form his own healthy thought standards through trial and error, and the
day will come when you'll look at each other and smile as if you never had had
this conflict.
We're all different, but we make the
mistake of assuming that others will be like us, especially in intimate
relationships. If you recognize your son as an independent person and support
his growth, he'll find his own way. It may not make sense by your standards,
but just because it doesn't make sense to you doesn't mean it's all wrong. You
can use your son's adolescence as an opportunity not only for him but also for
you to grow.
https://youtu.be/nvb8UKoI5Zg?si=oOMkYbvxfxr2MKOj
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