Your child may start talking about something and
then shut up. You may wonder what's wrong with him or her and feel frustrated. Why
are some children so quiet? There can be many different reasons, depending on
the environment and situation, so there's no "one answer" to why
children are quiet. However, children often choose to remain quiet when parents
insist on their own opinions.
Many parents mistakenly believe that they are having
a conversation with their children when they assert or persuade them of their
opinions. A conversation is an exchange of feelings, and if it's a one-way
street, it's coercion or informing, not a conversation. For example, "Mom, I'm going to go to a
study cafe" "What study cafe?" "My friends are going to the
study café tomorrow, and I think I will go too because it has a good atmosphere
for study" "You don’t study even at home." "That's why I'm
going to try it this time" "No, You can just study in your room. Why
do you have to spend money to go there?" "Mom, I'm not doing anything
else, I'm just saying I'm going to study..." "Why do you stop talking?
What is it?"
If you were talking to someone and they kept
interrupting you with objections to your opinion, would you be able to continue
the conversation? If you feel that you're being questioned and judged, you will
stop talking because you don't want to hear what they have to say, no matter
how right they are.
When your child expresses their thoughts or
feelings, and you respond by arguing with them about whether they're right or
wrong, or trying to convince them that your opinion is the only one that
applies to them, they're more likely to stop talking because they don't feel
the need to continue the conversation. Taking it a step further, if the parent
is unable to control his or her emotions and spills over into a harsh outburst,
the child will not have the opportunity to speak further, and silence may be the
child's choice, either because he or she doesn't know what to say or because he
or she wants to avoid making things worse.
This can lead to misunderstandings, as parents freak
out and don't think about their own attitude and only see the child's silence
as a problem, which leads to a buildup of negative emotions on both parents and
children. The conflict is bound to escalate as the parent sees the child's
silence as the child's problem. Then, what can you do about it?
Here's what we all know. We know that listening is
the first step in having a healthy conversation, but when it comes to the
relationship between parents and their children, instead of thinking and
expecting them to listen to you, why not try to listen to them first?
For healthy communication between parents and
children, it is very important to listen to your child's thoughts and opinions
without judgment, even if they are different from your own knowledge and
experience. It's also important to note that your child may need time to
process and recover from their silence. However, if you notice that a period of
silence is getting too long, try changing the subject to get the conversation
going again. This may even give you a chance to open up about previous
conflicts.
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