Today, we're going to talk about
object-specific sexual attraction. You've probably heard people say: "I
can't break up with my partner because we are so compatible sexually, or I
can't stop thinking about the physical relationship even though I've broken up
with him or her." In other words, the sex with someone is so compatible
that they want to stay sexually involved even though their minds have moved on.
Neither men nor women understand how this
works, so you might think, "Maybe there are just people like that,"
or "Maybe I haven't met the right person yet," or "Maybe the
person I'm seeing right now is just like that!" But technically, this
phenomenon doesn't exist in men, and it exists only in women. Let's take a look
at how it works.
A man's xesmind will only accept new
information that is not in his own xes habits in his xes memory, which is why
the saying "the prettiest girl for a man is a new girl" is floating
around, and why many men will only save pornography they've seen once and never
open it again. Also, a man's xesmind doesn't really care about the partner, but
only the realization of sex itself, which means that it's important to express sexuality
with words, actions, and facial expressions, and who he has sex with is less
important. Of course, men’s mimind distinguishes between women who they love
and protect and women who they don't. As motioned many times, what you feel and
think is the result of the work of mimind, and the work of xesmind is not felt
in the conscious, but only affects the mind.
Can a man, then, be sexually attracted to
only one partner? It is impossible. The more sexual information and sexual
habits a man has accumulated from a partner, the more his xesmind can no longer
sense new sexual information from that partner. Therefore, if you try to apply
the concept of sexual attraction limited to a specific partner to a man, you
create a self-contradictory proposition that a man can be sexually attracted to
a partner only when he no longer feels that partner as a sexual object.
Of course, this concept of being sexually
attracted only to a specific partner doesn't apply to married couples either :
it's normal for couples to not feel sexually attracted a lot to each other by
the workings of their xesmind and mimind. If men really had a phenomenon of
being sexually attracted only to a specific partner that they are accustomed
to, the couple would have passionate sex blazing until the day they die. But
for men, even if they marry the most beautiful woman in the world, their sexual
bliss doesn't last long, because the partner has become a family member that
they protect and identify with.
So why do some men obsess over one woman
and say that sex with her is so good because they are so sexually compatible? It's
not that they like sex with that woman in particular, but rather that they are
addicted to her responses. They have developed a psychological disorder of
response addiction where everything she says and does, from everyday life to
sex, is perceived as a response and everything feels good. This is called
relationship addiction.
This psychological disorder never occurs for
their wives, who, by analogy, are the sacred sanctuary, the only place where a
psychologically impaired husband can breathe and rest. So no matter how
stressed out and fun-loving they are outside, strangely, husbands fall asleep so
easily next to their wives. If they don't realize they're tired no matter how
much fun activities they have, they are considered to have a psychological
disorder, but when they're with their wives, it's not fun, but it's so
relaxing. Both husbands and wives misunderstand this phenomenon. They think
it's because their love for each other has grown cold.
There's another one. If a man has sex with
a woman, and he feels pleasure that he's never experienced before, he doesn't
remember the woman herself but he clearly remembers the pleasure of sex that he
felt in sex at that time, and because this working of xesmind is recognized
only through mimind, he has the illusion that he likes the woman, but what he
remembers, at least as far as sex is concerned, is the pleasure of sex, not the
partner.
But what about women? Women actually have a
phenomenon where they are sexually attracted only to a specific partner.
Because women only accept what fits with the sexual information and sexual
habits stored in their xes memory, they like familiar sexual information, go
deeper with it, and are less likely to try new things. Therefore, familiarity
is very important to women. Furthermore, because women bind sex with their
emotions, it becomes hard for a woman to imagine having sex with another man if
she's already in love with her partner.
In addition, for a woman in a healthy state
of mind, sex is just one of many means of love, so sexuality is not necessarily
activated by her husband with whom she's already fully bonded. However, when a
woman has an affair, she's not in love with her partner, but she's addicted to
the attention he gives her. Attention addiction is not the same thing as love,
so she feels constantly restless, constantly craving attention and activating
her sexuality. It's important to keep in mind that there are so many myths
about sex that deal with only what's on the surface, and almost none of them can
be believed.
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