Q : A boy at school says he kind of likes me, but I am not interested in him that much. The problem is that another girl at school has a crush on this boy, and she and her friends use violence against me for me getting attention from the boy. What should I do?
A : The bullying girl wants attention from the boy, but he is giving all his attention to you, so she thinks that you are taking away his attention from her and you are the obstacle between her and the boy. She wants to get rid of the obstacle, so she attacks you with the help of her friends. However, from your point of view, it is an absolutely unfair situation and the girl's behavior is down right wrong. The girl is simply releasing her negative emotions at you, which is caused by the lack of the boy's attention.
A group of people using violence against one person is a clear case of crime. How and why this girl uses violence is not important. All you need to think about now is how to protect yourself from the violence. When you neglect the issue, you will get more and more damage since they will become more and more violent. At first, they may use violence accusing you of getting the boy's attention, but they will keep using violence without any reason, and the level of violence will get intensified. They will keep bullying you even after they boy and the girl become close to each other. When people attack other people, they necessarily develop psychological problems inside themselves. When the victim does not confront against the offense, the victim is fixated as the object of offense, and then, the perpetrator will use violence upon the slightest stress and feel good without any sense of guilt.
You cannot protect yourself all by yourself in the present situation. You need to seek help from parents and teachers. Firstly, you have to talk to your parents about your situation and discuss what should be done. Even if your parents are too busy to deal with the situation directly, you should ask them to come up with some safety measures for your protection. Secondly, you must ask your teacher for help. Both parents and teachers must cooperate to protect you from violence. Protecting the victim is much more important then punishing the perpetrator. The protection of the victim must be prioritized over the punishment of the perpetrator. When parents and teachers do not take the matter seriously enough and you are not properly protected, you need to seek professional help. You must not give up or endure the situation under any circumstance. You must ask parents, teachers, and professionals for help.
Then, you also need to treat your psychology that has been damaged in the whole process. Psychology treatment is as important as physical safety because damaged psychology can be fixated for your whole life when you grow keeping psychological wounds inside you.
After physical safety is secured and psychology treatment is implemented, punishment of perpetrators may be proceeded. Here, punishment is not only for compensation but also for correcting the perpetrators' psychology, ideas, and behaviors. They are also in the process of forming self-identity as teenagers, so they need to be guided into the right direction for healthy development. Otherwise, their psychology will also stay damaged and be fixated, harming themselves and people around them for the whole life time. Here, punishment must include not only paying for their wrongdoing officially and formally, but also accurately understanding the impact of violent behaviors on both the victim's and the perpetrator's psychology and reflecting and repenting deeply.
Again, the whole process is much more than you can handle by yourself. You must gather all the help you can get to protect your body and mind and achieve full recovery.
Apply for free consultation for Teenagers' Psychological Problems
Youth Mind Training : http://www.youthmindtraining.com/
Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac
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