You must understand how the other's mind and psychology operate in order to understand what he or she feels and thinks. We usually judge other people based on their speech and actions. However, judging other people's psychology based only on what is visible is likely to be erroneous. Rather, we should be able to understand the underlying mechanism, which is unseen on the surface.
The occurrence of emotions of feeling good or bad is the signal that psychology is in operation. However, we cannot know the state of other people's emotions if they do not express their moods or feelings. Even if they express their moods or feelings, it is not guaranteed that the expression is true to their real emotions. There are two ways to analyze the other's psychology. One is to analyze the other's speech and actions. The other is to analyze the other's psychology based on your own emotions that develop in the interactions with the person. You can apply the first way only when the person and you are in a close relationship where both of you feel comfortable to be together.
You can take into account three types of people to understand your counterparty's psychology. The first type is people who blame other people when problems occur. They are also good at self-justification. They consider only their own emotions important and disregard other people's emotions. They think in self-centered ways, so they are happy when things go as they want but they cannot stand when things do not go as they want causing relational conflicts and problems. They may readily attack anyone who disagrees on their thoughts and actions. They see everything only from their own perspective, so they are easily stressed and wounded when there is discrepancy between their thoughts and opinions and those of other people.
The second type is people who blame themselves. They always suppress their moods and feelings. They would jump into the conclusion that the problem is in themselves without attempting to probe into the cause of problems. They are other-centered, so they consider others' feelings and opinions more important than their own. When they are stressed and wounded, they consider it as coming from themselves. They blame themselves even when they are obviously betrayed by other people. They lack both the sense of self-confidence and that of self-respect. They are usually depressed and experience psychological difficulties.
The third type is people who become dependent on other people when problems and conflicts occur in relationships. They do not attempt to solve problems on their own, but they depend on the counterparty or avoid problems by taking distractions such as hobbies, study, or work. They are susceptible to developing addiction since they keep seeking consolation and attention from people or activities.
People who blame others will try to do everything as they please. They are also susceptible to addiction since they easily fall for whatever they like without thinking rationally. They are also prone to developing the consciousness disorder since they are absolutely convinced that their own ideas are right. People who blame themselves are not good at expressing themselves, so they are susceptible to developing depression or panic disorder. People who are dependent on people or activities are susceptible to developing addiction and depression simultaneously, so their psychological conditions are likely to be more severe.
You will not develop psychological problems if you properly manage stress and wounds in relationships. However, when you cannot manage stress and wounds properly for a long enough time, you may develop psychological disorders in spite of yourself. Psychological problems can be solved by taking activities of diversion, but psychological disorders require proper psychology treatment. You must control and take care of your moods and feelings in order to maintain healthy psychology.
If you are curious about other people's psychology, you must be able to observe and analyze your own psychological condition. If you feel uncomfortable to interact with someone, it indicates that you have different psychological operation with him or her. On the contrary, if you feel comfortable to interact with someone, it indicates that you have identical psychological operation with him or her. If you have judged that you have psychological problems and you find being with someone comfortable, you can assume that person also has a similar type of psychological problems.
When you have developed psychological disorders due to accumulated stress and wounds, you cannot get along well with people with normal psychology. When you develop psychological disorders, you think and feel in the opposite way from normal people, so interactions and communications with them become difficult and uncomfortable. You will find interacting with people with similar types of psychological conditions pleasurable and comfortable.
Self-centered people would try to take advantage of other people to suit their needs. They do not care about damage inflicted upon others by their actions and blame other people when they are not satisfied. Other-centered people are prone to being taken advantage of by self-centered people. They are credulous and blame themselves for being deceived. Dependent people can be said to be living not their own life but other people's life. They are easily approached by people with selfish purposes. They keep changing people who they can depend on after being used and abandoned without even realizing that they were used and abandoned since they do not have the ability to judge on their own.
You will not get stressed or wounded much in a relationship if you accurately understand your own and the other's psychological condition. Also, since moods and feelings are operated and recognized only within yourself and you are the only one who can manage your emotions and psychology, you can reduce stress and wounds in relationships if you can control your own moods and feelings in daily life.
You can judge whether people are self-centered, other-centered, or dependent by observing their reactions when they are stressed and wounded in relational interactions. The mechanism explained above applies to both you and your counterparty. In order to understand your counterparty's psychology, you must accurately understand the operational mechanism of human mind and psychology.
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