[Sex & Xes] Sexless couples part 2 : The husband who refuses to have sex

 

Hi, guys, I'm Kyungmi Kim at Korea Institute of Psycho-education. In this video, I will fact-check for the husband who refuses to have sex. There are as many reasons for the husband refusing to have sex as reasons for the wife refusing to have sex. They may be tired from work, may not have good sexual functions, may find having sex with the wife boring, may not be sexually attracted to the wife, or may have different sexual preferences. The reasons can be as many as individual's memories of the past and the current situations. However, the fundamental reason comes from the operational mechanism of men's sexuality. That is, men's refusing to have sex is related with their view of sexuality that associates having sex only with sexual pleasure. 

Men's xes habits operate so that men accommodate only new information on sex instead of familiar information on sex. Men feel that new sexual actions and new partners can give them more pleasure, and familiar sexual actions and familiar partners give them less pleasure, with which only physical stimulation and the pleasure of ejaculation are left to be recognized. 

As men get married and some time passes, their passion toward their partner that used to be recognized in the conscious is transformed into the sense of unlimited protection and responsibility as habits in the unconscious. This is considered as men's true love, but it is not recognized in the conscious and men feel that they are not in love with their wives any more. Sexual information related with the wife have become familiar and the husband's love is not recognized in the conscious. Then, the husband feels that having sex with the wife is not fun any more and he cannot recognize passion any more. 

 In addition, many men and women believe that men should lead women in having sex, so both women and men try to accord with men's standards of pleasure and adopt men-centered sexual actions. However, men's sexual functions are designed and optimized to accord with women's body, mind, and sexuality. When men lead women in having sex with their standards of pleasure, it becomes limited and boring sooner or later. Moreover, as men keep having sex in accordance with their own standards of sexual pleasure, negative xes energy affects their body with all sexual information perceived being accumulated in their xesmind and their sexual functions keep declining. This mechanism explains why the husband becomes to refuse to have sex with the wife. 

Problems occur when the wife doesn't understand the operational mechanism of human mind and sexuality and tries to attract the husband sexually. First, the husband may feel sexually attracted by the wife's attempt which may include new sexual information, but it only adds negative xes energy in the husband's xesmind and damages his body and mind including sexual functions. Also, the wife must provide the husband with more and more intense sexual pleasure in accordance with his standards of pleasure since he will adapt himself to the level of current pleasure. As this goes on and on, the couple cannot be satisfied with regular sex and their body, mind, and sexuality are destroyed. 

 Secondly, the husband may feel repulsion against the wife's attempt to attract him sexually since he vaguely feels that the wife is not the object of sexual pleasure but the object of love and protection. Men who view having sex only as a means of getting pleasure may feel higher level of repulsion against the wife's attempt to attract him sexually. Feeling repulsion is better than perceiving the wife as an object of sexual pleasure. When both the husband and the wife perceive each other as objects of sexual pleasure, they end up losing their role as the wife and the husband as well as their role as parents and destroying the whole family. 

It must be clearly understood by both the wife and the husband that the success or the failure of married couples' sexual happiness is in the hands of the wife. Sexuality belongs to women and men are only supporters of women's sexuality. It is not to say that women must lead men in having sex at all. Women taking the lead in having sex with the idea of men-centered sexuality is only another version of having sex in accordance with men's standards of sexual pleasure. Then, men cannot get out of the viewpoint based on their own sexual pleasure no matter how active and how attractive women become in sexual actions. Their sex life cannot but be boring or burdensome. 

The wife becoming the main agent in having sex means that the wife activates her sexuality to affect her body and mind in positive ways and to enjoy her sexual happiness. They must build the right xes habits and must not relate their sexuality with partners or human relationships to be able to do so. That is, they must build true sex ability. When the husband has sex with the wife who has true sex ability, the husband becomes to accord with the wife's standards of sexual pleasure protecting her and enjoying the unlimited sexual pleasure and passion.

It is essential for the wife to build true sex ability for the couple to achieve sexual utopia. However, the wife cannot activate sexuality in the right way when the husband still has his own standards of sexual pleasure pursuing only his own sexual pleasure based on sexual desire. He is not able to accord with the wife in having sex. 

Men also need true sex ability with the right xes habits and the right concept of sexuality. Men's true sex ability is not the ability to apply fancy techniques but the ability to let go of their sexual desire and their own standards of sexual pleasure and comply with women in every aspect in having sex. Then, they can achieve the highest level of love, passion, vitality, and sexual pleasure without damaging their body and mind. Then, their own xes habits become irrelevant since they don't have the standards of sexual pleasure that differentiate new sexual information and familiar one. They can feel pleasure from everything they perceive from the partner. 

When the husband can feel sexual pleasure only with specific environments, partners, or anything, it only indicates that he has no sex ability and it becomes the major reason for the husband's refusing to have sex with the wife. The wife is the only person in this world who can enjoy the most intense sexual pleasure with the husband and share love and happiness together. 

https://youtu.be/QkiQ1ejyvcM

About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/