5/22/2023

[Sex & Xes] Sexless Couples Part 3 : Didn't mean to, but just happened




Hi, guys, I'm Kyungmi Kim at Korea Institute of Psycho-education. In this video, I will fact-check for married couples who have become sexless naturally as time passes after getting married. This type of sexless couples may be the most common type among all sexless couples. It is a very natural phenomenon and it doesn't cause conflicts between the husband and the wife since neither of them perceives it as a problem. When neither of them perceives sexlessness as a problem, they can live happily for the whole life accepting it as a way of life. They can maintain stable marriage relationship without having sex. 

Most men do not understand the nature of sexuality, so they relate sexuality with pleasure that is recognized in the conscious and they live with sexual desire. Then, information on sexuality leads them to generate negative xes energy in xesmind, and it damages their body and mind little by little. When they take sexual actions based on sexual desire, negative xes energy damages their body and mind at a much greater level. 

Then, men cannot activate the defense mechanism that heals stress at its optimal level, and they have stress operate continuously in their mind. The only place where men don't perceive information on sex is their home where the wife exists. The wife is not perceived as information on sex by the husband, and home is the only place where the husband can heal stress. That is, men can heal stress at home and go to work the next day with healed body and mind even if he is always stressed and damaged by negative xes energy outside home. 

The husband does not usually perceive his wife as a sexual object. He may relate sexuality with pleasure in the conscious, but he does not apply such a view in the relationship with his wife. Women usually perceive having sex as a means to confirm and maintain love, and women's sexual desire is the desire for treating wounds and achieving stability. The wife not caring much about having sex indicates that she has a stable and healthy marriage relationship. 

Sexuality is always being activated at a low level between the husband and the wife in daily life even if they don't have sex. It is used as energy of vitality for the husband and as energy of love and happiness for the wife. Couples who have naturally become sexless are considered to have a much healthier life than couples who activate sexuality in distorted ways. 

However, problems can occur in some cases. First, when the husband happens to reinforce sexual desire accidentally, or when the wife develops sexual desire due to accumulated wounds in mimind, they may recognize sexlessness as a problem. Then, they may argue about their problem and get hurt or they may justify themselves about having an affair using sexlessness as an excuse.

Secondly, when they retire and have enough time to themselves after children leave home, the husband or the wife may want to restore their sexual relationship. If the other party doesn't want to do so, their relationship can easily go into a crisis. Many old couples experience such a conflict. On top of that, not many people know how to restore sexual relationship in a healthy way, so they may end up focusing only on sexual pleasure and taking undesirable measures such as taking surgeries or learning sex techniques. They may even destroy their marriage by pursuing sexual pleasure in the process. 

Thirdly, sexless couples may have comfort and stability in life but not happiness in a true sense. It is hard to achieve happiness of a higher level as an adult if sexuality is not activated at a maximum level. Xes energy from having sex can be powerful energy of destruction or powerful energy of happiness depending on how it is activated. Of course, sexuality doesn't have to be activated only in marriage relationship. Women and men who have true sex ability can activate sexuality on their own without a partner, and generate powerful  energy of happiness. 

When both the wife and the husband have true sex ability, they can live in sexual utopia.  Then, the husband can generate vitality and reinforce his energy for pursuing values of life and protecting family. He can live happily even when he retires and get old feeling that he has the highest values of life. The wife can also generate powerful energy of love and happiness, and reinforce her energy for taking care of family and pursuing her career. She does not lose her unique charm as a woman even when she gets old and doesn't suffer from menopausal depression or empty nest syndrome. 

Sexlessness is not a problem in and of itself, but being sexless is not the ideal state married couples should pursue since activating sexuality is one of the greatest happiness married couples are entitled to have. Also, couples who live without sexual happiness are more likely to experience conflicts and crises. You may feel comfortable and stable in marriage without having sex, but it is recommended that both the wife and the husband make efforts to build true sex ability for even greater happiness. 

https://youtu.be/qbMShfqwr3M

About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

Sex Therapy for Men : https://www.xestherapy.com/

Sex Ability Training for Women : http://www.sextraining.net/

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