Korea Institute of Psycho-education: [Mother Therapy] Children and teens who are verbally abusive and violent at home

Sometimes children and teens use verbal and physical violence at home against parents and siblings. To address this issue, it's important to understand the causes, problems, and solutions for children's aggression and violence, and to know what to do in your home.

First, we need to understand why children and adolescents use verbal abuse and violence. First, verbal abuse and violence can occur when a child is at risk of losing his or her right to be safe, or when a child is at risk of losing his or her right to develop healthy psychological habits. This can happen when parents neglect or coerce their children, which can be seen as an absence of parenting. Second, children may use verbal abuse and violence as a means of avoiding or relieving stress and wounds when they are unable to manage trial and error in the process of forming psychological habits.

Third, when a child pursues his or her own pleasure and a parent or sibling interferes, verbal abuse and violence may result. Fourth, when a parent has psychological problems, verbal abuse and violence can occur as a result of resentment and distrust of the parent. This is when a parent's words and actions become intolerable to the child, and the child expresses anger toward the parent.

The problems that occur in this situation are as follows. First, the psychology of the parents, siblings, and children is destroyed, so family breakdown occurs very quickly., Second, the child who is verbally abusive and violent already has psychological problems, which is rapidly worsening. Third, the child loses any sense of guilt or remorse for his or her verbal abuse and violence, and rationalizes and justifies his or her verbal abuse and violence.

Fourth, a child who is verbally abusive and violent may come to believe that everything in the family belongs to him or her, that he or she should be in control of the family, and that everyone in the family should obey him or her. Therefore, he or she will use everything in the family for his or her own pleasure and enjoyment. In this way, a child's verbal abuse and violence destroys a family, and leads to the development of psychological and behavioral problems in both the child and the family, ruining everyone's life.

Then, what can you do about your child's verbal abuse and violence? First, you need to separate the abusive child from the victims of the abuse, so that they have a chance to learn that they can't get their way. Second, you need to hold your child accountable for their verbal abuse and violence. You can do this by helping them understand their rights and responsibilities as children and adolescents and their rights and responsibilities to self-actualization. If they commit crimes, they need to be punished and held accountable.

Third, the family needs to be restored. The family must be helped to cure and recover from the psychological and behavioral problems caused by the child's verbal abuse and violence, and when the child returns to the family after recovery, the child must be properly raised and educated about their rights. Fourth, you need to adopt a process of psychological recovery for children who are verbally abusive and violent. They need to recover by treating their own psychological conditions and form their own healthy habits of healing stress and healing wounds.

Once your child has recovered, the verbal abuse and violence will stop, and they will be able to grow up in a happy, healthy home with their family. It's important to note that superficially addressing your child's verbal and behavioral issues can actually exacerbate the problem. A comprehensive solution that fits the family environment must be applied.

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