As your children reach middle or high
school, you may be experiencing situations where your children are either
silent in conversations or raise their voice at every turn. For example, when
you want them to stop using their cell phone and start studying, what happens
next when you yell, “You've been on your phone for hours! Turn it off and
study!”? It is unlikely that your children will turn off the phone and start
studying just because you yell at them.
Children may pretend that they didn't hear
you and continue to look at the phone without responding, or they may grab
their phone, go into the bathroom, close the door, and don't come out for a
while, or they may whine, “I have already finished studying, mom, you don't
even know,” but they haven't, and this makes you even angrier, and eventually,
a second war starts between you and your child.
Adults or children, when they are forced to
do something, people naturally tend to rebel. When you don't have autonomy and
you're being controlled, you don't want to do what you were going to do in the
first place. Your children may have been planning to stop looking at their
phone and study, but their determination was interrupted by your pushy words.
If you ask them to turn off the phone,
you've just reinforced their focus on the phone, which is why you need to make
the transition by saying something else that doesn't involve the phone. For
example, if you ask, “Can you help me sort the recycling?” or “Do you want a
snack?”, they are more likely to put their phone down. Then, when you give them
the freedom to choose, they'll make their own choices, they'll take
responsibility for their choices, and they'll make progress.
So rather than ordering them to turn off
their phones, try shifting their focus to something else, and then give them
the freedom to choose. When you give them choices instead of commands, they're
more likely to take responsibility and want to do something about it. Saying, “School
is starting soon, so what plans do you have for the new semester?” can make
them think of all the fun things they didn't think of, which can lead them to
make their own plans and try to follow through. Giving your kids choices can be
the first step toward better communication with them.
No comments:
Post a Comment