The second cause of emotional confrontations and arguments
is the difference between men and women’s memory of emotions. This may come as
a shock to you. Men and women have totally different from the memory of
emotions. Men do not remember feelings of wounds; that is not to say that they
can’t acquire knowledge or remember facts from experiences. They can remember
the facts and knowledge from an experience, but they do not remember the
wounded feelings associated with the experience. You may be surprised to find
that men do not remember the feelings of wounds because you are women. You may
think that it is not true, but it is true.
Women pursue happiness at present on the
basis of love whereas men pursue the happiness of the future on the basis of
passion. At this point, women’s love is not limited to the affection in a love
relationship with a man, but also includes any type of immersion with favorable
feelings toward a subject or a person. Likewise, men’s passion is not limited
to the pleasure in a love relationship with a woman, but also it includes any
type of immersion with favorable feelings toward a subject or a person. It
implies that men and women remember emotions completely differently. Therefore, men and women must know exactly how they remember their
emotions in order to find the direction and goal of their pursuit of happiness.
Women with a normal mind and
psychology remember their feelings of wounds and do not remember the feelings
of pleasure very well. Women do not remember feelings of pleasure very well
because their feelings of pleasure are turned into moods that are consumed in
the present moment and disappear. Also, women remember their feelings of wounds
because they can treat those feelings of wounds and turn them into present
happiness. Women easily remember the pain of wounds and activate the unconscious
to treat it. In the process of treatment, feelings of love and happiness lead
women to pursue happiness and turn the feelings of wounds into feelings of
happiness. The memory of wounded feelings arouses its desire to receive
treatment. The male partner’s passion or consolation enables this treatment.
For women, this treatment process is the process of love and plays an important
role in the acquisition of present happiness.
Men with normal mind and psychology
do not really remember the feelings of wounds, but they remember the moods of
pleasure quite well. Due to this, they only pursue happiness in the future,
love fun and pleasure and refuse stress which is a bad mood. In the process of
fun and pleasure, passion and the desire for achievement are created. It makes
them pursue the happiness of the future.
Let's assume that your parents passed away
for example. If you are a woman, you will cry if you hear a few moving words
about parents. On the contrary, if you are a man, you do not cry when you think
about your parents who passed away. Men need to get intensively immersed
in the situation in which their parents passed away to remind themselves that
they must have been really sad at the time and eventually cry from the
immersion into the sad situation. However, their sadness will immediately
disappear if something fun and pleasurable happens. They will easily get
immersed in the fun and pleasurable situation.
Men remember their positive moods really
well and forget the bad moods really well. Men are not supposed to remember the
feelings of wounds. If a man selectively recalls negative facts from the past,
it is either that he wants to express that he is currently stressed or that he
has some kind of problem with his psychology such as psychological disorder or
psychosis.
If men remember the feelings of the past
situation that was wounding or bad, they are likely to be hospitalized to a
mental hospital or to commit suicide. So, men’s depression is very likely to
lead to suicide. For men, depression refers to the memory of past wounds that
is continuously activated in everyday life. Then, they cannot treat the intense
stress induced by the feelings of wounds and cannot endure the pain. They will
let go of themselves and forget everything, or they will think that ending
their life by committing suicide is the only escape from the memory of wounds.
Therefore, if a man remembers the feelings of past wounds, he is in a very
dangerous situation. This is the same for all men in the world. Men with a normal
mind and psychology remember positive moods but do not remember feelings of
wounds.
Women, on the other hand, do not really
remember feelings of pleasure but remember feelings of wounds really well. A
woman may say, “Mr. Kim, I remember fun things that happened in the past.”. She
may feel as if she remembers the pleasurable emotions, but in fact, she
remembers only the facts of the positive experience. She thinks, 'that was a
good time’, and takes it as a pleasurable emotion that she felt in the past. In
fact, she doesn’t really remember the pleasurable emotions of the past. If she
is presently happy, she assumes that she must have been happy in the past. So,
she feels as if she is reminded of pleasurable feelings. Here, the same
principle applies to men who think about the feelings of wounds. If a woman
remembers something from the honeymoon trip, she may think, 'that trip was
really fun’. It means that she is currently in a good mood. Her current good
mood is connected to the memory of the facts of the past event and makes her
think, 'it was really fun and nice’.
However, the feeling of wounds is
different. It can be noticed when a man and a woman have a talk. If she
discusses with the man about her memory of wounds, the man will get intensely
stressed out. If she continues to talk about the feelings of wounds despite the
intense stress that the man is already receiving, then he will get more
stressed out. It may sound like a joke, but she will realize that it is
true if she applies it in reality. The man may yell at her to stop it or try to
avoid it because he gets stressed out by her attempt to discuss her feelings of
wounds. He will get intensely stressed out and will try to avoid her or get
angry at her for discussing her wounds.
If a woman frequently recalls her past
wounds and talks about it, it means that her unconscious is trying to treat the
feelings of wounds by expressing through speech, actions and facial expressions.
Women have the painful and sad wounds of the past that they want to treat and
turn into positive feelings or the feelings of happiness. So, their unconscious
attempts to use their loved ones or close people to treat the wounds. When
women are in a bad mood or get stressed out, they are reminded of past wounds.
Especially, women who have been married to their husbands for a long time have
many wounds associated with the incidents that they experienced together as a
couple and wounds associated with families-in-law and children.
If a woman discusses her feelings of
wounds with her counterparty, he will suffer greatly due to intense stress. Men
do not remember anything about women's wounds in most cases. Then, the woman
gets angrier and more annoyed that the man does not remember her wounds. She
could think that the man is lying to her because he wants to avoid it. The
woman is devastated and suffering so much from the pain of wounds, so she starts
to wonder whether the man is paying any attention to her. If it is repeated
several times, she would think that the man is no longer interested in her at
all. It is not what she thinks. The man is still interested in her, but she
should not forget that he is also a person in relationships. Therefore, due to
the difference in the memory of emotions, the man and the woman confront each
other emotionally or have emotional arguments.
Men think that women will not remember the
feelings of wounds just like them. They think that a woman who remembers the
feelings of wounds has a peculiar personality. On the other hand, women think
that men have a good memory of the feelings of wounds just like they do. They
think that a man who doesn’t remember feelings of wounds has a particular
personality or is lying because of the loss of interest in them. So, men and
women are bound to have emotional confrontation thinking that the partner
doesn’t understand them.
Emotional confrontation leads to
emotional fights. In this case, the best thing men can do is to avoid it. Since
women remember feelings of wounds, they will recall more feelings of wounds as
they talk more about their feelings of wounds. Then, men will get more and more
stressed and reach the threshold of endurance. So, when a man and a woman are
having emotional confrontation or fights, the man should avoid the situation
first. After he removes the stressor first, he should contemplate on ways to
treat the woman’s wounds and practice them.
Think about it yourself. If you are a
woman, negative feelings associated with those wounds will be continuously
reminded and expressed when remembering and expressing your feelings of wounds.
If you start to recall the feelings of wounds, the accumulated feelings of wounds
will be evoked. At this point, it is best to stop recalling and expressing the
feelings of wounds. Of course, simply stopping the recall and expression of the
feelings of wounds will not treat those wounds. But at least, the partner will
not be stressed out.
When a woman accurately understands her
wounds and becomes certain that it was not her fault, her wounds will be
treated. The treatment of wounds refers to the transformation of the feelings
of wounds into a void of feeling or positive feelings and the acquisition of
happy feelings. In other words, women with a lot of wounds and depressed women
have a lot of energy that can be turned into happiness after treating the
wounds. If the feelings of wounds are turned into a void of feeling or positive
feelings, one becomes happy.
Men and women perceive a conversation
differently. Most importantly, men do not remember the feelings of wounds. If a
woman remembers her feelings of wounds, she thinks that a man, her
counterparty, will remember as well because they experienced it together. Even
if she expresses her feelings of wounds to the man to treat the wounds, he
refuses and avoids her due to intense stress. So, her wounds remain untreated
and suppressed and are accumulated. She decides to endure and live with the
pain of the wounds. Since the man avoids her when she is suffering, she becomes
certain that he lost his interest in her.
However, it is not really so. You need to know that your spouse, children, parents are all either women or men and that they perceive a conversation in different ways and remember their emotions differently. You need to understand the difference between men and women in mind operation. You were wounded by your own distortion of reality and suffered because you never really contemplated on the principle of the mind and psychology. I hope you can consider this for at least once in your life.
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