In a loving relationship or an intimate relationship, men
and women have different perceptions of a conversation. They have different
ways of having a conversation and use different expressions for the
conversation. Since they don’t understand this difference in the perception of
conversation, they have emotional conflicts and arguments, which takes up about
10% of the causes of emotional confrontation.
When
a woman suggests having a conversation with a man, he will perceive it as a
problem and get stressed. He will refuse or avoid it. On the contrary, if a man
asks a woman to have a conversation, the conversation will console her and be
seen as a solution to the problem. She will have good emotions as a result.
This happens to men and women with normal mind and psychology in a loving
relationship or an intimate relationship. However, a man with an abnormal mind
and psychology will perceive conversation as a solution and get good moods from
the conversation. Likewise, A woman with an abnormal mind will perceive
conversation as a problem and get stressed.
Therefore,
a man and a woman in a loving or intimate relationship can have emotional
confrontation or arguments due to the difference in the perception of
conversation. If you learn how the partner perceives conversation, the amount
of emotional confrontation and arguments will be drastically reduced.
For
your reference, conversation and communication are different things.
Conversation involves psychological interactions along with the mutual exchange
of opinions and feelings. However, communication only requires the exchange of
opinions and does not involve psychological interactions. Also, communication is
used equally by animals and humans, but conversation is a means to exchange
emotions mutually through psychological interactions and are only used by
humans.
Due
to this difference in the perception of conversation, men hate a vague
conversation without a specific topic. Women, on the other hand, take a
conversation as consolation and solution to problems and feels positive moods
during a vague conversation. Women perceive conversation as an exchange of
emotions. For men, having a conversation to exchange opinions creates good
moods. Men become talkative about their opinions, but they hate sharing
emotions in a conversation. However, having a conversation to exchange emotions
creates positive moods for women. So, when women talk about emotions, they become
talkative.
If
a woman just vaguely asks a man to have a conversation without a specific
purpose or reason, he gets stressed out. If she tells the man, “let’s have a
talk”, he starts to think, “why does she want to talk to me? What’s her
problem?” If the specific purpose and reason for the conversation are not
clarified, he thinks that there is a problem that she wants to talk about and
gets stressed out. However, if a man just says, “let’s talk”, to a woman, she
will think, “I don’t know what he wants to say, but he just wants to talk about
something he is interested in and deal with it.” Because he thinks that a
problem is about to be solved or that he is interested in her, she perceives
the conversation positively.
Therefore,
a woman needs to set a specific goal and reason for having a conversation for a
man in order to reduce the amount of stress that he receives. Women have a positive prospect about a conversation even
without hearing a specific goal or reason for having the conversation. However,
if a woman fails to meet her expectations when having a conversation especially
after she is mentioned the specific goal and reason for the conversation, she
will get stressed and wounded after having the conversation. A situation that it would have been better not to have the
conversation would happen as a result. A woman may get disappointed by the
result of the conversation if a man mentions the goals or specific details of
the conversation beforehand. She has expected the conversation to solve
problems, but stress, wounds, and annoyance will be caused if the result
doesn't meet her expectations.
According
to this, men would not get stressed out if they were told the details of the
conversation beforehand whereas women would not get stressed and wounds after
having conversation if they are not told about the details of the conversation
especially when the outcome of the conversation is different from what they
have expected.
Stress occurs in men when a woman asks a
man to have a conversation without telling its purpose. Also, it is highly
possible to occur stress and wounds when a man and a woman have a detailed
conversation without any conclusions.
Women
love conversation because they perceive the conversation itself as the solution
to a problem, so they have a certain expectation although they don’t know what
exactly it is. However, men think that the conversation will be a discussion of
his wrongdoing or fault, so they get stressed out although they don’t know what
exactly it is.
For
example, if a wife tells her husband, “come home early tonight. I have
something I’d like to discuss with you.”, what would be his reaction to her
vague invitation to a conversation? He will get really stressed out and won’t
be able to focus on his job at work. He will text and call her to find out what
is going on with her. If she maintains the attitude and says, “I can’t tell you
over the phone. Come home and let’s talk.”, he will suffer all day long and
will not know what to do with himself. In some cases, the husband may call his
child and ask, “what is going on with your mother today?”. Then, what does his
reaction tell her? She may think, 'he must have something he's hiding.’ However,
the husband’s reaction doesn’t mean that he is concealing something. It happens
naturally to all normal men. Men perceive a vague suggestion to have a
conversation as a stressor. 'I don’t know what it is, but she will say that I
did something wrong or that I have some kind of problem. If not, why would she
warn me beforehand when she could have told me when I got home. Something’s
gone wrong.’ Also, they get stressed out. It is the same for any man in the
world.
However,
women are different. If a husband sends his wife the same type of text message,
she will be as curious as her husband would be. But the wife feels good without
understanding why. She perceives a conversation itself as his interest in her
and a solution to some problem that she doesn’t know yet. Women feel good when
someone gets interested in them, so they continuously seek a conversation, but
men continuously avoid conversation. If a wife asks her husband, “babe, can we
talk?”, the husband will ask, “what do you want to
talk about?” The husband cares about the topic of the conversation. If the wife
goes, “it’s not much” at this point, then the husband says, “then, let’s do it
later”. This situation disappoints the wife and makes her think that the man is
not interested in her. However, the husband is not uninterested in her. He is
just a man who automatically avoids a vague conversation due to the perception
of stress.
A
conversation is a process of solving a problem. However, men perceive it as a
problem while women perceive it as the solution. It happens because men and
women have different minds. Emotional confrontation and arguments resulting
from the difference in the perception of conversation take up approximately 10%
of the entire confrontations.
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