4/23/2021

Emotional Confrontation and Stress

 


           Humans form relationships with various people and lead a social life. It is natural to form relationships with others, and everyone gets stressed and wounded in human relationships due to emotional confrontation and conflicts. In order to heal these stress and wounds, one must accurately understand the cause of emotional confrontation and conflicts. You, your children and spouse and other people around you are all human beings. They all experience emotional confrontation or conflicts.

           There are three causes of emotional confrontation or conflicts in human relationships. The first cause is the difference between men and women’s way of perceiving conversation. The second cause is the error of different memory of emotion depending on gender. The third cause is the error of the psychological interaction which is about the conscious perception and the unconscious expression.

           If you look at your own marital conflicts and other emotional conflicts with your children, parents, friends, and acquaintances, the main causes are the difference in the perception of conversation, the error of memory of emotion, and the error of psychological interaction. If more than one of these errors occurs, it will lead to emotional confrontation or conflicts. Married couples and family members are in loving relationships, so they are bound to have at least one of these three problems. They can’t help but have emotional confrontation or conflicts.

If you frequently get involved in emotional confrontation or conflicts such as arguments, then it means that you really love each other or are really close to each other; however, if the arguments happen too frequently or lead to verbal and physical abuse, it can cause serious problems in the relationship. At this point, human beings do not understand why the conflict arose or understand the partner. So, the argument is repeated, and stress and wounds are exchanged in loving relationships or intimate relationships. 

You may envy those couples who never fight or say that they never fight. However, they have a serious problem as a couple in this regard. It is either that one of them is enduring everything to sustain the relationship or that they are both indifferent to each other due to the lack of love. Eventually, a married couple or a family without emotional confrontation, conflicts and arguments are unhealthy or have serious problems.

In a loving relationship or intimate human relationship, there will be conflicts for sure. Think about it yourself. Do you never fight with your spouse? Do your children or parents never fight emotionally? Then, you will figure out the type of relationship that your family has.

Marital conflict is the most typical type of emotional confrontation and argument. Emotional confrontation aggravates loving relationships whether it is a conflict with someone of the opposite sex or the same sex. It is the same as the conflict with your children. Emotional confrontation happens due to the difference in the perception of conversation, the error in the memory of emotion, the error in psychological interaction. Any one of these factors can cause emotional confrontation and arguments.

The first factor is the difference in perception of conversation. Men perceive conversation as a source of problem. Since conversation induces stress in men, they tend to avoid or refuse to have a conversation. Women, on the other hand, perceive conversation as a way of solving problems and feel positive emotions during a conversation. So, women tend to want a conversation. So, when you ask your husband or son to have a conversation with you, their words, actions, and facial expressions that refuse or avoid the conversation induce stress and wounds and cause emotional confrontation or arguments. This amounts to 10% of the entire emotional confrontation and usually happens between men and women. It happens in a loving relationship or intimate relationship with your husband, son, father, boyfriend, or male acquaintances.

The second factor is the emotional confrontation and conflicts due to the error in the memory of emotions. Men do not remember the feelings of wounds whereas women are good at remembering the feelings of wounds. So, men think that women won’t remember wounds just like themselves while women think that men will remember wounds just like themselves. When people first hear this, they may think, “It can’t be true.” But the error in the memory of emotions really happens. Men and women perceive and remember things differently from reality. It happens to any PIR (person in relationships). This error in the memory of the emotions is not anyone’s fault; the error simply refers to the lack of understanding of the fact that everyone experiences the difference in the memory of emotions. A man gets stressed out when a woman, who remembers the past really well, talks about the wounds of the past. A woman gets stressed and wounded by the man who does not remember the wounds that he gave to her in the past. This happens because 'men cannot remember wounds while women remember wounds’; it is a natural phenomenon caused by the error of thinking that everyone else must remember things the way that one remembers. Due to the error in the memory of emotion, men and women are bound to have emotional confrontation or arguments when they talk about wounds of the past. Emotional confrontation and arguments caused by the error in the memory of emotions take up approximately 10% of the entire confrontation.

The third factor is the error in psychological interactions. The unconscious operates on the external expression of the mind of a PIR (person in relationships), but the conscious operates on the perception of the external information into the mind. So, after you express your mind unconsciously, your partner consciously perceives your expression. You and your partner do not remember one’s own words, actions, and facial expressions, but each other’s words, actions, and facial expressions can be recalled really well. When a problem occurs, you forget what you have expressed through speech, actions and facial expressions and only remember the partner’s. Therefore, you become certain that the cause of all problems lies in the partner. This factor of error in psychological interactions causes about 80% of all emotional confrontation. It happens very frequently in loving relationships and intimate relationships.


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