A renowned
psychotherapist Esther Perel presented her ideas on infidelity at a TED
conference in March 2015. She defined infidelity as a relationship that
satisfies the following three requirements. They are a secretive relationship,
emotional connection, and sexual alchemy.
The
point of this commentary is not to support or criticize Esther Perel's argument
specifically, but to draw attention to a newer and more practical approach to
infidelity based on the Theory of Mimind and Xesmind. The conventional wisdom
on analyzing and addressing the issue of infidelity has been that infidelity is
mostly related with problems of marriage, sex, love, and individual's pursuit
of meanings and values of life.
Esther
Perel's talk is considered to be a unique way of interpreting the phenomenon in
its own way, but still one of the representative views on infidelity in the
conventional fields of research and practice. The Theory of Mimind and Xesmind
postulates that infidelity is caused by other reasons than conventionally
assumed ones, and suggests new and innovative approaches to infidelity issues.
It postulates that infidelity leads to the path quite far from not only
individual's but also couple's happiness.
https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_rethinking_infidelity_a_talk_for_anyone_who_has_ever_loved
Korea
Institute of Psych-education(KIP) has researched on the phenomenon of
conventional approaches to psychology treatment having only limited effects
through employing mostly medication and counseling. As a result of more than 10
years of research, it has developed a theory that explains the fundamental
operational mechanisms of human mind and human sexuality. The theory is
published as books, 'The Theory of Mimind', and 'The Theory of Xesmind'.
According to the Theory of Mimind and Xesmind, infidelity is a form of
addiction which can be referred to as 'relationship addiction', and the spouse
who is victimized due to spouse infidelity is to develop post traumatic stress
in most cases. Spouses in infidelity make all kinds of excuses that stem from
self-justification as other types of addicts do. Admitting their excuses as
causes of infidelity is likened to admitting excuses by alcohol addicts for not
being able to help drinking.
The
true cause of infidelity, which is relationahip addiction, is a type of severe
psychological disorders that manifest both perception disorder and expression
disorder simultaneously. When relationship addiction is treated, spouses in
infidelity can restore their healthy psychology and return to normal life and
healthy relationships. Victimized spouses can also treat their post traumatic
stress, in which they have problems in all three psychological components,
which are perception, memory, and expression, and restore their psychology and
happiness.
Before
a couple get a divorce due to spouse infidelity, they need to at least try to
accurately diagnose their psychological conditions and attempt to treat
relationship addiction and post traumatic stress. When they recover their
normal psychology, they may decide whether they will stay together for couple's
happiness or separate from each other for individual's happiness. Treatment of
one's own condition and then giving the spouse an opportunity for treatment
must precede other decisions.
Conventional
approaches to infidelity are considered to be a type of symptomatic therapies. Then,
any practical solution or therapy based on conventional approaches are to
distort or miss out truly important points producing vicious cycles and
aggravating conditions. Accurate understanding and proper treatment are
required for solving the issues of infidelity and regaing true happiness of an
individual's and couple's.
Infidelity is caused by relationship addiction, and the victimized spouse develops post traumatic stress. Untreated relationship addiction and post traumatic stress may guarantee the aggravation of psychological conditions and unhappy life.
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