What would it mean by changing yourself in order not to pass down domestic violence to the next generation? Many people experience domestic violence during their childhood and make efforts not to repeat the same tragic situations when they become adults by changing themselves. However, a family that is free from domestic violence cannot be achieved by just consciously making efforts.
When children experience domestic violence in the family, they may develop psychological wounds and trauma in themselves. When they become adults and live independently, they may have psychological difficulties due to the past experiences, but they are not directly under the influence of domestic violence at present. Thus, it is their memory and emotions but not the facts of the past that cause the present difficulties. It is imperative to differentiate the past facts of domestic violence and the present emotions caused by the past facts. The facts of the past cannot be changed but the present emotions can be treated and transformed to emotions of happiness. Therefore, to change yourself not to repeat the tragic situations in the future, you must treat psychological wounds and restore healthy psychology.
Once you are separated from the perpetrator of domestic violence, you are not under the influence of domestic violence any more. Also, you may think that you can live without being violent yourself as an adult and a parent if you have a strong will power. However, as far as you keep your psychological problems caused by the untreated wounds and trauma, the problems will be manifested in whatever ways. The manifestation of unbalanced psychology is not something you can control with your consciousness, and it is highly likely that your family may have to live under the influence of your untreated psychological problems, which may be manifested as violence or some other negative behaviors.
Violence is a form of the expression of psychology which is manifested when habits of expressing stress and wounds have developed problems. However, when the mechanism of stress and wounds being manifested as violence is not understood accurately, the solution of the problem of violence cannot be adequately addressed either, no matter how hard you try in the conscious. What you have to do not to repeat domestic violence is to treat psychological wounds and restore healthy psychology regardless of your past experiences.
Trying to change other people or looking for the cause in the past cannot solve the problem stemming from unfortunate family history. Instead of relating past facts with the present psychological conditions, you can simply treat wounds and overcome trauma that you have now, and then, build happy family history and good relationships with people on your own.
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