Q. I got a divorce due to financial problems after my husband failed in business. After the divorce, I lived with children and my husband's mother for 10 years. My husband never contacted me all those years. We got back together after his mother passed away due to financial problems again. I am still in financial difficulties and I do not have any feelings toward my husband, which causes psychological pain in me. Should I get separated or divorced again?
A. Some people get a divorce solely due to financial reasons to protect family. You got a divorce and never contacted each other for 10 years, so it could be a real divorce or a divorce due to financial reasons. You were strong enough to take care of children and your husband's mother for those years. Then, you got back together due to financial problems again.
Your husband lived by himself without even contacting you for 10 years. He has developed habits of living alone for 10 years. You have also developed habits of living without a husband for 10 years. It is likely that your husband wants only comfort whether you are together or separate. It is also likely that you and your husband have different psychology now after 10 years of separation.
You must focus on your own situation and your own life for now. Do you think you can become happy only if your husband becomes successful financially? Do you think you can bring back feelings toward your husband and how?
The first and foremost thing to do is to treat your psychological wounds and restore healthy psychology. In the process, your husband must try to rebuild economic ability and build feelings toward each other. If your husband cannot rebuild economic ability and you cannot rebuild feelings toward each other even after you have restored healthy psychology, you are recommended to get a divorce rather than a separation. After a divorce, you still need to find a way to live happily by building the psychology of divorce.
Difficulties will continue and your husband will not be given the opportunity to restore his economic ability and psychology unless you are treated and change to be a happy woman you used to be. Without treatment of wounds and psychology, you will have to life in unhappiness regardless of your marital status.
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Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/
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