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“My son takes after his father, so he is not good at controlling his temper. I am worried that he doesn't even make efforts to control himself.”
“My son is in a hurry all the time just like his father. I try to change him but nothing seems to work. I am worried about how he will do when he becomes an adult.”
“My daughter is shy and not good at talking. I always tell her to be confident when talking, but it doesn't work. I used to be shy when I was a child and it worried my parents, too. I don't know what to do.”
“My daughter is stubborn just like her mother. She becomes more and more like her mother as she is growing up.”
Some parents become upset about children's worrisome personality, so they express their concerns negatively by saying, “Who on earth do you take after?”, “You are just like your father, and I don't like it.”
Parents know through their experience that they have negative traits in their own personality and they can cause problems in life. They hope that their children will not make the same mistake as they did and try to guide them into the right direction. That is, parents judge on children's behaviors and try to correct children based on their own standards. Parents will feel difficulties when children do not change as they want.
However, parents must understand that children should learn through their own direct experience as they did. Children will realize they need to change themselves when problems occur due to their negative habits or traits, and they will make efforts themselves and learn how to live with other people in harmony. When parents don't know about this mechanism, they will keep imposing their own standards on children causing conflicts between parents and children.
Especially, when a certain behavior of children that resembles the parents' behavior bothers parents, it indicates that the parent's untreated wound is retrieved to make the parent respond sensitively. When you are in a good relationship with the spouse, the traits your child and your spouse share may look adorable to you. However, when you are in a troublesome relationship with your spouse, such traits retrieve your stress and wounds. Then, your children's perfectly normal behavior becomes a problem from the perspective of the parent who has his or her own psychological problems.
When you find some negative traits in your children that resembles you or your spouse, you must first question whether you yourself have some problems and try to deal with them. When parents accurately understand about their own psychological problems and make efforts to address them, parents will change for the better and become to accept children as they are instead of trying to correct their behaviors, leading children to grow with healthy psychology.
on child's psychological problem
Mother Therapy : https://www.mothertherapy.net/
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