[Infidelity Therapy] Do not make efforts to restore marriage relationship upon the discovery of spouse infidelity.

      People who have developed relationship addiction and committed infidelity pursue their own comfort and pleasure and don't care about other people's well-being and happiness. They do not hesitate to destroy anything that obstruct their comfort and pleasure and they only maintain relationships that do not get in their way. Relationships include marriage relationship and parent-child relationship. Then, can you live with people who have a psychological disorder that destroys human relationships?

     The spouse in infidelity has become a person who cannot maintain normal relationships with people. That is, he or she has become someone you cannot live with. However, it is not recommended that you sever the relationship with the spouse in infidelity right now. That is, you must not get a divorce just yet since there is a chance to recover. 

     Victimized spouses usually develop post traumatic stress. When post traumatic stress is neglected without being adequately treated, or the negative energy is directed to destructing the self and others, the condition deteriorates and victimized spouses can become more destructive than the spouse in infidelity. They may feel comfortable in a while after suffering from excruciating pain, which only indicates that their condition has deteriorated, and then, they actively begin to destroy themselves, their spouse, their children, and the whole family. 

     It is very difficult to live with the spouse in post traumatic stress or in relationship addiction. As the couple try to live together having psychological disorders, their conditions only get aggravated. Developing post traumatic stress upon the discovery of spouse infidelity is the manifestation of the mind being activated for recovering and restoring happiness. Therefore, it is imperative that you should treat post traumatic stress before anything whether your spouse in infidelity continues affair, comes home, leaves home, or whatever.          

     Not paying attention to the spouse in infidelity is completely different from accepting infidelity. Not paying attention to the spouse in infidelity is recommended since it stops both relationship addiction and post traumatic stress from progressing. You must focus on treating your condition and restoring happiness ability. You must build a healthy environment where you and your children can live happily again keeping some distance from the spouse in infidelity. When you have built a healthy environment for your family regardless of the spouse in infidelity, the spouse may decide to treat relationship addiction to be able to live with you and children. That is, the spouse can have an opportunity to treat relationship addiction only then. 

     Spouses in infidelity may realize that they were in the wrong and deeply regret their behaviors. They may be grateful for the opportunity and join the happy family. Trying on practical measures to maintain marriage relationship can wait until you treat post traumatic stress and restore happiness ability. 

https://youtu.be/eebxyLJf6Hw

About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)