[Sex & Xes] Setting limits on sexual pleasure #1 : Men’s standards & women’s feelings

 

Conventional concepts of sexuality set limits on the scope and depth of sexual pleasure. Today, the most typical factors are discussed, which are men’s standards for sexual pleasure in having sex and women’s feelings regarding sexuality and having sex.  

       All men have their own standards regarding sexuality. These standards are formed and maintained in order to satisfy men’s sexual desire. For example, if a man has a strong idea that a full bust arouses him sexually, he is likely to be aroused and satisfied only when a woman has a full bust. Then, this man may have less sexual pleasure from having sex with a woman who doesn’t have a full bust, or he may exclude women who don’t have a full bust from his prospective sex partners. Having strong preferences or standards about sexuality leads men to develop sexual dysfunctions.

       Men’s standards regarding sexuality based on their own sexual desire are the biggest contributor to setting limits on their sex ability and sexual pleasure. In other words, men can enter the world of limitless sexual pleasure only when they discard their own standards based on sexual desire. 

     Men’s sexual functions can also be maximized only when they are free from sexual desire and specific standards regarding sexuality. It means that men can comply with any woman who they choose to love and protect to achieve sexual happiness in the relationship. In this condition, men’s sexual functions are controlled not by themselves but by the woman partner in the way the woman wants.  

     Many men and women misunderstand that women’s sexual pleasure is less than men’s sexual pleasure in its scope and depth. It is because the distorted concept of sexuality has been formed and maintained for such a long time in history, with men at the center instead of women. The most basic distortion is the belief that men’s sexual pleasure starts from sexual desire.

     Women’s sexual pleasure is greater in its scope and depth than men’s sexual pleasure by nature. Women’s sexual pleasure doesn’t even end with reaching orgasm. To put it more accurately, the idea of ending doesn’t apply to women’s sexual pleasure. The idea that having sex ends with men’s ejaculation is completely men-centered and absolutely limiting. The idea that penetration and ejaculation are major parts of having sex also sets limits on the scope and depth of sexual pleasure and on men’s sexual functions. Men’s sexual pleasure and sexual functions can become limitless only when women’s sexual pleasure becomes the standard in having sex.

Then, what about women’s feelings regarding sexuality as an important factor that sets limits on sexual pleasure. Women’s feelings regarding sexuality sets limits on sexual pleasure even more than men’s standards regarding sexuality based on sexual desire. Women’s feelings regarding sexuality and having sex plays the role of protecting women by limiting the sex partner to a man toward whom women have positive feelings, that is, a man who they can have sex without damaging their emotions. However, women often activate this safety measures against men who love and protect them.

 Women usually block the activation of sexuality against the counterparty toward whom they have negative feelings. Or they activate sexuality to compensate for their negative feelings. It indicates that for women, sexuality is only a means for managing their feelings.  Women feel that they don’t need to activate sexuality when their desire for attention is satisfied, or they cannot proceed naturally in having sex by the operation of the sense of shame or repulsion.

As a result, having sex may actually make women’s feelings even more negative, the whole situation may lead women to limit their sexual actions making it hard for men sex partners to find women’s responses for them to act upon. Then, men cannot but lead the whole situation and their sex life becomes men-centered. Now, men cannot but adopt and follow their own standards and knowledge on sexuality, which naturally focuses on penetration and ejaculation, entering the vicious cycle. It is as if women lead men to set limits on the scope and depth of sexual pleasure.

       It doesn’t mean that women need to have sex with any man without involving feelings. The sex partner must be someone who has healthy body and mind, and someone with whom you can have sex in a safe environment, and this applies to both men and women. Especially in case of women, they should be safe physically when having sex, and their sex partners must be men who protect their body, mind, sexuality, human relationships, and even financial values. When all the above conditions are met, women must separate all her feelings from sexuality and having sex, and must enjoy making sexual expressions as much as possible. Women should focus only on themselves when having sex and should never try to comply with men or limit themselves.

Thus, when men’s standards and women’s feelings on sexuality as well as selfish purposes are excluded in having sex, couples can experience a new and much higher level of sexual pleasure that is completely different from what is known. To be able to do that, men must discard sexual desire to erase standards on sexuality, and women must build habits for separating sexuality and feelings to erase feelings on sexuality. It may not be easy but you can definitely achieve the goal by adopting the right method and making efforts.

                              https://youtu.be/OV3oIc1CDg8?si=90bl40_ogPpg_oCO

                About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

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