4/24/2024

[Sex & Xes] A good sex or a bad sex

 

If you were to be asked the question, “What is good sex and what is bad sex?”, you would probably come up with your own definition of good and bad based on your own needs. For example, if you think of sex as a means of pleasure, you might think that sex that is pleasurable is good sex and sex that is not pleasurable is bad sex. If you think of sex as a means of love, you might think that sex where love is present is good sex and sex where love is absent is bad sex. Of course, this presupposes that the sex is mutually consensual, and a more antecedent notion might be that sex that is mutually consensual is good sex, and sex that is one-sided and forced by one person is bad sex. All of these judgments are valid in their own right, but there is a concept that underlies them all, and we must first determine what is good sex and what is bad sex based on that concept.

When you have sex, you are always activating moods and feelings, and the sexual information activates the energy of xesmind, and the energy from the xesmind feeds into mimind to maximize moods and feelings, which are much more intense than the moods and feelings you experience in your everyday life. Then, sex becomes the greatest resource of emotional energy that you have, and depending on how to use it, it can be the most beneficial resource or the most destructive.  

First, let’s look at good sex. For a man, sex is the source of the greatest passion in mimind. Compared with passion in general, passion created through sex is hundreds or thousands of times greater. It becomes a tremendous source that drives men to protect the people they love and to pursue their values in life. So for a man, good sex is sex that drives passion and the pursuit of values of life, and it is why some men are constantly looking for sex when their pursuit of values isn’t going well.

For women, sex is a source of amplifying feelings of love in mimind, so when a woman has sex that is  physically and emotionally safe, feelings of wounds are repaired and feelings are enriched. These enriched feelings strengthen her love again, and she shares them with the people she loves. This is what makes relationships happy.

A man is happy when he is passionately pursuing values of life and keeping the people he loves safe, and a woman is happy when she feels secure in the present moment while her feelings of love are maximized. Sex that creates happiness for a man and a woman is good sex.

Then, what is bad sex? Whether we like it or not, sex is one of the most powerful emotional energies we have, and when it serves to reinforce stress and wounds, it can lead to psychological problems and psychological disorders. For example, if you use sex as a way to escape or cover up stress and wounds, or to seek pleasure or comfort, you are having sex out of need, and the powerful energy generated by sex fuels your need, and the inability to satisfy your need actually magnifies your stress and wounds.  

Then, the powerful passion that sex creates in a man is directed toward the pursuit of sexual pleasure itself, which leads him to believe that nothing in his life is more important than having sex, and that if he doesn’t have sex, his life will fall apart. The same goes for a woman, who gets so caught up in the powerful feelings of love that sex creates in her that she attaches enormous significance to sex itself. She feels if she doesn’t have sex, she doesn’t love, and if she doesn’t have sex, her relationship with her partner is meaningless. If the mother in a family is in this state, the children are the ones who suffer the most from this. Since the children are not the object of sex for her, the mother feels that children don’t mean anything to her.  

The deeper this problem goes, the more men and women alike turn away from what is not pleasurable and live only for what is. However, pleasure is not happiness. Happiness requires the coexistence of all emotions including pleasure, joy, pain, and sorrow, and it is accompanied by not only right but also responsibility for one’s emotions. People who only seek pleasure become self-righteous and destroy relationships with other people. Therefore, good sex is sex that is not for pleasure and love as you feel in the conscious, but for the sake of creating happiness as a human being in relationships with other people. Please, remember that when you have sex keeping this concept in mind, both pleasure and love will follow naturally.

              https://youtu.be/WwKkQTsfZ6Q?si=WmFaJE-LZQAW1iNM

 About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

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