If you were to be asked the question, “What
is good sex and what is bad sex?”, you would probably come up with your own
definition of good and bad based on your own needs. For example, if you think
of sex as a means of pleasure, you might think that sex that is pleasurable is
good sex and sex that is not pleasurable is bad sex. If you think of sex as a
means of love, you might think that sex where love is present is good sex and
sex where love is absent is bad sex. Of course, this presupposes that the sex
is mutually consensual, and a more antecedent notion might be that sex that is
mutually consensual is good sex, and sex that is one-sided and forced by one
person is bad sex. All of these judgments are valid in their own right, but
there is a concept that underlies them all, and we must first determine what is
good sex and what is bad sex based on that concept.
When you have sex, you are always activating
moods and feelings, and the sexual information activates the energy of xesmind,
and the energy from the xesmind feeds into mimind to maximize moods and
feelings, which are much more intense than the moods and feelings you
experience in your everyday life. Then, sex becomes the greatest resource of
emotional energy that you have, and depending on how to use it, it can be the
most beneficial resource or the most destructive.
First, let’s look at good sex. For a man, sex
is the source of the greatest passion in mimind. Compared with passion in
general, passion created through sex is hundreds or thousands of times greater.
It becomes a tremendous source that drives men to protect the people they love
and to pursue their values in life. So for a man, good sex is sex that drives
passion and the pursuit of values of life, and it is why some men are
constantly looking for sex when their pursuit of values isn’t going well.
For women, sex is a source of amplifying feelings of love in mimind, so
when a woman has sex that is physically
and emotionally safe, feelings of wounds are repaired and feelings are
enriched. These enriched feelings strengthen her love again, and she shares
them with the people she loves. This is what makes relationships happy.
A man is happy when he is passionately pursuing values of life and
keeping the people he loves safe, and a woman is happy when she feels secure in
the present moment while her feelings of love are maximized. Sex that creates
happiness for a man and a woman is good sex.
Then, what is bad sex? Whether we like it or
not, sex is one of the most powerful emotional energies we have, and when it
serves to reinforce stress and wounds, it can lead to psychological problems
and psychological disorders. For example, if you use sex as a way to escape or
cover up stress and wounds, or to seek pleasure or comfort, you are having sex
out of need, and the powerful energy generated by sex fuels your need, and the
inability to satisfy your need actually magnifies your stress and wounds.
Then, the powerful passion that sex creates
in a man is directed toward the pursuit of sexual pleasure itself, which leads
him to believe that nothing in his life is more important than having sex, and
that if he doesn’t have sex, his life will fall apart. The same goes for a
woman, who gets so caught up in the powerful feelings of love that sex creates
in her that she attaches enormous significance to sex itself. She feels if she
doesn’t have sex, she doesn’t love, and if she doesn’t have sex, her relationship
with her partner is meaningless. If the mother in a family is in this state,
the children are the ones who suffer the most from this. Since the children are
not the object of sex for her, the mother feels that children don’t mean
anything to her.
The deeper this problem goes, the more men and women alike turn away
from what is not pleasurable and live only for what is. However, pleasure is
not happiness. Happiness requires the coexistence of all emotions including
pleasure, joy, pain, and sorrow, and it is accompanied by not only right but
also responsibility for one’s emotions. People who only seek pleasure become self-righteous
and destroy relationships with other people. Therefore, good sex is sex that is
not for pleasure and love as you feel in the conscious, but for the sake of
creating happiness as a human being in relationships with other people. Please,
remember that when you have sex keeping this concept in mind, both pleasure and
love will follow naturally.
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