Korea Institute of Psycho-education: [Mother Therapy] Threatening your child as a parenting method

Have you ever threatened your children? Threatening is the use of fear and pressure to force someone to do something, which is why it's one of the easiest ways to get them to do what you want them to do.

"If you don't do this now, you'll get into trouble," or "If you do this, I'm not going to help you with anything anymore." If your child is young, usually in the lower elementary grades or younger, they feel scared and insecure, like they're really going to be that way or that their mom won't like them if they don't do it, so they'll do what you want them to do. But older children, in upper elementary school and beyond, won't be swayed by your words unless they make sense in their own frame of reference.

If you don't know about your child's psychological development, you're likely to get confused and upset many times during child rearing, and misunderstand your child's expressions that don't fit your standards. The problem is that you'll magnify the problem and repeat the whole process by adopting inappropriate parenting strategies. Also, when you threaten, you usually mix it up with your own emotions, trying to push your child further to do what you want. This may work temporarily, but what happens if you keep doing it? Your child may become overly dependent because they don't know what they should be doing or how to do it on their own, or they may become very rebellious, avoiding the situation because they are never understood by parents.

Your child will not be the child you want them to be, and your relationship with them will suffer, if you repeatedly make emotionally charged threats. While your initial intention may be to inform and correct your child's behavior, threats never have positive effects on you or your child.

If you want your child to do what you want them to do, you need to set an example by doing it yourself first, which means creating an environment where children can realize the need for good behaviors and do it for themselves. Also, even if you want something from your child, you need to listen to them and coordinate with them, not force them.

When you don't accurately understand how human mind operates and how psychology develops in children, you are likely to have misconception and expand your thinking in accordance with your own standards. We all tend to make mistakes and repeat them over and over again, evaluating others with our own ideas despite our differences. Please, keep in mind that your children are not you, and try to find ways to help children develop right judgment and make right decisions for themselves instead of pushing them to behave the way parents want them to.

https://youtu.be/wtyd5nIhotA?si=K3voRbO8GKXVWa5c

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