Have you ever threatened your children? Threatening
is the use of fear and pressure to force someone to do something, which is why
it's one of the easiest ways to get them to do what you want them to do.
"If you don't do this now, you'll get into
trouble," or "If you do this, I'm not going to help you with anything
anymore." If your child is young, usually in the lower elementary grades
or younger, they feel scared and insecure, like they're really going to be that
way or that their mom won't like them if they don't do it, so they'll do what
you want them to do. But older children, in upper elementary school and beyond,
won't be swayed by your words unless they make sense in their own frame of
reference.
If you don't know about your child's psychological
development, you're likely to get confused and upset many times during child
rearing, and misunderstand your child's expressions that don't fit your standards.
The problem is that you'll magnify the problem and repeat the whole process by
adopting inappropriate parenting strategies. Also, when you threaten, you usually
mix it up with your own emotions, trying to push your child further to do what
you want. This may work temporarily, but what happens if you keep doing it?
Your child may become overly dependent because they don't know what they should
be doing or how to do it on their own, or they may become very rebellious,
avoiding the situation because they are never understood by parents.
Your child will not be the child you want them to be,
and your relationship with them will suffer, if you repeatedly make emotionally
charged threats. While your initial intention may be to inform and correct your
child's behavior, threats never have positive effects on you or your child.
If you want your child to do what you want them to
do, you need to set an example by doing it yourself first, which means creating
an environment where children can realize the need for good behaviors and do it
for themselves. Also, even if you want something from your child, you need to
listen to them and coordinate with them, not force them.
When you don't accurately understand how human mind operates and how psychology develops in children, you are likely to have misconception and expand your thinking in accordance with your own standards. We all tend to make mistakes and repeat them over and over again, evaluating others with our own ideas despite our differences. Please, keep in mind that your children are not you, and try to find ways to help children develop right judgment and make right decisions for themselves instead of pushing them to behave the way parents want them to.
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