Mothers say
things like: “You need
to wash your hands when you get back from going out” “Stop
playing video games.”“Did you do your homework? You
should do it.” “Brush your teeth, it's time to go to
bed.” “Get up early, you can't stay up too late.” “No, you can't do that. You should do this.” “Stop looking at your phone and study.”
As a mom, you say these things to help
your kids, but what about your children? They hear it as a nag, not as a
confirmation or as a routine, but why? It's because you're not looking happy
and you're talking from a mom's perspective.
Have you ever thought about the facial
expressions you have when you're talking to someone? When you're talking to other
people, you don't really know what you're looking like, but they know very well
because they're looking at you. In other words, they know how you look but you
don't.
If your children feel they are nagged all the
time no matter what you say, you probably don't usually have a smile on your
face. Of course, if you're talking to them repeatedly from your point of view,
you're going to sound even more nagging and they're likely to close their ears.
Even if you're talking to them in a way that makes sense from their point of
view, if you're talking to them at length, they're likely to say, “Okay, okay,
stop nagging me,” and you're left feeling hurt by the child's expression.
If you treat a middle schooler the same way
you treat a kindergartner, you're going to run into trouble. But there is one
thing that doesn't change regardless of the age or developmental phase of a
child. It is the mother’s happy and smiling face. Even if you're saying the
same thing, your facial expression can make all the difference in the world to
your child. Studies have shown that a mom's facial expressions have a huge
impact on her child's emotions, especially the younger the child, and that her
facial expressions alone can change their emotions.
Even if you're feeling a little
overwhelmed and exhausted today, try talking to your child with a smile on your
face. Your child may be confused at first because you don't look as usual but just
smile anyway. Before you know it, your child will be smiling back.
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