The main causes of fights between a married couple or emotional fights are differences in perception of conversation, errors of memory of emotions, and errors of psychological operations. If any of these 3 faces problems, emotional confrontations are unavoidable. The 3 kinds of problems mentioned above always occur between married couples and within families since these relationships are loving relationships. Thus, fights cannot be avoidable.
If two people have frequent fights like quarrels, that means they love each other deeply; however, in cases of using abusive languages and having violence, serious problems might be aroused in human relationships. Since human beings do not understand the causes of emotional confrontations, they cannot understand each other and but keep exchanging wounds by constant and repetitive fights.
If a couple never has fights, that means the couple has very serious problems. It could be either that one person suppresses himself or herself or that the couple is not interested in each other. Ultimately, couples without fights have either unhealthy relationships or serious problems.
When looking into cases when human beings have emotional fights, 10 % of them is caused by the different perception of conversations, another 10 % is caused by errors of memory of emotions, and the remaining 80 % is caused by errors of psychological operations.
Confrontations of emotions due to these 3 reasons could occur to anyone; thus, it must be understood that more than 90 % of negative emotions one has towards his or her counterparty are actually different from the facts.
Fights between a married couple are the most representative confrontations of emotions. The relationship has no other option than getting worse as each other's emotions are opposing. It is the same regardless of whether the fights are between a man and a woman or between the same genders since the causes of confrontations of emotion are the difference in perception of conversations, errors of memory of emotions, and error of psychological operations. Emotional fights and confrontations are unavoidable if any of these 3 faces problems.
Let's go over about confrontations of emotions by the difference in perception of conversations first. Men either avoid or reject having conversations since they perceive conversations as problems that generate negative feelings, the stress. Women, on the other hand, want to have conversations because they perceive conversations as problem-solving which generates good emotions. If a man rejects or makes expressions that show that he doesn't want to have conversations through speeches, actions, or facial expressions when a woman wants to have a talk, the woman will have negative emotions resulting in emotional confrontations. About 10 % of emotional confrontations are caused by this; this usually occurs between a man and a woman.
Second is confrontations of emotions by errors of memory of emotions. Men cannot remember negative emotions but remember positive emotions whereas women remember negative emotions, not positive ones. So, men think women wouldn't also remember negative emotions; women think that men would remember negative emotions. Their perceptions are different from the actual. This is called 'the error of memory of emotion' and could happen to anyone. This is not wrong. People just don't know about this.
Therefore, men get stress from women who remember negative emotions; women get stress and wounds from men who do not remember negative emotions. Men and women cannot avoid emotional confrontations due to errors in memory of negative emotions. The error of memory of emotions takes up 10 % of emotional confrontations.
The third is emotional confrontations by errors of psychological operations. Psychological expressions are made by the unconscious, but perceptions are made by the conscious. When one makes psychological expressions unconsciously whereas the counterparty perceives these expressions by the conscious. So, one cannot remember the speeches and actions he or she made, but the counterparty remembers them very well.
As a result, when problems occur, people blame each other because of this. This is 'the error of psychological operations.' That is to say, this phenomenon happens because the person who has mad expressions unconsciously cannot remember what he or she said or did whereas the counterparty perceives by the conscious (thoughts) and remembers them. Emotional confrontations caused by errors of psychological operations occur so frequently that they take up more than about 80% of the entire confrontations of emotions. This happens in most human relationships.
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