Q : My husband said he can't live like this anymore and asked for a divorce. He left home about a year ago; I guess he was having an affair with another woman around that time. I'm not sure if he is still in an extramarital relationship with the woman, but he keeps saying that he will only be the father of children and that there will be no reunion. Does a person left for his happiness have a psychological disorder too? Should I not ask him anything until I get treated?
A : Your husband has a psychological disorder. He left not for his happiness; he is just into fun that destroys his life.
Do not speak about happiness when it comes to infidelity. The extramarital relationship is not happiness. If your husband left home already, he would not recognize that he's the one making his own life destroy. He is into fun without realizing his daily life is being destroyed and gone.
Also, he perceives whatever you say to him as nagging, which is, of course, not fun at all. His focus is only on having fun instead of overcoming difficulties. So, anybody who gives him stress becomes his enemy whereas who gives him fun becomes his ally. However, you and your children are not the objects to play and have fun with, which makes him think that there is no reason for him to either sacrifice himself or reunite with you. Moreover, he is not able to have proper conversations with you. Whatever you tell or try to tell him would be useless since his psychological condition is abnormal.
Therefore, you should not mind about him if he already left home. Treat yourself first and keep your household without your husband while protecting your children. As you form your happiness and live happily with your children, he will look back on himself one day; however, you must keep not minding about him. Just give him a chance if he wishes to return to you; if not, you can decide whether you will prepare for a divorce action or divorce by agreement then. Whatever decision you make, you will be happy.
Just always keep in mind that you must never think or expect to be happy through your husband. Whether you will be happy or not is totally up to you.
Korea Institute of Psycho-education : http://www.uip.ac/