When you discover spouse infidelity, you develop post traumatic stress and suffer from great psychological pain. Most people think about the treatment of their psychology and say that they want treatment. However, many people try different measures to solve practical problems and adopt temporary diversions from their suffering, and they aggravate their psychological condition and focus more and more on coping with the issues in practical manners and adopt activities of diversions.
You actually feel comfortable temporarily while the condition of post traumatic stress is progressing. Then, they focus more and more on taking temporary measures to feel comfortable at the moment. Post traumatic stress is aggravated more as you feel more comfortable without proper treatment.
People who say that they want to treat themselves but do not take treatment are considered to be seeking comfort by taking activities of diversion and trying to cope with the situation by adopting practical measures such as separation or lawsuit. As time passes, their condition of post traumatic stress progresses to the level in which they cannot stand only with temporary comfort. Then, they are to choose one of the two different courses of life.
One course is that they realize that measures that give them temporary comfort do not resolve the fundamental issues and decide on the treatment of post traumatic stress for a happy life in a true sense. It takes more time to treat such cases than when you begin treatment right after you develop post traumatic stress since the condition has progressed during the time. Luckily, these people have at least chosen to treat themselves and try to put their life back on the right track. They realize how meaningless and wasteful their effort to earn temporary comfort and solve the matter in practical ways was.
The other course is that they become convinced that they have done all they could do to resolve the issue and they have no hope in their marriage relationship any more. They may stay in marriage but give up restoring the relationship or get a divorce. They give up on the treatment of their pathological condition and proceed to forgetting about spouse infidelity and pain caused by it. They keep aggravating the psychological condition and need more and more intense measures of compensation that can match the level of their wounds. When the level of pain associated with post traumatic stress is -100,000, you need the positive moods of +100,000 to compensate the negative value. When the level of pain is -200,000, you need the positive moods of +200,000 to cover up the pain.
Unfortunately, people who take the latter course of life necessarily live an unhappy life. They become people who destroy not only their own but also others' psychology and life. They inflict damage upon their family and people around them. They would deny that they have a serious psychological condition and self-justify their ideas and behaviors, but people around them including their children have to suffer from their irrational behaviors.
It must be noted that you must take the right action and make efforts to restore healthy psychology and happiness in a true sense instead of just saying that you will someday and seek diversion.