Before we got married he told me he was going to counseling, but he looked/behaved so normal and he also told me that his psychologist said there won't be any problem in marriage. I liked his honesty and we ended up getting married. But, I felt he was being odd, even on our wedding day. Even during our honeymoon, it made me think about a lot of other possibilities inside of my head. I felt emotional distance but didn't know what to do, so I ignored him and focused on my career.
However, the problem didn't go away but only got worse over time. It got so bad, he ended up quitting his job. I didn't know what was going on with him at all. He probably noticed my concerns about him so he opened up about his issues. I was in shock every time I learned about his problems. There is nothing I could do except listen. I just make sure he takes his medications every day.
There were some peaceful moments but from time to time he went to this phase again. I kept thinking we were not a good match along with other problems we had. During that time, I think I tried to be a workaholic just to keep my mind off of it.
I let the time go by. We always had this tension/anxiety between us but from time to time, he gave me some attention and showed affection towards me. So, I trusted him and let that go again. When he got really bad, I did think about getting a divorce but my work was too busy, thinking maybe next time.
One day, it hit me. There was something about him. I realized a couple of things. I started analyzing him objectively. I concluded it is not me and he is hopeless by himself as well. So, I started looking.
When I started looking, I set my mind I would go anywhere to get this resolved. I would fly overseas, pay the price, and invest my time if I could solve this. Luckily I found a YouTube video about the program and It came to me "this is it". So I told my husband and asked if his problem was related to this. He admitted calmly and we finally started talking/sharing/communicating heart to heart.
It was a strange experience, so I emailed the program creator immediately and we saw him. After the first session, my husband told me that he has never met anyone like the creator. He said he understood and knew about my husband so well. I started trusting the program and wanted to start. But, it was expensive for one person and the creator said that I needed to start as well. I hesitated. I know I was going to do anything to get this resolved but I hesitated.
I thought about it over and over and people around us showed their concerns as if the program was a fraud/trick/cult to make money. But, they all ended up supporting us because they knew how stressful our marriage has been.
When I first started, I thought it would be easy. My husband thought all of his problems would disappear overnight with the program. He knew his problem originated from suppressing his stress. He started expressing his stress little by little without any limit around me. Every day was a struggle. He was pulling his never-ending stress and needed to put a pause for a while. He blamed the creator and I was not allowed to talk about the program.
I was shocked about his attitude change towards the program so I also blamed the program. I questioned if I made the right decision about this but I already paid too much money so I could not give up.
I thought about how I started this program and set my mind in the right place, a reset. But this time, I started changing. I didn't cover my negative emotions with something positive. I didn't let my negative emotions grow inside of me either.
We were separate during that time. As I was finding my standards, my mother-in-law and I started talking about the program to him. Whenever he had to do his homework assignment, to me it seemed he was getting worse.
Honestly, I was losing my hope so I was focused on healing myself. Maybe this could be the only way I can help him. I concentrated on my homework assignments around my life.
He visited me occasionally and saw that I was doing well. It probably made him motivated. He started again even if he kept quitting repeatedly.
Now, he puts in more effort than I do on my homework assignments. He realized that is the key now, trying to assimilate with his daily routine. He always finds a way to solve his stress through the assignment. He used to shut me off and shut the whole world off in his little room when he gets stressed out. Now, he is trying to find his balance on his own.
It isn't so hard to find someone who has a similar problem around me but I am hesitant to recommend the program because it is not my decision. But I hope one day someone will ask for my advice. I would be happy to let them know there is hope. It is still their decision.
We are still in the program. But, he has started working again with a goal and I also have my own goal. My mother-in-law always worried about him but now she seems to find her own life as well.
I know it is expensive but consider it as a gift, a reward, and an investment. A gift to yourself for the life you lived well. A reward to yourself to realize how lucky you are. An investment in yourself for the life you will live happily for the next 10/20/30 years.
I sound like I am a salesman. but I am moved just looking at how my husband has changed over time. Seeing him motivates me as well. I am thankful to myself that I didn't give up mastering self-healing either.