[Infidelity Therapy] The analysis of the husband's infidelity based on the condition of the adulteress


When the husband commits infidelity and develops relationship addiction, which is a psychological disorder in the form of response addiction, it indicates that the husband has something to give and provide for the adulteress. That is, it indicates that the adulteress finds that the husband is useful in some way. 

The adulteress tries to obtain what she wants from the husband in an easy way when she cannot meet a man like the husband and obtain what she wants in a normal and legitimate way.

The adulteress may try very hard to train herself for techniques of sexual response in order to seduce men easily. It is likened to training for techniques of crimes. As their techniques of sexual response develop more and more, they commit more and more serious social crimes. 

The diagnosis and prognosis of the husband's relationship addiction can be made based on the adulteress' psychological condition and practical situation. We can predict how much damage will be inflicted on the husband's life and how the life of the victimized wife is likely to progress. 

1. Is she married?

What kind of purpose the adulteress has in the relationship with the husband can be analyzed depending on the adulteress' marital status such as never married, married, divorced, remarried, or bereaved. There are also subcategories such as separation, long-distance couple, empty shell marriage. The adulteress' purposes may include attention and love from men, sexual pleasure, financial gain, or the rise of social status. 

2. Does she have post traumatic stress?

The adulteress may have suffered from post traumatic stress due to husband infidelity, sudden bereavement, sexual assault, accidents, or physical illness. The adulteress' post traumatic stress is related with the level of her sexual response. The severity of her post traumatic stress determined by the duration of the condition is also a crucial factor in analyzing the husband's severity of relationship addiction.

3. Does she have children?

The structure of the adulteress' relationships with people can be analyzed depending on whether she has her own children or not. It is a contributing factor in analyzing the structure of the relationship between the adulteress and the husband, thereby predicting how much damage may be inflicted on the husband's life due to infidelity. 

4. How long has she had relationship addiction?

The adulteress at an early stage of relationship addiction wants to get attention and love from men. The adulteress with more experience of infidelity dreams of getting married with the man and live happily. The adulteress with even more experience of infidelity has the purpose of financial gain in the relationship with men. The adulteress at the most advanced stage has the purpose of taking and destroying everything the husband has including his money, family, career, reputation, and even life. 

5. Is she in a business relationship with the husband?

How and how much the husband's pursuit of values of life is distorted can be determined by analyzing the formal relationship between the adulteress and the husband. She could be a colleague at work, a business partner, a customer or a client, or a boss or a subordinate. How to end the relationship of infidelity can be determined by analyzing the formal relationship with the adulteress.

Analyzing the above 5 factors about the condition of the adulteress leads to diagnosis and prognosis of marriage crisis, family crisis, and life crisis of the husband. It is impossible for the husband with relationship addiction and the wife with post traumatic stress to solve psychological and practical problems on their own since they cannot analyze the fundamental mechanism of the phenomenon.

Especially, all the practical measures the victimized wife take to resolve the issue of husband infidelity including counseling, coaching, lawsuits, divorce, suppression, dependency, and pleasure seeking only leads to the aggravation of the situation. People who encourage the wife to take all such measures are taking advantage of the wife for their own selfish purposes. 

When the victimized wife make efforts to solve the problem without treating post traumatic stress, she will end up destroying her life and family and live an unhappy and ruined life. It will take much more time, effort, and expense when she finally realizes her mistake and decides to treat her condition after a considerable time passes. 

The wife may feel jealous of the adulteress and lose confidence on herself since the adulteress seems to get all the attention and love from the husband. However, the adulteress is only responding sexually to the husband in the condition of attention addiction. The adulteress cannot generate happiness on her own and mistakes taking others' happiness for her own happiness. 

The wife is the only person who can build happiness for herself and children after treating post traumatic stress, and can give the husband an opportunity to treat relationship addiction. When the wife does not treat post traumatic stress and aggravates her condition, she also becomes an adulteress who destroys her life and the life of others since post traumatic stress is the basis of relationship addiction. What path of life would you choose?


 About KIP(Korea Institute of Psycho-education)

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